


Still missing you

by niamcuddles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Smut, as usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-07-24 15:34:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 123,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7513648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niamcuddles/pseuds/niamcuddles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall has left behind his old life and moved in with two strangers in a city he's never been to, hoping to be able to forget everything that has happened. Little does he know fate has other plans for him.</p><p>(Or where Niall and Liam have gone through a messy breakup and meet again under very unexpected circumstances.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey, Nialler.” It had taken quite some time getting used to, living with two people Niall had never even met before and who hadn’t known each other either, but it had been about one and a half years now and all the three of them had become good friends. Actually, they were the only ones who Niall would call that, after pretty much having left everything behind and moving to a different city, having lost touch with almost everyone in his hometown and only seeing his family once every two months.

“Hey… did you bring any food? The fridge is empty.” Glaring just a little bit at Louis as the slightly older boy came into the flat without taking his shoes off, Niall quickly decided that he didn’t really care all that much about having the whole floor getting dirty again. It wasn’t his turn to vacuum clean anyways. 

“No, I thought you wanted to buy something?” Great, now they were probably going to starve to death or something. It’s not that they were all broke or anything, but not rich enough either as to where either of them would have been able to afford living on his own. Hence why Niall had been looking for roommates and luckily neither Louis nor Harry were creeps or constantly bringing anyone home and making a hell lot of noise or being overly difficult. Actually… Niall did have a feeling since a few months that maybe there was actually something going on between _those_ two, but he never really brought it up. He wouldn’t have wanted any of them to ask him about his love life either.

Groaning a bit at that answer, Niall readjusted himself on the couch, closing the book he had been trying to study for the past two hours because he couldn’t really concentrate on it anyways. “I’ll just call Harry… he’s only at the library anyways, right?”

“Yeah… or maybe he’s at the store actually, he wanted to buy something for when his cousin comes tomorrow, remember?” Right, Harry had been talking about that nonstop for the past two months and Niall had never really asked about it in depth, all he knew was that Harry and his cousin had been really close as kids but then grown apart and they hadn’t seen each other in ages but he was going to move into the same building. Which apparently meant he had a lot more money than any of them since he was going to live on his own.

“Just try calling him, I’m hungry.” Not really interested in making any real conversation, Niall only unwillingly made space for Louis on the couch, almost about to say something this time because of the shoes, but again, he wasn’t really up for any arguments. It had been a long day.

“We can also order something, I really don’t wanna try another weird fruit recipe tonight if I’m being honest.” Louis pulled a bit of a face after having propped his feet up on the coffee table, of course with his shoes on and Niall made a mental note to not let the other boy get away with blaming somebody else for getting it dirty, again.

“Every time Harry cooks though you’re pretending like it’s the greatest thing you’ve ever eaten.” He really did and Niall wasn’t trying to imply something here, but it was kinda hard not to when it was this obvious and when Louis immediately looked away from his face as if he felt caught or something. Had Niall not seen Louis coming out of Harry’s room in the mornings and vice versa, he would have been able to guess what was going on just by judging from their behavior around each other. 

“I just… don’t wanna hurt his feelings, he’s really into the health trip, it’s bad enough if one of us tells him the food is disgusting, I’m just… trying to be nice.” Of course he tried to talk himself out of it, which wasn’t very much like Louis at all, but Niall decided to let it slip once more. They’d probably tell him if they were getting serious and though he wasn’t very keen on living with a couple and being a permanent third wheel, it was still better than having to move back home because he couldn’t afford living on his own. Besides, they were his friends after all and of course he’d be happy for them and everything, just… Niall’s opinion on relationships had shifted a lot compared to a few years ago.

“Right. So what’re we ordering then?” They could have waited for Harry to get home, but he usually ate something else anyways so Niall didn’t feel too bad pulling out his phone. He could have already eaten two hours ago when he had gotten home from uni, but somehow, and he really didn’t know when he had gotten this way, but he liked eating with at least one of his roommates more than just by himself. Maybe that was a good sign, that he wasn’t constantly shutting his door and needing time for himself, maybe it meant that one day he wouldn’t even spend a thought anymore on what had happened.

Like expected, they did get into a small argument about what they were going to eat, but at least Niall’s mood lightened up a tiny bit and he momentarily forgot about the exam he hadn’t really managed to study all that hard for today or the fact that he had to go to work tomorrow and would probably get yelled at once more for 9 hours straight. Those were the downsides of having moved so far away from his family and his old friends, from having started uni all over again at a different place and being behind compared to everyone his age, but… Niall had just needed a change from everything a year and a half ago and had he have to make that decision again now, he would have probably done the exact same thing.

At least he had a flat and a job and would possibly one day even get finished with uni, and he had gotten lucky and moved in with two strangers who kinda were his best friends by now. It could have surely been a lot worse but even though sometimes Niall was still thinking about all the ‘what if’s’, he knew he had done the right thing and it was getting easier one day at a time and maybe in another year even his last piece of doubt would have vanished. Hopefully.

 

\--------------

 

Since Niall worked at the movie theater, he didn’t have to get up too early, but still earlier than Harry and Louis, who usually slept in on Saturday’s because they mostly worked during the week and not as many hours as Niall anyways. Lucky them their parents lived about half an hour away and still supported them whereas Niall’s…. well, sometimes they even called him back after like three days or something. It was fine though, Niall was 22, he could take care of himself and make his own money and he did know Harry’s and Louis’ families and if anything had ever happened, they’d probably help him out if he weren’t too proud to ask.

As expected, the whole day was absolutely horrible, on the way to work Niall missed his bus and then got yelled at for being like 5 minutes too late before being banned to cleaning the toilets and having to deal with teenagers coming in every few seconds and snickering behind his back. And as if all of that wasn’t enough, one of the guys at uni Niall had sorta had a one night stand with a few weeks ago came to the movies with a different date and _of course_ had to make sure he dropped half his popcorn for Niall to clean, just because the blonde had told him he didn’t want to take whatever they had had any further. Amazing.

Niall had already given up on counting the days until he could quit long ago, he really needed the money and he probably wouldn’t get done with uni for a while because he wasn’t all that good at studying and actually passing classes so he had to kinda be okay with what he had, right? Still, finally getting into the bus to go back home at like 10 pm made Niall wish he’d never have to go back there again even if he knew that that was hardly possible.

When the blonde finally got to the building he lived in, he barely even took in any of his surroundings, only was a little bit annoyed at the moving truck parked outside and some men carrying up furniture to the elevator even though it was in the middle of the night because Niall would crash as soon as he touched his bed anyways. Something in the back of his head told him he had forgotten about something, but he hadn’t really talked to anyone today except for his boss and honestly, the boy was way too tired to really try and remember it now because it probably hadn’t been that important anyways. 

Unlocking the front door, Niall was half expecting to find Harry and Louis sitting on the couch complaining about all the noise the moving people were making, but to the blonde’s surprise, the only thing he was met with upon entering the flat was a mess of shoes and Harry’s face with a grin spread across so wide that Niall was wondering whether it was hurting him. “Finally!”

“Hey, what’s… going on?” Had he forgotten someone’s birthday or… ?

“My cousin’s here! Did you forget?” For a second, Harry almost looked like he was pouting but at least it finally made _click_ in Niall’s head. Right, the moving truck and those men, of course, now it all made sense, but for some reason, the blonde wasn’t all that excited about it. He didn’t know anything about Harry’s cousin and he wasn’t quite sure how he felt about knowing that this guy would possibly be hanging around here all the time now, with them, like… or maybe Harry would just decide to move in with him or something and then Niall would have to move out as well and- “C’mon, I’ll introduce you, Louis already loves him.”

“Uh… alright.” He couldn’t be that bad, right? Like, maybe Harry was just excited because he hadn’t seen his cousin in so long, it didn’t automatically mean that… that they were going to be best buddies now or something. Not that Niall was jealous or anything, but ever since he had started noticing Harry’s and Louis’ relationship getting a bit deeper he had genuinely started thinking about that he basically only had those two to call close friends. He had other friends too but… not like that.

Harry barely even allowed Niall to take off his shoes, already pulling him to the kitchen by his wrist and the blonde had no time to think about why that laughter coming from the other room and mixing with Louis’ sounded so familiar, or why he could feel his stomach twist into slight knots for no reason at all. Something was strange here and it took Niall about 0.2 seconds to figure out why that was as soon as he stood in the doorframe.

“Ni, that’s my cousin.” The youngest boy proudly announced, gesturing to the guy having had his back to Niall before he promptly got up, turning around with a bright smile on his face that very quickly faded as their eyes settled on each other’s faces. 

“Hi, I’m Liam, I…. _oh_.” Shit.

Almost immediately, Niall felt like he was caught in a damn nightmare, he could actually feel his ears rushing and his stomach rebelling, could feel his hands getting sweaty as he just dumbly stared at the boy standing in front of him, momentarily having forgotten how to talk, how to even make one sound because the odds of this happening had been… literally zero. This was hell, it had to be, Niall must have done something terribly wrong to deserve this, this couldn’t be happening, no fucking way.

“What’s wrong?” Of course the other two felt the tension in the air, but Niall could only hear Harry’s question, actually, he couldn’t hear or see anything at all besides Liam’s face and his stupid gorgeous brown eyes and… fuck, he would _never_ escape this guy, would he?! Niall would have to move again, throw everything away once more, find new friends and a new job and uni and-

“Do you guys like… know each other or something? Niall?” Louis had gotten up as well by now and Niall attempted to clear his throat, blink a few times, tried his very hardest not to freak the hell out or start yelling or punching someone. Maybe if he completely ignored Liam standing right in front of him still filling the room with that very familiar smell of aftershave Niall loved so much it wouldn’t actually be real. Maybe this was a dream, maybe Niall was having hallucinations or something. 

“We um… we…. “ Liam started, clearly as shocked as Niall, which was a tiny bit of a relief because if Liam had known, if he had fucking known that Niall was living together with his damn cousin in the same damn building Niall would _murder_ him for doing this to him. Then again, had Liam known, he probably would have chosen to move to a completely different city and… why the FUCK was he even in the country again?!

“You what?” Harry kept pushing, of course demanding an answer because they were behaving strange as hell and though Niall had finally managed to tear his eyes away from Liam’s face and instead look at his own feet, he felt unable to move or speak. Maybe he should have listened to whatever Harry had told him about his cousin, maybe Niall shouldn’t have immediately closed down as soon as he had heard his name two months ago, but like… there were like 50 billion people called Liam, how would Niall have known?!

“We… like, we… we know each other, yeah, um… “ He was fighting for words and Niall wanted to punch him in the face though he wasn’t particularly sure for what, but just… god, this was so fucking messed up. “Since, uh… since twelve years, actually… “

“Wait, what?! How? That’s fucking crazy, I… “ Well, there was the obvious question hanging in the air, if they knew each other since that long… why were they behaving as if they absolutely despised each other? Niall could have probably filled ten books trying to explain that. 

“It’s… it’s complicated.” Was all Liam settled for finally and Niall was seconds from storming out of the room and packing up his shit, anywhere would have been nicer than being here right now, in this situation, _anything_. “Niall is… he’s my um… we’ve…. we’ve dated. For… some… time.”

“Wh-“

“For six years. We dated for six years.” No idea how Niall had suddenly found his voice again, all he knew was that he was suddenly getting angry at Liam for trying to play it down, for trying to pretend like they were _just_ ex boyfriends, like they barely had any past, like he hadn’t fucking broken Niall’s heart and was now stomping on it. 

“I… hold on a second… Niall is… he’s _your_ Niall?! He’s the boyfriend you told me about, the one who-“

“I’m not anyone’s Niall.” Just to clarify this, Niall couldn’t help that glare at Liam, couldn’t help having to choke back all these things he wanted to say, or yell more like, he fucking hated how that look on Liam’s face still made him feel things, that fucking look of a beaten puppy, he was really fucking good at that. “How many Niall’s have you met exactly, Harry?”

“Well… just you, apparently, but I wasn’t… I wasn’t thinking and I… holy _shit_. This is… if I had known, I… “ Yeah what? Would he have warned Niall? Or told Liam to move somewhere else? As far as Niall knew Liam and Harry had only started talking again two months ago after not having had contact ever since Liam had moved with his family when he had been about 7 years old, so obviously Harry had had no idea that Niall and Liam had been dating ever since they had been 15, up until a year and a half ago when… things had gone to absolute shit. 

“Yeah… “ Liam muttered before promptly shutting up just like everyone else and the silence was fucking weird and uncomfortable but not as uncomfortable as Niall felt for being in the same room with the guy who he had thought was the love of his life, who he had wanted to marry, who he had shared an apartment with for about a year, who he had grown up with, his best fucking friend in the entire world. But mostly, the guy who he had thought he was never going to see again. “I think I should… I should go and check uh… how my um… my furniture is doing… “

“Right, uh… this is… kinda awkward. I’m sorry, I…” Harry didn’t really seem all that sorry at all, more as if he was still in shock and Niall could already feel the pitying looks being thrown at him from everyone and he was already silently thanking the gods that he hadn’t told Harry or Louis anything about what had happened between him and Liam. Mostly because he had thought ignoring it would help him to forget, but apparently, life wasn’t gonna let him get away this easily. 

After another second of silence, Liam shook his head as if he had woken up from a trance and Niall tried his very hardest not to look at him, tried to tell his body to stop longing for him, stop having flashbacks of how Liam’s body felt against his, his lips, his hands, how it felt like to sleep with him, wake up next to him, talk to him and just… be his boyfriend because it’d be a lie to say that Niall hadn’t been ready to settle down with this boy, be with him forever. They had fit together like two puzzle pieces, as cheesy as it sounded, had clicked right away and fallen in love as they had gotten older and then… then everything had just gone to shit, in the blink of an eye. 

As Liam started to slowly walk out of the room, no one tried to stop him really, they were all just standing there and for a moment, Niall thought he wouldn’t lose it, for a moment he almost thought he would be able to handle this like an actual adult but then Liam walked past him and halfway stopped and no idea what kinda devil had overcome him but it caused him to reach for the blonde’s arm with the most painful expression on his face that Niall had ever seen. And then he _dared_ to not only touch him but also try to talk to him. “Nialler, I-“

“Don’t _fucking_ touch me and _never_ call me that again.” Something just snapped inside of Niall as their eyes met and he pulled his arm back so suddenly that his elbow hit the doorframe, which hurt like fucking hell but not as much as the thought of having to see Liam every single day from now on. Seeing the love of his life living his life right next to him, without Niall in it. 

“I’m so-“

“No, don’t fucking apologize, not again, I can’t hear it anymore. Just leave me alone, alright? You’ve been perfectly fine with that when we broke up, shouldn’t be much of a challenge now!” And with that, without checking anybody’s reaction or even looking at Liam once more, Niall half stormed out of the kitchen and towards his room, hot tears burning in his eyes as he threw the door shut and locked it just in case, as if he’d be able to ignore what had just happened.

The thing was, this wasn’t just a one-time random meeting, Liam was Harry’s fucking _cousin_ and he lived above them, in the same damn building, there was no way for Niall to ignore this, no way for him to pretend that his ex-boyfriend didn’t exist, that he wasn’t related to his own roommate and lying in his bed a few minutes later with music hurting his ears to shut out his thoughts and his face pressed into a pillow, Niall suddenly became painfully aware of all of that. 

What kinda fucked up situation was this? How could this have happened, how in god’s name had he moved in with the one person Liam was related to? And anyways, why was Liam here? Why had he decided to move back to the UK, why… why had it suddenly been so easy for him to come back? Niall was aware that none of this was Liam’s fault alone really, they hadn’t really broken up because of a fight or anything, it just… it hadn’t worked anymore, the way things had been, and Niall knew it would have broken him had they stayed together, but this right here… this was way worse. He couldn’t afford to move out, wouldn’t survive having to start all over again or going back home, losing the only two good friends he had, just because…. just because life could be fucking cruel.

What the hell was Niall supposed to do? He had moved to forget about Liam, forget his best friend of more than half his life and his boyfriend of six years, had tried to start all over again in a different city with different people only to stand in front of Liam once more, in his own kitchen, and feeling his heart bleeding just like it had one and a half years ago, when it had hurt so much Niall had literally thought he wouldn’t survive the pain of losing Liam. And yet he had, by some miracle, only to be sucked in again.

 

\------------

 

“You know, um… I’d understand if… if you don’t wanna like… talk about it, but I’m really sorry, I mean, I had no idea and-“

“It’s fine, Haz, it’s not your fault… “ Of course Niall had known they would have to talk about this, especially since he had locked himself into his room for the rest of the night and had refused to speak to anyone or acknowledge the knocks on his door. What would he have said to Harry and Louis? With his face wet and red and tear tracks drying on his skin? This was pathetic and Niall was very well aware of it, but he couldn’t have changed his feelings, could he? 

“I know, but… this is a shit situation, I should have… I don’t know… picked up sooner? But we only ever talked about you once, when we were catching up two months ago, when he told me he would move and like… he only mentioned your name once and I… I really wasn’t connecting the dots, I’m sorry.” Somehow Niall wanted to know how exactly Liam had come up with the brilliant idea of talking about Niall with his cousin who he hadn’t talked to in ages but then again… maybe Niall didn’t actually wanna know. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry, we… we broke up, more than a year ago, it’s alright.” Only that actually… nothing was alright at all.

It was Sunday morning and luckily Liam was in his own flat or doing whatever and Niall had first of all tried to avoid leaving his room for as long as possible before deciding that he needed to be strong and just put on a brave face through all of this. He and Liam were over and that was it, he was just some guy living in the same building, nothing else, and whenever he came over Niall would just completely ignore his entire existence, just like he had tried doing ever since they had ended their relationship. 

“It didn’t really… look as if it was alright last night, though.” Louis threw in, carefully, immediately receiving a glare from Harry and Niall decided to just keep on eating his breakfast, trying not to blush over the fact that probably everyone in this room could look right through him. 

“I was just shocked, that’s all. I don’t even care about him.” It came out a lot harsher than intended and maybe Niall picked a bit too aggressively at his eggs because he sent half of them flying off his plate. Whatever, maybe if he kept saying these things they’d eventually become true. “He can do whatever the fuck he wants, I’m over him, it’s been like… ages, I already forgot about our relationship anyways.”

“Your… six _year_ relationship?” Apparently, Louis liked rubbing salt into Niall’s wounds and yeah, maybe the blonde had been trying a bit too hard, but there was no reason for his friend to keep twisting the knife, right? “I mean… that’s… pretty damn long, and you’ve known each other for 12 years, I’d understand if… if you still felt something for him or-“

“But I don’t, alright? I don’t feel anything at all for him.” Only slowly Niall felt himself getting angry once more, and a little bit depressed also because holy shit, if this was how every day would be like from now on, he would really have to consider moving out. Especially if he saw Liam all the time because right now he could still pretend that it had just been a nightmare, but god knows his brain would stop working again the second he saw his ex-boyfriend. 

“Okay, okay, I got it… how did you even like… break up?” Hadn’t Liam told them last night? After Niall had run off like a fucking baby to go cry into his pillow?

“Didn’t he tell you?” Slightly irritated, Niall took the last piece of toast without asking if anybody had maybe wanted it, if they were gonna interrogate him, he should at least have a right to eat the last piece of toast. 

“Well… he looked pretty devastated after… after you yelled at him and… locked yourself into your room so… “ Right, Niall didn’t care about that either, it was probably just an act or something. 

“You really don’t have to talk about it, Ni, it’s fine, really, like… it’s none of our business.” Of course it was Harry who tried to sort out the situation, calm Niall down, but it was already too late anyways and the blonde was already so worked up that he didn’t even care anymore. So what if that was Harry’s cousin, it didn’t mean he was perfect, right? And anyways, Harry hadn’t talked to Liam in forever, he didn’t even know him half as well as Niall did.

Trying to find the right words to say, Niall almost couldn’t stand the silence falling over them, only being interrupted by the sounds of them eating and the blonde kept watching his plate as he spoke, trying to keep it as simple and short as possible, leave out all those swear words he wanted to use. They’d find out anyways, he might as well just tell them what had happened. 

“We had a flat together, it belonged to Liam’s parents but they let us stay in it and… we both went to the same uni and it was… it was really good, but… Liam got a scholarship, in the US, and he didn’t want to go but I told him that… that he needed to go because it’s what he always wanted to do and… so he did and we had a long distance relationship, for quite a while and… it was absolutely terrible. At first, he wanted to come back but I told him no even though it was killing me and… I told myself it was only for a few years, that we’d see each other all the time anyways, but… you know how it goes. You forget answering emails, you forget Skype dates and suddenly my boyfriend who hates going out and drinking calls me up drunk all the time at three in the morning and tells me he doesn’t have time to talk because he has to go to parties or study or do whatever bullshit he could come up with and… at some point it was just enough. It was like… like he was a different person all of a sudden, and I wished him a good life and lots of fun and… that’s it. Not that spectacular, really.” Yeah, and now, for some twisted reason, Liam had randomly come back to… fuck Niall over some more, maybe, who knows.

“Wait… he never like… called to make things right? Or to… to fight for you? Apologize?” Harry seemed to be a little bit shocked, which was good because the way Niall had told the story was maybe slightly exaggerated but… it was still the truth after all. Maybe sparing all the heartbreak and all the tears and just exactly how in love they had been, how they had already talked about marriage, but… that was no one’s business.

“Sure, he did, but… I didn’t wanna hear it, I stopped answering his calls and stopped responding to his emails and eventually… eventually he stopped trying. We just… we just grew up and grew apart, I guess, I mean… we were only 15 when we got together, we couldn’t have possibly known what would happen, and I didn’t want to hold him back, we’re still so young and yeah, six years is a long time but… we were only teenagers through most of it.” Which didn’t make it this any less terrible, Niall was just trying to put on a brave face, tried to do it all off as nothing, as if he hadn’t spent the last year and a half thinking about Liam at least once a day. Missing him.

“Yeah, but still, that’s… wow, I would have never thought… all he told me was that… that you’ve been dating quite a while and that he was the one who messed it up but… he didn’t really go into depth, we mostly just… talked about his new job and… “ Right, there had to be a reason why Liam had come back, he had always wanted to stay in the US, had always wanted Niall to come with him but there was no way the blonde could have afforded that. “I mean, I… I don’t know if you care, but… he got a really amazing job offer here, that’s why he came back, he actually… he’s got the loft on the top floor, they’re paying it for him for now because they want him to work for them so badly.”

“Well… god for him.” Great, Liam had achieved everything he had ever dreamed of, he was gonna get rich, had probably finished uni in record time with all A’s or something, and now he lived in a fucking loft a few floors above his broke as fuck and still stuck in uni ex-boyfriend who was still secretly thinking about him every day. Not that Liam cared probably, he had always been the more emotional one between the two of them but… things had probably changed. Which was fine, they were both 22 years old, they weren’t kids anymore, they had their own lives and whatever had happened between them… Niall would have to learn and forget. 

“Yeah… listen, if… if there’s anything you wanna talk about or-“

“Haz, I’m fine, I promise. I just… I haven’t seen him ever since he left, not in real life, and it… it was a bit of a shock, but… it’ll be fine, we’re just… neighbors, or something.” Right, as if Niall would ever be able to see Liam as a neighbor, he had never thought he could be even more eager to finish uni and quit his shitty job, but yet again Niall had been proven wrong.

“I-“

“You guys are finished too, right? I’ll do the dishes.” Before anyone could maybe come up with any more questions that made Niall wanna shoot himself, the blonde made sure to stand up with his half full plate in one hand, forcing the other two to drop the topic as well even though of course, he didn’t miss the looks they were throwing at each other, doing that annoying thing where they were communicating without talking. Well, once upon a time, Niall and Liam had had that as well. 

It was already late because they had all slept in, and Niall couldn’t say that he was surprised when both Harry and Louis told him about an hour later that they were going to go up and help Liam sort out his flat, or his fucking _loft_ , and though the looks on their faces did seem kinda apologetic, they were also excited and Niall couldn’t even be mad at them. None of this was their fault, they shouldn’t have to pick sides, especially not Harry, and Niall would just have to deal with the fact that not only were his best friends possibly somehow dating behind his back but they were also friends with his ex-boyfriend, who, let’s be real, was probably a much better friend than Niall could have ever been.

Though the blonde tried to study and tried to ignore that his whole life had been turned around last night, he didn’t really succeed at it, and all he really did was lie in his bed, watching TV without even having the sound turned up and trying not to cry. Literally what had he done to deserve this? He did feel bad, the way he had talked about Liam before in front of Harry and Louis, but… that’s what had happened, not exactly that way, but… pretty much.

It’s not like Niall had broken up with Liam over night, they had tried to make it work, they had had fights over it, had ignored each other for days and started talking again, but eventually… eventually Niall had had to face the truth. Which was that there was no way they could see each other a lot because of how expensive the flights were, there was barely a way to even find a time they both were awake and didn’t have classes or anything and then of course… of course there had been the other problem.

Liam hadn’t changed so much that Niall would have said he had acted like a different person, but after dating somebody for so long, seeing them every day, moving in with them, being used to always having them there, the blonde had thought he had to go insane the first time Liam had called him up drunk. Not that he wasn’t allowed to, it was his good right, but it had been so unlike him that Niall had started to panic, had thought that he was going to lose Liam, that maybe his boyfriend would grow tired of their long distance relationship because he was having so much more fun now and… maybe he’d find someone else, like… who knew, right?

Not that Liam hadn’t been the sweetest boyfriend in the entire world, he had been Niall’s best friend for a reason, they had barely ever fought, had done everything together ever since they had been kids, and it had somehow been natural for them to fall in love since they had always been so close anyways. Niall had always thought to himself that he didn’t even deserve Liam, that there was no way this could be true, that he deserved someone who loved him so unconditionally, that he got to find the love of his life so easily and when they were both still so young. Well, turned out he didn’t actually deserve Liam after all.

In the end, it was both their fault that things had ended and though Niall liked to blame Liam just because he was still feeling so hurt, he knew that if he had been less jealous, less clingy and maybe a bit calmer, they might have had a shot at lasting longer. Then again, Liam _had_ changed when he had left, and he had done things wrong also, something Niall hadn’t been used to and he knew he had had to call things off before… before it’d break him completely. Literally, everything Niall had done all day had been thinking about Liam and worrying what his boyfriend was up to and it hadn’t been healthy at all anymore.

Then again, lying in bed right now choking back tears after seeing him for literally five minutes after such a long time probably wasn’t healthy either, but what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t just forget someone he had known for 12 years and who he had dated through half of it, how’d he ever get over Liam when he still knew how it felt like to be held by him in his sleep? And how it felt like to kiss him? All his little antics and all the things they used to do together? Their whole future that they had already planned before life had gotten in the way?

Right, there was no fucking way Niall would ever get over this boy, not with him living right above him, but the frustrating part was that even though he knew that, there was absolutely _nothing_ Niall could have done to change that. 

It was a really long day even though he had slept so long, Niall managed to study like 2 pages and he also managed to somehow take 5 different naps in the timespan of 2 hours and watch 3 different movies without a sound on before his phone going off half tore him out of his slumber, the sky outside already dark when he picked up without even checking the display first because the options were literally down to two people. “… yeah?”

“Niall, I… wait, did I just wake you up? It’s 7 pm.” It was Louis, and he sounded like he was having way too much fun in Liam’s stupid loft and Niall already wanted to hang up the phone again.

“Yeah, and?” Niall could sleep all damn day long if he wanted to, he was an adult.

“I was just wondering, nothing else, sorry. Listen, uh… do you wanna, like… come upstairs? We thought we could order something and-“

“No, thanks, I already ate.” A lie, Niall was actually starving, but before he went upstairs and did as much as look inside of Liam’s place he would have rather hung himself actually. He didn’t need a stupid pity invite from his stupid ex-boyfriend.

“Well, but you could still come and like… Liam’s got a PS4 and-“

“Lou, I really don’t wanna like… be rude, but Liam could have a flying pony and a talking lizard and I’d still rather watch paint dry than take a step into his loft, alright?” So much about trying to play it cool in front of everyone.

To Niall’s surprise, Louis didn’t keep pushing and trying to convince him, instead, there was a really weird sound and a few voices in the background and before Niall could get annoyed and ask what was going on, he already had his answer. “What the fuck, Niall, I just had you on speaker.”

“Good, at least now he knows he can shove his pity up his arse and-“

“I thought you were over him.” Louis promptly shut the boy up, he had clearly left to be in private now and had put Niall off speaker, but the blonde immediately felt himself blushing when he realized his bitterness had gotten the better of him. How was he supposed to keep up this stupid act of not caring at all when he cared so much that it was killing him? How was any of this fair? And what gave Liam the right to steal his only friends?!

“I am, doesn’t mean I have to pretend we’re friends, I’m not friends with my ex’s.” Sounded like there were many when in reality… Liam was the only one. Probably not the other way around, but… 

“Fine, but… I don’t think he’s pitying you at all actually, I mean… you guys were best friends before you even dated, and Liam doesn’t seem like… like he doesn’t care, you know? If you say you’re over him then I believe you, I just… if you are then why would it be so bad if you came and joined us right now?” Good fucking question.

“Because I’m tired and I… I gotta get up early tomorrow, that’s why.” And also because Niall would possibly keep on being rude to Liam the whole entire time and snap at him every few seconds and… no one really needed to witness that, did they? No one had to know just how bitter Niall was over this whole situation, and how fucking hurt he felt by the fact that Liam probably didn’t have to pretend he was over Niall because he most possibly was over him for real. And why wouldn’t he be? Niall wasn’t that great after all.

“I thought your first class is cancelled.” Sadly, Louis wasn’t all that easy to convince, Niall closed his eyes in frustration, not really feeling like coming up with any more excuses because there was no way Louis hadn’t already noticed that the other boy would have rather died than joined them. Was this how every single night was going to be like from now on?

“Look, I just… I don’t really feel like coming, okay? And I really am tired and I… I don’t feel like hanging out with Liam, not now and probably not anytime soon, I… I gotta get used to this first, that’s all. Thanks for… asking me though.” There, that was a lot better, hopefully Niall would be left to sulk in self-pity once more now, take another nap and then maybe get even more emotional and actually pull up the photo album Liam had given him for his 19th birthday that he still hadn’t thrown away. 

“Yeah, okay, I… I mean… I already thought you’d say no, but… Liam kept saying we should have brought you as well and… “ Yeah, right, that was probably a lie but whatever. “You can still change your mind, okay? But we’ll come home in an hour or so anyways, if you aren’t asleep by then we could like… watch a movie or so.”

“Sure, yeah, I…. we’ll see.” Now Louis was pitying him as well, this was just getting better and better. “Think I’ll need another nap though… “

“Alright, well… just call if… if you need anything, okay?” This conversation was just getting weird, usually Louis wasn’t even the caring type but this whole situation seemed to have not only Niall confused and kinda messed up. From now on, this was probably going to be a normal routine for them until eventually they’d just stop asking Niall to come hang out as well and Liam would get off his pity trip and finally realize that nothing in this world could ever make things between them just ‘alright’ again.

After Niall had hung up the phone, of course he wasn’t tired enough anymore to go take another nap, so instead he cursed Louis in his mind for calling him and then he moved on to cursing Harry as well for being related to such a douchebag and a second later already feeling bad for thinking these things because well… Liam wasn’t a douchebag, that was the damn problem, wasn’t it? He had looked like a fucking angel last night, had somehow gotten more attractive and who knows, on the weekends he probably worked at an animal shelter and an orphanage without payment or some shit.

Liam was fucking great and funny and nice and sweet, that was the damn problem, he had made mistakes, sure, but so had Niall, they weren’t perfect, but if someone came close to it, it was definitely Liam. Niall would never meet anybody like him again.

 

\----------

 

The first week wasn’t as terrible as Niall would have thought.

Of course he saw Liam once a while, once the other boy even said hi to him but Niall just tried to completely block him out, ignore his entire existence, leave the room whenever Harry or Louis just mentioned his name and eventually they got the hint. They hung around Liam’s loft a lot of course, but at least no one dared asking Niall to come as well and thank fucking god they weren’t inviting Liam down to theirs. Which would have been pretty fucking rude considering Niall owned one third of that flat. 

So yeah, Niall still felt like crap and everything had gotten ten times shittier since last week, but at least he wasn’t forced to see Liam a lot, at least he managed to stop crying himself to sleep after like three days and even though he still thought about his ex-boyfriend about 20 times a day, he was pretty sure it wasn’t showing all that much. Actually, it almost seemed like Harry and Louis had started believing that Niall was actually over Liam, and maybe he was, right? Maybe that’s exactly what he had needed, just be straight up confronted with it all and maybe that’d help him to eventually… move on, for real.

Or maybe not.

Honestly, there wasn’t much on Niall’s mind except for the fact that he was going to freeze to death and slip any second because of how heavily it was raining, the drops almost feeling like ice on his skin as he hurried down the street, just desperate to get home. It wasn’t even that late actually, but Niall was still exhausted from all his classes and the thought of having to study the whole afternoon and probably throw in a night shift as well wasn’t really bringing his mood up either. At least he had no work today, that was something, right?

As soon as Niall reached his building, he almost stumbled over someone sitting by the stairs, in the only dry spot, but the blonde completely ignored whoever it was because they must’ve been crazy to be waiting there for god knows what. Instead, Niall started fumbling for his keys with numb fingers, cursing under his breath when he realized that the inside of his backpack was completely drenched as well. Great, of course he had to live in fucking England and not once think about taking his damn umbrella with him.

To make matters even worse, Niall felt a sudden weird fear creeping into his mind when he couldn’t find his keys right away and not even a minute or two later when he was already getting desperate as hell. And then suddenly, he had a very unpleasant flashback of this morning, when he had bloody forgotten to put his damn keys into his bag, had left them lying on his deck. Amazing.

“Shit… “ Niall couldn’t help the tiny outbreak, he was already feeling so cold that he actually wanted to cry or something, his phone had run out of charge just an hour ago and he couldn’t even ring the bell of any of the people living in the building because it was broken ever since they had moved in. He was going to die, it was official.

“Did you forget your keys?” Wait…

Right when Niall had made plans on attempting to kick the door down or something, the person sitting in the only dry spot spoke up, almost causing him to not only drop all his stuff but also to almost suffer from a fucking heart attack. No, this couldn’t be true, this couldn’t be happening.

“I forgot mine too… “ It was _Liam_ , of bloody course it was him! Niall hadn’t been really looking at him, had only seen his jacket and his hood pulled up, but as he took a very deep breath in an attempt to keep himself calm and barely glanced down to where Liam was sitting, their eyes immediately locked and suddenly the blonde wanted to kick something else instead of the door. “Look, I…. maybe we should… call someone.”

“Call your cousin.” Was all Niall brought out between clenched teeth, the first time he had spoken to Liam in a week, immediately having turned his head away, aggressively trying the door once more before simply giving up and just slumping against it, just staring at the house on the other side of the road, raindrops dripping down from his hair and into his jacket and yet the boy couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. Out of all people, he was stuck here with Liam, both having forgotten their fucking keys on the same damn day in the pouring rain. How? _Why?_

“I already did, he’s got his phone turned off and… I think he’s at the gym.” And apparently everyone else living in this building was as well, it was as if life was forcing Niall to spend time around Liam, all these coincidences… it was like Niall was cursed or something. “I don’t have Louis’ number, so… “

“My phone’s out of charge.” The blonde half snapped, pressing himself even more into the door because the rain seemed to just get worse instead of better. Then again, Niall was already drenched, he could already feel himself getting sick and maybe in a few days he’d wake up and find out all of this had just been a weird fever dream and Liam didn’t even exist. What a blessing that’d be.

“Oh… “ The other boy let out a sigh before luckily shutting his mouth just like Niall had hoped he would. Maybe Liam had already gotten the hint, maybe he was also planning on ignoring the blonde until the end of time. And why wouldn’t he? It’s not like he still cared about Niall, right?

It was more than just awkward, the two of them being there all by themselves, barely even any cars driving past, not one single person on the sidewalks and of course no one leaving or entering the building. Then again, even if they had been inside, none of them could have even gotten into their flats, Liam would probably have to call someone to open his front door for him but that really was none of Niall’s concern.

“Do you wanna like… sit down as well? I can make some space for you.” Just when Niall had thought Liam and him were on the same page, the older boy spoke up yet again and for some reason, just hearing his voice already got the blonde upset once more. Why would he ask this? Didn’t he see that Niall had no interest in a conversation?!

“No thanks.” Clenching his fists just a tiny bit, Niall tried his hardest not to think about how lovely Liam’s voice sounded, how familiar, how it had once been his favorite sound in the whole entire world.

“Alright… actually, I’ve got a dry jacket in my bag, if you wanna borrow it, you look like you’re really cold.” What the hell?!

“I’m just fine, Liam, thanks.” Actually, Niall was freezing to death but he’d rather die than spend another second here with Liam anyways, especially when he couldn’t stop all these flashbacks he was having all of a sudden, of him wearing Liam’s clothes because the other boy had always told him how much he loved seeing Niall in them, of them spending rainy Sunday’s together in bed and… this wasn’t good for Niall’s health. 

“Okay… just tell me if you change your mind, yeah?” Right, as if. “So, uh… how was your day?”

Honestly, this was going way too far, Liam couldn’t just expect Niall to play along like this, as if they had been introduced the first time a week ago, as if they hadn’t once known each other inside out and maybe still did because one and a half years was actually nothing compared to how long they have known each other for. No, Niall was definitely not going to pretend that nothing had happened, he wouldn’t survive it. 

“Listen, Liam, I know you’re trying to not make this awkward, but… it’s really fucking awkward already and I don’t wanna be rude but I don’t really wanna talk to you, not now and… probably not for a very long time. You really don’t have to do this, you know, let’s just pretend we don’t even know each other, that’s probably for the best.” This was clear enough, right? Niall had been staring straight ahead the whole entire time, having had a bit of trouble to not stumble over his words or to say something stupid. It’s just… Liam’s presence still affected him so much, it was embarrassing. 

“I… you just wanna ignore me forever now? And pretend nothing ever happened? Pretend we never-“

“Yes, that’s exactly what I wanna do.” No idea what else Liam had been wanting to say, not that Niall cared, he also didn’t care that the brunette’s voice had changed, that he had sounded somewhat hurt even. Well, maybe he should have thought about that before hurting Niall first. 

“That’s bullshit.” Was all he said before suddenly starting to move and before Niall could panic, Liam had already gotten up, dusting off his jeans a bit before pulling back his hood and revealing his face and damp hair, causing Niall to swallow really hard as his eyes flickered over to the other boy for the split of a second. Just because he was attractive didn’t mean he could get his way, right? “Niall… can you please just look at me, just once?”

“Why?” Somehow turning his head automatically, Niall’s plan of glaring at Liam didn’t really turn out like he had thought, instead he was just dumbly looking into the brunette’s eyes, trying not to be affected by the way he seemed to be somewhat desperate, as if he was truly sorry, as if he really wanted them to work things out or something. 

“Because you haven’t properly looked at me in over a year.” That was true, because last week didn’t really count, but that statement still caused the blonde to roll his eyes, because honestly? Why would Liam say that? “I know you’re annoyed with me and I know you are wishing I would just shut the hell up and leave you alone, but… I’m not gonna do that. I know it sucks, everything that happened, and I never ever would have thought that _you_ are Harry’s roommate, but… that’s what it is now and I… I don’t know why, but like… it almost feels as if… as if all of this a bit too much of a coincidence, I mean, maybe... maybe we were meant to-“

“ _Meant_ to?! To fucking what, Liam? It’s a damn coincidence, that’s what it is, nothing else, this isn’t… _fate_ or some shit, it’s a coincidence, period.” No one could blame Niall for getting angry really, he knew he could have tried to be calmer but he didn’t want to, what gave Liam the right to just come marching back into his life and demand that Niall talked to him like a normal person after everything that had happened? “It’s not your choice, you know, whether I wanna talk to you or not, because I don’t and it’s my right to ignore you all I want. I have absolutely _nothing_ to say to you and I don’t care what you believe but I know that you moving into the same damn building doesn’t mean shit.”

For a moment, Liam seemed to be too shocked to answer, his mouth had slightly dropped and Niall made sure to look away before he added something else, biting his lip. Maybe he had been a bit too harsh, but… that’s how Niall felt like, and he _was_ angry and pissed off, not only at Liam but also at himself and it wasn’t really helping him to deal with the situation.

A few seconds of silence actually felt like ages to Niall, nothing audible except the rain still pouring down and he almost thought of just leaving, just letting Liam stand there and go wait in some coffee shop or something, but sadly, Niall decided a little bit too late.

“Okay then… just let me say one thing, okay? And then you can… ignore me all you want.” At this point, Liam took a huge breath for some reason, his voice had gone unidentifiable once more and Niall was afraid he’d actually buckle in if he looked at the other boy. So instead, he kept his lips pressed together, not saying anything at all, trying to tell himself he didn’t want to desperately hear whatever it was Liam had to say. “I’m sorry. I really, truly am. I know you don’t wanna hear it and I know you don’t believe me but I am. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve been an idiot and I… I shouldn’t have left, even when you told me to, I… I should have stayed with you, or come back when I felt like I should have, but I didn’t and… I’m sorry. I know I ruined it… ruined _us_ and… if you don’t wanna talk to me ever again that’s fine, I just want you to know that… that I missed you. I missed my best friend and… my boyfriend. And a part of me will always miss you and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget what we had and I-“

“Oh god, how long have you two been standing there?! What’s going on?” Right when Niall had felt tears building up in his eyes that he had rapidly blinked away, he flinched terribly at the sound of Harry’s voice interrupting Liam, didn’t even know what to answer because Liam’s words had still not fully gotten into his head and just…. had he really said all of that? What was he trying to achieve with that?!

“We uh…. both forgot our keys and your phone was turned off, so… “ Liam shrugged, Niall was watching him from the corner of his eyes but didn’t dare looking at him after that small speech, quietly praying that Harry hadn’t heard any of it, that he wouldn’t be asking any questions about it later. Thank god he had saved Niall, who knows where this would have ended.

“Oh, shit, sorry, I was at the gym. How long have you been standing there?” The youngest boy threw a bit of a weird look at Niall as he hurried up the stairs and folded in his umbrella before getting out his keys. In case he asked, Niall would just lie, would just tell Harry they had had a normal conversation and then that would be it, should be easy, right? Especially because he didn’t even care about anything Liam had just said.

“Uh… not that long, it’s fine.” At least for once Niall approved of Liam speaking for him, just because he wasn’t sure whether he would have even brought out one single word himself.

“Did you forget your keys inside? ‘Cos then we gotta call the landlord, Niall’s once locked himself out for over 5 hours a few days after we moved in. Right, Ni?” Harry chuckled a bit though it hadn’t been all that funny, and also not exciting really, so he just shrugged, making sure to keep his eyes on the floor as he entered the building after Liam, purposely not thanking him for holding the door open for him. He could have held that bloody door open himself. “But you can just wait at our place, Li, no problem at all.”

“Okay… thanks.” Liam actually didn’t sound very happy about that and Niall didn’t have to guess why because it was the same reason why he already had to resist the urge to roll his eyes once more. Apparently Harry hadn’t noticed the tension between the two of them, which was good on one hand, but on the other… maybe he thought that they were… on speaking terms again or some shit.

They walked up the few stair sets while Liam was on the phone to the landlord and Niall half listened to whatever Harry kept babbling on about without ever giving a real answer. All he wanted to do was change into dry clothes and lie in bed and never ever see Liam again, erase everything he had said from his mind because it was bloody ridiculous, who did he even think he was?

“Right, do you wanna-“

Before Harry could finish offering Liam whatever god knows from their fridge as soon as they entered the flat, Niall had already taken off his shoes, pushing past the other two without sparing them a glance and though even his socks were wet and leaving a pretty wet trail on the floor, the blonde completely ignored Harry’s “Niall?” and walked straight to his room, throwing the door shut loudly enough to ensure Liam really knew just how much he hated having him here. How much he didn’t wanna see or talk to him.

Right, this was never going to happen again, Niall would make sure of that, maybe Liam lived in the same building, maybe he would attempt to try and sweet talk him again about how much he was _missing_ him or some crap, but Niall wouldn’t let himself get sucked in again. That’s just how it was now and he would have to live with it, only one week had passed, from now on things would get better for sure.


	2. Chapter 2

Liam honestly was clueless about what to do. 

He hadn’t meant for things to turn out this way, not at all, hadn’t meant to hurt Niall like that, ever, he had only ever wanted what was best for the boy, ever since they had met as children and Liam had gotten himself a month of detention for sticking up for the blonde and throwing a few punches he had learned at his boxing classes. But now, now it seemed like his pure presence was hell for Niall and it’d be a lie to say Liam didn’t know why. 

When he had left, even though he hadn’t really wanted to, Liam had never thought things would turn out the way they did, he had always wanted to come back or have Niall come with him, had studied extra hard so he could be done quicker, but… it still didn’t seem to have helped.

They had been too used to always being around each other, living together, that they had had no plan how to deal with separation, and yeah, maybe it hadn’t been very healthy but… it’s just all they had known, always having each other there, having had their lives pretty much planned out and then… then Liam had messed it up.

It had been too much for him, being away from Niall, studying all fucking day long with the pressure of having to finish sooner than pretty much everyone else, barely ever being able to just call his boyfriend or see him on Skype. All of that had caused Liam to turn to different methods to let loose and he had known from the start that it had been a bad idea, agreeing to go out with his friends he had met there, starting to drink and… things had just gone downhill from there, especially because Liam had never told Niall about how much he had been struggling, how he hadn’t started partying and drinking for the fun of it but because it had been the only thing helping him to relax a little bit.

Not that Liam hadn’t done well, his grades were amazing, he had gotten an incredible job offer and now a fucking mind-blowing apartment, but even though it was everything he had once thought he wanted, it didn’t seem to be what he actually needed.

The fact that his cousin, who Liam hadn’t talked to in forever, was living together with his ex-boyfriend in the same damn building had been a bit of a shock. Had Liam known he… well, he probably still would have moved here, still would have tried to make things between Niall and himself alright again because… they had spent half their lives together, there hadn’t been a day Liam hadn’t been thinking about the slightly younger boy. Not a day where he hadn’t missed him and… it’d be a straight out lie to say that Liam was over him because he wasn’t, just having seen him again, looking all the same, it had been like no time had changed at all.

But of course, everything had changed, and though Liam had gotten better after he had actually thought the pain of losing Niall would kill him, constantly seeing the boy now that they were living in the same building was really, really hard. Even more so because Niall was pretending like he didn’t even care, like he genuinely wished Liam wouldn’t even exist.

Maybe he did, Liam would have surely deserved it. He had fought for Niall, but maybe not enough, maybe he shouldn’t have stopped calling after the blonde had broken up with him in the worst night of his entire life, but… what was the point, of running after someone who clearly didn’t want him to? Who clearly just wanted to move on from the pain Liam had put him through? Who was Liam to decide that Niall wasn’t allowed to move on? 

Of course he had thought about Niall first thing when it had been decided that he would come back to the UK, but he didn’t even know what the blonde still felt or didn’t feel for him, and as things were now it seemed like he wished Liam was dead rather than talking to him. Which was a punch in the guts, but… what had Liam expected? He was hurt as well, but he knew he had hurt Niall much more in return, that none of this would be easy to be fixed again, that the blonde would possibly never forgive him and that Liam… that Liam would have to live with that, even if it was really hard.

It had only been two weeks and Liam had somewhat gotten his apartment together, and he was really glad that he and Harry still got along so well, and also Harry’s friend Louis and that his job was really cool and his online classes going alright, but… well, the obvious was pretty much on his mind 24/7. Just… what should he have said to Niall? They hadn’t talked ever since they had both forgotten their keys and Niall had almost broken his door as he had tried to get away from him. The boy was clearly more than upset, possibly still hurt, and Liam had no bloody idea how to fix this, especially because he could understand Niall’s reactions so well.

So all he could really do was live his life, right next to his ex-boyfriend, who was treating him like thin air and wishing Liam would pack up his shit and leave. 

“So… what do you actually do at your job? You never really explained it to me.” Harry was lying on Liam’s couch as if he owned it and Liam didn’t really mind at all, almost everyone at work was a lot older than him and he hadn’t really met a lot of people there, so he really enjoyed Harry and Louis coming to hang out at his place so often, even if… even if he felt a bit guilty. Like, Harry was his cousin alright, but he couldn’t help feeling as if he was stealing him and Louis from Niall a little bit, but what could he have said? From what he had heard, Niall was barely ever home because he was at uni or at work and… Liam felt really bad, that the blonde had to lead such a stressful life, that he had moved away, probably to start all over, and here Liam was again… ruining it.

“Just computer stuff, and programming and-“

“So short, something I won’t understand.” Letting out a laugh, Harry pushed himself into a sitting position while Liam just shrugged, kinda glad though that his cousin hadn’t wanted him to explain it any further. “It’s good though, right? You like it?”

“Yeah, I mean… it’s great, it’s what I always wanted to do.” Liam didn’t want to brag or anything, because he knew that Harry had had to change uni twice because he had never wanted to stick with anything he had done and was still unsure now, as was Louis, and for Niall, well… Liam didn’t really like asking the other two about him, not wanting to be nosy. He had no right to anyways, it was none of his business really. 

“And the payment is really good, innit?” It was a joke, but Liam could only half join the laughter. That was the part he kinda hated, that his own cousin had to share an apartment with two other people that wasn’t even as big as Liam’s and… he just had had luck, nothing else, that he had found something he liked doing and that he was fairly good at it. But didn’t mean it didn’t make Liam feel guilty.

“Uh… yeah, it’s… it’s good.” A lot better than Liam would have ever dared wishing for. The brunette quickly cleared his throat, not really thinking as he changed the topic, just desperate to talk about something else right now. “Hey, uh… I just remembered, my mum called me yesterday, and she’s been talking about, you know… the family gathering thing.”

“Oh, right, yeah. You haven’t seen my mum and dad in ages, have you?” Right, Liam and Harry hadn’t seen each other either, there been a bit of a fight going on within their family but now that things were resolved and Liam had moved back, he was actually pretty excited about seeing everyone again soon. “It’ll be great, I actually thought about inviting Louis too, you know, my parents really like him, so.”

“Are you two like… y’know?” Liam had meant to ask this pretty much since day one, but he had never had an opportunity to and now that Harry seemed to already be blushing a bit at the question, Liam seemed to have his answer. 

“Well… not really, like… I mean, we… we get along great and everything, but, uh… we haven’t… haven’t really talked about it, so… “ Trying to hide his smile, Liam stuck to simply nodding along, not too surprised of course because the way they acted around each other was… pretty obvious. “What about you? Have you, you know… met anyone while… you were away and stuff?”

That was a question Liam had hoped he’d never get, immediately feeling the tension in the air as he looked away from his cousin’s face, shifting a bit on the couch as he tried to think of an answer. That’s what he got for being nosy. “Not… really, I… when… when Niall and me, you know… separated, I… I didn’t think about that for… a long time, I mean… I’ve been with… a few people, but… it was never serious, so… “

“Right… I mean, I understand, 6 years, I… I couldn’t even imagine…” Clearly, Harry regretted having asked because he was fiddling a bit with his fingers before suddenly clearing his throat while Liam was still stuck in his thoughts for a moment, thinking about how he had been trying to get over Niall so desperately that he had said yes to the first person and had terribly regretted it, still did actually. But what had he been supposed to do? “Speaking of Niall… he hasn’t texted me back in like… five hours.”

“Uh, what do you mean?” Should Liam have been concerned or something? He couldn’t help but immediately sit up more straight, kinda hating the fact that he was still ready to jump up and save Niall from whatever could have possibly happened, something that was probably never going to fully go away.

“Nothing, just… well, usually he texts me back as soon as he gets off work, but he should’ve been on the way home since like 30 minutes. Maybe his phone is out of charge or somethin’.” That was… not very comforting, even less so because Harry didn’t seem to think that it was a big deal as he stared down at his phone while Liam tried not to panic, tried to pretend like he didn’t even care, just casually asking. 

“How long, uh… how long does he need to get home, usually?” 30 Minutes sounded like he already should have been to be honest, Liam threw a look out of the window, a weird feeling settling in his stomach. Liam knew that he shouldn’t have been concerned, but he fucking was and he couldn’t even understand how Harry could be so damn calm.

“Well, 20 minutes. Unless he missed the bus, then he’d have to walk, which would probably take him over an hour and he’s gonna be real grumpy when he gets home.” There was a sigh before Harry pocketed his phone once more while Liam was up and ready to get into his car and… he didn’t even know what for. Go looking for the blonde or something because… well, just because Niall seemed to despise him didn’t mean Liam wanted anything to happen to the blonde. Never.

“But… it’s already gotten dark.” That was actually what was worrying Liam the very most, even if he tried to not let it show, only getting a very confused look by his cousin.

“So?” Right, maybe Liam should have just shrugged, done it off as nothing, but for some reason, he couldn’t shut his dumb mouth and just blurted out with it. 

“Niall’s scared of the dark.” Immediately after it was out, Liam wanted to take it back, especially when he saw Harry rising his eyebrows, at least finally paying full attention. Niall would wanna kill Liam even more than he already did if he ever found that the brunette had told someone about it, it’s just… Liam knew the boy way too well to pretend like he didn’t.

“Oh… he never told me that. Well then maybe… maybe I should call him or… or call Louis, if he’s already home, maybe Niall just didn’t wanna text me back or something…” Hopefully, because otherwise Liam was gonna lose his mind and he couldn’t even text Niall himself, didn’t even know whether the boy still had the same number or not and… how was he gonna survive not ever being able to even just be Niall’s friend again? “Right… his phone is turned off, probably run out of charge and… Louis just texted me he is still at the library, so… “

“Should we… or maybe you should… go and see if Niall’s home? I mean… “ Oh god, how could he still even be sitting there, Liam would go himself, he didn’t even care whether Niall would hate him for it or not. 

“Yeah… let’s go.” Apparently Harry wanted Liam to come because he made some movement with his hand, seemingly confused but also lost in thoughts and the other boy really had no time to worry about whether his cousin was still thinking about Niall being scared of the dark because he had other things on his mind right now.

Liam took his car keys with him without even thinking about it before they walked down the few flats of stairs, not really talking to each other and the brunette boy wasn’t quite sure whether it was because Harry was equally as worried as him or whether he simply didn’t have anything to say. There was every reason to be concerned though, right? Liam wasn’t just… freaking out over nothing? Why would Niall have his phone turned off and not be home when he was supposed to, at night? That made no sense at all. 

“Right… one second… “ Of course Harry seemed to take ages until he had found his keys while Liam was getting more anxious with every second passing by, already thinking about simply going for a search without checking the flat first. Then again, he didn’t even know where Niall worked, so where would he have searched for the boy? And then if he did find him, how would he have even started that conversation? “Okay, got it… “

Waiting anxiously while Harry unlocked the door, Liam was trying his very hardest to not let his nervousness show, even if maybe that was unnecessary because he wasn’t very good at hiding his feelings in general but even less when it was about Niall. That boy had once been… maybe still was… the most important person in Liam’s life, he would never not care about him and he also wasn’t ashamed of that. They hadn’t like… parted ways because they had fallen out of love, because one of them had cheated or some shit, they had been wanting to be together forever, get married and… and here they were now.

Once the door was finally open, Liam half expected Harry to just go inside and look for Niall, but there was no need to really because all he did was throw a look into the dark entrance before looking down at the floor where everyone’s shoes were and turning straight back to Liam. “He’s not home.”

“But… but then where is he, like… I think we should… we should go looking for him.” What if something had happened to him? What if… what if they didn’t find him?!

“I mean… he’s walked home a few times though, he probably just missed the bus, it’s no big deal, it’s not even that dark, there’s street lights as well, so.” Again, Harry didn’t seem half as concerned as Liam, just shrugging a bit while the older boy played with his car keys, not even sure why he was still even standing there when there was a chance that something had happened to Niall. 

“Yeah, but… what if he didn’t miss the bus, I… something else could have happened.” Liam had given himself away ages ago anyways, he didn’t even mind the confused look Harry threw at him anymore, or the way he raised an eyebrow at the brunette, Liam just wanted to get into the fucking car and look for Niall, he’d rather be yelled at or ignored than sitting in his apartment being worried as hell. “I think we should go, just to be sure of course, like… and walking takes a really long time, we’d be back in a few minutes if we take my car.”

“Right… well, if you wanna go looking for him so desperately… “ Shrugging yet again, Harry made sure to close his front door once more while Liam _almost_ managed to relax a little bit, purposely not looking at his cousin when he felt him throwing a glance at Liam’s face as they were walking down the stairs. Well, and if he had had any doubt whether he had managed to stay secretive about the mess inside his head, he had an answer after what Harry seemed to almost only say to himself. “You still care a lot about him, don’t you?”

“I… “ Liam didn’t know what to say, he felt his cheeks getting hot at the question, staring at his own feet as he fought for words even if actually, he felt like he shouldn’t have had a reason to be embarrassed. “I mean we… I’ve known him since… since forever and… it’s not like… not like we split because… because wanted to, just… “

“Do you… still love him?” Harry boldly asked, throwing Liam off track a little bit right as they stepped out of the building, almost falling over his own shoes because he had never really been expecting that he would have to answer this. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer, I… I was just… wondering, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s fine um… I… I don’t know… “ Was that the truth though? Honestly, Liam had never really… been thinking about it like that, he knew he still felt something for Niall, there was no doubt in him that he would always feel something for the boy, even if it seemed hopeless for now. Just two weeks ago though Liam hadn’t even dared dreaming about seeing Niall again and now… now he was desperate to make things alright again but… what was the point, really? To wish for things to go back to how they had been? When Niall so clearly just wanted to forget about Liam? Was it even worth thinking about it when it was probably not going to happen anyways?

Since Liam simply decided not to answer anymore because he would have probably just embarrassed himself, the silence between them was a little bit awkward as they walked to the older boy’s car, the sky having gotten even darker by now and had Liam not already been blushed as hell, he might have tried to hurry up even more. Hopefully Niall had really just missed the bus, he would probably try to play it down but… Liam knew the boy inside out, there was no way the blonde had suddenly started feeling comfortable walking home alone in the middle of the night.

“Your car is bloody insane…” Harry mumbled before getting into the passenger seat and Liam barely had any time to feel bad for owning such an expensive car when the other three always had to take the bus because he was already focused on getting out of his parking spot, as quickly as somehow possible. To be fair though, Liam had driven Harry and Louis around since the third day he had gotten here, and of course he would have driven Niall as well, but… “Just go straight ahead, I’ll tell you where to go, I just hope he’s walking next to the street.”

“Do you think he… that he’d get into the car? I mean… “ Obviously, Liam hadn’t thought this through, but then again, did it really matter? At least if he found Niall he’d know the boy was safe, even if he wasn’t allowed to drive him home. 

“Well… he might if… if he really is scared of the dark like you said.” Right, Liam should have really not told Harry that. 

“Um, listen, I… I probably shouldn’t have, uh… told anyone so… can you maybe… not mention it to him?” Liam was still driving down the street, making sure to keep his eyes open for the blonde, kinda hating how the whole night had turned out. He and Harry had managed to have completely normal conversations up until before, but whenever the name ‘Niall’ fell, things suddenly turned very, very awkward. 

“Don’t worry, I don’t wanna be strangled to death in my sleep anyways. Besides, he’d probably deny it anyways, I just meant that if we… or if _I_ try to convince him to get in the car, he’s most likely to give in if he… well, if he doesn’t wanna walk by himself. I just hope that… he won’t make a scene or something… you gotta take the left street by the way. “ Well, Liam just hoped the boy was fine right now, he didn’t even care what would happen once they found him, only _that_ they found him.

For a while, Liam was actually really hopeful, but he kept getting more worried with time passing by, and maybe he was driving a bit too slowly, but even Harry seemed to be getting worried so that wasn’t exactly a good sign now, was it? They had surely already spent 10 minutes in the car, with Harry just having gone over to giving Liam directions and typing on his phone, hopefully texting Niall or… or maybe the police.

Honestly, if something like this would have happened when Niall and Liam had still been… a thing, Liam would have probably lost his freaking mind. It’s not that he cared any less about Niall’s well-being now, it’s just… time had passed, the boy had managed to survive without Liam for over a year, so why would something happen two weeks after Liam had moved into the same building? Right, that made no sense at all and yet Liam’s stomach was twisting into tighter knots with every second passing.

“Maybe… maybe we should like… call Niall’s work and ask if he even left, I mean, where does he even work I-“

“There he is!” Harry’s voice was so loud that Liam flinched terribly, almost turning the steering wheel a bit too hard, his heart bumping twice as fast all of a sudden as he scanned the sidewalk as well, a great rush of relief flooding his body when he saw that his cousin was right. There Niall was, hands in his pockets, head down, walking rather quickly with an unidentifiable expression on his face. “Thank god… I was about to get genuinely worried… “

“Yeah…” Was all Liam brought out, making sure no one was behind him as he drove the car to the side of the road, trying to do it in the least creepy way possible because Niall probably didn’t know his car. Turned out though that that was kinda unnecessary when Harry had already opened the window.

“Hey, Nialler! Where the hell have you been?!” It almost sounded a bit upset, as if it was Niall’s fault or something, but as much as Liam wanted to say something as well, he knew better than to speak up, just kept his mouth shut as he stopped the car next to the sidewalk, worriedly watching Niall’s face turning from quite frightened to confused and then… to annoyed as hell. “We’ve been looking for you for the last ten minutes.”

“Ummm… why would you do that? I simply missed the bus.” Yep, he definitely hated Liam for this, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he came a little bit closer, just enough to talk to Harry, not even sparing Liam one single glance. Of course. 

“We were worried though and… Liam especially.” Oh god, why’d he have to fucking say that?!

“Yeah, right.” There was a grunt and Liam wanted to die, he hadn’t thought it could keep on hurting every time Niall threw these looks at him or said those things, but surprisingly enough it was getting to him more each time it happened again. “If you’ll excuse me, I wanna get home in-“

“Don’t be an idiot, get in the car.” Harry interrupted the blonde and Liam almost bit his lip bleeding as he tried his hardest to keep his damn mouth shut and not… start to beg Niall to get into the car so he could maybe get some sleep tonight. 

“Why? I always walk when I miss the bus, I don’t need anybody to be worried about me or to drive me home, I’m perfectly capable of-“

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Niall, just do us all a favor and get in, you can’t tell me you enjoy walking more than spending a few minutes with us.” Well, it probably wasn’t about _them_ , just about Liam personally and they all knew it without having to say it. 

“Maybe I do, you don’t know me that well, you know, I-“

“Get in or I’m gonna tell Liam about that thing that happened three weeks ago.” Wait, what?

For a moment, Niall actually looked like he would explode, or punch Harry in the face through the open car window, but then again, the street lights weren’t really illuminating his face that well and before Liam even knew it, the blonde had taken a huge breath and opened up the door in the back, letting himself fall into the seat and pulling the door shut once more with a bang. That had been… weird, but easier than expected. 

“You’re an idiot Harry.” Was all the boy said from the back, through what sounded like gritted teeth, but Liam barely even noticed, he was just really relieved as he attempted to turn around the car, hearing a chuckle coming from the passenger seat that lightened the mood at least a little bit. This was a mess. 

“Yeah, alright. Just be grateful, Ni, it would have still taken you ages to get home and besides… it’s already really dark as well.” Oh, god if he was gonna tell Niall what Liam had said, the brunette man was going to kill his cousin.

“So what?” Was all Niall asked, but with quite some hesitation that clearly gave him away. Luckily though, Harry just shrugged and Niall let out another grunt before staring out of the window, apparently not willing to speak another word. 

Actually, none of them really said anything at all while they were driving home, Liam had a really hard time concentrating on the road and on the car because he was busy trying not to try and guess what exactly had happened three weeks ago Niall didn’t want him to know and then he was even busier trying not to throw too many looks into the rearview mirror just to look at Niall.

Sitting in a car together was something that hadn’t happened in years and somehow it hurt, being confronted with all these things that they had done for the last time before their break up, without even having known that it’d be the last time. That the next time it’d happen, they wouldn’t be speaking with each other and Niall would be sitting in the back rather than in the passenger seat, holding Liam’s hand and talking about whatever. If Niall would rather walk home alone in the dark, which he absolutely hated, than getting into a car with Liam, then he really must be despising him at this point.

That thought stuck to Liam the whole way home, Niall’s mood became even more noticeable once they all got out of the car, the blonde didn’t even wait for anybody, didn’t say just one single word and simply walked up the stairs while searching for his keys, as if Harry and Liam weren’t even there. He definitely hadn’t been joking when he had said he wanted to ignore the brunette. 

“My god, he’s acting like a damn child… “ Harry muttered to himself once the blonde had disappeared in the building, without even throwing a look back at them. Then again, what would he have said? “Don’t worry about it, Li, ‘m sure he’s grateful… deep down.”

“I… I’m not so sure about that.” It seemed more like Niall now hated Liam even more, if that was even possible. “It’s, uh… it’s fine though, I… I just wanted to make sure he’s alright, so… “

“He could have at least thanked you. I… I could talk to him if-“

“No, don’t, I… there’s no use and… I don’t wanna get on his nerves, he… he made it pretty clear that… he wants me to leave him alone, I was just really worried, is all… “ Honestly, the last thing Liam wanted was having Niall being upset with Harry as well, he already felt guilty for spending so much time with his cousin and Louis, he didn’t want Niall to feel like he was… trying to steal them from him on purpose or something.

“He’ll come around… you’ll see.” It didn’t sound very convincing and the smile Harry threw at Liam seemed very fake as well, but it wasn’t like Liam genuinely needed Harry to try and make him feel better because there was nothing he could have said to really make it better anyways. 

“Yeah… “ Was all he could think of before locking his car, not even attempting to return that smile because what was the use really?

Needless to say, their night ended about right there and Liam had no idea whether Harry talked to Niall after all or not because he went home alone afterwards, his head filled with about 100 things but one clearly stood out. It wasn’t even about the way Niall had acted tonight, or the way he acted around Liam in general, but the one thing that kept Liam awake that night was the question Harry had asked him before.

He still loved Niall, of course he did and even if it seemed pointless… he probably always would. Even if Niall didn’t want Liam to still care about him, the boy knew he’d get into his car to go searching for the blonde at any time or day. 

 

\---------------

 

The next few days, Liam barely saw Niall or even Harry and Louis, all four of them seemed to be really busy with work and uni and the brunette boy was kinda glad for the distraction because his head was already starting to hurt from thinking about his ex-boyfriend 24/7. It’d be a lie to say that he didn’t try to come up with solutions to this whole mess, but seeing as Niall treated him like thin air, there was nothing much Liam could have done other than to keep hoping that things would eventually get better. 

It was already in the afternoon when Liam hurried downstairs, car keys already in his hand, slightly annoyed that it had started raining exactly when his boss had called him to tell him he needed to come to work on his free day and fix something on one of the computers. Liam would have known about twelve hundred better things to do than going to work right now, but… it wasn’t like he had much of a choice now, did he?

Though Liam should have probably hurried up a little bit, he wasn’t going too fast once he had started the car, trying to be careful and stuff, since the streets were all wet, and he couldn’t help noticing that flash of blonde hair on the sidewalk at the bus stop as he stopped at a red light, kinda automatically turning his head to get a bit of a closer look and… honestly, by now it almost really did seem like it was fate.

Niall was drenched, waiting at the bus stop, jumping up and down a bit because he was probably cold and Liam’s eyes followed where the boy was staring at, the sign which showed how many more minutes the bus would take and well… it didn’t say an actual number, just said that it would be delayed for an unknown amount of time.

Alright, that was it.

There were no cars behind Liam, so at least no one got mad at him for not driving on as the lights turned green but instead leaned over the passenger side of the car to push open the door on the side Niall was standing, causing the rain to get everything inside wet but Liam didn’t even care one bit.

“Niall?” The blonde flinched as he heard his name, panic filling his eyes all of a sudden before they settled on Liam’s face and the way his whole expression hardened and got annoyed within a second was almost offensive. “Are you going to work?”

“What’s it look like?” Niall rolled his eyes, arms crossed in front of his chest and his body was clearly shaking from the cold. At least he wasn’t directly standing in the rain, but… he clearly had had to walk in it before. 

“I’ll drive you.” It just slipped out, Liam didn’t even spare one second thinking about it, that maybe he should have gotten to work himself, that maybe Niall would have rather died than getting into his car just like a few days ago but… it was raining and clearly, that bus wasn’t going to show up anymore.

“I’m taking the b-“

“It’s delayed though. When do you start?” Judging by the look in his eyes and the slight panic, so soon that getting into Liam’s car right now was Niall’s only chance to make it on time. “C’mon, it’s just for a few minutes and then at least you won’t be late, I don’t think the bus will come any time soon, there was something on the radio about an accident.”

The accident part was a lie, Liam almost felt bad about it, but when he saw Niall biting his bottom lip as if he was genuinely considering the offer, he felt a whole lot better. Liam had no idea where Niall worked still, but from what he had understood, the blonde really needed that money, and surely, it couldn’t be good for him if he came late, right?

“C’mon, it’ll just be for a few minutes.” He repeated and it almost sounded like Liam was trying to coax a stranger into the car with him, he didn’t even know why he was so desperate to be alone with Niall when the blonde was acting as if he hated Liam, it’s just… Liam really wanted to help, and he really, really wanted to at least be allowed to call Niall his friend again. 

It took a few more seconds, a few cars driving past Liam and honking at him rather aggressively before the blonde finally gave in, not looking at the other boy though as he got into the car, probably getting the seat all wet but Liam couldn’t have given two shits about that. Holy shit, had he really just managed to convince Niall to get into a car with him? All alone?

“I just don’t wanna be late.” The blonde made sure to tell Liam as soon as he had put his seatbelt on, keeping his head straight and maybe the other boy should have taken offense in Niall’s behavior but…. he really was just glad that Niall had gotten into his car, as pathetic as that sounded.

“I know. So, where do you work?” Liam still had no idea, he just continued driving down the street like before, except his mood had drastically changed for the better and also, he suddenly felt like being called into work on his free day maybe wasn’t even that bad after all.

“The mall.” Was all Niall said, which limited the option down to about… 100 different places. He really didn’t want Liam to know, did he? “Do you… know where it is?”

“Sure, I’ve been here for a few w-“

“Good.” And that was it, apparently it was Niall’s choice to decide when the conversation between them ended, whether Liam still had things to say or not. 

The whole car smelled like rain, and wet clothes, but there was also the faintest smell of Niall’s aftershave and Liam kinda hated the fact that it still seemed so familiar, that the blonde was still using it, but then again… he had smelled it every day for at least 4 years, how could Liam have forgotten? They had spent way more time together than apart, Niall was still wearing clothes he had owned back then and… had it not been for the fact that they didn’t really speak anymore, it would have been like nothing had changed.

“You know… I know you have to work until it gets dark, usually, and if you want me to, I can pick you up. I mean, if you… if you still have my number you can text me or… or just tell me when and I’ll be there.” He wouldn’t agree, Liam knew that but he couldn’t help offering it, just in case the blonde had had a change of heart. It didn’t seem like it.

First of all, there was just a huge breath coming from the passenger side and nothing else, Liam didn’t even dare looking over, instead trying to focus on the street and just when he thought he wouldn’t even get an answer, Niall spoke up, sounding even more annoyed than before. If that was even possible. “You gotta stop doing that, Liam, I’m serious.”

“I’m serious too, it’s dangerous at night and it’ll probably still be raining and-“

“So what? I’m 22 and I’m not made of sugar, I’ve been perfectly capable of getting home before you moved here, I don’t need you to protect me.” He wasn’t like, yelling or something, it was more like… more like he was really mad at Liam and trying to hold back because the older boy was actually driving him to work right at this second. “Besides… I kinda like when it rains, and I don’t mind when it’s dark.”

“Since when?” It kinda slipped out, but Liam was honestly confused, hearing another annoyed sigh from his left that should have probably been a hint for him to just shut up. 

“It doesn’t matter, okay? Thanks for driving me today, but I don’t need you to do it again, that’s all I have to say.” Niall had his arms crossed in front of his chest like he seemed to have so often on the rare occasions where he actually talked to Liam, his head turned away from the older boy, just staring out of the window as if he didn’t even want to see him. He probably didn’t. 

“Alright… “ Liam muttered, feeling only slight discouraged because it’s not like he had been expecting anything different. If Niall really hated him this much though, if he really wanted to pretend Liam didn’t exist, then he wouldn’t have gotten into the car with him, would he? Then he wouldn’t keep giving answers, even if snappy ones, right? If he really would have wanted to erase Liam from his life, he wouldn’t have even acknowledged his presence. Then again, was any of that really a success or was Liam just desperate as hell? Probably the second.

The drive wasn’t too long, it just took longer because of the rain and also because they weren’t really speaking to each other too much, which made the whole situation kinda awkward. There were a lot of things Liam would have liked to say, a lot of things he wanted to tell Niall and ask him, but… he knew the blonde wouldn’t have wanted him to so he kept his mouth shut instead, tried not to be too nosy as Niall’s life wasn’t really any of Liam’s business in the end. Not anymore.

“Is it… is it okay if I drop you off here? Or should I drive somewhere else?” The mall had many entrances obviously and Liam actually didn’t have the time to search for another parking spot, but he would have done it for Niall.

“No, that’s… fine.” That had almost sounded like a normal answer, even if a little bit quiet, but at least Niall hadn’t snapped at him again.

“Okay… if you change your mind about… needing a ride home, then… you can also just call Harry to tell me.” Just to make sure he really knew that offer was still up, even if the blonde completely ignored it anyways.

Liam watched a bit worriedly as Niall climbed out of his car, his clothes wet and drenched and he would probably get a cold now having to work like this, but what could Liam have done? Offered him his hoodie he had in the back? Niall would have never accepted it anyways, he would have probably just gotten mad thinking that Liam was trying to baby him, when in reality… the older boy genuinely cared.

Right when Liam thought that that was it, Niall’s hand already on the door, the blonde hesitated for the split of a second, their eyes meeting for only a moment before the younger boy turned away his head, mumbling barely audible for anyone to hear and yet it had still been there. “Thanks, Li… “

Liam had no idea whether the nickname had slipped out or not, all he knew was that his throat was suddenly growing terribly tight, luckily not having a chance to reply as Niall had already thrown the door closed because the brunette wouldn’t have been able to bring out just one word anyways. 

All those things between them, the small things especially like using each other’s nicknames, were something Liam would have never thought he could miss this much, simply because he would have never thought that he wouldn’t get to hear Niall saying his name anymore. That he wouldn’t get to call the boy baby any longer, wouldn’t get to brush his fingers through his hair simply because he felt like it, wouldn’t get to be over protective of Niall and… that was something in Liam’s mind he needed to change, because as soon as he had seen the boy a few weeks ago, he had immediately slipped back into the boyfriend mode, even after all this time. 

What if he didn’t _want_ that to change though?

 

\-----------------

 

Fixing the computer his boss had called him in for took way longer than expected, but seeing as Liam hadn’t really done anything except for sitting there and trying to get it to work again even though it wasn’t really something he usually did, he at least wasn’t too tired or exhausted once he was finally finished, even thinking about calling up Harry or Louis to ask whether they were already home and if they wanted to come upstairs for a bit. Deep down, there was only one person Liam wanted to ask but… that of course wasn’t an option.

Right when he had gotten into the elevator and the doors were closing, someone pushed his hand through to stop them, one of Liam’s coworkers who had been… flirting with him a little bit ever since they had met for the first time a bit ago, but it wasn’t too extreme or anything. Actually, it was so subtle all the time that Liam wasn’t even sure whether he was just imaging it or something, even if it didn’t really matter in the end because he was _definitely_ not looking for anything right now. 

“Hey, you got off as well now?” The other man asked and Liam just nodded, returning the smile slightly while at the same time trying to suppress a yawn. Okay, maybe he was a little bit tired after all. “Are you gonna go home?”

“Yeah, I think so… I mean, I got tomorrow off as well, but I finally wanna sleep in again.” That was really the only downside of Liam’s job, that he had to get up so early most of the time, but then again, that was probably what most jobs were like anyways. “You?”

“I was actually… well, I was gonna go to the movies with a friend but… seems like he just cancelled.” Liam’s coworker let out a sigh while typing on his phone, the elevator finally moving down and in all honesty, Liam really did _not_ catch on. “Too bad, we already had the tickets as well.”

“Oh, that sucks, ‘m sorry… maybe ask for a refund?” Honestly, what could he have said? Apparently, Liam was way too stupid to understand when he was getting a hint, way too much focused on thinking about what he was gonna eat once he got home and how he would sleep tonight while not knowing whether Niall had gotten home in a whole piece. 

“I might… or… or I could ask someone else.” Right, at this point Liam was just being really stupid and blind, but hey… maybe it was _too_ obvious. “Umm… if… you know, if you got nothing to do then… you could come, if you want.”

“I… “ For a moment, Liam was way too surprised to understand what this meant, was too caught up in his head as to correctly interpret his coworkers hopeful face, still having told himself that he was just imaging all of these things he had said during the past few days. 

“Only if you want, of course, I just meant that… it’d be stupid if they’d go to waste, right?” Yeah, that did make sense in Liam’s eyes, and for the split of a second, he actually thought about what it would mean if he said yes, what if he just went to the movies with his co-worker, as friends, when he had nothing to do for tonight anyways and when he wasn’t even that exhausted either. For the most part though, Liam just mindlessly agreed, for whatever reason. 

“True, uh… sure, I… I’ll come.” The elevator stopped right when Liam had finished, only a little bit worried about the smile he received for that answer because he hadn’t just agreed to a date or something, had he? It was just watching a movie, nothing else, and besides, he had kinda already told the other man once that he wasn’t interested in a relationship right now so… he wasn’t making him false hopes or anything, right?

To be perfectly honest, Liam wasn’t worried at all, they were just two guys, going to the movies, and the flirting before hadn’t even been too excessive anyways and they got along well, so really, Liam didn’t see anything wrong with it at all. Just in case his co-worker would… try anything, he would just tell him straight up, that was a good plan, right? What could go wrong anyways?

A lot, apparently.

They had to drive to the mall with different cars obviously, and while driving Liam already somehow had a bad feeling rising in his stomach that he tried to play off, thinking it was just because he was parking in almost the same spot he had hours again when he had dropped off Niall, the passenger side still actually a bit wet from where the blonde had sat. Liam tried to ignore it though, was really hopeful actually that going to the movies would possibly take his mind off a little bit, spending time with somebody who had no idea about Liam’s past, or his… his ex-boyfriend. It was about time Liam made some friends besides his cousin and his roommate anyways, right? At least that’s what he told himself.

Their conversation was light, not uncomfortable or anything, it wasn’t like going to the movies with a friend but it wasn’t bad or anything, like, at least they didn’t run out of things to say and at least the other man didn’t like… say any weird or flirtatious things, they were just talking about work really, and about some movies and Liam kinda thought about how he had never really asked what movie they were going to watch and that it was somehow too late to ask now. 

“… and he wanted to fire me, but turns out someone else lost the file and not me, so they were fired instead, it was a mess, really. I heard you didn’t even have to apply to get the job, is that true?” They were lining up for popcorn and honestly, Liam wasn’t sure whether he even wanted anything, but maybe his coworker did so whatever.

“I… I mean, I… well, no, I didn’t… apply, no.” God, this was embarrassing, Liam really didn’t want to sound like he was bragging, he was actually playing with his fingers, staring at the head of the person standing in line in front of him, not really knowing how to explain this. He knew he got paid a lot more than a lot of his coworkers, he also knew that their boss was a lot nicer to him, but… that wasn’t his fault now, was it? 

“You must be really good then, if they wanted you so badly, I mean. Where did you say you studied again?” This was just getting more embarrassing, the last thing the brunette wanted now was to being forced to mention the scholarship he had gotten, already feeling his stomach twisting into knots once more as he thought back to that moment when he had found out. The moment his happiness had been replaced with panic. 

“I… I mean, I’m still taking online classes, but I-“

“Hi, what can I… oh.” Their conversation was interrupted promptly once they were in front of the line and Liam first of all had no idea what was going on, had to blink what seemed like 100 times and then… then his whole body froze and his blood turned to ice. 

Oh no.

“Yeah, hi, I think I want… “ Obviously, Liam’s coworker just carried on listing the things he wanted while Liam was frozen on the spot, his eyes locked with very familiar blue ones behind the counter, staring at him as if he had just committed a crime. Somehow he had. 

It was Niall, of course, he worked at the movies, which made so much sense now that Liam wanted to slap himself in the face, hard, for being so god damn stupid. What other place could the boy have been working at that was open until so late at night, honestly? If only… if only he had told Liam, or Harry, or _anybody_ really, because the brunette had no idea how to get himself out of this one. Maybe it didn’t look like a date though, maybe-

“Liam? What do you want? I’ll pay for you, I mean, not that this is a date or anything, like… unless you want it to be.” This was supposed to sound like a joke, the other man laughed rather nervously and Liam thought he would have to die, seeing the look on Niall’s face, the way he had immediately lowered his eyes once more, tried to pretend like it didn’t bother him when clearly… it was tearing him apart. And maybe it wasn’t because he still had feelings for Liam, but he probably still felt betrayed, that his ex-boyfriend of six years didn’t have the damn decency to NOT hang out with guys who were clearly interested in him right in front of the blonde’s eyes. Why the fuck had he even agreed to this?!

“Nothing, I… I want nothing, thanks.” Liam heard himself say, still not having managed to look away from Niall even though the blonde had already turned around to get the popcorn, dropping so many of them that Liam had no choice but to be painfully aware of how much the boy’s hand was shaking, causing his heart to drop. Shit, how could Liam be so stupid?! How… how in god’s name had he managed to bring himself into a situation like this when all he had been trying to do was fix things between himself and Niall, at least enough for them to be friends again.

“Are you sure? It’s quite a long movie, I think.” Amazing.

“No, I… I’m sure, uh… thanks.” Great, not that Liam was gonna be able to concentrate on the movie, all he could think about now was how fucking awful he was feeling, and how guilty, like… it wasn’t a date, but Niall didn’t know that and Liam was well aware how this looked like and god, what had that joke about this being a date supposed to mean?

“That’ll be, uh… four pounds.” Niall’s voice was really quiet, and shaky, he wasn’t looking at Liam but rather at his coworker, looking him up and down twice before taking the money from him, the look on his face having gone hard and cold but his eyes were kinda… watery and Liam thought he honestly had to die right then and there. 

“Here, you can keep the rest.” To make matters even worse, Liam’s coworker tried to be nice, but really, it just looked like he was pitying Niall or something and the blonde didn’t even thank him, didn’t even _attempt_ to crack a fake smile. Now Liam had really screwed it up, hadn’t he?

“Enjoy your movie.” Really, it sounded like Niall wished death upon both of them instead, almost causing Liam to flinch because he had never once heard the blonde speaking in such a voice, almost sounding like venom and Liam wasn’t the only one who noticed, obviously.

“Uh… thanks.” His coworker threw a look at Liam before taking his popcorn and turning around, seemingly confused and the brunette’s expression was probably not really helping him to figure out what was going on. Well, how could he have ever? 

Liam knew he shouldn’t have, knew he should have just let it go, try and explain it to Niall tomorrow or something, but right when they were about to walk away, the boy knew he wouldn’t be able to survive if he didn’t say something immediately, seeing as they had been the last ones in line anyways. He couldn’t just leave Niall behind like this, leave him wondering, it… it wouldn’t be fair. 

“I-“

“Niall… “ Ignoring the fact that his coworker had tried to say something, Liam simply turned back around once more, knowing that he was probably just making it worse and that he would have to answer a billion questions about this in a bit but frankly… he didn’t care one bit. “I… It’s not… not what it looks like.”

“What do you mean?” The blonde asked bluntly, pulling up his eyebrows, as if he was totally surprised that Liam knew his name, as if they didn’t even know each other. Liam probably deserved that anyways. 

“Look, I… I know you wanna strangle me right now, but… it’s not what you think, I promise. We… we’re just… “ Yeah, what? 

“Wait… you two know each other?” Right, they weren’t alone, sadly, and also, Liam’s coworker may have made a terrible decision tonight by inviting Liam, but he definitely wasn’t dumb, his eyes growing wide with realization as he kept looking from one of them to the other. “What you just said I… is he like… like your boyfriend?! Oh my god, I had no idea, I’m so sorry!”

And right when Liam thought things couldn’t have possibly gotten any worse and they couldn’t possibly have caused even more of a scene, Niall’s face changed to a really weird smile, evil almost. “Don’t worry about it, I’m not his _boyfriend_ , I’m just his stupid ex who he dated for six stupid years, don’t be stressed out about it, apparently it didn’t mean that much anyways.”

“I… _six years?!_ ” Oh god… “You… you didn’t tell me your ex-boyfriend works here, Liam, I… “

“There’s a lot of things he probably didn’t tell you, but you’ll get used to it, don’t worry.” There was that smile again, but Liam didn’t even say anything anymore, his jaw had simply dropped, hearing the hate in Niall’s words, how clearly he despised him, the way he was talking about Liam as if… as if it really hadn’t meant anything at all. Could this even get any worse at this point?

“Ni, I’m… I’m sorry okay, I promise I’ll explain it you, I just-“

“ _Fuck_ you, Liam, alright? I don’t need any explanations, just do whatever the fuck you want but stay the hell away from me, yeah? And don’t call me that ever again.” And with that, Niall simply turned away, putting up the brightest face ever for the people who had just approached him, asking them what they wanted while Liam felt like he had been punched in the throat. Maybe an actual punch would have been better than being left feeling like this though, because at least the pain would have eventually gone away. 

Needless to say, it was the most awkward night of Liam’s entire life, not only did they barely talk to each other anymore after this, but neither of them was really concentrating on the movie and it was more than just obvious. They were both lost in thoughts, Liam’s coworker probably because he had just witnessed a fight between Liam and his ex-boyfriend who he hadn’t even known about and Liam, well… his whole mind was just a damn mess. 

He did understand why Niall had reacted the way he had, maybe a bit more extreme than Liam would have thought, but… it was his good right. He probably thought Liam had long figured out where he worked, because who the hell wouldn’t have? Niall probably thought Liam had done it on purpose, or that maybe he didn’t care one bit, showing up with some other guy at the place Niall worked and… and then daring to actually try and apologize, yet again. 

They had been dating for six damn years, of course Niall was hurt, whether he still felt something for Liam or not, if Liam only imagined it the other way around, if… if he ever saw Niall with some other guy on what appeared to be a date, he would have probably lost his damn mind. The boy had been his for so long, it was hard changing the way he thought about him now that they were seeing each other again on at least a weekly basis.

When Liam got home that night, he was so beaten down that he didn’t even bother showering before lying in bed, just taking off his clothes and pressing his eyes closed in an attempt to try and erase everything that had happened from his memories. Just a few hours ago when he had driven Niall to work, when the boy had called him his old nickname, Liam had actually felt a spark of hope growing inside of him, had thought that just maybe… just maybe he and Niall could possibly work things out, if enough time passed by and if Liam kept on trying.

Now though, it once again felt like a hopeless case, once again Liam was the one who had screwed it all up, had probably also managed to make sure his coworker would never again talk to him, but a lot worse, Niall probably wouldn’t either. 

How come though, after all these discussions and Niall saying all these things, that Liam somehow missed him even more with each day he couldn’t have him? How come it felt like it had all those years ago, when Liam had first started falling for the boy, very slowly before he had been hit with reality all at once? Back then though, the brunette had kinda known that the feelings were mutual, that he might have a chance, but now… now he might have as well been trying to get a brick wall to be his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys :D 
> 
> thank you all so much for so many kudos and comments on the first chapter i was really surprised <333
> 
> i hope you all enjoyed the second chapter as well and dont worry, niall will not stay so cold and angry for very long! also, i will update sundays from now on as i need the whole week to write but i might change it back to fridays once ive got more time to write!
> 
> again, thank you all so much and please please let me know what you think, id love to hear it! :)


	3. Chapter 3

“Uh… look, I know what happened between you and Liam the other day but-“

“Good, then why are you bringing it up again? Does it look like I wanna talk about it, or about _him_? Because for your information, I don’t.” Niall knew that he had been a bit… or _a lot_ more aggressive than usual, pretty much ever since Liam had moved here and the blonde knew it wasn’t fair to take it out on Louis and Harry, it’s just… he hated that his only good friends were hanging out with his ex and he hated even more the fact that he was jealous. Not only because they probably had a lot more fun with Liam anyways, but also… also a little bit because, well… because why did they get to be friends with Liam, how was it fair that… that the three of them got along so well, that there were no hard feelings between them and that… that Niall got left out? Just because he didn’t wanna hang around his ex-boyfriend’s place?

“Okay, I… I’m sorry, alright? I know what he did was a shitty thing, but he didn’t know you are working at the movie theater, and it wasn’t even a date, he said so himself, they were just-“

“Lou, honestly, I don’t fucking care, okay? Why is it that everything we ever talk about since _weeks_ is my stupid ex-boyfriend, huh? It’s no one’s business. And anyways, why are you even here, don’t you have to be up in Liam’s _loft_ and… I don’t know, eat some caviar or whatever shit he’s buying with all that money?” Alright, this was getting out of hand, but Niall was just… he was so angry, all the damn time ever since the thing at the movies had happened, even if it had already been like 5 days or something, but just… what the fuck had that been?

“Is that it? You’re mad at _me_? For hanging out with him? We asked you, Niall, multiple times, whether you mind and you said no, you always say you got better stuff to do anyways. I’m sorry okay, I didn’t mean for this to happen, but you could at least try, you know? You know he didn’t do it on purpose and anyways, you always make sure to let everyone know you’re over him so why did it even bother you in the first place?” Good question.

Instead of answering immediately, Niall rearranged his position on the bed, shaking his head to himself as he kept staring out of his window, on one hand wanting to kick Louis out of his room, but on the other he wanted him to stay, wanted everything to go back to how it had been, but… that would never happen, would it? “Because… he keeps doing and saying these things, as if he wants us to be… I don’t know, _friends_ , but then he goes and does something like this, I just… I’m not ready to forgive him and I don’t know if I’ll ever be. Not if he keeps on behaving like this anyways.”

“Like what?” Louis asked, sounding genuinely confused and the thing was, the older boy didn’t even seem mad that Niall was yelling around and being an asshole to him, both him and Harry seemed to be genuinely worried about the blonde, always offering that he could talk to them if he needed to. 

Maybe Niall did need somebody to talk, but what would he have said? That he had lied about being completely over Liam? That he had thought he would have had to die from jealousy when he had seen Liam with this other guy? That he had been so hurt that it had felt like someone had ripped out his heart and left a hole in his chest? He couldn’t say that out loud or otherwise it’d become way too real, Niall was off better pretending that he didn’t care, that he was just bitter and not devastated and broken. 

“Like he didn’t do anything wrong and-“

“But you said he apologized?” Fuck, it was getting too complicated to keep track with everything Niall had told Harry and Louis and at the same time trying to hide his true feelings and try not to yell at them on a daily basis because in the end, it’d be his own fault if his only friends left him. He’d still blame it on Liam though.

“Doesn’t mean he truly meant it though. And in the end I don’t even care if he did, I just want him to leave me alone, is all. But he won’t, just yesterday when I went to the store I fucking bumped into him again and he had this stupid pitiful face again and he tried to approach me but I just left. Sorry, by the way, that’s why we have nothing in the fridge, I just… I couldn’t possibly bare to have yet another meaningless conversation with him where he tries to pity me and tries to apologize and… convince me to let him drive me home.” It was hell, truly, at first Niall had thought that ignoring Liam would be fairly easy, but… turned out that the boy was still all the same, he hadn’t changed one bit, still had that puppy dog look, that persistency, that damn need to blame himself for everything and… it was just so damn annoying because it made it even harder for Niall to pretend like he hated him. At one point he’d just buckle in and he knew it.

“Niall… look, I really don’t know what to say anymore, I… I don’t know what happened between you two in detail, all I know is that… I don’t think Liam pities you and I do think he truly is sorry, I think he’s pretty desperate to fix things and I… I know a lot of shit happened but I don’t believe Liam did it on purpose. I know you’re hurt and the whole situation sucks balls, but… I know you don’t actually despise him as much as you try to make him believe.” Of course everyone knew, but… that didn’t mean Niall couldn’t deny it.

“Does it even matter? I can be mad at him for as long as I want, I… I moved away, because I needed to forget him, I left everything behind, Lou, and now… now he thinks he can just come waltzing back into my life? Steal my friends and bring random guys to where I work, that’s just… he can’t expect me to beg for his friendship again.” Not that Liam was expecting him to _beg_ but… he would have probably liked that, wouldn’t he? For whatever twisted reason, the brunette seemed to be obsessed to fix things, probably because he always managed to feel guilty for the stupidest shit and always wanted everyone to get along. 

“He’s not… stealing your friends, Ni, I… I know what you’re saying though and I’m sorry, I really am. If we, or if I, ever made you feel as if we’d rather hang out with Liam, that’s not true at all. I’ve known you a lot longer than him, if you don’t want me to then I won’t go upstairs anymore and-“

“No, it’s fine, Tommo, I was just… upset. Sorry.” It was a relief though, to hear Louis saying that and had Niall not suddenly felt really exhausted from all the talking and the fighting, he might have tried to fake a smile for him. Instead though, he just let out a sigh, letting himself fall back into his pillows and trying to calm himself down. 

“’s fine, mate, don’t worry about it, I can’t say I know what it feels like, so… “ Clearing his throat a little, Louis almost had Niall scared that this was yet again going to get awkward, playing a bit with the blonde’s blanket before continuing. Unfortunately changing the topic to something even more uncomfortable. “What I was actually gonna say before, or ask, actually… are you… coming along today? You know, to the family gathering thing.”

“Not over my dead body.” Niall let out a humorless laugh at that question, because honestly… why the hell would he wanna be there? With Liam and Liam’s entire family?! His mother who Niall had known almost as long as he had known Liam, his dad and his sisters and just… god, how awkward would that have been? “Are you honestly going?”

“Well… I really like Harry’s family and… I like the food his mum makes.” Also, Louis was probably trying to make a good impression since he and Harry obviously… had a thing going, but Niall bit his tongue. “You know… Harry said though that he really wants you to come, and I want you to as well, imagine if everyone knows each other and then I’ll just be… _there_.”

“I can’t come, I know Liam’s entire family, his mum would probably start crying and it’d just be embarrassing as hell.” Probably even worse. When Harry had asked Niall yesterday whether he wanted to come, the blonde had honestly thought it had been a joke, like… he couldn’t have honestly thought Niall was going to say yes?! 

“But… then you’ll be alone here for the rest of the day and possibly night and there’s nothing to eat in the fridge either.” Since when was Louis so concerned about Niall’s well-being anyways?

“I don’t mind being alone though and I can always order something, you know.” Well, maybe Niall minded a little bit, but not as much as the fact that Harry and Louis would yet again be hanging out with Liam and that actually Niall would have loved to come see Harry’s family because they were great and they always treated him and Louis as if they were part of it, but… he would probably not be able to ever come along ever again now. Thanks to Liam. 

“Well… you can still always change your mind, we’re only leaving in a few hours.” That only had Niall letting out a grunt as he thought about that for once they wouldn’t have to take the bus or walk because Liam had a very nice car he obviously loved to show off to everyone. Not that Harry’s family lived so far away, it was 10 minutes at most with a car. 

Unlike expected, Louis didn’t leave immediately, he kept sitting on Niall’s bed for a while and they watched TV, not really talking a lot to each other, falling into a comfortable silence and then after a while, Harry showed up as well, joining them without bothering to say anything. It was nice, spending time with both of them and it almost made things even worse because it really showed Niall how much things had changed ever since Liam had moved here. How they would probably keep on changing. 

 

\-----------

 

“Hey… you guys ready?” Liam didn’t feel too ready honestly, he had been kinda excited for the family gathering, but he had gotten up at like 6 am this morning to get some work finished and now he actually just wanted to go lie in bed and take a nap. Which he couldn’t do sadly, because his mother would have killed him and also, he hadn’t seen most of his family in ages, so it probably would still be kinda exciting, right?

“Yeah, Harry is just getting something from his room then we can go.” Louis had opened the door for the brunette, they were already a few minutes later than they had wanted to be but it didn’t really matter that much anyways because just in case, they could have taken Liam’s car. Then again, the traffic was kinda horrible today, which was why they had decided to walk in the first place.

Watching Louis putting on his shoes, Liam was subconsciously biting his thumbnail, trying not to think about what he wanted to ask, but somehow, he was too weak to hold back, just needing to know, so he could mentally prepare himself. “Is uh… is Niall coming?”

“Nope, he’s in his room doing whatever.” Right, of course he wouldn’t come, like… ever since the movie theater thing had happened, Niall hadn’t talked to Liam, like, _at all_ , he had even left the store yesterday without buying anything just because he had seen the brunette. 

“Does he, um… usually come along? Like… when you guys visit your families?” Niall’s family wasn’t great and also, they lived very far away now, so Liam kinda could have guessed the answer himself and yet he decided to ask, maybe to make himself feel a little guiltier. When they had been dating and also before that, they had spent most of their time at Liam’s house, around his family, and Niall had fitted right in, Liam’s parents loved him, his mother especially and… she had actually been crying, when Liam had told her that they had broken up, so he didn’t even want to imagine what would happen in case Niall would come along and yet… and yet Liam wanted him to.

“Umm…. yeah, he does.” Great, so it really was Liam’s fault alone and the apologetic glance Louis threw at him didn’t really help either. “Don’t worry though, he said he doesn’t mind being home alone anyways, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.”

“He… he’d probably come though, if I didn’t.” It somehow slipped out, Liam was just thinking out loud really, but judging by the look on Louis’ face, he had gotten it very right. Then again, the brunette didn’t really need any confirmation for that now, did he? “Do you think that… if you told him I’m not coming and I’d stay home, that he would agree?”

“I-“

“What kinda bullshit are you on about, Li?” Harry had just come to the door, seemingly confused, as was Louis, and Liam knew why, just… he felt so guilty all of a sudden, knowing that Niall would have to be home alone now, that Liam had yet again ruined something for the boy, he would have rather stayed behind and had his mother get angry with him and miss out on everything than take away something else from Niall. The boy probably barely ever spoke to his family anymore, thanks to Liam because he had had to move away, and now he couldn’t even visit his best friends’ families anymore, _also_ because of Liam. “You can’t stay behind, your mother would kill you. Besides, Niall probably wouldn’t come anyways.”

“Because of… my parents and sisters.” Right, that was another problem Liam hadn’t thought about and yet… and yet he couldn’t help thinking that there might have been a way to change Niall’s mind if he himself wouldn’t come. If he couldn’t get Niall to speak to him, he could have at least tried helping him to pretend like he didn’t exist. 

“Well…” Obviously, the other two didn’t really know what to say, they just threw a look at each other before shrugging a little bit and Harry leaned down to put on his shoes, apparently trying to just let the topic drop. But somehow, Liam couldn’t.

“You think if I… if I talked to him-“

“Don’t, Liam, seriously, I… he’s not in the best mood, especially-“

Harry never really got to finish though because Louis had elbowed him into the ribs, first of all causing him to glare a bit at the older boy before suddenly and very randomly throwing a very fake smile at Liam and clearing his throat a little bit. Not like he could have hidden it though, what he had been wanting to say, and maybe it wasn’t a surprise that Liam didn’t even feel too hurt anymore, just felt his heart dropping a tiny bit more.

“Look, uh… let’s just go, okay? Niall doesn’t care, don’t worry, it’s fine.” Didn’t sound like it though, Liam was really fucking every little thing up for the boy, wasn’t he? If only… if only Niall would have accepted his apology about the movie theater thing, if only he knew that it had been as far away from a date as somehow possible, that Liam’s coworker hadn’t even looked at him anymore ever since and… but the blonde probably didn’t even care, right?

But Liam did, maybe so desperately that he felt the need to lie. “Right, uh… I’ll just go to the toilet really quick, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure, it’s just past the kitchen and right, we’ll wait for you.” Liam had never really been here, so Harry quickly explained it to him, luckily not having figured out what the brunette’s plan was because he had sounded all casual. 

“You can go ahead if you want, I’ll catch up with you anyways.” In an attempt to make it sound like he didn’t care one bit, Liam took off his shoes, hoping his cheeks weren’t turning red as he looked back up, almost having missed the look Harry and Louis had shared. Who cared if they had looked through him though, as long as they wouldn’t try to stop him.

“Okay… you’ll find the way?” Probably not, but that wasn’t really any of Liam’s concern right now, his heart starting to beat a little bit faster just at the thought of what he was about to do. Maybe it was wrong, but he simply couldn’t have lived with himself if he left with the others now, without even trying to fix this. 

“Sure, I’ll just call if I don’t.” Liam threw a smile at Harry as he was already walking into the flat he had barely been in, relief spreading through him when he realized that the other two really were about to leave.

“Pull the door closed when you leave, okay? I’ve got the keys anyways.” Giving his cousin a thumbs up, Liam was hoping that the other two didn’t really notice how he was walking way too slowly, since he obviously didn’t have to go the toilet, but apparently, they either decided they didn’t care, or… or they really had no idea that the brunette boy had no intention of catching up with them anytime soon. They’d probably figure it out though, but Liam hoped that Harry and Louis would decide not to come back looking for him.

Almost as soon as the front door had fallen closed, Liam froze on the spot, in the middle of the hallway, in a flat that wasn’t his own and he knew that Niall would hate him for this, that this wasn’t normal or the right thing to do, but… he just _had_ to. How else would he have ever gotten Niall by himself in order to talk to him? The boy would have never let him inside if he had been home alone, he would have never agreed to talk to Liam if the other two had been there and he also wouldn’t have stopped for him in public anymore so really, what choice did Liam have?

Yeah, he could have just left Niall alone, like the blonde wanted him to, but one, Liam would have felt so guilty it would have eaten him alive, two, he missed Niall, and three, he had heard Niall calling him his nickname after he had driven him to work, the blonde had agreed to get into the car with him, had actually been kinda civilized and it had only gotten really bad again ever since Niall had thought he had seen Liam going on a bloody date at his work place. So really, Liam wasn’t like… forcing the boy to speak with him, wasn’t stalking him or something, he just… he just wanted to apologize.

Finding Niall’s room wasn’t hard at all, it was the only room with the door closed and with the sound of a TV coming through and the thought of why the boy had felt the need to close his door was pretty obvious. Of course he had known Liam would come downstairs to leave with the others.

Hesitating for a moment, as to not startle or scare the blonde boy, Liam decided that Niall probably had no idea whether the other two had even already left or not, seeing as his TV was on pretty loud, so taking a very deep breath and closing his eyes for a moment, Liam slowly raised his arm, almost chickening out right when his fist was about to hit the wood softly. But he didn’t. “… Niall?”

At first, nothing at all happened, so Liam tried again, a little bit louder this time, once again asking for the blonde and a few seconds later, the TV had suddenly been muted and Liam thought he had to throw up. Okay, this had been a bad idea, very creepy as well, and everyone would find out he had been lying about needing the toilet, just… he _needed_ to talk to the boy.

“Niall, I… it’s me, the others already left, but I… look, I just wanna talk, I know you don’t want to and… but I’ll leave you alone, I promise, just… “ _Just please forgive me_. 

There was nothing, no sound anymore, as if Niall wasn’t even there anymore and maybe he had put in his earphones now so he could drown out Liam’s voice or something, but as long as he didn’t tell the brunette to leave, Liam felt like he could keep going, he wasn’t really forcing Niall to listen, was he? He was just… desperate.

“Okay listen, um… I know I already told you but… what happened the other day, at the movie theater… I had no bloody idea you worked there, I swear to god and I… I didn’t even wanna go with him, I know it sounds like a cheap excuse, but… it’s the truth. I just went because… I had nothing to do for the night and I… I don’t really know anyone except for you and Harry and Louis and… it didn’t mean anything, and he… he hasn’t spoken to me anymore ever since, so… I’m sorry, Niall, I know I hurt you and… I keep on hurting you and I… I don’t know how to fix this… “ Again, there was no sound, nothing at all, as if Liam was just talking against a damn wall. 

Breaking off for a moment so he could catch some breath, Liam leaned his forehead against Niall’s door, eyes closed, completely having forgotten about the family gathering, about Harry and Louis, about everything really except for the fact that his ex-boyfriend who Liam still loved was inside that room and pretending not to hear him because he probably hated him this much. 

“I know you want me to leave you alone and it’s your good right to and I really tried, but I… Niall, I don’t wanna annoy you, or hurt you, I just… I’m sorry, for everything that has happened, I know it was my fault, everything and… if there was a way to… to turn back time, I… I would. And I wouldn’t ever tell you about that damn scholarship, I would just… say no and… and stay with you, and do everything the way we planned it but… but I can’t and I know it’s too late, I just… I miss you. I really do, and it hurts so much to see you all the time and… I know you probably don’t believe me and you probably don’t wanna hear me apologizing anymore, but… I just can’t let it go like this, Niall, I know I gave up on us once, but… I’m not gonna give up now. The chances of us meeting again like this were… pretty much zero, and yet we have and… I just wish you would let me make it up to you or… or at least _try_ , I… “ This was going nowhere was it?

Liam was just rambling on, everything that came to his mind and Niall had probably stopped listening to him ages ago, but at least he hadn’t turned on the telly again, but he wasn’t answering either, wasn’t even moving judging by the complete silence and at one point Liam just decided to sit down, next to the door, with his back leaned against the wall, having to take a few huge breaths so he wouldn’t start crying. This was just… what else could he have said, or done? 

“You know if… if you wanna go to the family gathering thing then you can, I… I won’t be going, I know that… that it’s not fair of me to just come here and… be friends with your friends and ruin all these things for you and I’m gonna try to change that, I promise. I know you came here because you wanted a new beginning and I… I don’t wanna hold you back or get in the way or… I just… I want you to be happy, Niall, that’s what I always wanted, I just… I know you’re not, and I’m not stupid enough to think it’s about me, but… I don’t know what to do, Nialler, and it’s killing me, I… please, Niall, forgive me for being such an idiot, for doing everything wrong and messing it up, I never meant to hurt you, I… _please_ …“ Honestly, was there much more left to do than beg? Maybe Niall really was listening to music, hadn’t heard a word, and Liam suddenly didn’t care anymore because he was so close to tears that it was embarrassing.

Harry and Louis must have long figured out what Liam’s plan had really been, his mother would probably kill him, but… Liam couldn’t have gotten up and left now even if he had wanted to, not while feeling as if… as if all these feelings were eating him from the inside out, the knowledge of Niall not even caring about Liam pouring out his heart hurting maybe even worse than anything that had happened during the last few weeks. At least Liam hadn’t told him everything yet, at least he hadn’t… hadn’t told him about how he _really_ felt.

As the brunette boy couldn’t really think of anything else to say that wasn’t just repeating what he had already said, he just sat there in silence, staring at the opposite wall, his throat feeling really tight and his hands kinda shaky and… he was scared, scared that Niall really did not care, that he had heard all of this but still chose to ignore it, that there really was no way for Liam to make it up to him, no way to… fix things between them. How would he be able to live with himself? After trying everything he could think of, _knowing_ that the person he would have given everything for, didn’t even… care about him anymore. They had wanted to get married, they had been so in love and now… how had Niall managed to erase all of that from his memory?

Maybe he hadn’t.

Liam didn’t know how long he just sat there, choking back tears, not wanting to leave and not knowing what to do or what to tell the others, or his mother more like, as an excuse, but right now, he didn’t even care. Maybe an hour passed by, or two, or maybe it were only a few minutes, all Liam knew was that he was expecting the worst when he suddenly heard Niall’s door opening, fear creeping into his body as he tried to mentally prepare himself for yet again being yelled at, probably being kicked out this time.

But no.

“You… are still here.” Was all Niall said, his voice sounding quiet, calm, his face slightly confused as Liam turned his head around and up, his heart stopping for a second or two. Wow, for once, the boy had not yet gotten angry at him. 

“Yeah… “ Not knowing what to say and suddenly feeling very awkward for just sitting there, Liam made sure to quickly look away once more, not daring to let any hope grow inside of him because it seemed way too soon.

Clearing his throat, the blonde remained in the doorway for a moment and Liam really had no idea what to expect from this, didn’t know what any of this meant or how it was going to end, all he knew was that maybe, just maybe, Niall had actually been listening to what he had said and apparently it had caused him to come out of his room. That… that was good, right?

Before Liam could start to get worried about the silence between them getting uncomfortable, Niall did something the older boy would have never expected in a billion years or even more. He actually did walk out of the doorway, but instead of like, going to another room and just leaving the brunette boy there, Niall walked past him and just when Liam’s heart dropped, the blonde suddenly sat down right next to him, with some distance of course, but it was actually the nicest thing he had done ever since… ever since they had broken up.

For a moment or two, none of them spoke, they just sat there and Liam could feel his breathing getting heavier, tried his hardest not to turn his head and just stare at Niall, biting back a smile because really, there was nothing to smile about at all. This was serious, everything Liam had just said had been… coming from the bottom of his heart and he really hoped that Niall knew that, that he would never ever lie to him, never try to hurt him on purpose. 

It was actually the blonde who spoke up first, despite what Liam had thought, and what he said was actually really sad and yet… yet it somehow gave the older boy hope. “We… we really messed it up, didn’t we?”

The fact that Niall had said _we_ , the fact that he wasn’t yelling, wasn’t getting mean or angry, the fact that he just… sat here with Liam, was probably the very best thing that had happened to the brunette in a long, long time. And yet he couldn’t think of a smarter answer. “Yeah… we did… “

Silence, again, this time Liam was brave enough to throw a look over though, staring at Niall’s profile, for only a few seconds, seeing him deep in thought, the same expression on his face that Liam had seen a hundred times before. They knew each other way too well, better than anybody else and maybe that complicated things more than it helped, but Niall still managed to surprise Liam one more time. “I… I’m sorry, you know…”

“For what?” Surprised, Liam turned his head once more, not being able to believe that he had just heard that. Had his weird and awkward ramble really caused Niall to have a change of heart? Had it really been that emotional?

“For what I said at the… movie theater. I mean… you couldn’t have possibly known where I work and… I doubt you would have… brought your date there, I was just… “ Then he randomly broke off and Liam almost had to let out a laugh of relief. He couldn’t believe they were actually having this conversation, all civilized and stuff?

“I know. And it’s okay, Niall, really, I… I understand why you said those things and… and just so you know, uh… it wasn’t a date, not at all. Actually… we’re not even speaking anymore, so whatever.” Not that Liam cared that much, it would have been more awkward to be friends with this guy now than just being ignored, so there was that. Besides… it had kinda sounded like his coworker had wanted it to be date, so maybe it was better now that he knew where they were standing without Liam having to actually say it out loud. 

“You said that before, I… I’m sorry if-“

“No, don’t be, I… we wouldn’t have been very good friends, I think.” Trying to crack a joke apparently didn’t work, so Liam just quickly cleared his throat and tried to cover it up with a cough as well. Honestly, he felt as if he was walking on _very_ thin ice here. “Did you, uh… did you hear, like… what I said before? I wasn’t sure if… if you were listening and I… in case you did, I just… I hope you know that… that I really meant it all, I wouldn’t just say those things, if… if they weren’t true, I… “

“I did hear them… “ Right, great, was this good or… embarrassing? Maybe both at once?

Letting out a quiet breath, Liam caught himself having twisted his fingers together out of nervousness, he really didn’t know anymore what to say, desperately wanting to talk to Niall though but not knowing whether he was only seconds away from causing him to lose it again just like he had the last few times. “Okay, um… I’m sorry, for… you know, just staying here and everything, I just... I really wanted to apologize again and… I know I’m annoying you, but… Niall, I just can’t ignore you and pretend nothing ever happened, I… I tried, but every time I see you, I just… I… I really want to fix this, and I’d do anything you ask me for, just… please, tell me what to do.”

Again, he was back at begging, but seeing as it had helped getting Niall out of his room and sitting down next to him, Liam was hopeful that it might not have been so wrong. Even if Niall seemed to completely ignore it, after having stared into his own lap for a moment, not looking at Liam while he spoke, picking at the skin next to his thumb, a habit he already had had when they had met as children. “Can I, uh… ask you a question?”

“I- yeah, of course, uh… anything.” Oh god, Liam’s heart wasn’t gonna survive this conversation, was it?

“When you… when you left… “ Right, this was NOT going into a good direction. “I just… we never actually spoke about it and I… I know that I mentioned it once when… when we spoke on the phone and when… when we had that fight, but I… I was just always… wondering why you started going out so much and why you suddenly started drinking, I… it really, uh… changed you, in a way? And not because I was mad that… that you did those things, just because… they were so unlike you and… after that we barely ever spoke and… I never got to ask you that and I know now is probably not the right time to either, but… but when is it ever?”

Okay, this was… not AS uncomfortable as it could have gotten, but still enough as to where Liam felt his cheeks getting hot and felt panic rising inside of him because it was true, he had never gotten to explain everything to Niall he maybe should have, they had never really… spoken about everything that would have been necessary to speak about and the brunette really hadn’t been prepared to do it _now_. 

“If you… don’t wanna tell me or-“

“No, no, that’s not… that’s not it, I just… “ _I’m just bloody scared_. “Look, I… I never… I was never really happy there, I… I wanted to be with you, at home, but… I knew I would have been dumb to blow that chance and you wanted me to go as well, so… so I did my best to try and finish as quickly as possible so we could be together again, but… it was really stressful, and I never told you just how much because I didn’t want you to worry about me and… all I did the whole time there during the first few months was going to class and studying and I was missing you so much and… there were times when I thought I’d have to just drop out and come back because I couldn’t stand it anymore. And then… the drinking started and the going out and… I wasn’t doing it to have fun, I… it was the only thing helping me to cope and I couldn’t tell you and… I’m sorry, I know what you were thinking until now, but… I swear to god, Niall, all I wanted was to be done soon so I could come back home, and if I had known… if I had known that I’d be back so soon, I… but I couldn’t have possibly known, I was just trying my hardest, for us, and… I guess, it… it just wasn’t good enough.”

“Oh… “ Was all Niall had to say to that, obviously not having expected that and maybe Liam could have counted that as a positive sign but then again… had Niall _honestly_ thought Liam had started drinking for the fun of it? Like yeah, he had done some shit wrong, he shouldn’t have ever… even forced himself to stay, but… he had, and there was no changing it anymore now.

“I… I don’t wanna make any excuses though, I… I shouldn’t have… done these things, I just… I was so set on finishing early and doing well, I… I mean I did, both of these things, but… but I would have rather… “ Liam would have rather he would have been kicked out and gone back home to Niall, but that’s not what he could have said, right? He couldn’t just… indirectly tell Niall that… that he still loved him, they hadn’t even made up, they were just having a normal conversation for the first time in forever.

“Why… why didn’t you tell me? How you were feeling, I mean, how… how stressed out you were?” Niall almost sounded desperate and for the split of a second, their eyes met and Liam could feel his cheeks getting hot as he quickly turned his head once more, still way too nervous to let himself feel hopeful just yet. 

“I don’t know, I... you couldn’t have helped me, could you? I… I didn’t wanna… make it worse than it already was, for the both of us. Besides… I… I didn’t wanna… whine and… complain, when… when this was what I wanted, I just… I wanted to be strong, for us and I wanted to… to make you proud.” The last part came out more quietly, mostly because Liam hadn’t actually planned on saying it like that, but… it was true nevertheless, that’s what he had wanted, and for them to pick up their lives afterwards, how it had been, or for Niall to come stay with him. Which had never happened, obviously. 

After this, Niall didn’t say anything at all, but Liam could feel the boy staring at his profile, heard him taking a deep breath and then… as if it was a dream almost, the blonde whispered something, barely audible to Liam even though he was sitting right next to him. “Oh, Liam… “

And then, as if this hadn’t been enough, as if Liam couldn’t feel his hair stand on end from the tone of voice Niall had used, as if he genuinely cared, Liam suddenly felt something touching his pinky finger, his hand resting palm down on the floor next to him, causing him to flinch just barely and then as he looked down… Liam actually thought that he was having hallucinations, seeing and _feeling_ Niall’s hand having inched closer, only his finger touching Liam’s, randomly, as if it didn’t matter. But it did to Liam, it actually meant the biggest fucking deal to him. 

No idea where Niall’s change of heart had come from, or why he was doing this, why Liam’s words seemed to have gotten to him all of a sudden. Maybe it was because just for once, Niall hadn’t interrupted him, had actually allowed Liam to say everything he had been wanting to say, maybe those few days of them not talking had somewhat… helped the boy to cool down? Whatever it was that had caused him to change his mind about everything, Liam was definitely not going to complain.

He didn’t know what to say afterwards, didn’t dare to move just one muscle out of fear that Niall would move away his hand, or that he would suddenly jump up and realize that he did actually hate Liam and wanted nothing to do with him anymore. So they just sat there in silence once more, not looking at each other, just breathing, with their fingers touching and Liam’s heart bumping almost as fast as it had on the day that they had had their first kiss. 

It had been on one of their nights they had spent together at Liam’s house, in his old bedroom, and they had just been watching movies, sharing a bed as they usually had and… it had just kinda happened, not very exciting, but it had felt like it to Liam of course. He had been day dreaming about kissing Niall for months before that and they had never really spoken about it, they had just… _known_ and it had always been so easy between them, since they had been best friends for years, always had been so close, it had kinda been natural. And that’s why it had been so damn hard, for them to be apart, because they had been so used to being together, every single day. 

“I… uh… you’re probably… gonna be really late now for… for the family thing?” Niall suddenly broke the silence, his finger twitching before he pulled away his hand all of a sudden, the memory of his touch still feeling like fire on Liam’s skin though, almost as if he hadn’t even moved. 

“No, I… I don’t think I still wanna go, I… you can, if you want, but I don’t know how exciting it’s gonna be.” Not at all probably, Liam had somewhat been excited for this, but nothing could have ever been more exciting than what had just happened between him and Niall, the fact that they were talking to each other, as if… as if they were friends.

“I won’t, it’d be really bloody awkward and besides… I don’t want to get in the way when Louis meets his future family.” Right, Liam had been dumb to believe that he was the only one who had realized that something was going on between Harry and Louis, kinda automatically turning his head just to see Niall cracking the hint of a smile. Oh god, Liam’s heart was going to stop beating sooner or later, he hadn’t seen Niall smiling in… in more than a year. “I think you should go, Liam, I mean… you haven’t seen them all in quite a while, right? You never…. Never even mentioned Harry once.”

“I know… we were really close when we were kids, but… our mothers, they’re sisters, and… they got in a fight, actually, my mum got in a huge fight with the whole family and long story short, that’s why we moved.” Surely, Liam had once told Niall that, but that was years in the past, when they had both been children and Liam had probably exaggerated the whole story a lot more than necessary. 

“Right, I… “ Then he hesitated for just a moment, and Liam really was not prepared at all for what Niall said next, even though he himself had somehow been thinking it. “I’m glad you did though… not that your family had I fight, I mean, but… you know… “

Had he just really said that? That he was happy that they had met? Because just a few days ago it had sounded as if Niall wished Liam would have never been born, that their paths would have never crossed. Maybe… maybe Niall didn’t actually hate him, maybe he was still hurt and disappointed and… and if Liam only tried hard enough, if he kept on hanging in there and tried to make it up to Niall, he might still have had a chance at succeeding, just like today.

“Anyways… “ Clearing his throat, Niall suddenly seemed very quick and eager to get back onto his feet, his cheeks clearly having gone pink and Liam would have smiled had he not still been in such a shock that all of this had just genuinely happened. “You should really go and… and I should… I need to study.”

Right, of course, they couldn’t forever keep on sitting there, could they? Even if Liam had kinda been hoping they would, but… he didn’t live here after all, he didn’t get to decide if he wanted to stay or not and he had gotten what he had stayed behind for, hadn’t he? “Right, sorry, uh… “

Getting up as well, Liam tried to drag it out as long as possible, somehow feeling too embarrassed to look at Niall once they were facing each other, but on the other hand not being strong enough to resist. If only the blonde hadn’t been wearing that shirt that Liam knew so well, still with the same stain on that had never really come out, from when they had been celebrating Liam’s 18th birthday and- “Do you… know the way?”

“Uh, to where?” Blinking a few times, Liam could feel his ears turning hot because he had been lost in thoughts, actually catching himself mindlessly staring at Niall’s lips and… right, he needed to focus, it had gone so well, there was no need to mess it up now.

“Harry’s parents’ house, I mean.” Oh, right.

“Yeah, I… I think I do, I’ll just… I’ll take my car and… are you sure you don’t… wanna come?” _Please say yes, please say yes_.

“I really don’t think it’s a good idea, but… thanks though, for asking me and stuff… “ There it was, another half a smile that got Liam’s knees weak and though it wasn’t what he had hoped to hear, the smile almost made up for it. “So… “

They were just both standing there, neither of them moving really, just trying to avoid each other’s eyes and Liam knew he should have got going, should have left this place because… well, because he should have left like 40 minutes ago but he was still here and Harry and Louis had probably already figured Liam’s plan out because they hadn’t called him yet. His mother would soon though probably, unless the other two had covered up for him somehow. 

Really, leaving now was the last thing Liam wanted to do, but he had no choice really, seeing as it would probably be pushing the limits if they spent more time alone together. Not for Liam but… Niall had just for the first time been acting somewhat calm, so the brunette really did not wanna ruin it. Turned out though, he didn’t actually have the self-control he wished he had.

Right when Liam was about to just fucking go, leave, a thought crossed his mind, just for the split of a second, and he thought back to how Niall had been touching his hand just a few minutes ago, how he had told Liam that he was glad that they had met and really, Liam shouldn’t have been even thinking about whether this was wrong or not because it fucking was and yet… and yet he couldn’t fucking restrain himself from simply pulling the blonde into a hug.

Niall was clearly surprised, freezing up first of all as Liam’s arms locked around him, not too tightly, but still tight enough, and the older boy almost thought he had messed it all up now, had ruined what he had achieved today, was actually about to pull back again, shocked about his own actions, when the blonde’s arms suddenly wrapped around him return, very lightly though, his hand petting Liam’s back a bit, like you would with someone you didn’t actually know that well. It was fine though, Liam was actually fucking ecstatic about Niall hugging him back, breathing in his familiar aftershave and shampoo, feeling him against him, the way he still fit perfectly into Liam’s arms, just like he always had, always would. He was so warm as well and for the split of a second, if Liam closed his eyes, he could pretend that all was well, that this talk they just had had had solved all of their problems. Even if of course, that wasn’t really true.

They didn’t hug for very long, but the pulling apart was a little bit awkward, Liam’s cheeks feeling as hot and red as Niall’s looked and their eyes meeting for only the third of a second but it was enough for both of them to look away once more, clearing their throats, feeling embarrassed. Maybe Liam shouldn’t have pushed it so much, but then again… Niall had hugged him back.

“Right, I… I’m gonna get going now, uh… “ Awkwardly raising his hand, Liam walked a few steps backward, somehow wanting to say something else still but quickly deciding that he had already been talking enough crap for one day. 

Niall’s face was somehow unidentifiable and Liam didn’t want to look too closely either for obvious reasons, so instead, he just… he just left. 

As soon as Liam had pulled the door closed behind himself, he actually had to lean against the wall for a moment, just to catch his breath, closing his eyes for a bit, just trying to take it all in. This had just really happened, they had been talking about… well, not everything, but a lot more than Liam had ever dared dreaming about. 

And maybe there was no reason to, maybe it was way too soon, but Liam felt a smile forming on his face, still able to remember how Niall had felt against him just now, the way he had smelled, his soft hair brushing his cheek, his arms wrapped around Liam like they had been so many times before. 

Maybe not everything was alright, but it was a beginning, right?

 

\-------------------

 

“So… tell me again, what exactly happened between the two of you? I still don’t get it, like… didn’t you want to strangle him yesterday?” Harry seemed very confused, which made sense, but Niall could yet again feel his cheeks heating up as his friend brought up the topic once more.

“I told you, we… we had a conversation and we figured out that there had been some misunderstandings and… yeah, that’s it, pretty much.” Not even close, because Niall still couldn’t understand what had happened yesterday, all he knew was that it had kept him up all night, with the remaining feeling of having hugged Liam, his strong arms wrapped around the blonde and… it had really gotten him a lot more sentimental than he would have liked. 

“Yes, but… he tried to talk to you lots of times before and you always shut him out. I mean, me and Louis knew he didn’t stay behind to use the bathroom, but I knew your door was closed anyways and you could have simply ignored him so I didn’t say anything. But… he was strangely happy when he got to the family gathering, cracked one joke after another.” Yeah, that did sound like Liam, he had always been good at public speaking as well, it made sense that… that he had left feeling happy yesterday.

“And? What’s that got to do with me?” Niall was trying so damn hard to play it cool, they were both just sitting in the living room, waiting for Louis to get home so they could order some food and of course the only topic Harry seemed to be interested in was yet again Liam fucking Payne.

“A lot? I thought you hated him or something, I’m just… really surprised you even decided to let him talk to you.” The younger boy turned his head around just to look at Niall sitting on the couch, trying to pretend like he wasn’t nervous as shit about this whole thing.

The blonde hadn’t planned on buckling in like that, actually, he had still been kinda mad at Liam right before he had heard his voice, but then… but then Liam had carried on and he had said all those things and he had sounded so genuine, so _broken_ and… and it had really gotten to Niall, like genuinely. After all, he knew Liam hadn’t done any of it on purpose, he had just been so disappointed and angry, but then… then Liam had said all those things, and he had always been so good at that and… Niall had been bound to give in at some point, hadn’t he? He had just been pretending to be over him after all, he wasn’t really.

Maybe Niall had taken it a bit too far, touching Liam’s hand and stuff, just… his body had been longing for Liam ever since they had seen each other the day Liam had moved back. Niall couldn’t have helped it, he wasn’t over Liam, not in any way, even if he was still trying his hardest to deny it in front of everyone, especially Liam.

Yeah, maybe they had talked, maybe they had even hugged and Niall had almost started crying and clinging to Liam for his dear life, but that didn’t mean that… that Liam still had feelings for Niall, or that he wanted anything other than for them to just be normal friends. Why would he want something else anyways? He had said all these things, about how he had wanted Niall to be proud of him, how he had been drinking to forget about the pain of being separated, but that was all in the past, it didn’t mean anything anymore now, did it?

Honestly, Niall would have never thought he’d actually be calm enough to have this conversation with Liam, or listen to what he had to say more like, sit next to him like that, without feeling angry for once, or as if he needed to punch something. So if Harry asked what it had been that had caused Niall’s change of heart, he didn’t have an answer because he didn’t even know it himself. All he knew was that he missed Liam, a whole damn lot, and that being mad at him and acting so cold hearted would have gotten even harder yesterday after the brunette had said all those things, after he had cleared up the drinking and going out thing, having admitted that… that he had only ever wanted to make Niall proud. Who would have not buckled in at those words? Coming from somebody Niall had spent so many years with, somebody who he still had feelings for?

Maybe they could be friends again? Maybe at one point… it’d stop hurting? Niall couldn’t forever yell at Liam whenever he saw him, or ignore him, and talking to him yesterday, normally, having cleared up a few things, had kinda made Niall really happy. 

“I don’t… hate him, I just… I was mad. A lot of things happened between us and… I mean, we’re not suddenly… best friends again, we just had a talk, as I said and-“

“Did you snog?” Oh my god.

“No? Why would you even ask that? We don’t… have any feelings for each other.” God, Niall was the worst liar in the entire world, wasn’t he?

“Right… well, maybe that’s true for you, which I kinda doubt, but… Liam kinda sometimes acts a bit as if he’s still your boyfriend, you know… it’s a bit weird. Like, when you missed your bus, remember? He was like… proper freaking out and stuff, as if you’re about to die.” That memory still caused shivers down Niall’s spine, he had been really pissed off back then, that Liam thought he needed his help now, after the older boy had left him all alone for so long, but… the longer Niall thought about it, the more he realized that Liam probably still did care in some way, even if just for a friend, but that was just him. If Niall thought about Liam being nowhere to be found, he would have probably freaked the hell out as well. 

“But he’s not my boyfriend, he just… he would have done the same for you, and Louis, it doesn’t mean anything at all. And I don’t wanna snog him.” Lie.

“Okay, okay… I was just asking, nothing else. Sometimes it does seem a little bit as if you two still have feelings for each other, so I was just wondering. Also… Liam’s mum asked about you, you know, it was slightly… weird.” Niall could imagine that, he still actually couldn’t believe that ANY of them had invited him to come along, what exactly had they expected? “Like, she asked in front of like, ten people, and Liam almost died, I think, he was really fucking red, but Lou and I helped him out and then we changed the topic real quick so it was all good.”

“Uh… okay? Do you now understand why I didn’t wanna come?” Probably not, if Harry had set his mind on something, he wouldn’t let go of it so easily.

“Because my aunt is your ex-boyfriend’s mother and you probably know her 100 times better than I do?” Harry actually dared to throw a smirk at Niall, causing the blonde to simply roll his eyes before lifting his legs up on the coffee table, thinking about turning on the TV just so they wouldn’t have to talk about Liam anymore. “I think she really likes you though, since she asked how you are and all.”

“I mean… we did, uh… get along fine… “ Better than that, Liam’s family had always welcomed Niall, he had been there so often, it had almost felt weird to not eat dinner at their house. Really though, they had been talking about this topic for _way_ too long. “Anyways, since you’ve been interrogating me for ages now, I get to ask you a question as well.”

“Sure, what is it?” Harry had just shrugged, apparently not worried about what Niall was gonna ask, not even as the blonde leaned forward, looking him straight in the eyes as he asked. 

“What the fuck is going on between you and Louis?” Niall had never considered any of this his business, but seeing as everyone seemed to think they had a right to know about every private aspect of Niall’s life as well…

“Are you asking if… if we’re having sex or… or if we’re dating, or… ?” Wait, what?!

“Does that not… go hand in hand? I… what?” More confused than before, Niall had to actually shake his head as he stared at Harry, not having expected to get an answer that was so… straight forward. Maybe it had just been a joke though, because the younger boy let out a snort before looking away from Niall, just getting out his phone anyways, as if this wasn’t a big deal at all. There definitely was some blush on his cheeks though, as if he felt caught and was trying to be cool about it, turn it into a joke.

“I mean, it doesn’t necessarily, but anyways, we… we haven’t talked about it really, I mean, we did but not in detail, so… ” That made no sense at all, Harry was clearly avoiding giving a real answer and Niall had no idea why he couldn’t just tell him when he knew so many embarrassing things about Niall and Liam as well.

“So… you two are-“

Before Niall had a chance to finish, there were suddenly keys in the lock by the front door, causing him to immediately cut off, not missing though how relieved Harry seemed to be about the interruption. So he wanted Niall to talk about Liam but he didn’t even want to tell Niall if he and Louis were… having a thing? 

Both Niall’s confusion and irritation disappeared very quickly once Louis had entered the flat, with bags of food in his hand and before Niall could greet him and get excited, another person walked through the door after his friend, with slightly pink cheeks and his eyes being kept on the floor. Liam, of course.

“Hey, guys, I ran into Liam on my way home and we kinda figured we could as well bring food instead of ordering and he can just eat with us, right?” As if to check whether it was alright, Louis looked at Niall, who sat there kinda frozen, not having expected to see Liam yet again. Like, it didn’t matter really, but… why again had Niall decided to wear his ugliest and oldest clothes today and not do his hair?!

“Sure, c’mon.” Harry seemed thrilled, of course, and Niall only managed something like half a smile at Liam, not really knowing what to expect, all he knew was that this was probably going to become a normal thing for them, hanging out as the four of them, now that…. that Niall had stopped acting like a stone hearted asshole towards Liam.

He had yet to figure out whether that had been a good idea or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!
> 
> hope you all liked the chapter! i decided i want to write fluff so badly that niam needs to make up right now :) let me know what you thought, i really love to read your comments and i also love how many im getting on this story so thank you all, really, i appreciate the fact that you all take time out of your day to read my fics and leave me such lovely and long comments, im not taking it for granted <3


	4. Chapter 4

“Do you want another drink?!“ It was hard to hear Louis over the loud music, but Niall had had too much to drink already so he just nodded without really thinking about it, laughing loudly when his friend almost tripped over his own feet, both of them quite drunk by now.

They had lost Harry about half an hour ago, and it was only coincidence that Niall and Louis had somehow managed to stick together. Niall had never been one to go out, for obvious reasons, but that had changed when he had met the other two, when he had decided that he needed to try something new, even if it was the one thing that had ruined his and Liam’s relationship.

Niall did understand though where Liam was coming from, when he had said the partying and the alcohol had helped him to clear his head and let loose because it had the same effect on the blonde now. Not that he went out very often at all, but Harry had suggested it since none of them had to work or go to uni the next day and seeing as the last few days had been really weird and confusing to Niall, he had gladly accepted the offer.

Things between him and Liam had changed, they were talking again, maybe more like neighbors than friends, but ever since they had cleared up a few things, Harry and Louis had started to invite Liam over basically every single day, so they were kinda forced to interact. Not that Niall really minded, although, on one hand he hated all of this, hated how he had simply buckled in, how he was slowly but surely once more giving Liam power to hurt him, but on the other hand… on the other hand he couldn’t stop staring at the older boy, couldn’t stop thinking about how little had changed about him, how he was still all the same guy, the one Niall had fallen in love with so hard. 

So really, things had kinda gotten better, but they had also kinda gotten even worse. Because now Niall didn’t only have to deal with the fact that his ex-boyfriend was living in the same building, he also talked to him, laughed at his jokes, everything he had done for so many years and yet nothing was the same and Niall had still not figured out what to think about this. Sometimes there were still moments where he wanted to yell at Liam, be angry with him and blame him for all the pain and the troubles, but then the brunette would do something, say something, have a certain look on his face and then… then suddenly Niall just couldn’t be mad anymore. 

It wasn’t Liam’s fault after all, none of them was at fault, but it had been easier to blame the other boy than to face the reality in which Niall had spent 6 years in a relationship that had gotten ruined because of distance and his ex-boyfriend had somehow managed to get over him and at the same time start an amazing career while Niall still hadn’t gotten his life back on track. Yeah, being mad at Liam definitely sounded like the easier option.

“Niall, I gotta tell you something!” Louis yelled into the blonde’s ear while they were standing at the bar and Niall could barely even hear him, just kept nodding along, his head was rushing and he felt so strangely happy and carefree, emotions he had almost forgotten even existed. To be honest, Niall hadn’t thought about Liam for at least two hours now and it almost felt like a vacation from his problems, to be completely shitfaced, and it was only working because Liam had told them he couldn’t come along because he had work to do. 

“What is it?” The boy yelled back before taking another sip, knowing he was probably gonna overdo it this time but he simply didn’t care. He was gonna get home soon enough and wake up with a massive hangover, he might as well enjoy himself now because it was too late to go back and somehow undrink these drinks anyways.

For a moment, Louis hesitated before emptying his glass completely and even though he had only not spoken for about ten seconds, Niall had almost forgotten that they were having a conversation, that’s how gone he was. When his friend leaned in more closely though, the younger boy could only barely hold back a fit of laughter, not at all knowing what was happening or what he was expecting but it certainly wasn’t what Louis yelled into his ear, his lips so close that they actually brushed Niall’s skin. “I think I’m in love with Harry!”

Right, sober Niall would have probably been very much surprised by this and then freaked out a little bit even if it had been kinda obvious, but drunk Niall just let out a laugh before petting Louis’ shoulder. He would have forgotten about this in the morning. “That’s great!”

“Should I tell him?!” Louis’s facial expression seemed concerned, but his eyes were also blood shot and his cheeks were red and his forehead glistening with sweat, so really, he probably had no idea what he was even saying at this point, neither of them.

“No, don’t.” Niall didn’t even know why he said it, shaking his head at his friend, probably because he simply didn’t want to be left alone, but it seemed to be the right thing to say anyways, even if it caused Louis’ face to fall a little bit, not returning Niall’s smile anymore he had long forgotten he was wearing in the first place. It wasn’t even funny, none of it. “I need another drink.”

Momentarily, Louis looked as if he wanted to protest, as if he was angry that Niall had simply dropped the topic, actually already having half forgotten about it once more, but then the older boy just nodded and waved at the bartender once more, who came over with a slightly concerned face, but the blonde barely noticed anyways, he had way too much fun with himself right now. 

It wasn’t a wonder really, that Niall did lose Louis at some point as well. The club was rather big and they were getting more drunk and the blonde lost count how many strangers he talked to and with how many he danced and maybe got a bit closer with than he normally would have. Not that he kissed them or anything, Niall had been doing that for a while, but it really wasn’t his thing, he was just here to have some fun and then go back home and regret it terribly and probably not remember just one single thing. 

Had Niall known though how this particular night would end, he might have decided to stay home by himself. 

There was this guy at the club, that Niall didn’t know at all, but they had crossed ways a few times already during the night and he was clearly older than the blonde and also a lot more drunk, if that was even possible. Nothing had happened until now though, it was only when Niall went to the bathroom because he suddenly thought he would have to piss himself, that he almost had a stroke while washing his hands, suddenly having felt somebody coming up from behind him. Okay, he was really fucking drunk, but still not drunk enough for this. 

“Hey, gorgeous… “ His voice caused Niall to flinch terribly, but not as much as his hands did settling on his hips from behind, his hot breath hitting the blonde’s neck, causing him to freeze for a moment. “I saw you looking at me… “

“I… I didn’t… “ Niall half choked out, making sure to quickly move out of the strangers grip and turn around, having to hold onto the sink though as to not lose his balance. Shit, he was so fucking drunk and tipsy and dizzy and… he needed to get out of the bathroom, as quickly as possible because something about this guy was giving him the chills, even while having so much alcohol in his body. “I gotta… gotta find my friends, I-“

“The short one you were with earlier? He already left.” Wait, what?

“No, he… he wouldn’t, he… “ But what if he had? Niall hadn’t seen Louis in what seemed like hours, or Harry, what if the oldest boy had decided to tell Harry after all, and they had left together? Had left Niall here all by himself? 

“Don’t worry, love, I can keep you company… what’s your name?” He almost purred, taking another step closer and Niall’s back hit the cold wall kinda painfully, swallowing thickly as he prayed that someone would come bursting in, but no one did. 

“I… uh… N-Niall… “ Going with the truth seemed the easiest, Niall felt his heart beating fast in his chest, it already had before but it was getting worse the closer this stranger came, with a cheeky grin on his lips, his breath smelling like alcohol and so did Niall’s probably, but the blonde still felt like he had to gag any moment.

“Oh, that’s a really nice name… what does it mean?” He was just trying to distract the blonde, his hand yet again having settled on the boy’s hip, his free arm suddenly coming up as well, crowding Niall against the wall as he took his chin between his thumb and forefinger, ignoring the fact that Niall tried to turn away his head. 

“Don’t… touch me.” The problem was, Niall was too drunk and in general not strong enough, he did manage to turn away his chin but the stranger just laughed at him, coming even closer, until their bodies were touching and the blonde wanted to throw up as he thought about being forced into a kiss by this guy. 

“Don’t be rude, it’s not very nice… Niall.” His voice had gotten a bit sharper, his grip more painful and Niall watched with fear as the man’s face got a bit harder, more determined, and he knew he needed to get away from here, before something bad would happen. “What’s the matter, beautiful? Are you not enjoying yourself?”

“No… let me g-go… “ Niall could feel tears building up in his eyes as he tried his hardest to keep his head turned away from the guy, feeling his fingers brushing over the exposed skin of his neck, like needles pinching him in the most uncomfortable way possible.

“Hmm… I don’t think I want to right now. Maybe I’ll take you home with me, show you my bed, bet you would look so good in it, without these clothes on, and-“

Before he could give the blonde even more shivers, the bathroom door opened and a few guys walked in, laughing loudly about something, completely ignoring them, but it was the distraction Niall had needed, one moment of the guy not paying attention, and before he could even plan it, he had already kicked him in the balls with his knee, promptly causing the man to let go of him, letting out a yelp.

“Ah, fuck! You little shit, don’t think you’re gettin’ away with that!” He was so angry now that Niall felt shivers down his spine out of fear, only barely escaping the guy’s hand trying to grab him once more, stop him from leaving, but the blonde was quicker, pushing past him and out of the bathroom, his heart beating so fast that he thought he could hear it, even over the music and noise he was suddenly plunged into once more.

Niall’s sight was slightly dizzy, as were his eyes as he kept wiping at them, slightly more panicked and paranoid than he would have been had he not been completely shitfaced. But he was, unfortunately, and Niall was a really emotional drunk in general, so this experience of course affected him a lot worse than it maybe should have. 

Obviously, Niall was aware that the guy was probably coming after him, so he made sure to disappear in the crowd, bumping into every single person there, trying to find Louis or Harry but they seemed to be gone. Or at least that’s what Niall thought after looking for about 2 seconds and suddenly his throat got really tight and more panic rose in his chest, thinking that the guy might be coming back and do god knows what to Niall and seeing as he was drunk as hell, there was suddenly only one person popping into the blonde’s mind who he wanted to come and help him. 

The one person who had always been there for him.

 

\-----------

 

Liam was so tired, he almost slept in while sitting at his desk, not quite sure anymore whether what he was typing away on his laptop even made any sense still. He should have really gone to bed already, but if he managed to get this done tonight, he could actually sleep in tomorrow, which was also why he had cancelled before, when Harry had asked him again to go out with them. Well, maybe Liam had also said no a little bit because even though things between him and Niall had gotten better, he knew that they weren’t on a friendship level yet and he didn’t want to force the blonde to constantly spend time with him. 

They were spending quite some time together anyways, since Harry and Louis always invited Liam over, and Niall was talking to him in a rather normal way by now, had even started laughing at his jokes again and even though he could get distant once a while… Liam still saw it as a good sign. He really did believe that things between himself and Niall could be fixed again, maybe not to how they had been before, but… hopefully to a point where they could be friends once more. 

Of course Liam missed Niall even more now that the boy wasn’t ignoring him anymore, because Liam could so clearly see what he had messed up, Niall still being the same exact person he had been, the same boy Liam had fallen in love with, and still was, probably always would be.

Thinking about Niall while trying to get work done was never a good idea, Liam had to blink a few times to get back onto track, for a moment having been lost in thoughts, instead trying to focus on what he had been writing once more. Which worked for about… ten seconds or less before the boy flinched terribly, his phone going off really unexpectedly next to him.

For a second, Liam almost wanted to ignore it, thinking it was his boss, but then he realized it was already 2:30 am and that would have been slightly crazy. So even though the boy was tired as hell and also not really up for conversation, he did reach out for his phone, while his eyes were still stuck on his laptop screen, not immediately looking down to check who was calling him, somehow thinking it must have been a mistake.

It was probably either Harry or Louis, having decided it was a good idea to call Liam up drunk or something, maybe as a joke or whatever, at least that’s what Liam thought about first. When he did actually check the name though, he almost dropped his phone right back on the table, almost thinking that he had indeed fallen asleep and was simply dreaming. 

Why was _Niall_ calling him?

Apparently, the blonde hadn’t changed his number either and Liam had to swallow down some pretty painful emotions as he stared at the picture he still had saved with Niall’s name. A selfie they had taken what seemed like years ago, of Liam kissing the boy’s cheek and Niall smiling so widely and happily that it hurt. Of course Liam still looked at pictures of the boy once a while, even if he tried not to, but that one was a particularly painful one, since he would have never thought that it’d ever show up on his screen anymore. 

Which made the fact that Niall was calling even weirder. 

Actually, Liam almost missed the call, because he took so long picking up his phone, almost choking on his own spit once he finally had it pressed to his ear, his heart bumping unnaturally fast, his work long forgotten. “I… hello? Niall? Are you there?”

“Liam… “ His voice was almost only a breath, there was a whole lot of noise in the background and Liam could feel panic rising inside of him because of the way Niall had sounded, drunk, but almost as if… “I… I know, uh… I shouldn’t, um… but, I… I n-need you… please… “

“Wait, I… what’s going on, Niall? Where are you? Are you not with Harry and Louis, where… “ What was going on?! Yes, Niall had to stop every few seconds, he had a hiccup as well and was clearly completely hammered, but there was clearly something wrong and Liam was already so worried again that he had gotten out of his chair without thinking, the words _’I need you’_ still giving him shivers. He had really said that. 

“No, I… I lost them and… and Liam, there… there’s this guy and he… he’s following me and-“

“Who?! What guy? Where are you?!” Oh god, Niall was going to die and it would be Liam’s fault, he could barely even concentrate now, already hurrying towards his front door, picking up his car keys on the way, not caring that he would probably freeze to death if he didn’t put on something warmer.

“I’m… I’m at this club, I… p-please come and get me… “ He hadn’t said those words in forever, he probably wouldn’t have had he been sober, but it didn’t matter because it was all Liam had needed to hear and maybe Niall didn’t even mean it, maybe he would regret having said it tomorrow, but he did mean it for now, he did need Liam right now and god knows the brunette would do everything he could to save him. Just like he used to. 

“Okay, okay, shh, I’m on my way, okay? I’m gonna get you, Niall, don’t…. don’t go anywhere without people, actually… don’t hang up the phone, yeah? I’m here, don’t worry, I’m walking to my car right now.” Trying to reassure the boy, Liam found himself slipping back into old habits, almost wanting to call the boy ‘babe’ or ‘love’ and though he knew that Niall probably wouldn’t have even noticed since he was drunk as hell anyways, he was trying so hard to restrain himself. It’s just… Liam would have actually died for this kid, genuinely, and knowing something was wrong, knowing there was a possibility that… it was _killing_ Liam.

“I’m sorry, Li… I didn’t… I’m scared… “ Niall was so drunk, his words were starting to become a slur and the possibility of him freaking out because of nothing wasn’t really a comfort to Liam. After all, Niall _was_ at a club, and there was no way he would have found his way home if he had really lost Harry and Louis and… the brunette didn’t even want to think about what would have happened had Niall not called him. 

“You don’t have to be scared, I… I never let anything happen to you before, did I? It’ll be okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes, you’ll see, it’s fine, Nialler.” Well, seeing as Niall probably wasn’t really questioning Liam’s words right now, it was fine to say stuff like this, right? Go a little… overboard? Just to calm him down of course, Liam was really good at that, he had done it a few times, or a thousand more like.

“Okay… “ There was something that could have been interpreted as a sniff and Liam almost died, he was already hurrying down the stairs, car keys in his hands, desperately trying to think of something else to say and try to keep Niall calm, make sure the boy kept talking to him and wouldn’t suddenly hang up or…. Or get something more to drink. It was somehow weird, to know that the blonde had started going out, had started drinking to a point where he couldn’t even talk properly anymore, he had never used to do that but… Liam really wasn’t in a position to judge now, was he? Besides, Niall could do whatever he wanted, he had new friends and… who knew, maybe he was doing it for the same reasons Liam had done it, not that the brunette was vain enough to think that it was because of him, but Niall was clearly struggling in more than one life aspect, so… 

“You… you did go to that one club Harry told me about, right? You didn’t… go somewhere else afterwards?” Just to be sure, because Liam had no bloody idea how else he was supposed to find Niall, sure, he could have called Harry and Louis, but that would have required them to pick up their phones and to not be as drunk as Niall, and also, how would Liam have explained to the blonde that he needed to hang up? Right, he couldn’t do that.

“Uh, I… I think so… “ Didn’t sound too good, but it wasn’t like Liam had a choice, he felt himself shivering once he walked out of the building, thankful that he had basically parked his car right in front of it, putting Niall on speaker as soon as he was sitting in the driver’s seat. That was going to be one awkward moment when Niall had sobered up tomorrow and they’d see each other again, but maybe… maybe he would be too hangover to even remember? “Li, there… there’s this guy again, I-“

“Okay, listen to me. Do not go outside, yeah? Not until I’m there, stay inside, stay where everybody else is.” God, was there really a guy following Niall or was the blonde getting paranoid from having had so much to drink?! Not that Liam was doubting Niall’s words, he clearly was stressed out and scared and that was enough reason for the brunette to get into a car and drive to wherever Niall was. “I’m already in my car, okay? Try and find Louis and Harry, yeah? And if that guy comes too close or touches you then I promise I’m going to kill him once I get there.”

Holding a steady conversation was really hard, partly because Liam was driving but mostly because Niall kept repeating himself and half the time didn’t even bring out any real words or sentences and the brunette was growing more nervous and anxious, not knowing what to expect really, somehow proud that Niall had called him, that even though it needed him to get drunk to call Liam, it meant that deep down, he still trusted the older boy to come and protect him, just like he always had. 

That car ride was probably the worst thing Liam had ever experienced, there seemed to be way too much traffic for that kinda hour and even though he was only in the car for a few minutes, it seemed to take ages and a few times Niall was so hard to understand through the phone that Liam couldn’t help wondering whether he was even still there.

Once Liam had finally reached the club, with some help from his navigation system of course since he didn’t know the city that well, finding a place to park his car turned out even harder than expected, more so because the brunette felt rushed and tried to hurry up, even more ever since Niall had decided to let him know that he was waiting on the sidewalk, despite Liam’s protests, telling him to stay inside where everyone else was. But of course, trying to make a drunk Niall listen to him wasn’t exactly easy. 

Liam honestly thought he would find Niall’s dead body or something, he had literally hung up the phone two seconds ago, after having told the blonde to not move an inch and stay exactly where he was, and yet he already regretted the decision, locking his car over his shoulder before hurrying across the street. Honestly, Liam would have definitely punched someone, if that guy had really been… following Niall or, like, touching him and he was still there… he was so fucking dead.

At first, Liam almost panicked even more, his hand already back in his pockets to get his phone out once more and call Niall back, ask where the hell he was, his eyes frantically searching the sidewalk by the club, bumping into a few people, already thinking he wasn’t at the right place after all, that it would be all his fault, that Niall had somehow gotten lost. But no.

Right when the brunette felt tears burning in his eyes, already blaming himself for wasting so much time, for not driving fast enough, he suddenly heard somebody calling his name and before he even knew it, there were arms wrapping around his middle, startling him just a little bit. Oh, thank god.

“Ni, where-“

“Liam, I wanna go home… “ He could barely even stand straight, holding onto Liam so tightly as if his life depended on it and the brunette tried to not get too affected by having Niall so close, having his face pressed up right against his bare neck, feeling his heavy and hot breath on his skin. That was really not how he had thought this night was going to end.

“Okay, c’mon, Ni, let’s get you home, yeah? Do you… do you have your keys with you? Or do you know where Harry and Louis are?” Even though Liam had never really had to deal with Niall being this drunk before, it came quite easy and natural, wrapping his arms around the boy, rubbing his back softly, trying not to enjoy this too much because really, there was nothing to enjoy about this situation. 

“No… I… I lost them and… I don’t have any keys… Liam… I feel so bad… “ He was just whining into the older’s neck now and Liam quickly decided that there was no point in asking more questions, he would probably never know where exactly Harry and Louis were or whether that guy Niall had been talking about on the phone really existed. As long as he could be sure that the blonde was safe and that Liam was still his number one person to call if he needed somebody, he was fine.

“Okay, shsh… it’s okay. Let’s get you in the car, yeah? Can you walk? I can also… carry you.” Liam hadn’t done that in forever and somehow he really wanted to, trying not to be disappointed when the blonde shook his head, letting out a tiny sniff and then a hiccup, holding on even tighter to the older boy, as if he really needed the support and he probably did, the smell of alcohol was impossible to ignore. “Alright… c’mon, I got you, Nialler, it’s fine, I’m here.”

“’m sorry… I didn’t… I know I shouldn’t have called you… “ Unwillingly letting go of Liam enough for them to be able to walk, Niall still kept one arm tightly wrapped around the brunette’s waist and just because the chances of the boy remembering a small detail like that tomorrow, Liam didn’t hold back as he wanted to move that one piece of hair out of the blonde’s sweaty face, unnecessarily brushing his finger down Niall’s cheek like so many times before. 

“No, no, you… you can always call me, whatever happens, alright? I’m always there for you, Ni, I promise.” Actually, Liam had promised Niall that a hundred times before, but this time, he was determined to actually keep it.

The blonde kept rambling on about stuff while they were walking back to the car and in the end, Liam was half carrying Niall anyways. He was a bit nervous because he knew he had no way of bringing Niall into his own bed and the boy would have to stay at his place over night, but then again… he was just really trying to help, and it was Niall who had called him, Niall who was clinging to him now and whining about wanting to go home. 

“Here, just… move your arm a second and… yeah, good, one second, I’ll be right there, okay? Watch out, I gotta close the door.” Getting Niall inside the car had been slightly easier than putting a seatbelt on him, but Liam felt kinda proud of himself once he carefully closed the passenger side door, even though the blonde had been trying to keep him from it by holding onto his wrist. That was going to be one interesting morning tomorrow.

“Liammm…. I need to pee… “ Niall started as soon as Liam had gotten into the car as well, immediately throwing a worried glance over to the younger boy, who now had his head leaned against the window, playing with his fingers as if it was the most fascinating task ever.

“Okay, um… we’ll be home in a few minutes, then you can go, yeah? You… you can stay at my place, is that alright? I’ll let you have my bed too.” Trying a smile, Liam wasn’t too disappointed when it didn’t get returned, Niall only had another hiccup, nodding a little bit, and the older boy tried to hurry as he started the car, not wanting Niall to… well, to not be able to wait until he got into the bathroom. Which would cause Liam to face another problem later on, namely that there was no way the blonde would be able to do this by himself. “Niall, I… about the guy, the guy you told me about, did he… did he keep following you? What did he do?”

“I… he just… he followed me, uh…. On the toilet and… and he was touching me and… and he didn’t let me go and I… I was really scared, Li… “ Alright, Liam was definitely not going to keep on asking, he just threw a look over for a second, to make sure Niall wasn’t… doing too poorly, but the boy was still playing with his fingers, obviously not really knowing what he was talking about anymore, just randomly breaking off. 

“You don’t have to be scared anymore, Ni… next time you go out, uh… maybe you should try and stick with the other two, okay?” Not that Liam had any say in this, but… maybe Niall would remember their conversation by miracle the next time he went out. 

“You… you could come next time… “ Oh.

“Yeah, uh, I could, I mean… I had a lot of work to do tonight and… “ Well, Niall probably didn’t care, he was just rambling on or something, didn’t even mean half of it possibly, like… why would he want Liam to come anyways? They had been forced to spend quite some time together lately, however… that didn’t mean Niall really wanted Liam there, maybe he was just… tolerating him? “Anyways, we’ll get you home, okay? And into a bed and you’ll feel a whole ton better tomorrow, I promise.” 

“Okay… “ That was at least a beginning, right?

The drive really wasn’t too long, it had only seemed like that to Liam before, but now that he had Niall almost falling asleep in the passenger seat with his head against the window, safe and alright in Liam’s car, he was able to relax once more. Like yeah, Liam did feel bad though, to leave Louis and Harry behind, but he had no bloody idea where they were and how drunk they were and they were probably together and… they hadn’t called Liam up after all, had they? Surely, they were alright, it wasn’t the first time they had gone out after all, they didn’t need Liam to protect them and Niall probably didn’t either, not anymore, only… only for tonight. 

By the time they got home, the blonde had fallen asleep, not too deep as he was still mumbling in his sleep, but when Liam turned off the car and threw a look over, he actually thought he had to die. He had watched the boy sleep hundreds or even thousands of times, when they had been lying in bed together in the mornings on the weekends, and Niall had always told Liam off when the brunette had told him he quite enjoyed watching him sleep, how cute he looked, but the blonde had still always smiled at the older boy, as if he didn’t actually mind.

This though, this was different. A little bit because Liam knew he shouldn’t have been staring, that just because Niall was drunk didn’t give him the right to, but even more so because he knew there was no bloody point. Maybe Niall had called him, but that didn’t change anything, that didn’t mean Niall was still magically in love with Liam, it simply meant that… that the blonde had been in trouble and since his two best friends hadn’t been available… he had called Liam. That was all there was to it.

Still, Liam couldn’t help but watch for a few minutes, barely even moving, he was just staring at the sleeping boy, the way his chest slowly moved up and down, how relaxed his face had suddenly gotten, how calm and peaceful, as if nothing had ever happened, as if he hadn’t sounded as if he was crying before on the phone, telling Liam how scared he had been. It couldn’t be a bad sign though right, that Niall had almost immediately fallen asleep in Liam’s car? That he felt so safe with the older boy?

At one point, when Liam started feeling like a complete creep for watching Niall and reaching out not once but twice to brush some hair out of the blonde’s face, the older boy had to actually force himself to return to reality, where he wasn’t Niall’s boyfriend anymore, wasn’t actually allowed to do stuff like this. And also where he had no bloody idea how to get that boy up into his apartment without having to wake him.

First, Liam saw no other way than to wake Niall up, but throwing another look at that sleepy face, recalling how anxious the boy had sounded before, knowing that he really needed that sleep, Liam suddenly decided to do it differently. After all, he had carried Niall millions of times, also like this, and seeing as he was still smaller than Liam, probably always would be, that shouldn’t have been a challenge, right? 

There were a few things though Liam had underestimated. First, getting Niall out of the car and closing the door somehow worked, mostly because the boy immediately adjusted, wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck, head buried against his neck once more, melting the older’s heart a little bit, almost dropping the boy right away though because second, he also somehow needed to lock his car.

Since it was already 3 am by now or something, there were no people leaving the building anymore, giving Liam the hardest time ever to somehow get inside while at the same time holding a sleeping Niall, the times he had said no to the gym now finally taking their toll. Not that he dropped him, no, Liam just almost died somehow fumbling open the door and then walking up a few flats of stairs, only at the top realizing that he could have also taken the elevator. Then again, Niall didn’t like elevators, because of his claustrophobia, and though he didn’t tell that to a lot of people, Liam of course knew about it.

Niall had never been at Liam’s place before and though Liam had always made sure to let him know that he was just as welcome as Harry and Louis, the blonde had never even reacted to that invite, not even after they had had their talk. Well, they were mostly downstairs anyways, and Liam was kinda glad that things had turned out like that with Harry and Louis as well because he had started feeling bad, as if he was stealing them from Niall or something. Then again, Niall didn’t really have a choice anymore now to get Harry and Louis to himself a lot because they always asked Liam to come over and sometimes he did say no, just for the blonde’s sake, so it wouldn’t get too… overwhelming.

Once Liam had finally reached his apartment, closing the door with his foot, his arms already feeling like jelly, Niall decided to wake up at that exact moment, not fully, just a little bit, sighing and moving a little in Liam’s arms, yet again almost causing the brunette to drop him. At least he hadn’t turned off the light before or he would have surely tripped over a billion things on his way to his bedroom.

“Hmm… Liam… “ It was hard to tell whether the boy really was awake or just mumbling nonsense in his sleep, all Liam knew was that he felt his stomach twist as he heard his name, automatically holding the blonde even tighter pressed against his chest. Was it inappropriate to carry Niall to his bedroom? But he had promised him his bed before and also… it’s not like Liam was gonna sleep in there with him, he just wanted to make sure the boy was comfortable and stuff, since he would be pretty confused tomorrow once he woke up, in a place he had never been to before. This was surely not how Liam had imagined Niall’s first time being at his place either. 

“Shhh, go back to sleep, we’re home now, yeah? Everything’s good, you can sleep, Nialler, I got you.” Not knowing what would happen if Niall did wake up, Liam tried to make him go back to sleep, feeling shivers going down his spine whenever the younger boy breathed against his neck, his arms wrapped around Liam’s neck, as if he never wanted to let him go again. 

There were no more sounds coming from Niall for a few seconds, until Liam had finally reached his bed and attempted to lower the boy onto the mattress as softly and slowly as possible, facing yet another problem he hadn’t considered. “Li…. “

“What is it, Ni? Are you okay? You’re in my bed, okay? I’ll sleep in the living room. Wait, you’re lying on the blanket, I-“

“I wanna… take them off…” Oh.

Niall was referring to his jeans, pushing at them, he seemed pretty uncomfortable actually and Liam could understand why, just… the boy was drunk, he probably didn’t even know what he was saying, being half asleep and everything. Then again, did it honestly matter? It were just his jeans, he didn’t wanna… get naked, and even if, they had seen each other naked plenty of times obviously, surely, Niall wouldn’t get mad at Liam for helping him to take off his jeans after he had asked him to, right?

“Okay, wait… I’ll do it, lie still.” Weirdly enough, this reminded Liam a lot of the times he had undressed Niall, causing him to get a bit hotter as he opened the blonde’s belt and then his zipper and button, cheeks burning slightly. Niall wasn’t the only person Liam had ever slept with, but he had been the first one, of course the one Liam had had sex with the most and… no one had ever compared to him. Not that he had slept with a lot of people, but Liam had really been trying to get over the blonde at first, even if… even if that had meant doing some things he would immediately regret. 

Getting those jeans off Niall while he was drunk and whining and constantly moving was more than just difficult, but at some point Liam did finally manage to get the boy to lift his hips and pull them off, even if that immediately caused Niall to complain about being cold. “I’m cold and I… I don’t… I don’t wanna be alone, Liam… stay… “

As soon as Liam had tucked Niall in and sat on the edge of the mattress, the brunette felt his heart melting just a tiny bit when the blonde suddenly held onto his wrist, only very loosely because he was obviously tired, but that mixed with what he had just said honestly had Liam considering that he might as well stay. But he couldn’t do that, could he? Niall didn’t really want him to, he was just sleepy and not quite himself, surely, he’d yell at Liam tomorrow morning if he woke up in the same bed. “I’ll wait until you’ve slept in, okay? Keep your eyes closed, Nialler…”

He refused to let go of Liam’s wrist, but that was okay, Liam just watched Niall, not really seeing that much though because he had kept the lights turned off so Niall wouldn’t wake up and because he hadn’t had a free hand to do so, but… it was already too late anyways. “But stay… don’t go… “

“I… I won’t, Ni, just… you gotta sleep, yeah? You’ll feel a lot better if you do.” Niall looked so young like this, snuggled in Liam’s bed, his hair a complete mess and his eyes closed for one second and then open again the next, moving around constantly, as if he couldn’t find any rest. And yet he somehow managed to keep holding onto Liam’s wrist the whole time and the brunette obviously didn’t try to stop him. A part of him was enjoying this a lot more than appropriate.

At one point, Liam caved in and reached out with his free hand, after having creepily stared down at the blonde for what seemed like ages, softly carding his fingers through the soft blonde hair, brushing it out of Niall’s forehead, kinda surprised when the boy immediately stopped stirring, as if Liam’s touch somehow was helping him to find some rest. Liam liked to think that it did. 

They didn’t talk anymore after that, Liam just hoped Niall would fall asleep quickly, feeling so awake himself though that he could barely force himself to get up, very gently and softly pulling his wrist out of the younger’s grip. Also, Liam felt really bad, because he had promised Niall that he would stay even if he had never intended on doing it, but still. If the boy woke up at night, maybe not all sobered up yet, he’d surely be super confused and wouldn’t know where Liam was and… that wouldn’t have been a very responsible thing to do now, would it?

Liam blamed it on the fact that he needed to make sure Niall wouldn’t die in his sleep or suffocate or something like that, still feeling like a complete creep though when he moved the arm chair in the corner of his room closer to his bed, as quietly as possible. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing, but getting a blanket from the closet and the spare pillow that Niall wasn’t holding onto as if his life depended on it, Liam was fairly certain that he would manage to fall asleep on there. 

Keeping his eyes on the boy in almost complete darkness, Liam managed to relax a little bit, feeling himself getting a bit tired, trying not to think about what would happen tomorrow morning. He just wanted to keep on feeling like this for a little bit, where Niall had called him up in the middle of the night because he needed him, where he had begged the brunette to stay with him, had trusted him completely to bring him home and keep him safe. Of course, it was stupid to feel encouraged by these things, more than that, and yet Liam couldn’t help thinking that maybe, just maybe, this would actually help them to be closer again. Not that Liam was expecting them to get back together or something, just… he could dream, couldn’t he?

Right when the brunette boy was on the verge of falling asleep, he suddenly jerked awake once more, having heard Niall moving, rustling with the blanket and pillow and hearing his sleepy and quiet voice, Liam almost hated himself for ever having thought about sleeping in the living room. “Li… where are you?”

“’m right here, Nialler.” He had almost sounded sad, and before Liam could think about how guilty he felt, he suddenly felt Niall’s hand touching his arm because of how close he had pushed the chair to the bed, and if that wasn’t enough to cause Liam’s breath to stop and his heart to speed up, Niall’s fingers kept moving over his skin, as if he was looking for something, and it seemed like he did. 

This time, the blonde didn’t just hold onto Liam’s wrist, instead, he slipped his hand right into the older boy’s, like he had done a billion times before and yet Liam’s body was behaving like the very first time. First, he thought Niall would let go again, seeing as the position couldn’t be too comfortable, but seconds passed by and he still didn’t let go, so Liam carefully squeezed the boy’s hand back, trying not to smile stupidly to himself, in complete darkness. 

Nothing compared to what happened then though.

Liam thought they’d just go to sleep like this, he thought that maybe Niall needed more confirmation that he wasn’t alone, that maybe he was holding onto Liam so the brunette couldn’t leave him, so he tried to tell himself not to get too excited about this, when suddenly, Liam’s thoughts got interrupted by a whisper that left him more than just breathless. “Bean… I love you… “

Right, there was no way Liam would get just one second of sleep that night.

 

\------------

 

When Niall woke up, his head was hurting so much he actually wasn’t physically able to open his eyes, he just turned right around again, burying his face as deeply into the pillow as possible, pulling the blanket up higher, as if he was able to drown out the world like this. For a minute or two, the boy couldn’t think of anything but the pinching pain in his head, hell, he didn’t even remember that he had gone out in the first place, was actually convinced that he was in his own bed, maybe having gotten sick or something.

Slowly though, the memories did come back, in random order though, and the first thing Niall actually remembered was that weird, creepy guy at the club, that had followed him to the toilet, and then suddenly Niall remembered a conversation with Louis he had no idea whether it had just been a dream, the older boy telling him that he was in love with Harry, and then, as if that wasn’t already kinda… shocking, Niall suddenly remembered exactly what he had done right after trying to hide from the stalker guy that had been following him.

He had called Liam, out of everyone, and also, this was definitely not Niall’s bed. 

Within half a second, Niall had thrown back the blanket and sat up straight, even though his head was pounding and he thought he had to die, he forced himself to ignore the pain as he looked around the room he was in, it was pretty dark and at first, Niall was just confused as hell, but then as he turned his head, he almost fell off the mattress. 

Liam was right there next to him, in an arm chair, sleeping soundly, his arm hanging awkwardly off the side and… Niall suddenly felt so embarrassed that he thought he had to die as more memories came back. Not only had he called Liam, he had also hugged him and clung to him and then fallen asleep in the older boy’s car and god knows how he had gotten into his bed but Liam had most likely carried him and… oh god, so Niall hadn’t only been dreaming about… about telling Liam not to leave him? Had he actually… said that? Was that why the brunette had had to sleep in that chair? Had he… done it for Niall?

How could Niall have gotten so damn drunk? That he would… call Liam and beg him to come and get him? Sleep in his bed and beg him not to leave him alone? What had gotten into Niall?! Like yeah, he… he had always called Liam when something had been up when they had still been together, also the other way around, but… this was a whole different level. It was even worse though, that Liam had actually come, in the middle of the damn night, that he had honestly slept in an awkward arm chair just because Niall had been a whiny baby. 

It was hard thinking all this through with a pounding head, Niall couldn’t even move, he was just sitting there, staring at Liam’s face in his half dark bedroom, not being able to grasp just a single thought that wasn’t confusing as hell. This was so crazy, and Niall didn’t even know where Harry and Louis were or whether they had gotten home, he didn’t even know what time it was or where his phone was and… oh god, had Liam even taken off his jeans for him?!

The problem was, Niall wanted to be mad, at himself and also at Liam, but he couldn’t be. One, because Liam was an absolute sweetheart who had gotten into his car at 3 am to pick up his drunk ex-boyfriend and then carried him into his own bed and two, deep down Niall knew why he had called Liam, because he still trusted the brunette the very most, and his drunken self had simply done what Niall would have done two years ago. Called Liam because he always knew what to do, because he would always be there to save Niall and apparently, he still was today, even after Niall had been a complete asshole to him. 

Right when the boy thought about simply leaving, just so he’d be able to avoid an awkward morning conversation, Liam moved in the chair, just a little bit, and Niall froze immediately, still staring at the brunette, not knowing what to do. And then it suddenly was too late. 

“Hmm… Niall?” His voice sounded sleepy, and raspy, just like in Niall’s memory. He felt a few shivers down his spine as he thought about lying in bed with Liam in the mornings, feeling his arms around him, his hot breath in the back of his neck as Liam pulled him closer. “Everything… okay?”

“I…. yeah, I… I’m… fine… “ The blonde somehow choked out, not daring to look away from Liam, watching silently as the boy kept moving before sitting up more straight, rubbing at his eyes, letting out a yawn, as if this was the most normal way to wake up, as if last night hadn’t even happened. “Look, I… I’m sorry about… about calling you up, I… I was really drunk and… and I can’t even… remember half of what happened and-“

“It’s okay, Niall, really, you… you can always call me. Do you, like… want some pills against headache?” Wow, that’s what he wanted to talk about, whether Niall was feeling bad? How could a person like Liam even exist, honestly, Niall had always known that the older boy was way, _way_ too nice and too sensible, but… he really wouldn’t have expected Liam to act like he would have had they still been dating. “I’ll just go and get you something, okay? Um… do you want some breakfast too? I think… I think you should eat something, and also… if you wanna change your clothes, just… just go ahead.”

“Liam, I… “ Honestly, Niall couldn’t think of anything to say, his mouth feeling dry and his throat tight, even more so when their eyes met just for the split of a second before Liam suddenly got up, clearing his throat, as if he didn’t want to talk about it, as if he just wanted to… get Niall some pills and… make him breakfast? This was going way too far and yet the blonde had no idea how to get out of this or how to make it a little less awkward because after all… it had already happened, so instead, he decided to ask the only normal thing he could think of, completely ignoring what Liam had said. “I… do you know where… where Harry and Louis are? I… I lost them last night and… “

“No, I… I didn’t see them when I… maybe you should call them or… or text them. Or I can do it, if you want.” Liam offered, even throwing something like a smile towards Niall before stretching a little bit and the blonde felt his cheeks getting hot as he caught himself staring at Liam’s stomach being exposed as his shirt rode up a bit. “I… you do want some breakfast, right?”

“I… “ Actually, Niall was pretty hungry and also, he knew eating something would probably help with his headache, but at the same time, he also knew it was wrong, to stick around, let Liam make him breakfast after everything he had already done for him last night. And yet he couldn’t seem to say no. “Sure, I… but only if… if you don’t mind, I can also go home and-“

“No, no, it’s fine, really, I was gonna make something anyways and… you still want sugar in your tea, right?” God, this was just getting more embarrassing with every passing second.

“I… yeah.” They knew each other too well, Niall could have filled a book with all of Liam’s preferences and his antics and it seemed like that also worked the other way around.

As soon as Liam had left the room, Niall had to let out a breath, closing his eyes again before simply putting his face back down into Liam’s pillow, breathing in the older boy’s familiar scent, as if that would somehow help him to come up with a solution for this mess. After last night and this morning, there was no bloody way Niall could still be mad at Liam, actually, he had had no right to before either, but now… everything had changed. 

It was weird, sitting in Liam’s bed while hearing the older boy rummaging through the kitchen even though Niall didn’t even know where the kitchen was because he had never been here before, had never even planned on ever entering Liam’s loft and yet… here he was, in his bed, about to eat breakfast with Liam. Could this even get any crazier?

Huge junks of Niall’s memory were still missing, but he wasn’t quite sure if he even wanted to remember, actually, he was trying really hard not to, not even wanting to know what else he could have possibly said to Liam, or what he had done, because everything he had remembered so far had been embarrassing as hell. Whatever had happened last night though, it surely hadn’t caused Liam wanting to keep his distance though, so maybe it hadn’t been too bad?

Though Niall was still in pain and felt like absolute crap, he forced himself to get out of Liam’s warm bed after a while, looking around the room for a moment, trying not to smile when he recognized a few things, recognized Liam’s personality in the way everything was decorated. He really hadn’t changed, had he? Niall even almost opened the boy’s closet, since Liam had offered him he could change, just to check whether it was still as neat as it had been back at their… their own flat, but he didn’t.

The light outside the bedroom really hurt Niall’s eyes, but he got used to it fairly quickly and the pain in his head was already the worst it could get. On his search for the kitchen, Niall noticed that Liam’s place wasn’t actually a loft, but it was still huge and it was really open and… really nice, and light, about a hundred times nicer than Niall’s place, even though he had to share it with two other people. It fit though, everything was rather neat and kept in order and yet there were action figures on one of the shelves, causing Niall’s stomach to do a little flip. 

“Hey… how bad is it?” Liam threw a worried look at Niall once the boy had found the kitchen area, feeling slightly awkward just wandering around here, in just a shirt and boxer shorts, but then again… this was Liam, not some random guy. 

“It’s… fine, I’ve had worse… “ A lot worse actually, but there was no need to talk about that now, Niall just shrugged, walking a bit closer towards Liam just to look around the kitchen some more while the brunette was standing in front of the stove, undoubtedly watching Niall but the blonde pretended not to notice. “Look, I… thank you. For coming to get me but also for, you know… letting me sleep in your bed and… I’m sorry, I really am. I shouldn’t have… gotten so drunk in the first place but… I really shouldn’t have called you, and I only remember about half of everything that happened, but… you did save me, that guy he… he was following me and… it was kinda really creepy. Anyways, um… thank you, a lot, you didn’t have to do that and… especially after how I treated you, so… “

“Don’t worry, it’s alright, I… I’d always come and save you, you know that, Niall, no matter what happened between us, I… I’ll always be there for you and you don’t have to thank me because… I couldn’t… couldn’t live with myself if I ever let something happen to you.” And with that, Liam turned back around, hiding his face from Niall but the blonde had seen the older boy’s pink cheeks anyways, feeling his own turning kinda hot as well, not knowing what to answer to that so he just stayed silent instead, trying to ignore the flips his tummy was doing, the way his heart fluttered. Liam was just… he was just a really good person, that was probably all there was to it, the reason why he was trying so hard all the time to fix this whole mess and yet… and yet Niall couldn’t help but feel special and absolutely hating it at the same time.

Turned out that Liam knew what Niall ate for breakfast in such detail still that it was almost scary, but the blonde didn’t say anything about it, just thanked the brunette, also for the pill he brought him, trying to return that smile Liam threw at him, even if it was rather shaky. A part of Niall really enjoyed this and he hated it, hated that he had even missed having breakfast with Liam, but not quite as much as the fact that he was just letting all of this happen, without even trying to fight it, without even trying to find an excuse to get the hell out of here and forget that it had ever happened.

Niall did text Harry, asking whether everything was alright, and all he got back was some very weird emoji, so the blonde decided not to reply, simply glad that the other two had gotten home alright, making sure to let Liam know as well while they were having breakfast, something Harry and Louis would definitely never hear a word about, also not about how exactly last night had gone down.

It wasn’t as weird as expected, having breakfast with Liam, though they did struggle to talk normally to each other for a bit, it felt like falling back into a routine after a while, since they were still the same exact people, still knew how to make each other laugh, quietly and mutually deciding not to talk anymore about what had happened, much to Niall’s relief.

There was no doubt in him that he still loved Liam the same way he had ever since they were kids, the only question now was what Niall was supposed to do with that knowledge. Just in case, and it was probably the stupidest thought the blonde had ever had but… just hypothetically, if Liam… still loved Niall as well then… would Niall want them to get back together? Did he actually… want everything to go back to how it had been before? And if not then… what else did he want?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello guys!!!
> 
> thank you again for so many lovely comments, im always still so damn surprised like i never expect everyone to keept leaving me kudos and comments and yet you all do and its absolutely amazing, thank you! and im sorry i didnt answer them all immediately, and that this chapter is 1 hour late, but i had my last day at work today so from now on ill have a lot more time for the next month or so :) let me know if you liked the chapter! im gonna try and put more fluff into the fic from now because i just really miss it haha


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey, it’s, uh… it’s me. Liam.“ Liam was so damn nervous as he spoke into the phone while walking to his car, as slowly as humanly possible, having needed about ten minutes of simply staring at Niall’s name in his phone before pressing call. Really, he hadn’t thought this through at all. 

“I know, it shows your name when you call.” Right, Liam was an idiot. “Do you… do you need anything or…?”

“Yeah, no, I… I don’t, I was just… just wondering if… if you’re still at work and… and if… just in case, if you maybe… want a ride home.” Literally, Liam had been meaning to ask Niall that for the whole past week, or asking whether he could drive him to work, but he had never quite built up the courage until now and his heart was still beating so fast as if he had just finished a marathon.

Ever since… that night, Liam felt like things had changed even more between the two of them. Not in a bad or good way, just… it was different, they were behaving differently around each other, probably because Niall still felt embarrassed about having called Liam up drunk and then slept in his bed and clung to him, but… the brunette was behaving differently around Niall for a whole different reason.

No matter whether Niall could remember what he had said in his sleep or not, fact was that he _had_ said it, he had called Liam ‘bean’, his old nickname for him, and he had said _I love you_ and… why would he have said that? Not that Liam thought Niall still loved him, but… but maybe he did? Somehow? Somewhere deep down? Maybe… maybe he didn’t even know it and yet… it was giving the brunette more hope than he would have liked.

He had tried dropping hints the past week, not having been able to really talk to Niall though because they hadn’t really been alone anymore since then and they had both decided that they wouldn’t tell Harry and Louis about any of this, without actually having discussed it. So ever since that night, Liam wanted to fix things between them even more than he already had before, he had gotten so damn desperate that he even did things like randomly calling the boy up in hopes that he could drive him home for about 10 minutes. 

But Liam couldn’t just ignore what had happened, that Niall had called him, out of all people, had behaved this way, even though he had been drunk, and then used Liam’s nickname AND the L-word and… it had to mean something, right? If Liam just kept trying, if he just… there had to be a way, to find out what Niall felt for him, or how he wanted things between them to develop, a way without having to actually ask the boy about it. Liam only had to find it. 

“I… I’m at work but… I’m just on a break, I only got off in an hour.” Niall sounded kinda weird, he had hesitated and Liam had no idea what to make of that, all he knew was that the blonde hadn’t said no just yet and he was so desperate that he would have done about anything to be allowed to drive him home. Even if that meant he needed to lie.

“Oh, that’s great, I… I got off in about an hour as well, I can… take you with me if you want.” Actually, Liam had already left work and was walking across the parking lot, but… what was an hour anyways, right?

“Um… “ Clearly, Niall was at least considering it, and hopefully he didn’t hear any of the background noises of Liam walking across a parking lot instead of sitting in his office because… how the hell would he have explained that? “I…I mean if… if it’s not a bother and-“

“No, no, not at all, I… I wouldn’t have offered it otherwise. I’ll just… I’ll be waiting outside, okay? At the spot where… where I dropped you off a… while ago.” Okay, this had not been smart at all, Liam had to bite his tongue, but he was just so pumped and happy that Niall had agreed because comparing the conversations they were having now to a few weeks ago… there was so much improvement and yet they were so far away from how it had been that Liam really wasn’t sure at times what more he could do. “Do you, uh… do you still remember, or-“

“No, I… I’ll be there… thank you.” The last part came out a little softer and before Liam could think of anything to reply, Niall was already continuing, suddenly sounding a bit more stressed out. “My… my break is over, I… I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, uh… see you l-“

Before Liam could even finish, the blonde had already hung up the phone, a voice having said something in the background and Liam was really hoping that it hadn’t been Niall’s boss getting angry with him or something, but he would probably never find out anyways. Not that Liam was worrying about it too much because all he was really able to think about right now was the fact that Niall had actually and out of his free will agreed to let Liam drive him home and it was honestly the best thing ever. 

Obviously, Liam had an hour to kill now, but he was perfectly fine with that, he just took his time getting into his car and driving over to the mall, making sure to choose a parking spot very close to the one he had chosen that one time he had kinda forced Niall to get into the car with him and it had ended quite terribly. Well, he hadn’t exactly forced him, but… the blonde hadn’t really had a choice and Liam had known that. 

For a moment, the brunette considered buying Niall something to eat or drink or so, but then he quickly decided that that would be going too far. He would just drive him home tonight and… and maybe Niall would allow him to drive him around more often and then Liam could slowly do stuff like this, but right now, it would have probably only made things uncomfortable and awkward. They kind of already were and yet at the same time they had also gotten better.

The problem was, Liam was so confused by what had happened that night that he had no idea anymore how to act. Before, he had simply been trying to be Niall’s friend again, knowing that nothing else would come out of it, that being friends was the best he could hope for, that Niall didn’t have any feelings for him anymore. Now, however… Liam suddenly wasn’t sure anymore and it made him really insecure, even more so because they couldn’t talk about it, neither of them had ever again mentioned that night again after they had had breakfast and Niall had gone home, so… Liam surely wasn’t gonna be the one to bring it up. What would he have even said? Hey, I heard you saying you loved me were you just drunk or is it true? Right, he couldn’t do that.

At first, Liam had thought he would have enough time to try and calm down about this, stop being so overly excited and kinda hyper about getting to spend time alone with Niall, but turned out that an hour could pass by so quickly that it didn’t even feel like that much of a lie anymore. Then again, Liam would have also waited 3 hours in that parking lot if that meant he got Niall to himself for just 10 bloody minutes. 

When the blonde approached the car, Liam pretended not to be watching him through the rearview mirror, tried to act like he didn’t notice the younger boy hesitating before walking over to the passenger side, a quick and small smile on his lips before he opened the door, causing Liam’s tummy to do gymnastics. 

“Hey… “ Niall breathed before getting inside, very carefully though, as if he wasn’t sure if that was alright, as if Liam hadn’t offered to drive him home. Little did the blonde know Liam wouldn’t have had a problem with begging in case Niall would have said no. 

“Hi…. how… how was work?” Liam was actually trying so damn hard to come off natural, as if they did this all the time, but his smile was probably too creepy and he probably sounded way too eager and also… he was definitely staring a bit too much. When Niall had gotten into the car he had moved the air, the smell of his familiar cologne instantly hitting Liam right in the face and well… it was pretty darn hard pretending not to notice, so there was yet another thing distracting Liam from acting normal and at the same time driving a car.

“Long, but… it was fine… for you?” It didn’t actually sound like it had been fine, but Liam decided not to ask, because, well… had Niall wanted to tell him, he probably would have.

“The same… “ To be perfectly honest, Liam had long forgotten about work by now, but there was no need to let Niall know that he had been waiting and sitting here for over an hour. “And uni?”

“Well, it was better than work, but… I forgot my assignment at home, so… my professor wasn’t too happy… “ Niall simply shrugged, looking out of the window while Liam attempted to safely get out of the parking spot, his whole skin feeling as if it was on fire just from Niall’s presence, hearing his voice, having seen his sleepy and yet soft face, the way he looked as if he could really need a long hug. Probably not from Liam though. “Thanks for… for picking me up.”

“No problem, I… I mean, if… if we got off at the same time or… or have to be there at the same time, I… I can drive you more often, you know… “ Mostly, Liam just really wanted to know when exactly Niall worked or was at uni so he could make sure they always ‘coincidentally’ could ride in his car together, also because Liam was still paranoid about Niall missing his bus again and having to walk home in the middle of the night. By now, the blonde would have maybe even said yes to calling Liam if he needed help, so the brunette just wanted to make sure that Niall knew it was an option. “Just… just tell me, okay?”

“I… thank you… my schedule is different each week though… “ Shit.

“That’s fine, I… if you want to then… then I’ll give you mine and… and we can work it out.” More like, Liam was going to lie and probably sit in the parking lot waiting for Niall to finish work even on his free days, but… if that was his only chance to get the boy to himself because he was too scared to actually ask him to hang out then… then he would have to get used to that. 

“Okay… thank you, again, I… you really don’t-“

“No, it’s fine, really, I mean… I’ve got time and… and I’m getting into the car anyways and the mall isn’t too far away from my office so… “ This time, Liam was even speaking the truth, even if he was kinda coming off as a little desperate by now and clearing his throat and randomly switching the subject probably wasn’t helping much at all. “Do you, uh… did you already, um… make plans with Harry and Louis, like… for dinner?”

“Not really… I doubt any of them went to the store, so… “ Right, this was Liam’s chance, he couldn’t fuck it up, he just needed to bloody say it and make it sound as if he was just asking a friend to come eat dinner at his place even though that boy was actually the love of his life. Easy.

“If… if, you know, you got nothing at home and stuff, then… you could come upstairs and… and I’ll make something, I haven’t really… gotten anything planned either, but… “ But luckily, Liam knew exactly what Niall liked to eat, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

For a moment, the brunette boy thought he would get a simple no, that Niall would suddenly become all distant and cold again, but turned out that even though the blonde didn’t immediately find an excuse like Liam would have thought, he actually said something that was even worse. “I… let me just text Harry, to make sure, but… I… I’m sure the other two won’t say no to that, so… they’re lazy asses.”

“Oh, um… great, yeah… “ Shit, as much as Liam liked Harry and Louis, he really would have preferred to not have them there just this one single time, but… it was probably his own fault, he should have… specified that invitation, made sure Niall knew it was only for him, because now… now he didn’t only have to share the blonde again but he also had to cook dinner for 4 people. Great. 

Liam tried to keep the conversation light for the remaining minutes together in the car, tried not to let it show that he actually hated the fact that Harry texted Niall back within what seemed like 1 second that he and Louis would come eat dinner because they had no food at home anyways. Considering the fact that all the 4 of them hung out pretty much every single day by now, Liam might have as well been living with them already, or the other way around, and even though that was exactly what he had wanted when he had moved here, he was getting greedy now, wanting Niall to himself, was even jealous by now that the blonde probably considered Harry and Louis closer to him than Liam and… it was kind of nerve wrecking. 

Sure, Liam could have just opened his damn mouth and said something, but he had no bloody idea how or what and anyways… things were actually going well now compared to before, he didn’t wanna ruin it again just like he had with that whole movie theater disaster. Maybe Liam just needed to be patient? 

 

\----------------

 

“I had no idea you could cook, Li.” Louis blurted out, his mouth still full and Niall had to actually turn his head so he wouldn’t have to gag. He had been feeling somehow weird ever since Liam had called him up during his break, asking to drive the blonde home and Niall knew he should have said no, but… he just hadn’t. Same with the dinner thing now, he knew this was wrong and yet he was somehow enjoying it, enjoyed spending time with Liam, even though being in the older boy’s apartment reminded him a lot of… his drunken mistake that they hadn’t really talked about anymore, had never even mentioned it in front of Harry or Louis, only that Niall had crashed at Liam’s place.

Part of the reason why Harry and Louis seemed to not have asked too many questions was probably because it was pretty darn obvious that they had hooked up that night and Niall was also pretty sure that Louis had indeed told him that he was in love with Harry, but… as long as those two were busy with each other and didn’t keep asking questions about Liam, Niall was good. Not like he hadn’t known that they had something going on before, right?

“Yeah, I… I mean, I’m living on my own, so… I kinda had to teach myself.” That was a lie, Liam had always been really good at cooking but Niall knew better than to speak up, he just carried on eating normally, not really knowing what to think of this situation. Somehow Liam was behaving differently towards him ever since Niall had called him up drunk and the blonde just hoped he hadn’t… kissed the brunette or tried to or said something weird because frankly… he could still only remember half of that whole night. “Um… does anybody want a beer or so?”

Clearly, Liam was just trying to switch the topic after his and Niall’s eyes had met across the table, for a very uncomfortable half a second, and the blonde didn’t know why but somehow he felt like he could _really_ need a beer right now. Which was kinda stupid considering the last time he had touched alcohol he had been clinging to Liam like a baby, but he wouldn’t get drunk from just one beer and also… Harry and Louis were there as well, so. “Me, but… I can get it myself if-“

“No, no, stay, I got it.” Somehow Liam seemed overly eager to get up and into the kitchen, Niall tried not to think too much about it though, pretended not to see how Liam almost knocked his glass over even though it caused Harry and Louis to share a glance, half smirking at each other. 

“Are you sure that invitation was for all of us?” Harry half whispered into Niall’s ear as soon as the brunette boy had disappeared and Niall almost choked on his water. 

“Um… yeah? Why wouldn’t it have been?” They had started hanging out together a lot, all the four of them, Liam surely wouldn’t only invite Niall, right? Not after what had happened and… sure, he had seemed pretty eager asking to pick Niall up from work and offering to drive him around more often, but… that was just because he was nice, not because he desperately wanted to spend time with Niall alone, right? 

“Don’t know, just asking. He seemed a little bit stressed out making dinner.” Though that was true, Niall still didn’t think that Liam had only invited him and that the blonde had wrongfully assumed that he was supposed to ask Harry and Louis too, because… that wouldn’t have made any sense, would it? So why did it cause his heart to do a weird jump at the thought of it?

“He… he probably didn’t plan it, it sounded quite… quite spontaneous when he asked.” Niall tried to find excuses now and it was obvious, so he did his best not to look at his two friends, praying for Liam to get back soon so they could stop interrogating him.

“Hmm… was it also spontaneous when he asked to drive you home? Or does he do that more often now?” What?

“Why… why are you asking?” For a while, the other two had luckily stopped questioning Niall’s feelings towards Liam and they also had kinda stopped dropping hints, so the blonde felt kinda irritated to have them start once more now, especially because of what had happened a few days ago.

“Just… it’s weird because I know Liam’s usually home an hour earlier than he was today with you.” Harry just shrugged before exchanging yet another very weird look with Louis and Niall already had his mouth open to protest, try to find an excuse, but Liam came back just at that second, with two beers in his hands, his cheeks kinda flushed. He wouldn’t have… waited an hour, just to drive Niall home, would he?

“Here you go… sorry, I couldn’t… find the bottle opener sooner… “ Liam apologized as if I it mattered while handing one beer to Niall and keeping the other one to himself as he sat back down, hopefully not having heard any of the conversation. Then again, he seemed kinda blushed and nervous the whole time anyways, exactly how Niall felt like. Which was stupid really, they should have gotten used to hanging out by now and yet somehow it felt like there were so many things unsaid between them, as if they weren’t really on the same page and needed to talk it out, but… neither of them ever said anything. 

“It’s okay… thanks.” Niall tried a smile, feeling his heart getting so unsteady though when Liam returned it that he immediately had to look away. Amazing, this really was not getting any better, was it? If anything, it was getting harder.

“Do you guys… want some more? There’s still plenty left.” Liam was trying so damn hard, Niall couldn’t help but think that it was really sweet. Usually when the older boy came downstairs to eat with them they always ordered food because none of them were really into cooking, and here Liam was, having done everything by himself and refused any help and… Niall felt really bad. What IF that invitation had only been for him? Not only would it have been pretty rude to simply ask Harry and Louis as well, but also… that would have meant Liam wanted to spend time alone with him and though Niall wasn’t 100% sure if that was a good idea, if that was what he wanted, the thought somehow excited him. They hadn’t been alone in a while, not really, only for a few minutes up to about an hour, and the longest time had been when Niall had been drunk and the morning after, but… that could hardly be counted, could it? Then again, Niall shouldn’t want to be alone with Liam, he shouldn’t and yet… 

“No, thanks, ‘m pretty full, actually… I think I should go anyways, I need to finish something for uni.” That was the very first time Niall had heard Louis saying that and had he not known _exactly_ what this was about, he might have said something, but instead, Niall kept quiet, drinking his beer, not surprised at all when Harry suddenly and very coincidentally had an excuse as well. 

“Yeah, me too, now that you’re saying that, Lou… I still need to write a report.” Of course.

“Oh, yeah, uh.. no problem, I… “ Liam seemed a little overwhelmed suddenly, probably because he thought he had to clean this whole mess by himself now, but even if Niall had had something to do for uni and even if Harry and Louis hadn’t planned on leaving and forcing Niall and Liam to spend time together, Niall would have still stayed. Partly because it would have been really unfair but mostly because… he didn’t want to leave just yet, simple as that. 

“Niall can help you with the dishes, right?” The other two were suddenly really eager to get up and Niall at least tried to look surprised, tried to not look overly happy about the fact that he got to do the dishes with Liam because he should have hated having to spend time with his ex, shouldn’t have been excited about any of this, especially because he had made sure to tell the others that he felt absolutely nothing for Liam.

“Sure… “ The blonde mumbled, looking from Harry to Louis once and all of a sudden Niall was pretty damn sure that they weren’t only trying to get Niall and Liam to be alone, they also wanted to be alone themselves. 

“Great… see you later, then? And you tomorrow, Li?” They were being way too happy before they left, and also way too close, but Niall just waved and nodded anyways, trying to ignore the way his throat seemed to be tightening immediately and his ears getting hot as soon as he heard the front door falling closed. This was fine, this was what Niall had wanted, right? Even if he had been trying to fight it.

“They have something going on.” Niall blurted out within the first minute of him and Liam being alone and maybe it was the wrong thing to say, but it kinda seemed to be an ice breaker because the brunette boy let out a small laugh, causing the younger boy’s body to relax a little bit.

“I know. They’re not very… subtle about it.” Liam and Niall had been sitting opposite of each other the whole time and they still were, neither really wanting to meet the other’s eyes though and even now they were clearly struggling to do so. 

“Yeah… it’s kinda annoying. They think I don’t know what’s going on, I… “ For a second, Niall had almost told Liam what Louis had said to him, drunk, about being in love with Harry, but the blonde quickly interrupted himself because well… there was no need to overdo it, was there? “Anyways… should we, um… carry that over to the kitchen?”

“You really don’t have to help me though, I… I can do it by myself, you know, I-“

“But I already got it.” The older boy had almost sounded guilty, so Niall had simply gotten up with two plates in his hands, interrupting him. There was no bloody way he was gonna let Liam do this by himself, one, he really didn’t wanna go home right now and hear Harry and Louis through the walls and two, well… the obvious. 

“Thanks, Nialler… “ It came out so quiet that Niall wasn’t sure whether he had just imagined it, but just the thought of it almost caused him to smile and again, the boy really hated himself for always reacting so heavily to whatever the older boy did or said, just like he always had. 

Since Niall had only ever been here once and of course had never done the dishes here, he first of all watched Liam for a second or two, to see what the brunette was doing so he could just… kind of copy him and pretend like it was coming natural, not wanting to like… put something into the dishwasher that didn’t belong there or… splash water onto the floor or something. God knows everything Liam owned was probably worth twice as much as the version Niall had of those things. 

“You know, I just wanted to- oops.” Right when Liam had started to say something a few minutes in, he suddenly dropped the whole plate into the sink filled with water and before Niall had even realized that the older boy had spoken up, his face and shirt got splashed with soapy water as he had been standing right there next to Liam, almost causing him to stumble backwards out of shock. “Oh my god… I’m so sorry, Niall, I… “

“’s fine, I… ow.” Once the surprise effect had left, Niall suddenly felt really embarrassed for some reason, even if that was kinda stupid, but… he probably looked like a drenched poodle now or something, and he couldn’t even really do anything against it besides putting the pot he had been drying on the counter so he could try and rub at his hurting eye. Great, now he had fucking gotten soap into his eye while doing the dishes with his ex-boyfriend in the middle of the night.

“Wait… let me see, I… “ No idea what Liam was hoping to see, all Niall knew was that his body kinda froze as he felt Liam grabbing his wrist all of a sudden and pulling back Niall’s hand, as if he had forgotten that they didn’t really… touch each other anymore, at least not sober, as if they were still dating and he was still immediately jumping into panic mode whenever Niall showed the tiniest sign of discomfort. “It’s all red, I… I’ll get you a towel, one second.”

Once Liam had stated the obvious, he just left Niall standing there, still in shock, his wrist now burning from the older boy’s touch. To be fair, Niall’s eye did hurt kinda bad and he went back to immediately covering it, however… the way Liam was acting was pretty distracting, like… almost as if he had really been worried about Niall all those weeks back when the blonde had missed his bus, as if he still cared all the same about the boy getting hurt, still immediately jumped and got some ice when Niall did as much as slightly hit his elbow on the table. Maybe he did, why else would he be freaking out like that? Why else would he look as if he might cry from having splashed fucking water on Niall?

“Here you go, it’s wet, maybe… maybe you can get the soap out. Do you need another shirt, or… or do you wanna blow dry it?” Liam had been back literally 0.5 seconds later with a towel, sounding so worried as if Niall had just broken his arm or something when really, the pain was already easing and now all the blonde could think about was that he was enjoying Liam treating him like a 5-year-old way too much. “I’m really sorry, Niall, I… I wasn’t paying attention and… “

“Don’t worry about it… it’s just water and… it’ll dry.” Rubbing the towel over his face and his hurting eye, Niall was really glad that there was no way for Liam to see how red he had gotten, that his hands were shaking just the tiniest bit because… this situation was weird enough already. 

“Yeah, but… but your shirt is like… proper drenched and… and I don’t want you to get a cold or… “ Yep, Liam was definitely still the same guy through and through, but then again, he probably just felt guilty, right? For dropping that plate? He would have surely done the same for Harry or Louis and freaked out all the same, Niall had no reason at all to think that he was special to Liam, it probably only seemed that way to him because deep down, that was exactly what he wanted. “I’ll go and get you another shirt.”

“Liam, I really don’t… “ Niall started, still rubbing at his eye, not having a good enough argument though as he suddenly became aware of how wet his clothes had gotten and before he could finish, Liam had already left the kitchen yet again. Wow, whenever Niall thought things couldn’t get any weirder between them… somehow they did.

At least the boy’s eye stopped hurting while Liam was gone and though it was still aching, it was nothing compared to the embarrassment the boy felt, looking down at himself to see his shirt stuck to his skin, almost getting transparent and… he definitely needed to change his clothes, as little as he wanted to, as red as his face had gotten at just the thought of having to borrow one of Liam’s shirts. Honestly, all these coincidences were getting out of hand.

Once the older boy returned, his cheeks were as bright red as Niall’s felt and yet it wasn’t really a comfort to Niall at all, seeing the piece of clothing Liam was carrying, like… just because the brunette had apparently moved on from being panicked and worried and both of them felt uncomfortable and embarrassed now didn’t make the situation any less awkward. “Um… here, I hope that… that it fits you, I can also, uh… get you another one or… “

“No, that’s, uh… that’s fine. Thank you… “ Niall had no choice, did he? He couldn’t go home because Harry and Louis were probably downstairs fucking, and he also couldn’t stay here with his clothes being wet like that, he HAD to change, he just hoped that… that Liam wasn’t gonna stand there and watch him because for some reason, as stupid as that sounded, Niall suddenly felt more than aware that he hadn’t gone to the gym in months.

“No problem… sorry again, I… “ Clearing his throat, Liam scratched the back of his head after having handed over the shirt before luckily turning around and continuing to do the dishes, as if nothing had ever happened and though Niall still wanted to die, at least he could change his clothes with the tiniest bit of privacy.

In fact, Liam’s shirt was a lot bigger on Niall than he would have thought, bigger than in his memory because he had worn the brunette’s clothes all the time when they had been dating and… the blonde couldn’t help thinking that it was still comfortable as hell now, smelling the same damn washing powder they had always been using and… honestly, this was hell. “Umm… where’d you want me to, uh… put my wet shirt?”

Almost immediately upon hearing the blonde ask, Liam turned around and though Niall was actually staring at the tiles instead of the older boy, he still knew that Liam was checking him out for a second, was staring at Niall wearing his clothes without answering for a moment and though neither of them said it oud loud, it was more than obvious that they were having the exact same thoughts. “Just… just give it to me, I… I’ll put it… up to dry.”

Right, this wasn’t making it any better, Niall just awkwardly stood there for a moment as Liam disappeared yet again before simply deciding to carry on filling the dishwasher, because well… what else was he supposed to do? It’s not like he had gotten seriously injured or something, it was just water and soap and… a whole lot of embarrassment.

When Liam came back he didn’t say anything at all, neither of them did, they just kept on cleaning up quietly next to each other and the brunette tried to obviously stay away from the sink and it would have been kinda funny had Niall not been busy trying to come up with something to talk about, something that wasn’t going to make things weird again, but in all honesty… the blonde couldn’t think of just one thing. And yet he didn’t want to leave somehow and he knew it could only be because something was truly wrong with him, ever since they had had that talk, ever since Liam had hugged him out of nowhere afterwards and Niall had somehow lost his mind twice, once by touching Liam’s hand and the second time calling him up drunk. 

As it wasn’t all that much to clean, they were done more quickly than Niall would have liked, but at least his cheeks had somewhat cooled down as he tried to throw a very creepy smile at Liam while leaning against the counter and emptying the last third of his beer in one go, sadly not feeling the alcohol at all though.

“Do you, uh… do you maybe, I mean… “ Liam suddenly started after licking his lips, also holding his bottle of beer in his hand, clearly fighting with his words while staring at the floor and Niall was getting nervous just watching him. “I was actually… I was gonna give it to my boss, but, uh… do you wanna have something else to drink?”

“I… okay.” Niall mindlessly agreed, because getting just a little bit tipsy sounded like the best idea ever right now, even if the boy knew exactly what had happened the last time he had gotten drunk, but… he wasn’t gonna make the same mistake twice, was he? He had really gone overboard that night, now it was just two… ‘friends’ drinking a bit, nothing else.

Seemingly relieved, Liam put his own bottle on the counter before walking across the room to open a random cupboard in his kitchen and Niall pretended not to stare at the older boy’s muscles flex, or the way his shirt moved against his body, or how his ass looked in those jean, because… he had no right to, they were just neighbors, normal friends with really big communication problems at most. 

Actually, Niall shouldn’t have been surprised that Liam turned back around holding a bottle of wine, and he also shouldn’t have been surprised that they ended up in the living room on the couch with a full glass each, because, well… as far as Niall had understood, Liam had been drinking when he had been gone to cope, to let loose and… that’s kinda what Niall had been doing as well, what had driven him to say yes to going out, just so he’d be able to… forget. At least for a little while.

It was kinda ironic really, that they were now bonding over the one thing that had contributed to ruining their relationship, but Niall didn’t say anything because he was hopeful that the alcohol would help him to relax and because Liam looked really hot holding that wine glass.

 

\------------

 

“Remember… remember when we went on that camping trip, with school, and you almost got attacked by a wild fox?” For some reason, though back then 12-year-old Liam had almost peed his pants out of fear, the brunette couldn’t help but laugh along with Niall as the younger brought it up, completely randomly. Well, ever since Liam had opened another bottle containing something way stronger than wine, their conversations had gotten pretty pointless.

“Oh, shut up, I could have died!” While saying it though, Liam had another fit of giggles interrupting him and Niall joined, now sitting way closer next to Liam than he had 60 minutes ago when they had started with their first glass of wine and Liam actually had no idea what had lead him to offering the blonde alcohol, but…. well, now that he had finally gotten what he had wanted all along, namely having the boy to himself, he had gotten so damn scared about messing up that he had managed to hurt the blonde within like 5 minutes and splashed soapy water into his eye and then Liam had been terrified of Niall finding an excuse to leave and he hadn’t known what to say and they had both stumbled on their words and… and at least now they were talking normally, right? Even if they were very obviously getting tipsy pretty quickly. “How’d you even still remember that?”

“I still got the pictures… all of them, actually.” Niall shrugged, his cheeks were red but so was his whole face from the alcohol, and had Liam not been at his fifth glass or something, he was pretty sure the tuck to his heart would have been a lot more noticeable than it was now. “Also still got the book you made me… remember?”

“Yeah, I… that one took me ages.” The memory caused Liam’s smile to get a bit wonky, but he was too far gone as to properly think about it, or get embarrassed, and Niall clearly felt the same because he definitely wasn’t holding back anymore, wasn’t shy anymore about what he said. Liam knew he would hate himself for this tomorrow, that they had needed to get drunk in order to talk normally to each other, but right now, he couldn’t have given one single fuck. This was all he had wanted, be alone with Niall, talk to him like a normal human being as if… as if they were friends. “I also still got the wristbands we bought when… when we were like, 13.”

“The ones everyone called us girls for?” Grinning, Niall reached out to fill up both their glasses, accidentally spilling some on the table, his hand shaking just slightly but Liam barely even noticed, he was busy trying to secretly watch the other boy, think about how fucking much he had missed seeing Niall wearing his clothes, how much he had missed just sitting on the couch with him. “Those were pretty ace though… I think I got mine too, somewhere… “

“Yeah… I also still got your hoodie.” Liam suddenly blurted out, something he would have never EVER told Niall, not in a billion years, had he been sober, but he wasn’t, and the blonde looked really gorgeous right now and Liam was feeling almost high from getting him all to himself and from already having emptied a whole and a half bottles. “The one you gave me, before I left.”

“Oh.” Was all Niall said to that before taking another sip, the mood having clearly shifted but not to a point where Liam would have said it was uncomfortable, where he would have managed to shut his damn mouth.

“I slept with it… every night. Even after we broke up, you know… “ This was exactly why Liam shouldn’t be drinking. The thing was though, had he not been drinking, he would have probably been alone right now and beating himself up over having splashed water onto his ex-boyfriend while he had been helping him doing the dishes even though he didn’t even have to. “Do you… want it back?”

“Uh… no, it’s okay.” Clearly, Niall was slightly thrown off track now, their eyes met for just a moment before the blonde half emptied his glass, as if he was in a hurry, shaking his head once himself. “Liam?”

“Yes?” Not expecting anything to be nervous about, Liam had no bloody clue what Niall could have been asking him, he just kept on drinking, already having half forgotten about their ‘Oh, I still own all the things that remind me of you and keep me awake at night’ conversation. 

“Before when you were driving us… did you actually only invite me or Harry and Louis as well?” The blonde asked bluntly, and maybe that should have been the point where Liam slowly realized that he needed to stop them both from drinking some more, but instead, he only felt slightly surprised, and maybe the tiniest bit embarrassed, but by far not as much as he should have been about the boy simply exposing him like this.

“I… I actually only wanted to invite you and I… I actually waited for you for an hour, I got off work a lot sooner.” Right, why not just add that as well, right, like, go big or go home. Actually, it caused Liam to chuckle now, thinking about it, thinking about how desperate he was and at least he didn’t tell Niall _that_.

“Why?” He sounded genuinely curious, not mad or anything, just cocking his head slightly as he waited for an answer and Liam wanted to kiss him. 

“I really wanted to… drive you home. And actually, I… I wanted us to hang out, but… I didn’t know how to ask.” That was the truth, simple and easy and yet it would have cost Liam his entire pride to admit it had he been completely sober. Now though, he just shrugged, having noticed that his brain was working a little slower, that his words needed a little bit more effort, but all around, Liam felt good, almost as if he could have asked Niall to give him a hug right now. But he didn’t.

“You’re really drunk.” Niall stated, but his lips had curled into a smirk and Liam couldn’t help but return it for some reason, seeing Niall smiling had always been very infecting and especially now that Liam was pretty much amused by anything. 

“So are you.” It was noticeable not only in his voice but also his eyes, having gotten redder and his forehead a bit sweaty and in general, they were sitting way closer than they normally would have and the things they were talking about were proof enough that this wouldn’t have happened had Liam not planned on giving his boss a bottle of wine for his birthday. “Niall, there’s something I gotta… tell you.”

As the blonde looked at him, with those piercing blue eyes, Liam’s words actually did get stuck in his throat for a second after placing his now empty glass on the table, almost dropping it on accident actually. It’s just, Niall was so damn gorgeous, and Liam hadn’t even planned on what he wanted to say, for a moment he almost asked the blonde about that night a few days ago, where he had told Liam that he loved him, almost asked whether Niall had genuinely meant it, but then, something else happened instead.

As Liam didn’t answer immediately, tried to sort out the mess in his head, tried to concentrate on this conversation they were having, the fact that he had been about to ask Niall something, Niall apparently decided that he didn’t want to wait. There was some hesitation, definitely, before the blonde got rid of his glass as well, emptying Liam’s brain all at once as he scooted closer to him, so close in fact that their thighs were brushing. “What did you wanna ask?”

“I, um… “ Liam licked his lips, they felt quite dry all of a sudden, having Niall so close, breathing him in, feeling the warmth his body was radiating, almost causing Liam to feel too hot and sweaty and not even all the alcohol he had drunk was an excuse for what he blurted out with next, while staring right into Niall’s eyes. “I wanna kiss you.”

There was silence following after this, neither of them looked away or turned their heads, they just looked at each other and Liam’s heart was racing, either because of what he had just said or because he was drunk, it was hard distinguishing his emotions and feelings at this point because all he could suddenly think about was just how fucking badly he wanted to feel Niall’s lips on top of his. This was so fucking stupid, they were both drunk and it was in the middle of the night and Liam would hate himself for this tomorrow, but… but he couldn’t have expected Niall to actually take him seriously, could he?!

Niall didn’t answer immediately, actually, he never did, not as far as Liam could remember anyways, all he knew was that they were looking at each other and that his head was a complete mess and there wasn’t one clear thought he could grasp, half opening his mouth to say something else while at the same time not being able to stop thinking about how much he just wanted to reach out and touch Niall, but then suddenly… the younger boy had shut Liam up before he had even been able to say one single word, with his lips pressed right against Liam’s already slightly parted ones.

It was more than unexpected, to have Niall kissing him, and not in a gentle way or shy, he was kissing Liam like so many times before, eager and as if they hadn’t seen each other all day and Liam had just come home from uni and they were gonna tear those clothes off of each other and fall into bed. They didn’t, but for the moment Liam kinda forgot that they had broken up, he actually kinda forgot about everything that spoke against them kissing right now, because… he had been dreaming about this ever since the day he had left. 

As they both had had enough to drink, neither of them was holding back, they were grabbing onto each other, immediately deepening the kiss, and sure, had Niall just randomly kissed Liam like that without all the alcohol first, the brunette would have been absolutely stoked, that this was all coming from the blonde, that he himself hadn’t even moved or anything. But alcohol _was_ involved and Liam _had_ said that he wanted to kiss Niall, so really, to him it almost was like kissing his own boyfriend, as if somebody had simply turned back time. 

He still tasted all the same, his tongue felt exactly like it had against Liam’s, and his soft lips, his arms wrapping around the older’s neck as Liam made sure to softly push Niall to lie down on the couch, on his back, never breaking the kiss as he lied down on top of the younger boy, not even for a second considering the consequences of this, that it was the worst thing they could have possibly been doing right now. 

Every sound that escaped Niall gave Liam chills, all of this was so familiar and yet it felt so different, after not having done it for so long and they were both desperate, Niall’s fingers tugging almost harshly at Liam’s hair, their teeth clashing more than just once because of how roughly they were kissing, but Liam wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. He had missed Niall so much, every fucking day, and even more lately now that they were talking again, so really, it was no surprise that the first thing he had done after getting drunk was straight up admitting to Niall that he wanted to snog him. And turned out that the blonde apparently didn’t have a problem with that, at least not while he was completely shitfaced. 

Due to the fact that Liam wasn’t only bigger but also heavier than Niall, he was really trying not to squish the younger boy underneath him, keeping his weight on his elbows while they kept making out, their mouths opening wide, tongues sliding against one another like they had so many times before, their lips already swollen and Liam’s were burning but he didn’t want to stop, didn’t want to pull away even as he was running out of air. 

When Niall let out a sound that came closer to a moan than a sigh, Liam felt it in his bones, sparks shooting down his spine whenever he felt Niall tugging at his hair, nails scratching Liam’s skin and maybe it should have hurt but instead, it only caused the older boy to kiss Niall deeper, grinding their hips together in a really dirty and desperate way. 

The kissing alone was bad enough already, the fact that they had gotten this drunk, it was wrong and yet it wasn’t as bad as it got when Niall started arching his back as far as that was possible, increasing the friction between them. For a second Liam almost decided to stop, almost wanted to say something, break the kiss, but the tiniest bit of hesitation immediately caused the blonde to pull Liam’s head closer to his, not allowing him to turn away and as quickly as Liam’s worries had come, they left again. 

“Fuck, Liam… “ Niall was half panting the words, clinging so tightly to Liam that it probably should have been hurting, their lips meeting again and their breaths going heavy, neither of them really wanting to stop kissing the other. “L-Liam… please… “

It was obvious what he wanted, though Liam couldn’t think clearly, he did know what to do, even though he really shouldn’t have, but it was so familiar, the way Niall felt underneath his hand as he moved it down the blonde’s side, his shirt that Niall was wearing having rugged up and Liam could feel the blonde shiver as he pushed it up even higher, feeling the smooth skin he found with his fingers. 

Liam’s jeans were getting unbearably tight as they kept snogging, the sounds Niall let escape mixing with his own, feeling the hard outline of Niall’s erection rubbing against his own through their clothes. Tomorrow, there’d be nothing Liam could use as an excuse for this, absolutely _nothing_ , but right now, he was so eager to get their pants to open that he almost ripped off the button of Niall’s. 

Only being able to use one hand as he needed his other arm to support himself, Liam was forced to break the kiss momentarily, feeling their mixed spit on his lips as he pulled away, causing Niall to let out a desperate whine, again bucking his hips, maybe to help Liam to get his dick out where it was trapped in his jeans, but probably mostly because he was tired of waiting. 

“Hurry… “ The blonde moaned, of course not noticing that he was making this whole task even more difficult by holding onto Liam’s arm and moving around. Niall’s hair was sticking to his forehead and his cheeks were so bright red that Liam was sure they would have felt hot as fire had he touched them and he couldn’t help thinking that the blonde still looked the very most beautiful like this, after a heavy make out session, with Liam’s spit making his red lips shiny and his breath coming hard, chest heaving. Shit.

It felt like such a relief to finally not have these fucking jeans between them anymore and so good at the same time that Liam already felt close to the edge the second he leaned down once more to kiss Niall again, the blonde’s hand now cupping his cheek to keep him close while Liam’s was sandwitched between their bodies, trying to grab a hold of both of them in order to jerk them off together. They could have gone all the way, but they both couldn’t wait anymore and though Liam really wanted get naked with Niall badly, pushing the boy’s shirt up to his armpits and having his hand wrapped around his hard cock was enough for now. 

Their kiss got even messier as Liam started to move his fist, getting their erections slick with precum, both of them already having gotten wet and it was the hottest thing ever to be honest, the fact that just some heated snogging and touching had brought them to this point clearly showed that they felt a lot more than friendship for one another. Or at least Liam did, because the brunette still didn’t know why Niall was doing all of this and right now, he also didn’t care.

“ _Oh my god_ … aaah… yeah, Liam... Li… faster…” Niall’s moans sounded so dirty that it motivated Liam to slightly move his hips in time with the jerks of his hand, eyes rolling into the back of his head from the feeling of having Niall’s cock rubbing up against his, caged in his fist. “Fuck…. Oh god… _yeah_ … you… you feel so good, Li, oh my god… aaah…”

The older boy couldn’t hold back his grunts hearing and seeing how much Niall was enjoying himself once they were forced to break the kiss, their faces still only inches apart though, lips almost still brushing. Everything smelled like Niall and like sweat and sex and it turned Liam on even more, seeing the boy lying underneath him, eyes pressed closed and his lips parted for his moans to escape, fingernails digging into Liam’s biceps, no doubt leaving marks. Fuck, Liam had always had a thing for wanting to make Niall feel as good as he possibly could, make sure the boy came before him whenever they had had sex, and after not being able to see blonde being so blissful because of something Liam was doing, it was maybe even better. 

While staring down at the younger boy like this, with sweat dripping down the side of his face, having to bite his lip until it was almost bleeding and keeping up a steady rhythm of pushing up into his own fist, Liam suddenly had a thought crossing his mind, one that motivated him even more to get Niall to scream his name. What if someone else had seen Niall like this in the past year or so? How many guys had the blonde slept with that weren’t Liam? How many had gotten him to moan like this and to whine for more?

Liam didn’t actually want an answer to that, his drunken self just wanted to get rid of these images and at the same time make sure it’d never happen again. Even if that wasn’t at all any of Liam’s business or his choice to make, it brought his possessive side out. “Fuck… say my name…. c’mon, Nialler… say it.”

“L-Li… Liam… just l-like that… yeah…” Niall didn’t even hesitate and Liam’s name out of his mouth sounded like music to the brunette, closely watching the younger’s face as far as that was possible while swiping his thumb over the tip of Niall’s cock, thumbnail catching in the slit and Niall was actually fucking wailing, back arching again, his mouth just an ‘O’ shape before he let out yet another moan so loud that Liam silently thanked the gods that no one else lived on the same floor. 

“Shit… aaah… how’s… how’s it feel, Ni? Are you close?” Somehow choking the words out between gritted teeth, Liam wanted to hear Niall praising him so fucking badly that he moved his hand even faster, already feeling his wrist aching, the squeaky sound of their erections rubbing together filling the room and Liam almost came after a particular hard thrust against the younger boy.

“So g-good, Li… oh _god_ … please… ‘m so close… “ When they had had sex when they had still been together, it hadn’t always been this rough, it had mostly been very passionate and sweet actually, because that’s just how Liam was, wanting to make sure Niall was safe and feeling good and to know how much Liam loved him, but now… they were drunk and desperate and for some reason, Liam wanted to make Niall scream from pleasure. 

They didn’t last for much longer, hadn’t even been going for that long in the first place, but Niall’s leg slipped off the couch at some point, giving Liam’s hand more room to jerk them off and at this point the blonde’s eyes were just shut tightly and his moans were getting desperate, so without thinking, knowing exactly that they were both about to come, Liam leaned down further to smash their lips back together, the rhythm of his hand getting sloppy.

It took about five more jerks before Niall almost let out a scream consisting of only Liam’s name and the brunette felt him coming all over his hand and their clothes, his nails breaking skin on Liam’s arm but the pain was strangely good, pushing the brunette over the edge as well, moaning into Niall’s mouth as they kept on snogging sloppily, stars exploding behind Liam’s closed eyes. Shit, they hadn’t done this in so long. 

Liam tried to drag it out once they were both coming down again, kept jerking them off until Niall let out sort of an annoyed whine, turning his head a little bit and causing Liam’s lips to smear down his neck, tasting the salt on his skin, feeling the slight stubble. Honestly, they had gone too far as for Liam to not immediately start sucking on the boy’s neck, allowing Niall though to pull his hand away from their softening cocks, both ignoring the mess between them as the younger boy tilted his head back, giving Liam better access, his fingers now kind of softly brushing through the brunette’s hair. 

“That was so good… “ Niall mumbled, or slurred more like, letting out a sigh whenever Liam softly bit into his skin before smoothing the spot with his tongue, not getting enough of the younger boy, he just wanted to be constantly touching him, hand again rubbing up and down Niall’s bare side, his shirt still shoved up all the way to his arms. “I miss you… “

It was sort of only a whisper, as if Niall wasn’t even sure about it and Liam didn’t answer, just kept sucking and kissing Niall’s neck, creating so many love bites as if they were still in high school and Liam wanted to make sure everyone knew that the blonde was taken, that he was _his_ alone, because for just a moment there, he kinda was. 

Once Liam was happy with the work he had created, he leaned back up, staring into Niall’s blue and by now kinda sleepy and red eyes, not even hesitating before kissing him again, sweeter this time, more softly and slowly because they had no rush anymore now, the edge had been taken off and had Liam not started to feel really dizzy he might have actually started to get a bit sleepy. Which would have been not so great seeing as he was on top of Niall and they both still hadn’t pulled their jeans back up and had cum drying on their clothes and skin and maybe Liam shouldn’t have used that hand to run his finger down Niall’s cheek but he did it anyways.

“Stay… stay here with me.” He blurted out, but it kinda felt natural to say it and Liam wasn’t begging Niall or anything, just mumbling against his lips because he really and truly meant it, he wanted the boy to stay, really badly actually. 

“Okay… “ The blonde agreed without hesitation before wrapping his arms more tightly around Liam’s neck, again deepening the kiss and the brunette would have known no place he would have rather been at right now.

Actually, neither of them were too drunk to get into Liam’s bed later, or to pull their clothes off, all of them sadly which they would probably both regret in the morning, but maybe not as much as the fact that they both fell asleep underneath the same blanket, with Liam spooning Niall from behind, just like he had done so many bloody times.

As wrong as all of this had been though, as much as they would regret it and as bad as the consequences would be, there was no denying that Liam hadn’t felt this happy falling asleep in a long, long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone :)
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for all the lovely feedback! im really surprised each time again and i really hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much as the other ones :D as promised, things have shifted quite a bit ;)
> 
> Also: If you guys wanna check out my oneshot i wrote for the niamnetwork on tumblr (we do themes every few weeks and ill probably keep posting my oneshots for that on here, also if you wanna read everyone elses oneshots as well, the links will all be posted on there too: niamnetwork.tumblr.com) then id be very happy if you let me know whether you liked it <3


	6. Chapter 6

There were two things Niall noticed when he woke up. One, he was being held way too tightly in somebody’s arms, and two, he had to throw up, right fucking now. Honestly, the blonde didn’t even know where he was or what had happened, how he had gotten here, who was holding him, all he knew was that he had to get out of this bed right now or he would be vomiting all over himself in a second.

The room was kinda lit, because no one had pulled the curtains in front of the windows and somewhere in the back of his head Niall did realize that this was Liam’s bedroom, since he had been here before, but it literally didn’t matter to him because as soon as he had gotten out of bed and out of these arms having tried to hold him back, he was already hunched over the dustbin standing in the corner. Luckily, it didn’t have any holes.

“… Niall?” Liam’s voice coming from behind Niall didn’t even cause the boy to shudder anymore, the older one sounded sleepy and confused and well, Niall would have felt quite the same had he not been puking into his ex-boyfriend’s furniture, secretly wishing he could have just died instead of having woken up here, again. Sadly, this time, Niall’s memory didn’t do him the favor of erasing half of what had happened, no, the blonde remembered, _everything_ that had happened last night and if anything, it only caused him to gag even harder, repulsed by his own actions and choices. “Oh my god, shit… are you… are you okay, I… “

Clearly, Liam had no idea what to do and Niall also couldn’t tell him to shut the hell up because he was kinda busy puking out his guts for a few more minutes, feeling tears rolling down his cheek, his face feeling hot and wet and… luckily he couldn’t see himself right now because the sight was surely more than pitiful. God, Niall hadn’t only fucked up, it’s like he had planned out how to ruin his whole entire life with one single night and a morning, it’s like… it really was like life was trying to throw everything possible into his way to make this even harder than it already was.

“It’s okay, I… I’ll get you a glass of water and-“

“Liam… shut up.” Was all Niall was able to croak out between a tiny break, his body still trembling, and he felt oddly cold all of a sudden and as he barely turned his head upon hearing the other boy’s footsteps coming closer, the blonde thought he would actually have to die of embarrassment. “Put some… clothes on… oh my god.”

“Right, sorry, umm… you’re kinda… kinda bare as well… “ Great.

Before Niall could answer or tell Liam to just fucking leave, he had to throw up some more, which was probably triggered by the sight he had into the fucking dustbin and also the smell and oh god, why was Liam fucking touching him now?! “Don’t… touch me…”

“Niall, shh, it’s okay, I know you’re probably… feeling really awful, but… “ But nothing, Liam just awkwardly broke off after petting the boy’s back a few times and Niall was pretty sure had he opened his eyes and turned his head, he would have been looking right at Liam’s cock. This was terrible, even worse than anything that had ever happened before, more terrible than the fact that Niall had kissed Liam last night, that he had been begging him to get his clothes off and had been moaning his name. “I… I’ll be right back.”

Niall didn’t even notice Liam leaving, was only listening with one ear to begin with because even though he was mostly just dry heaving now, he didn’t feel just one bit better. Actually, Niall was starting to feel worse with every second passing and even more memories coming back, really detailed ones, like the way Liam had kissed his temple, his beard scratching over Niall’s skin, or how it had felt against the younger’s neck when Liam had been sucking love bites and… wait, he had fucking _bruised_ Niall’s neck and… oh god, what else could have possibly made this situation even worse right now?! 

As soon as the blonde felt like he would survive letting go of that dustbin, he managed nothing more than wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before getting up, not even caring that he was still fucking naked, half blinded by his tears as he stumbled back to the bed, deciding within 1 second that nothing mattered anymore as he crawled back underneath the blanket, face buried deep into the pillows in hopes that he would choke. Nothing mattered anymore from this point on, Niall had ruined it all and Liam… Liam had played along.

When the brunette boy returned only seconds later, Niall didn’t bother to move or say anything, he just waited, listening to Liam moving around the room while staying quiet as well, disappearing again for a few minutes before coming back, putting something onto the bedside table next to Niall’s head before the mattress gave in a little bit, much to the younger’s dismay. He didn’t want to talk, he just wanted to keep on lying here in Liam’s bed, not caring what the other boy thought about that because… hell, they had been snogging last night and Liam had jerked them off and then they had gone to bed together spooning and cuddling and it had almost been like it had been when they had still been dating. Except for the part where they had both had to get drunk before being able to have a normal conversation or touch each other and the fact that Niall had thrown up into Liam’s dustbin, naked. 

“Hey, um… are you feeling better now?” Liam asked as if he genuinely cared, as if this was his biggest concern, whether Niall was fucking feeling alright, what was wrong with this kid?! “I got you some water and… some Advil for your head… “

Great, Liam continued to be the sweetest person to ever walk this planet and Niall honestly couldn’t understand why, whether his ex-boyfriend was just crazy or whether he really was this worried about Niall’s well-being, still, after everything that had happened, not only last night but in general. How could he act this way, after they had gotten drunk and … kind of hooked up? Had made out and gone to bed and… here he was, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Niall, his hand hovering over the blanket. 

“I… I know you probably don’t wanna talk right now and it’s okay, I just… I just want you to know that… I mean, I don’t know how much you remember, but… but it’s alright, whatever happened, we… we were both drunk and… “ What?!

“It’s not alright.” Niall mumbled into the pillow, still not wanting to turn his head or look at Liam, he wanted to stay covered underneath this blanket with his eyes pressed shut tightly for the rest of his life. “We shouldn’t have and… _shit_.”

“Niall, it’s okay, we-“

“No, it’s not, Liam! It’s not fucking okay!” His voice was probably numbed by the pillow, but Niall was getting angry, he couldn’t believe that the other boy was simply pretending that any of what had happened had been an okay thing to do, probably thinking they could just move past this, but… how could they have ever, honestly? “I shouldn’t have… we shouldn’t have gotten drunk, it was wrong and… and I shouldn’t have kissed you, I… why did you kiss me back? Why didn’t you… shove me off?!”

“I…one second… now it’s _my_ fault?” Liam honestly sounded shocked and so completely clueless that that was it for Niall.

The blonde pushed himself into a sitting position in one go, somehow making sure the blanket was still covering his lower half since he had still not gotten dressed, barely even looking at Liam to see the expression on his face, only thing he actually registered in the back of his head was that the brunette had at least put on some sweatpants. “That’s not what I said? I was just… wondering, why you would do that, why you would even tell me you wanted to kiss me in the first place, like, okay, we were drunk, but?!”

“Umm, _you_ were the one who kissed _me_ , I didn’t force you, did I?” Liam was clearly a lot calmer than Niall, but for some reason, that was just upsetting the blonde even more because he knew Liam was right, he knew that if it came down to it and though they had both been playing along, Niall was the guilty one and he really did not want to admit that, not to Liam and much less to himself. “Look, I don’t think there’s a point in fighting now, what happened, happened and-“

“And what? You just wanna… ignore it? Ignore that we drank two bottles by ourselves and got sentimental and then snogged and got off together and that you put like 500 love bites on my neck and that I just threw up in your fucking dustbin?!” Speaking of which, Niall didn’t see it anywhere and he almost started to feel bad, that Liam had had to put it away, wherever that was, and also because his breath couldn’t be smelling too nice right now, but they weren’t sitting very close anyways. 

“What else are we gonna do besides move on from it? I mean, first of all… it’s not 500, there are maybe like… three. Or four… and that looks like a fifth one, but-“

“God, shit, how am I gonna explain this to Harry and Louis?!” Niall was pretty sure he did NOT want to look into a mirror today, or anytime soon, much less in his own because how the hell would he just go home now? After randomly having stayed away the whole night with the other two knowing exactly where he had been? And FIVE love bites on his skin to prove the other’s theories in case they still had had any doubts after this. 

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Honestly, why did Liam sound hurt by that?!

“I… yeah? I mean… what am I gonna tell them and… anyway, that’s not the point, is it? The point is that… that… “ Yeah, what? Niall didn’t know how to continue, he was just staring at Liam now, his mouth hanging open for a second and all he knew was that he wasn’t done being angry, not yet. 

“Niall, let’s just… calm down for a second, yeah? I mean… okay, I know you’re upset and I agree that we shouldn’t have done that, we shouldn’t have gotten drunk in the first place, but I… I shouldn’t have told you I wanted to… to kiss you, I… it was my fault, okay?” God, that was so Liam, to take the whole blame, and for just a second, Niall wanted to agree and simply lie back down, but the fact that the brunette just wanted to calm him, just wanted them to move on for some reason, caused Niall to wanting the complete opposite. 

“No it wasn’t, stop… stop taking the damn blame, I… we’re both at fault and… and I don’t know why it happened but it was wrong and it was probably just because we were drunk and… “ And because Niall still had feelings for Liam and because last night when the brunette had told him he wanted to kiss him the blonde had seen his chance, and he had WANTED to hook up with Liam, he had wanted to go to bed cuddling him and… and the worst part was, Niall hadn’t even been that extremely drunk.

“Yeah, probably, um… “ For a second, Liam hesitated, swallowing and Niall quickly looked away, suddenly feeling a rush of emotions overwhelming him because… he had definitely snogged other guys while being drunk, had also hooked up with them, and though he had ever only done it to get over Liam, had never really felt anything, it did make him wonder like… if HE had done that, then… 

“With how many guys have you hooked up?” Niall just blurted out with his thoughts because well… did it really matter anymore now?! Besides, he was looking for a reason to be angry and that seemed to be just perfect. Also, it did get his heart to bump a little faster and he did get nervous and also… maybe he wasn’t quite prepared for the answer or for Liam to get red like a tomato. 

“I, um… I mean… like…a few.” When Liam finally spit it out, Niall felt all blood draining from his face, feeling frozen for a second, because… that was not what he had expected, not from Liam and maybe… maybe he had sometimes thought about it, but… but hearing him admit it was way, WAY too real.

“I… you don’t even know how many?!” Okay, now Niall was genuinely upset and not only trying to pretend, like… it’s not that he had a right to be angry, but… yeah, he was definitely hurt by that, and disappointed even though he had done the exact same thing, but…that didn’t mean he could just ignore it, especially not in a situation like this.

“I-“

“No, I don’t even wanna know it! What the hell?! We just… how can you just say that, after what happened last night? And how can you not know how many there were? Did you… oh my god, you fucking cheated on me, didn’t you?! You-“

“Niall! Just… shut up, alright?!” Seeing Liam get mad caused Niall to shut up immediately, his eyes going wide, the rage he had felt quickly disappearing and being replaced by something else he couldn’t really name as he was just staring at the older boy, feeling taken aback by how serious he had gotten, suddenly not shy anymore or taken off guard. “I did NOT cheat on you, I would have never ever done that and you know that, so stop saying that crap, okay? What we had, I… that was everything I ever wanted, I wanted all that stuff we always talked about, I wanted to marry you and I wanted to adopt kids with you and have a dog and… you think I would have even _thought_ about cheating on you? No. Yeah, I’ve been with other people, but that was after we have broken up, when I was feeling miserable as shit and was trying my hardest to just somehow keep on trying even though I felt like I had completely lost any goal and reason to do anything at all. Don’t tell me you haven’t been with anybody ever since, Niall.”

“I… I-I mean…” Shit, how could he be so… so damn good at this and almost cause tears to well up in Niall’s eyes as he stared onto the blanket covering his lap, all of a sudden feeling pretty fucking dumb for just having considered that Liam had ever cheated on him. Not that Niall had really believed it, he… he had just kinda been rambling on.

“That’s what I thought. There’s nothing wrong with it either, we’ve been together for six years, that’s… it’s natural we were with other people, and I don’t know how or what happened in your case, but I, for my part was… I wasn’t doing it because I was hoping something would come out of it, I was just trying to cope and somehow… move on.” Yeah, exactly.

After this, Niall had no idea anymore what to say, like… everything Liam had said was true and Niall did feel relief spreading through him, now knowing that the brunette had been with other people for the exact same reason he had, but everything he had said before that was really not making the situation any better, it was just forcing Niall to think about their relationship again and about how much he missed Liam and… how much he didn’t know what to do anymore because everything had gone to shit when Liam had left and now it had gotten slightly better just for everything to go to shit, again.

So naturally, Niall burst out into tears. 

Not bothering to look up anymore or to even attempt to say anything, the blonde simply turned away from Liam, lying back down and pulling the blanket with him as he felt hot tears dropping down his cheeks, pressing his eyes closed in an attempt to somehow force them back inside, which of course didn’t work out in any way. This was so stupid, and embarrassing and… but to be quite honest, that was pretty much everything Niall had felt ever since he had seen Liam again in his own kitchen and it surely wasn’t getting any better now that they had had something going on last night. 

“Nialler…” Almost immediately, Liam’s voice had gotten soft once more, gentle almost, and Niall heard the older boy letting out a rather frustrated, quiet sigh, making it pretty obvious that at least the blonde wasn’t the only one who was more than just overwhelmed with all of this. Shit, what the hell were they even doing? “I… I’m sorry, if… if I said anything, I… I’m sorry about what happened, all of it, and I don’t care if you don’t want me taking the blame because I feel guilty and… Ni, I don’t know what’s going on, or what you think about any of this or what you want us to be or… I just want you to know that… you can talk to me, okay? We can… talk about anything and if… if there’s anything or if… you know... we can… talk and… please don’t cry, Ni, if I was being too harsh, I… I have no idea what we should do either or… please don’t cry, love, I’m sorry… I really am.”

Honestly, Niall had no bloody idea what Liam had meant with any of that because after he had called the blonde ‘love’, his brain had pretty much turned itself off and he just kept lying there like the pathetic idiot he was, not knowing what to say and he probably wouldn’t have been able to anyways since his throat was feeling rather tight and he would have mostly likely just let out a sob before saying just one single word. Shit, what was Liam even saying, what did he mean, like… what would Niall wanna talk about with him?!

They stayed like this for a minute or two, not talking, and Niall just tried his very best to not let out any sobs or to shake too much but that was hardly possible, it’s just… he felt emotionally drained, he had no idea what would happen and in reality, there actually was something he knew he wanted to talk about with Liam, but he also knew he couldn’t, because… because that would have resulted in an absolute disaster. Of course he was thinking about that maybe… maybe Niall wasn’t the only one still somehow… somehow having feelings, but… but he didn’t even know what he wanted to happen himself, so how could he have possibly talked to Liam about it?!

When there was a hand on his shoulder, that wasn’t covered with the blanket, Niall barely even flinched, like honestly, he didn’t care anymore and somehow he was really craving Liam’s touch anyways, he always was and at least now, he didn’t have to pretend that he didn’t. Besides, Niall felt like he hadn’t hugged anyone in a really long time, even though he had probably hugged Harry or Louis a few days ago, but… that didn’t count, not like that.

“Hey… if it helps, I… sometimes I wanna cry as well because… because…” That certainly did not help at all and Niall had no idea what to do with that half whispered and unfinished information because just a second later Liam was suddenly leaning his head against Niall’s shoulder and not counting in last night, that was probably the most intimate they had ever been since… since forever. Sure, they had hugged, but… that had been a whole lot more awkward than it was now. 

It reminded Niall a lot of how Liam had always been there for him whenever anything had happened at all, when he had cried, when he had actually just wanted to shut everybody out and pity himself and not have anybody there, Liam had never allowed the blonde to push him away and Niall had always been more than grateful for it. If there had been one person who had always managed to calm him down, it had been Liam, he had always known what to say and when not to say anything at all and simply hold Niall and let him cry. They had always known each other that well, knowing exactly what the other one needed and… maybe in some way, they still did. 

After a while, Niall was able to stop the tears, though he didn’t bother wiping them or just moving one muscle, enjoying the way Liam was leaning against him way too much and just because he was so tired of having to talk about what had happened, of having to choke on his words and trying to find normal topics just so it wouldn’t get awkward, he took a deep breath before speaking, wanting nothing more than to just forget about everything. “… Liam?”

“Yeah?” The brunette almost answered too eagerly, moving a bit but not lifting his head and Niall was somehow really glad about that.

“Can you… maybe… I mean, if… if you got time, I… can you drive me to work later?” Yeah, that was everything Niall had been able to think of and yet he felt like he was slowly starting to relax as he heard Liam’s quiet chuckle, feeling it in the depths of his body. 

“Sure.” He simply answered, not at all sounding unhappy or annoyed about it, actually… he sounded quite excited, but maybe that was just Niall’s imagination.

“Thank you… also, I… I’m sorry that… that I ruined your dustbin.” About that… Niall had still not brushed his teeth, he was also still naked, but… it was Liam’s bed after all, not a stranger’s, and at least the blonde was 99% certain that no one else had been in here without clothes before him and Liam himself. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry, I put a bag over it and… I’ll throw it away later. It’s not your fault anyways.” Of course Liam wasn’t making a big deal out if, he seemed to be as relieved as Niall felt about finally talking to each other like normal people. Which was kinda weird really, that it was happening NOW, but… Niall wasn’t complaining about finally being able to calm down a little bit. 

They stayed in their position for a little bit longer before Niall decided he probably should get up at some point and redress, even if it was kinda embarrassing to have Liam getting him a tissue to wipe his face with, the look on his face worried, but he returned the slight smile Niall threw at him without thinking when the brunette reached out hesitantly to fix Niall’s hair. 

Maybe… maybe things were gonna get better instead of worse now, not that Niall still had any hopes, but it was like, they had reached an absolute low point, hadn’t they? With Niall having accused Liam of cheating and the whole last night and now the crying and fighting, what else could have possibly happened anymore now? Niall had no idea if he wanted to find out, he was just as confused as he had been before about where he wanted this to go and whether Liam still felt something for him as well, but at least it wasn’t awkward anymore when the brunette got Niall a new toothbrush from his cupboard after the blonde had at least put on his boxer shorts again, letting him shower as well and when Niall was done, somehow he wasn’t surprised to find out that Liam had put out a hoodie for him to somehow cover up the love bites on his neck and made breakfast for them.

Last night had been a mistake, today’s fight as well, but… if that meant Niall didn’t have to choke on his words anymore in front of Liam and wasn’t getting half a heart attack anymore whenever they accidentally touched then… that was an improvement, right? If everything they hadn’t wanted to happen had already happened, then what did they have to be afraid of?

 

\---------------

 

“So… we haven’t seen you two in like… a whole day.” Harry threw the statement into the room without actually asking the question Liam had waited for, he didn’t even sound half as amused or curious as the brunette would have expected and for a second, his nervousness almost seemed to be pretty damn exaggerated for no reason. 

“Yeah, umm… “ Niall started, clearly fighting for words, throwing a look at Liam who couldn’t really do anything other than stare back. They hadn’t decided what to tell the other two, Liam had decided for himself that it was better if Niall said whatever he wanted, since they were his friends and everything, since they lived together, but… he couldn’t have expected that they would all end up together in the other’s living room.

After what had happened last night and this morning, Liam had just been confused the whole day long. He knew why he had told Niall he wanted to kiss him, he knew why all of this had happened, but only from his side, he had no idea why the blonde had been playing along, why… why he had been crying this morning, in Liam’s bed, or why he had almost lost his mind about Liam being with other people, going so far as to accuse him of cheating just so his mood could suddenly change as to where he had asked Liam to drive him to work, had put on the older’s clothes without even saying a word about it, as if that was a normal thing for him to do.

What was Niall’s deal? It was almost as if what had happened had somehow… made things better, for some very weird reason Liam couldn’t figure out. They had been talking like normal people, had honestly not spoken about last night anymore but other things, normal ones, while they had had breakfast and when Liam had driven Niall to work, having ignored the fact that he himself actually had had a day off. So naturally, Liam had spent the day at a café, tried to get some work done when in reality, all he had done was trying to figure out what the hell was going on between himself and Niall, but of course, he hadn’t come to any conclusion that wasn’t completely irrational, but… but somehow Liam couldn’t help thinking that… that there was a chance that Niall still had feelings for him and just didn’t know what to do with them. Only why… why wasn’t he trying to talk to Liam then, why hadn’t he… said anything? It was only ever Liam trying to drop hints, asking Niall to drive him around and invite him over and… and Niall did say yes, but… he also left Liam confused as hell.

The blonde had actually seemed quite happy when Liam had picked him back up hours later, only when they had entered their building, they had run into Louis, who had immediately made sure to invite Liam in and now they were all just sitting there, with probably more than just one secret floating around the room untold. Liam wasn’t quite sure if he actually wanted to know what was going on between Harry and Louis, but sadly, that feeling didn’t seem to be mutual.

“I was just, I mean, we… we watched a movie, last night, after we cleaned up the kitchen and I… we both fell asleep and Liam drove me to work today because I almost… I almost overslept and he didn’t know when I had to get up of course, so… yeah.” Niall was simply lying through his teeth, with quite a few struggles but Liam had hopes that maybe Louis and Harry weren’t going to keep on asking, that maybe… maybe they would decide to just take it like that. 

“Right… “ Was all Harry answered before clearing his throat, looking from Niall to Liam, who were sitting next to each other on the couch, and then suddenly he looked at Louis. “So, we… me and Louis thought we should tell you guys something, both of you.”

Well, that had taken a very different turn, Liam felt himself relax, saw Niall sitting up more straight next to him, leaning forward a bit and it’d be a lie to say that they both didn’t already know what this was gonna be about anyways. Thank god Harry and Louis seemed to have been so busy with each other lately that they weren’t as invested into whatever was going on between Niall and Liam anymore. Still, Liam couldn’t help feeling that the other two knew just exactly what was going on, that they were reading them both like open books and just decided not to say anything. 

“Well, we talked to each other and since that was already a few days ago, we thought… we should let you know.” Louis continued, he didn’t seem nervous, neither of them did, they were just speaking slowly and carefully, as if it was still a secret. “We’re dating.”

“So… you did actually tell Harry you’re in love with him after shouting it into my ear when you were drunk?” Niall bluntly asked and Liam had to actually bite the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t laugh. He was happy for them, of course he was, but it wasn’t like it had come out of nowhere and also… he did feel a bit bad for Niall, that he was now… living with a couple. Although, he had been living with a couple for way longer, they just had had yet to realize that they were one. 

“Wait… what?” Okay, this was slightly awkward, now Harry was confused and Louis was getting slightly panicked and well, Liam was just sitting there trying to somehow keep up a neutral facial expression. 

“Oh, um… nothing. Congratulations, I… I mean, I’ve been suspecting it for months and you probably both know that but… I’m happy for you, really.” Actually, Niall didn’t sound THAT happy, he just sounded very relieved, which Liam could understand, but he still felt the need to say something as well, make sure to smile at the other two, to let them know that he also was glad that at least someone’s love life wasn’t a complete disaster and felt like a trip through hell and back each day.

“Me too, I… and your mum’s gonna be really happy too, Haz, I mean… they all already love him, right?” Right, this was stupid, but Liam didn’t know what else to say because he and Harry had kinda already talked about it a while ago and now it was… not a big surprise. Also, Liam was still busy trying to think of excuses just in case someone would come back to before’s topic. 

“Thanks, guys, I mean… we know we haven’t been too subtle, but… we needed to talk and stuff, and… we finally did.” This was good, for them, Liam just wished that certain other people would be as enthusiastic about talking things out as Harry and Louis, but then again, he wasn’t one to talk, was he? “So now that that’s out of the way… Niall, since when can you afford brand name jumpers?”

“Wh- I… I mean, it was… it was on sale?” Oh god, at least Harry hadn’t said anything about the love bites covering Niall’s neck, which were definitely more than five, but the way both Niall’s and Liam’s cheeks started to get hot was probably rather hard to overlook. “Since… since when do you care about what I’m wearing?”

“I don’t know… since you buy your clothes specifically to cover up the bruises on your neck, I guess.” Fuck, so much about getting away with it. 

Actually, Harry and Louis just started laughing while Liam sat there having to actually remind himself to keep on breathing and not die from embarrassment. Although, that would have probably been a blessing at this point because if the other two asked whether they had hooked up then Liam definitely did not have an answer for that. It’s not that he would have had such a problem just explaining everything to Harry and Louis, but he knew Niall didn’t want him to, it was clear by the way he was behaving, still not giving up and trying to somehow talk himself out of it.

“That’s… an allergic reaction, I… I ate something for lunch, uh… today at work.” Unknowingly, Niall was just making it worse, he was playing with his fingers the whole time, not once looking up, probably not seeing the stupid grins on Harry’s and Louis’ faces, but Liam certainly did. Not that there was anything he could have done or said, this was Niall’s choice alone and the brunette really didn’t wanna get involved here, even if he already was. “Anyways… I think there’s a game on, so if you don’t mind… “

Kinda awkwardly, the blonde got out of his seat to get the remote for the TV and Liam was really hoping that things would start to relax once they were watching. He did feel a little bit bad because neither he nor Niall had been overly enthusiastic about Harry and Louis telling them they were dating, but the other two didn’t seem to be very affected by it anyways. In fact, they were grinning the whole time, obviously knowing what was going on and Liam actually considered going home just to escape this awkwardness. Then again, he couldn’t leave Niall alone with them, not now, when they would have surely been bombing him with questions the second Liam was out of the door. 

Instead, he kept on sitting there, a little bit too excited about the fact that Niall was sitting as close next to him as a good friend would, while at the same time wearing Liam’s jumper, looking a lot smaller in it and really cozy and… had they still been together, Liam wouldn’t have even been able to resist just one second before pulling Niall as close to him as humanly possible and scattering his face with kisses and… it was killing him that he had to sit there and do nothing at all, pretend like they were just 4 friends sitting there, watching football on the telly.

It was funny really, the way Niall behaved the same exact way he always had while watching football, even after that conversation and though he held back for like, the first 15 minutes, he started yelling and getting excited about literally every single thing again after that, and somehow Liam wasn’t surprised that Harry and Louis were kinda the same way. For some reason, it almost got the brunette a bit sentimental, but then again, _everything_ got him sentimental and emotional nowadays. 

Actually, it had already been kinda late when they had gotten home and though Liam hadn’t really done anything all day long, he still started to feel kind of tired after a while of pretending to watch the game, not really that interested anyways. He never had been to be honest, but he had always watched whatever Niall had wanted to, had been looking at the blonde instead of the screen, enjoyed all his facial expressions and how bloody excited and also angry he got, it… it had been very fascinating. Once they had broken up, Liam had tried watching sports on the television by himself, but… he had barely been able to keep the program on for longer than five minutes.

“They’re all such crybabies, we’re gonna fucking lose, what a shit show.” Niall had gotten so worked up by the time there was a halftime break that he had already stopped yelling around, not causing Liam to flinch anymore every ten seconds with how loud his voice was, very unpleasantly keeping him from taking a nap right here and now. “We should just turn it off, I don’t even wanna see it anymore.”

“No way, I wanna know how it ends, you can go to your room if you don’t wanna see it.” Louis immediately fired back, they had also been yelling at each other a few times and Liam had no idea why because they seemed to all be supporting the same team, but… what did he know, really? He actually had no idea why he was even still here, now that clearly everyone was having other worries than what any of them had been up to last night. 

“We’re gonna lose, you’ll see. I’m gonna go get some popcorn.” It was like, 11 pm or something, but apparently Niall still did not care what time of day or night it was in order to be hungry and it would have caused Liam to smile had he not been so tired that just moving his eyes away from staring at the floor in front of the TV seemed to be too much work. 

“Bring me the crisps, yeah?” There was a bit a glare from the blonde at Louis’ request before Niall left without giving an answer, but in all honesty, Liam barely even noticed, he was just trying to figure out how in god’s name he was supposed to walk upstairs later. “You alright, Li?”

“What?” Confused at hearing his name, Liam almost didn’t even turn his head to look at Louis because he was too lazy, having to yawn when he convinced himself to look over in the end, feeling even more tired afterwards. If that was any possible.

“I was asking if you’re alright, you’ve been a bit… quiet. And you look like you’re gonna pass out any second.” Well, Liam hadn’t really been trying to hide his tiredness really, he would have answered Louis had his brain not been working too slowly. “You can stay overnight if you want, you know, Harry’s not using his bed anymore anyways. Or you can also squeeze in with Niall.”

“Um, what?” Niall was just coming back at this second with way too many snacks, and had Liam not been so damn tired, he might have gotten a bit embarrassed. Actually, he never even got to tell Louis that it was fine, that he didn’t wanna stay over, because he was just too damn slow and tired. 

“Oh, nothing. Where are my crisps, Niall?” When the blonde sat back down next to Liam, he put everything he had been holding on the coffee table in front of them and in all honesty, if Louis would start a stupid fight about some dumb crisps when Niall had literally brought a whole candy store and keep Liam from half sleeping through the next half of this boring game the brunette would kill him.

“There weren’t any left, but I brought pretty much every single thing we own so I’m sure you’ll find something.” This time, Niall somehow sat even closer to Liam, there were maybe 20 centimeters of distance between them and yeah, it wasn’t the biggest couch in the entire world after all but it still caused the older boy’s heart to get a little bit unsteady. 

“Who a-“

“Sht, it’s starting again.” The blonde boy simply shushed his friend, stuffing popcorn into his mouth at the same time, putting his feet up on the coffee table and Liam had no idea how any of that was attractive to him, but somehow it still was, and it actually almost killed him to force himself to draw his eyes away from the younger boy and keep on pretending to be watching the screen.

Maybe staying overnight wasn’t such a bad idea after all, though it were only a few stairs and Liam really did not want to sleep in his cousin’s bed where he and Louis had possibly… been doing stuff, but maybe he could just sleep on their couch or something, if it didn’t bother anyone. A few more minutes and Liam probably wouldn’t have a choice anymore anyways.

 

\--------------

 

Niall was really caught up in the game that was on, he almost even completely forgot about everything that had happened today and last night, almost forgot how much all of this had distracted him at work, the fact that he had been excited about Liam picking him back up from work, the fact that… that even though all of this was shit and fucking stupid, they had been able to talk normally to each other all day long. 

Louis and Harry finally owning up to their relationship really hadn’t been a surprise to Niall at all, actually, he had just been glad that not the whole attention had been on the fact that he hadn’t come home last night. Yeah, he knew that the other two probably knew that he had been lying, about the sweater and the love bites, but that didn’t mean Niall had to admit it, right? He didn’t want to, it’d… make everything too real somehow, and though it was real and for some twisted reason it had helped him and Liam to be more comfortable around each other, Niall liked to think that… that he could somehow forget about what had happened. Even if that was of course impossible, wearing the boy’s clothes and everything.

He liked that Liam was here, liked that he was sitting next to Niall right here on the couch, so close that the blonde could feel his warmth, feel his presence, and he had noticed that Liam was getting really tired with time passing by, but he wouldn’t have ever expected what happened.

The game was almost over and Niall had gotten so worked up over it that he barely had any interest anymore now to even just say one word because they were losing anyways, but just when the blonde was about to once more voice his complete annoyance with these fucking players, he suddenly felt something hitting his shoulder, slowly, but still out of nowhere.

For a second, Niall was almost scared to check whether what was on his shoulder was really what he thought it was, but… it didn’t take an idiot really, the blonde could smell Liam’s cologne, felt his warm cheek even through the fabric of the sweater and his hair barely brushing the blonde’s skin and… Liam had really and honestly fallen asleep with his head on Niall’s shoulder, now, with Harry and Louis right there and… somehow he didn’t mind at all. 

It was a little bit weird maybe, and Niall was glad that the other two seemed very busy watching the rest of the game, even if… even if it shouldn’t have mattered actually, because it wasn’t like Liam had wanted it this way and it wasn’t as if Niall had forced him, but… but somehow it still caused the blonde to feel a whole lot warmer inside. He didn’t try to move away, didn’t even hope Liam would move in his sleep, because for a moment, he was able to pretend it was just the two of them watching TV and Liam falling asleep because he had never liked watching sports anyways just like… like it had happened so many times in the past. 

Niall didn’t dare moving just one muscle, not wanting to disturb the older’s sleep, and though that meant he couldn’t really concentrate on the TV anymore, he found himself not caring all that much. Well, that was of course until the game was over and the other two started moving again and complaining, for about ten seconds before they looked over. At least Niall wasn’t as nervous about that conversation as he had been hours ago.

“What’s… going on over there?” The amusement in Harry’s voice wasn’t to be overheard, but Niall tried not to care, even if he felt a little bit stupid for having to pretend to be typing on his phone, but… it was just a lot easier like this. Or so he had thought. 

“Nothing, Liam fell asleep.” Resisting the urge to shrug, Niall tried to put on the most bored facial expression he could manage, even forcing himself to yawn before he suddenly remembered that he couldn’t even get up and into bed with Liam leaning on him like that. 

“Right, well… maybe you should wake him up, or… he can have my bed, we already told him before, but it’s totally your choice what you do.” Harry shrugged and before Niall could even open his mouth and ask what that was supposed to mean, the younger boy had turned off the TV with a really dumb smirk on his face and was about to get up. 

“Wait… you two are going to bed now? Are you serious?” Shit, it wasn’t like… like Niall couldn’t wake Liam, but… but he really didn’t want to be left alone with him now that the other two knew about it and would possibly be talking once they were alone and come up with the most ridiculous theories. 

“Well… you two are very obviously getting along again and… we’re tired, so… “ Louis shrugged while getting up as well, throwing a smile at Niall that somehow upset the blonde just a little bit. This was stupid, but then again, Niall had lied into their faces a few hours ago, more than once and… at least these two had finally owned up to being in a relationship, so maybe he shouldn’t have gotten so worked up over it. The problem was just that Niall had never really wanted to talk about Liam or what had happened, with anybody, and now suddenly all this craziness was happening and he was kinda forced to make up lies and… short, it wasn’t really helping to be stuck in a situation like this yet again. Also… Niall kinda didn’t trust himself anymore around Liam, when they were with the other it was rather easy to stay away and not say stupid things, but alone… alone Niall could have done anything and no one would have been there to stop him from embarrassing himself or doing or saying the wrong thing just because he still had feelings for Liam. And yet he craved to be alone with him and THAT really was the craziest part of it all.

“Right… well, goodnight.” The blonde was a bit mad at the other two so he didn’t try to hide it, not looking at them anymore either but instead continuing to fake type on his phone. There was no way he’d wake Liam up with the other two in the same room. 

“You know, Ni… for not having any feelings for him you sure let him put a lot of bruises on your neck.” It didn’t even sound like Louis was trying to make fun of Niall, and the blonde didn’t know whether Harry was still here as well or whether he had already left, but he didn’t bother checking anyways.

“What does… that have to do with my feelings? Or his? Not that I’m saying he did that, but if he did, then… it doesn’t mean we still love each other, it would just mean that… that he put a few love bites on my neck and that would be the end of the story. Besides, it’s an allergic reaction, like I said.” Okay, now Niall was really behaving like a child but he didn’t care, he was pouting now, ignoring the sigh Louis let out. He wasn’t gonna admit it, no fucking way. 

“Alright, well… see you tomorrow.” Luckily he gave up like that, probably because he already had experience with Niall being stubborn and the blonde almost felt bad for a moment, almost said something to stop his friend from leaving, maybe congratulate him again on finally talking it out with Harry, or apologizing for almost exposing him before. But he didn’t because even though Niall was happy for them, he was also scared, living with a couple, his two best friends that would always choose each other over him, and his ex-boyfriend in the same building, it… it wasn’t really what he had signed up for, was it? Not that Niall had a choice. 

After they were alone, Niall still didn’t move for quite a while, thankful that he didn’t hear any noises from Louis’ room where Harry had apparently slept every night since a while without the blonde even noticing. Well, he had been kinda busy with other things, and people, people who were now sleeping with their head on his shoulder, all soundly as if they were doing it every day. Really, a part in Niall didn’t want to wake Liam, just wanted to keep on sitting there like this, the whole night long. But that would have really been crossing lines.

“Hey, Liam… “ The blonde tried, his voice a lot softer and more gentle than he had anticipated, hesitating for a moment before reaching out to touch the older boy’s arm, rubbing a bit as he tried to get him to wake up. “Li… can you… can you wake up for a second, please?”

There was a bit of moving and Niall kept on saying Liam’s name and touching his arm, almost getting a bit desperate even though only two minutes or so had passed until the brunette barely lifted his head, rubbing at his eye while letting out a yawn, clearly confused for a moment. “Oh, sorry… did I… did I sleep in?”

“Yeah… it’s fine though, you… you can stay here if you want.” Although Liam would have just had to walk up a few stairs, Niall decided that maybe that wasn’t a good idea, seeing how tired he was and all and anyways… he kinda felt the need to pay the boy back for… for picking him up drunk and letting him sleep in his bed twice, one time naked and throwing up into his dustbin, so… “Only if you want, of course, I… you can have Harry’s bed, or… or mine, I mean, if you don’t wanna sleep in his, I’d understand and I can take it instead if… if you want.”

“No, I… “ Liam finally sat up straight again, his cheeks were a little blushed, probably because he had realized he had fallen asleep against Niall’s shoulder and the blonde quickly made sure to remove his hand from Liam’s arm, clearing his throat a bit as he tried not to stare. It’s just, Liam looked so cute when he had just woken up and his eyes seemed to be on the edge of falling closed again and… it did things to Niall. “I can just… just sleep on the couch, if… if you don’t mind, I mean, I-“

“No, no, that’s… that’s fine, I’m gonna… get you a blanket and pillow… right.” This was good, because Niall really did not want to sleep in Harry’s bed, even if he had known that there was no way Liam would have agreed to kick Niall out of his own bed, he was a gentleman through and through after all. “I’ll be right… back.”

“Okay… thank you, Niall, and… I’m sorry for… for taking over in my sleep.” Right, Niall’s shoulder still felt really warm, he just made sure to throw half a smile at the other boy still sitting down before walking to his own room, heart beating way too fast for some reason. 

They didn’t really own any extra blankets or pillows, but Niall at least had one extra in his own bed so he took that and the covers he still had from home that were supposed to go over his bed during the day but he never really bothered to put them there. Right before the blonde wanted to walk back into the living room, he kinda remembered that Liam was wearing jeans and well… maybe he wanted to change his shirt or something, so even though Niall felt like an idiot for doing that, he made sure to grab a pair of sweatpants and a shirt that was kinda big on himself in hopes that it’d fit Liam. Probably not, but… he was just trying to be nice.

When Niall came back, Liam was still sitting there just like he had before, immediately getting up though in order to help the blonde once he had entered the room. “Thanks, Ni… “

“That’s okay, I… I also got you some clothes, but… I don’t know if…. If they’ll fit you, so… “ Now that Niall thought about it, that was kinda stupid, Liam could have just slept in boxer shorts and nothing else, but just the thought of getting up tomorrow and seeing his ex-boyfriend half naked and in just boxer shorts was causing Niall to feel hotter than he would have liked to admit. “Okay, um… you can… get anything you want from the kitchen and… and the bathroom is just down the hall and if you need anything, um… you know where my room is, or… or you can also go to Harry and Louis, but… but they’re probably naked and… yeah.”

“Thank you… really.” His smile was soft, but he seemed very nervous, just like Niall felt, but he tried to return that smile while nodding a bit to himself, kinda not wanting to leave just yet, but… it would have just made things awkward if he had stayed.

“No problem… goodnight.” Just as Niall turned to go, not really having anything left to say, he was very surprised to be stopped by a hand wrapping around his wrist, immediately causing him to look at Liam once more, confused but also kinda relieved. He had wanted the brunette to stop him, even if it wasn’t really for the reason he had hoped.

“Hey, um… since Harry and Louis are now… you know, a couple, I… if you ever need some time, like… I mean, if it’s getting too much constantly being around a couple, then… you’re more than welcome to come stay at my place for a bit, if you want.” Oh.

That was not what Niall had expected to hear and he had no idea how Liam meant this exactly, but the older boy was still holding his wrist and it felt like he was burning Niall’s skin with his touch, kinda distracting him a whole bunch so he just nodded mindlessly, the offer really surprising him but at the same time filling him with warmth. Liam was so sweet and so nice and… he continued to be, after everything that had happened and that really was remarkable. Also… it did make Niall kinda happy, because as more time passed by and with Liam offering things like that, he at least knew that the brunette was probably not just being this nice because he felt like he had to be, it seemed like he really did want to have Niall around, make sure he was alright. 

“Oh… thank you… I mean, they’ve been acting like this for a few months and I’m hoping it won’t get worse, but… thank you, really.” Smiling a bit at the older boy, Niall softly pulled his wrist out of Liam’s grip, knowing exactly that there was no way he’d be able to fall asleep tonight. “Tell me if… if you need anything, okay?”

“I will. Thanks, Ni… goodnight.” Leaving Liam behind was a little bit harder than Niall would have thought, but he forced himself to turn around and walk away, resisted the urge to touch his wrist where Liam had been touching him, the spot still feeling tingly and hot, that’s how much of an effect the brunette had on Niall.

Lying in bed a few minutes later in a half dark room with some lights coming in from outside, Niall didn’t even try to close his eyes, he was just staring at the ceiling, not really seeing all that much. Somehow it got Niall feeling all kinda ways to know that Liam was just over in the living room, probably already asleep seeing as he had been so tired before. The fact that they had been sleeping in the same room or at least the same apartment was something Niall would have never expected to happen again just once, let alone many times in a row. 

He knew that he was starting to fall for Liam all over again, not that his feelings had ever went away, but he had tried denying them for a while and it was getting harder to not just let them overtake him once more with each day passing. Niall had sworn to himself to never let this happen again, had never wanted to be this used to someone again, just so he wouldn’t ever have to feel so torn apart again, as if his whole world had ended right then and there.

The way Niall had been depending Liam hadn’t been the healthiest maybe, the way they had used to spend each and every day together. It was just… Liam had been his soulmate and maybe he still was, Niall had never needed anybody else and… it had been the perfect relationship, that was for sure. Only after their break up and all the pain and now this… Niall wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to secretly wish they could have just gone back to that, because… would they ever be able to be the way they had been? Would they ever be able to truly move on and forget? Niall had no idea, all he knew was that he wanted Liam, he always had and he always would be the one for the blonde, even if he knew that it was wrong and even if maybe Liam didn’t even feel the same anymore.

After an hour of contemplating, Niall decided he couldn’t take it anymore, he didn’t know with what excuse he would randomly burst into the living room, but he decided he could have always said that he had been thirsty and on his way to the kitchen should Liam have still been awake. But lying here and overthinking was killing Niall, he didn’t know what he wanted and he didn’t know what was wrong with him, but… he was craving Liam’s presence, so badly that he almost thought he’d choke. 

Tiptoeing through the quiet apartment, Niall was slightly nervous before walking around the corner and into the living room, already trying to come up with an excuse so they could talk, but… that turned out to be very unnecessary, because Liam was deep asleep on the couch, and he was also very shirtless and the blanket was only covering half of his upper body and Niall almost had a heart attack.

It was so Liam to have folded up Niall’s shirt that had obviously been too small for him, but the blonde was pretty sure that he was at least wearing the sweatpants and for a really stupid reason, it made him smile. Slowly walking over without really thinking about it, Niall was glad that Liam hadn’t pulled the curtains in front of the window, letting in some light that allowed the blonde to look at his sleeping figure, watching him like a fucking creep.

The coffee table was still full of snacks and Niall tried to move some out of the way, as quietly as possible, making some space for himself so that he could sit down, his eyes never moving away from Liam’s relaxed face, his chest evenly moving up and down, breath quiet and soft. He was so gorgeous, as if angels had carved his fucking face and Niall hated that he had thoughts like this, but anyone who wasn’t blind could see that Liam was absolutely perfect, with his thick eyebrows and chocolate brown eyes and his pouty, red lips and the beard and the chest hair and those muscular arms and all that combined with his personality and… even now, Niall had no idea how he had ever won the boy’s heart, even if maybe he didn’t have it anymore.

Just because Niall was kinda in trance watching Liam sleep, he didn’t even think before reaching out, hand shaking just slightly as he brushed his fingers through Liam’s hair, very softly as to not wake him, his brain completely turned off, the realization he had been hoping for never coming. If anything, looking at Liam only caused Niall to want him even more, caused him to get even riskier thoughts, but it definitely did not help him find a solution for this mess in his head and that flood of emotions he couldn’t control. 

In the end, Niall probably sat there for good half an hour, staring at Liam and playing with his hair like he hadn’t done in ages, running a finger down his cheek and over his lips, barely even touching him though because he was terrified of waking Liam up and having to explain this. Right when Niall forced himself to get up because he couldn’t be sitting here all damn night stroking Liam’s face, the boy still hesitated, trying to convince himself not to do it, but… Liam was asleep and he would never find out, so…

First, Niall only made sure to adjust the blanket, just so the older boy wouldn’t get cold, but then, just when Niall thought that maybe he could resist the urge to lean over Liam once more, he suddenly decided that it didn’t matter, that he couldn’t remember the last time he had done this and maybe he would never get the chance to again. So without much thinking, the blonde pressed his lips against Liam’s forehead, lingering for a bit, breathing him in, and though he regretted it immediately afterwards, he knew he would have regretted it more had he stopped himself from doing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone after another chapter :) 
> 
> i really hope you all enjoyed it & also i hope you're all happy with how the morning after has turned out because i know a lot of you had concerns niall and liam might go back to zero but i decided that would have been too boring haha! anyways, thank you all yet again for so many comments! i dont think ive ever gotten so many comments on each individual chapter before and thats pretty amazing :D so thank you, i love hearing you guys thoughts and talking to you!
> 
> also regarding the length of this fic, sadly i have to say i have no idea how long its going to turn out but ill make sure to warn you guys when its leading towards an end!
> 
> thank you all so much for reading <3


	7. Chapter 7

Niall had been having the worst day possible, even worse than the day he had seen Liam sitting in his own kitchen and he wasn’t gonna pretend that he was fine because he really, really wasn’t. First, he had found out that he had failed this stupid ass exam that he had been studying for for _ages_ and everyone else had passed with flying colors and then, when uni had finally been over for the day, he had come to work just to find out that his boss was having an equally as bad day and had yelled at him 50 times in front of customers and then threatened to fire him if he didn’t work 3 extra hours.

So now it was fucking midnight and though Niall hadn’t missed the stupid bus because of some miracle, he wasn’t in the mood to talk to anybody, or just look at them really, already planning on what he could tell Harry and Louis so they would leave him alone should they still be awake, but it turned out that there was no need to. Also, turned out that though Niall had been telling himself he wanted to be alone and feel sorry for himself, when he found out that he was indeed all alone, he kinda regretted that wish a little bit. Now he couldn’t even take it out on someone. 

It had been raining outside, actually storming really badly, and though Niall had taken the bus, he still had had to walk to the building of course, so his hair was actually dripping as he was standing in his flat, having kicked the door closed with his foot right before noticing the yellow piece of paper lying there on the floor, with Louis’ unmistaken crappy handwriting on it. 

 

_we’re with harry’s family, might be staying overnight_

 

Right, now Niall should have been really happy, shouldn’t he? But he fucking wasn’t because… who was he gonna tell and complain to about his horrible fucking day when no one was bloody there? Like, Harry and Louis had been officially dating for… for what? A week, maybe? And they were already hanging out with their families together and… and yeah, Niall didn’t know whether they would have asked him to come had he been home like he usually was, but something told him that they probably wouldn’t have. And why would they? They were a couple and Niall was just… their roommate.

Throwing away the piece of paper because Niall was just really angry, the blonde decided that there was no reason not to eat the leftovers that he knew Harry had been saving because he had probably eaten enough of his mum’s cooking anyways and also, there was no way they were going to come back home today. Or tomorrow actually, seeing as it was after midnight. 

Of course Niall knew that it was no one’s fault, but he was mad and… that surely wasn’t gonna go away very soon, at least not enough for him to fall asleep now. Naturally, the blonde made sure to turn on as many lights as possible while his food was heating up, he didn’t like darkness and to be quite honest… Niall actually also didn’t like being alone. Well, it was fine if he was alone in his room, but… there was a storm outside and it was actually so loud that not even the TV could block it out and there was no one else in this entire flat and Niall was tired but at the same time he was really worked up and kinda anxious. Great.

Actually, things had been kinda… alright the last few days. Well, apart from the fact that Harry and Louis were constantly kissing and being all touchy and going on dates, but of course that wasn’t where Niall’s mind was at most of the time, it was much rather with his ex-boyfriend, who… he still wasn’t really spending much time with alone but who he overall saw pretty damn often and who he could talk to pretty normally by now and who... who had driven Niall around almost every day. He had even dropped Niall off at work today actually and luckily he had had to be at a really late meeting so he hadn’t been able to pick the blonde back up. Which would have really sucked because Niall would have had to call him and tell him he would get off 3 hours later and then Liam would have insisted on still picking him up and anyways… it would have gotten complicated.

They hadn’t talked about their drunken night again, the bruises on Niall’s neck had faded and none of it had affected their relationship in a bad way at all, which should have been kinda alarming really, but in reality, the blonde was just really glad and relieved about that. And also, he absolutely hated himself for always thinking about Liam, practically 24/7, and for wanting to be close to him and touch him and kiss him and just lie in bed with him and talk about their days just like they had used to.

But this would have been wrong, they had broken up and they hadn’t really talked about what either of them wanted or felt and really…. they probably wouldn’t ever do that unless one of them opened their mouths and right now, it didn’t really look like that. Then again, Niall didn’t even know what he wanted, so there was that.

It was kinda pathetic really, to be sitting on the couch with all the lights turned on and the TV on really loud, eating half cold leftovers while wearing clothes that Niall should have long thrown away, hair still dripping. Well, at least Niall wasn’t wearing the sweatpants Liam had had on a couple days ago or the sweater he had borrowed Niall that the blonde still hadn’t given back for some reason and the older boy had never asked for it either. This was stupid.

For a while, Niall actually managed to distract himself, putting away the dishes once he was finished eating, brushing his teeth, cleaning up his room for like, 10 minutes, before going straight back to the living room to watch some more TV just because there was no way he was tired enough to sleep. Also, the storm outside was getting worse instead of better, and also a lot louder, and Niall was really trying to be okay with that and not care, but reality was, he absolutely hated it.

There were no messages on his phone, of course, because everyone else was probably asleep seeing as it was 1 am already, but… it would have still been nice, kinda, even if that would have meant that Niall would have had to either pretend that he hadn’t had a shit day and text back in a nice way or not text back at all. With no messages though, he was just forced to deal with all of it by himself, let it bother him and have anger eventually turn into kind of depression and even more anxiety.

Clearly, being alone really hadn’t been the greatest wish.

Still, Niall knew he’d be fine, he’d go to bed a bit later and just sleep and hopefully get over it by tomorrow, but sadly, that never happened because reality was that the storm took out the whole entire power of the flat, one second Niall was on the couch watching TV in a totally lit room and the next… he was sitting in complete darkness with his heart beating as fast as it could. 

“Shit… “ Niall mumbled to himself, cursing everything as he somehow tried to reach the light switcher without falling over too many things or hurting himself, aggressively trying to turn the lights back on multiple times without success once he had found it. Fucking amazing, as if Niall hadn’t been anxious before, he was fucking dying now.

There was no way he could call Harry or Louis now and ask what to do about this problem or call the landlord at this time of day and anyways… none of them probably knew what to do anyways. It was just the storm, Niall knew that the power would eventually turn back on and for now he had the light on his phone and he probably should have gone to sleep anyways, but for some reason, he was freaking the hell out instead.

The blonde didn’t know what was driving him to unlock his phone and look through his contacts in complete panic, not even really thinking about why he was doing this because deep down he knew it but didn’t want to admit it to himself and anyways, he was much busier with other problems right now. 

Somewhere in the back of his head, Niall was a little bit taken aback about calling Liam at 1 am, but he tried to tell himself that it was because there was literally no one else to call and anyways, it’s not like it mattered right now because Niall was standing in the middle of a very dark living room biting his fingernails bleeding with his free hand and his heart beating really fucking fast. And not even because of Liam but rather because Niall was really terrified of having to be here all by himself and not knowing what the hell to do and with a massive storm going on outside.

Liam wasn’t picking up immediately, of course, it was 1 am and he probably had had a really long day at work, but… Niall was going to die here all by himself and he rather would be embarrassed in the morning than go crazy before actually getting there. 

It seemed to take actual ages and maybe it felt a lot longer because Niall’s panic was slowly rising even though it wasn’t completely dark because there was still some light coming in from the windows, but that surely wasn’t enough. Actually, Niall was about to somehow find the front door and run up to Liam’s apartment even though the lights were probably also out in the staircase, but… Niall would have given anything to not be alone right now. Fuck, why the hell did his only two friends have to be gone exactly tonight?!

“… yes?” When Liam picked up the phone, fucking finally, his voice was barely understandable and it was really deep and raspy and Niall couldn’t help but get shivers even though it was literally the most inappropriate time ever.

“Yeah, um… Liam, hi, it’s me, uh… it’s Niall, I… I’m sorry if I woke you, I just… I was wondering if… if you know, uh… if you know what to do in case the power goes out because… because of a storm.” No idea why Niall thought Liam might know, actually, he just wanted to talk to him and if he was being completely genuine then all he wanted was for Liam to come down here and stay with him. But he couldn’t just ask for that, could he? He had just clearly woken the older boy up, it would have been pretty damn rude to ask him to get out of bed just because Niall was… scared.

“Um… wait, what? The power went out?” He sounded slightly more awake now, but there was a yawn followed by that so Niall wasn’t trying to get his hopes up, even as he heard movement in the background before Liam suddenly sighed into the phone, voice a little but more understandable by now. “Shit… mine’s out too. I… really have no idea what to do, probably call the landlord, but… it’s really late and it’s probably out for everyone in the building, we’d probably have to go to the basement, or… there has to be some control thing in our flats and-“

“Liam, I… um… it’s really dark.” Niall interrupted the older boy’s rambling after having blindly found back onto the couch, still biting his fingernails nervously, wanting to just ask but something was holding him back. “Harry and Louis they… they’re at Harry’s parents’ house and, um… I’m kinda… alone and… “

“Do you… want me to come downstairs?” Oh thank god Liam was just asking like that, even if he sounded really sleepy still, he also sounded kind of awake now and anyways, Niall really didn’t care at all and also not that he would probably be embarrassed tomorrow or maybe even in a few minutes because right now it was dark and it was loud and Niall was alone.

“Um… yes. Please.” The boy answered without really thinking, already catching himself wishing Liam would have been here even though only one second had passed by. But that was still way too long. 

“Alright, I’ll be there in a second, okay? Do you… I’m gonna stay on the phone, yeah?” Liam decided for himself before even asking and Niall was really glad about that, making sure to get up off the couch, his free hand on the wall so he wouldn’t lose his balance. He just needed to get to the front door and open it and then Liam would be here in just a minute. “So… how was work today?”

“Um… it was… fine, I guess, I mean… I had to work 3 extra hours, but-“

“What?! Why didn’t you call me? I was out of my meeting way earlier than that, I could have picked you up.” This was not how this situation was supposed to go, but Niall was still trying to find the door and Liam was probably trying to get dressed. Niall had no idea why the older boy was freaking out like that or why he sounded so concerned all the time, if Niall had had to guess he would say that it was because Liam was a really good and really sweet person, but… it probably wasn’t that. It probably was because Niall was Niall and Liam was Liam and even though the blonde had been trying to tell himself he wasn’t getting any special treatment as if they were still dating… he totally was.

“I don’t know, because… because you had to work and you were probably really tired when you got home, so…” Also, maybe Niall had asked Liam to drive him to work once… or twice, but he wasn’t doing it on a regular basis, however whenever the older boy offered then Niall was obviously not saying no any longer. He kinda liked it. liked being alone with Liam in the car even for just a few minutes, and just talk about… anything really, just like they had used to. 

“I wasn’t that tired and you can always call me, you know? Especially at night when it’s dark and… you didn’t walk, did you? You got on the bus?” His voice had gotten terribly worried, even more than before and for a really twisted reason, it was helping Niall to calm down. Especially when he finally found the front door, fumbling with the keys.

“No, I… I got on the bus, yeah… “ Honestly, had Niall had to walk, he might have really considered calling Liam after all. Instead, he was doing it now, for the same damn reason, but that didn’t matter because if there was one person who wouldn’t make fun of him for being scared and try his very best to be there, it was Liam. And it always would be.

“Good. I’m… I’m in front of your door.” Niall could hear Liam’s voice through the wall actually, almost getting a little bit impatient before finally being able to fit the key into the lock and pull the door open, immediately being blinded by a bright flashlight. “Hey… sorry, the light in the whole building is out I think. Are you okay?”

The stupidest of all things was that Niall couldn’t actually answer because for a moment, all he could do was stare at Liam’s very bare upper body, slowly hanging up the phone before putting it into his pockets, his eyes quickly moving up to Liam’s face once he recognized what he was doing. “I… I’m good, it’s just… dark.”

“I know… c’mon, let’s go inside, maybe we can… find some candles? Or we’ll just leave that flashlight on, okay?” His voice was really soft, and the smile on his face as well, and Niall was so relieved that he was here and wasn’t making him talk because he knew what was wrong anyways. 

Actually, everything seemed to be a lot less terrible when Liam wrapped his arm around Niall’s waist for a moment and leaned in while squeezing him gently, his cheek touching the blonde’s head and Niall momentarily closed his eyes, trying not to breathe in too obviously. He wanted to hug Liam really badly, but something kept him from doing that, just allowing the brunette to lead him back inside, lighting the room up with the flashlight.

Niall didn’t really know why, but somehow they went straight for his own bedroom, not bothering to search for candles because Niall knew that there weren’t any anyways, but mostly it was Liam’s hand hovering on the small of his back all the way, as if he was trying to protect him and Niall didn’t mind that at all. He kinda needed Liam to protect him sometimes, even if he was trying really hard to pretend that he didn’t. 

“I… I like your room.” Right, Liam had never been in here before, maybe he had seen it a few times but only briefly probably, but somehow Niall felt his cheeks heating up remembering that he hadn’t cleaned up anything at all, probably had dirty underwear lying on the floor. Well, at least there was one thing that was good about everything being completely dark. “I’m gonna… put this right here, okay?”

“Okay… you can… sit on my bed, it’s okay.” What else were they gonna do, right? Actually, Niall was so eager to get Liam to sit on his bed that it was really bloody embarrassing. 

Liam put the flashlight on Niall’s desk while the blonde got into bed, making sure to cover his legs with his blanket before waiting for the brunette to throw a quick smile at him as he walked around the bed, slowly, sitting down on the other side of the mattress. Niall did have a double bed, so the distance between them was actually a lot bigger than the blonde would have liked. Even if he didn’t want to admit that.

“You think the power will come back on soon? What if… what if it’s really damaged? I mean that’s a pretty big storm and… I mean, it’d really suck and… and I don’t know if Harry and Louis plan on sleeping somewhere else more often and… “ No idea what Niall was trying to say here, he just kinda kept rambling on for no reason, half leaning back into his pillows. “I mean, it’s really weird, isn’t it? They’ve been dating for… a week, and they’re already out with their parents and over at their house and probably playing scrabble and having sleep overs, I… who does that?”

“I know… but from what you told me they’ve been kinda dating for really long, so… maybe they’re just trying to make up for all the time they missed out on? Some people do like scrabble, I heard… “ Niall couldn’t help but join as Liam chuckled, not feeling too nervous right now about lifting the blanket a bit and leaning over so Liam could have some as well. This should have been weird, but somehow the only thing Niall found weird was that he wanted to be a whole lot closer. “Y’know…. If they do happen to stay away more often overnight, or if… the power goes out again then.… I’m always just a minute away and you can always call me, about anything. You know that, right?”

“I… I know. Thank you… for being here and I’m sorry that I woke you up and… “ Hesitating for a moment, Niall was staring into his lap, again biting his fingernails without even noticing. He really shouldn’t have continued, but… somehow he had a feeling that he should, even though he really was being a big baby tonight and probably being really pathetic, but… what was there to lose, right? “Liam… I was just wondering, I mean… we’ve… we’re getting along well since… a few weeks and I… all I was thinking about was that… you know, because… because you’ve been… driving me around and… because of tonight, I was… I was wondering whether… if you would be doing all these things, if it wasn’t me. If it was… Harry or Louis or… another friend.”

There was no reason for Niall to ask this, or for wanting to know it so badly, but they were both sitting on his bed, covered underneath the same blanket in the middle of the night and Liam was shirtless and really fucking good looking and… Niall just kinda needed an answer to this now, because he had been wondering about it for ages. Even if that meant he had to be nervous for a little while as Liam clearly hesitated to answer and Niall refused to look at him, only once flinching when there was a really loud thunder outside. 

“No. I… I wouldn’t do that, for anybody. I mean… I would if they asked me to, if they really needed me to, but… Niall, I’m not… you’re the only person I’d do absolutely anything for. And… it’s not because I’m trying to make up for anything or trying to fix it or whatever, it’s just… it’s because it’s you and because you were… you _are_ my best friend and… and more than that. And you’re always gonna be.” Oh.

Liam awkwardly broke off and Niall could feel his cheeks literally burning the hell up, not knowing what to say, his mouth getting kinda dry as he kept staring into his lap, forced himself not to look up as he let those words sink in. He didn’t know what any of this meant or what Liam was trying to say besides the fact that… that Niall was indeed still special to him and somehow hearing that felt so good that the blonde wanted to start laughing. 

“Listen, Ni… I have no idea what we’re doing and I know we have this… unspoken rule of not talking about it because maybe we don’t even know what it is that we want, but… right now I really wanna cuddle you.” And he just said it like that, as if it wasn’t a big deal and he had probably seen how fucking red Niall’s cheeks had gotten and even though the blonde was embarrassed as hell now, he couldn’t help but smile, couldn’t help his heart missing about twenty beats. 

Instead of answering, Niall took about one second before moving over and closer, not daring to look at Liam for longer than one second, just enough to see the look on his face, that crooked smirk Niall loved so much. This was really ridiculous, but the blonde didn’t hesitate for just a moment, he was adjusting automatically to Liam’s body, having crawled straight into his open arms, head on the older’s bare chest and his arm wrapped around his stomach, everything exactly the way they had been doing this for so many years. It almost felt like there had been a really tight knot in Niall’s stomach that was now easing rapidly, as if this was his answer to every problem he had ever had. 

Liam was holding him tightly, adjusting the blanket and half lying down before resting his cheek against Niall’s head, his hand somehow finding the blonde’s underneath the blanket, just letting his rest above, as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed. He was, right now, Niall would have allowed Liam to do pretty much anything at all, but of course, he was not going to say that. It felt really fucking good to not only be Liam’s best friend but also be… something more, whatever the hell that made them, and the best part was, they didn’t even have to talk about it and make fools out of themselves. 

Lying like this was so comfortable, even with the storm going on outside and the heavy rain, all of that just became background to Niall as he let his eyes fall closed, listening to Liam’s heartbeat, breathing in the smell of his shower gel, feeling the older’s warmth filling his body as they were pressed together like this, his slow and steady breathing making Niall forget about his terrible day just like that.

“Ni… the batteries of the flashlight are empty, do you… should we put new ones in?” After not speaking for a good few minutes, Niall almost flinched hearing Liam’s whisper, feeling himself becoming more awake again, somehow automatically snuggling deeper into the boy, very pleased when Liam tightened his arms in return as well.

“No… I’m not scared when you’re here…” Seeing as the blonde hadn’t even noticed the lights going off because he was on the edge of falling asleep the whole entire time, barely even thinking about what he was saying or actually mumbling into Liam’s bare skin because he was just so comfortable and sleepy and… and feeling safe and… everything he had been whenever he had been with Liam while they had been dating. Why did it feel as if almost no time had passed by since then?

“Okay… I’m glad… “ Liam answered with only slight hesitation and Niall was really tired but he was still pretty sure that he felt the older boy’s lips pressing against his scalp before breathing out hotly against his skin, squeezing Niall even tighter for a moment, his thumb gently stroking over Niall’s hand. “Hey, Nialler… are you already asleep?”

“No…. not yet… “ But Niall was about to in just a few minutes and honestly he couldn’t have wished for this night to turn out any better after such a crap day, but… he couldn’t have known that before, couldn’t have planned it any better. And he also couldn’t have known that that still wasn’t as good as it could be.

“Okay, um… you know… I was wondering if… if I could… give you a goodnight kiss.” His voice was really quiet, but Niall still caught it of course, felt the shivers down his spine even though he was kinda about to fall asleep, this certainly woke him up a bit. “I mean… only if you want, of course, just… just tell me if you… if you don’t want, I… I’d understand… “

Niall had to actually think about it for a little bit, had to force himself to become more awake again to actually for once consider the consequences that this would bring, but then again… who the hell cared? They had kinda hooked up and snogged and… whatever, Liam was in his bed cuddling him and he had come downstairs in the middle of the night just to be with Niall and now he was asking for a kiss and… and who was Niall to deny him? When this was everything he really, really wanted as well.

So instead of answering, Niall forced his very tired body to move his head off of Liam’s very comfortable and warm chest, not seeing anything at all because it was really bloody dark but he somehow managed to find Liam’s face, find the older’s lips with his own, caught them in a soft and also a little bit sleepy kiss without hesitating. 

This was nothing like the time before that they had kissed while being drunk as hell, it was a whole lot more gentle and soft and sweet and though they didn’t deepen it for very long, Niall felt the sparks all over his body, the sparks he had felt the very first time he had kissed Liam and every single time ever since. He had thought all of this would wear off after a while, but it never had, and even now the older’s touch was making him all squeamish and tingly and his lips against Niall’s and his tongue in the blonde’s mouth pretty much made it impossible for him to have just one single clear thought. 

Kissing Liam felt so damn good, and Niall would have carried on, would have gladly taken this further because there was nothing and no one he wanted more than Liam, but he still forced himself to pull away after a while, lingering for a bit before resting his head back onto Liam’s chest and going back to their original position. Only now, there was a smile on Niall’s face as he let his eyes fall closed once more.

“Goodnight, Ni… “ Liam whispered and Niall’s heart was still beating really fast and he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep any time soon now that this had happened, but somehow, he didn’t care for as long as he could just be lying here exactly like this and preferably never ever have to talk about what had just happened and was actually still happening right now.

“Goodnight bean…” 

 

\---------------------

 

“So… we leave for one night and you two get back together and get into bed and don’t even bother closing the door? I mean… it was wide open, I wouldn’t have just walked in had it been closed but… it wasn’t. What… what’s going on? And why aren’t any of the lights working?” Waking up in the morning wasn’t half as nice as sleeping in had been and though Liam still felt Niall’s head on his chest and the boy’s body pressing up against his as they were cuddled up underneath the blanket, Harry’s voice was kinda ruining that experience.

“Um…. the storm took the power out.” Liam was confused and tired but somehow he still managed to answer, blinking against the light coming in through the window, for a moment not even embarrassed about this situation, because… it wasn’t really a secret that they had been a couple for six years and that Liam had bruised up Niall’s neck just a week ago. Still, the brunette was kinda glad that Niall was still deep asleep, apparently not hearing any of this.

“Right, so… I’m gonna call the landlord and… do you… you’re not naked, are you?” Harry was being awfully curious and Liam actually felt the need to laugh but held back for Niall’s sake, rubbing his eyes before finally looking at his cousin, who was leaning in the doorframe, shaking his head at them slowly.

“I’m not. And we’re not… back together.” Sadly, but Liam was actually having so many hopes that they were on a really good way that it was a bit pathetic. Niall had agreed to kiss him last night, and to cuddle him and he had called him because he was scared of darkness and also he had been asking Liam whether the brunette was just treating him like a normal friend and THEN he hadn’t even freaked out about Liam calling him his best friend. And more. So that was good, right? That was… quite the progress? Considering they kinda had some communication problem going on that consisted of them not knowing what they wanted and not being willed to talk it out. 

“Okay, well… right, my mum says hi and that she wants you to come over again soon, actually… she wants all of us to come, with Niall this time.” Was this good or not? Liam would have no problem seeing Harry’s parents with Niall coming along as well, it’s just… he was having a bit of a hard time figuring out what exactly was going through the younger’s head most of the time. 

“Okay, I… maybe you… maybe you should ask Niall that yourself, but… I’d be happy to.” Well, not too happy but it wouldn’t be a bother to Liam, he was very into going anywhere Niall would be as well, as probably everyone had noticed by now, so…

Before Harry could answer, Niall started stirring in Liam’s arms, mumbling something in his sleep and curling even more into Liam’s body, face pushed into his throat and maybe Liam was getting a little bit blushed now, but he still wasn’t gonna pull away or do anything about it. “Ask me… what?”

“I’ll… leave you guys alone.” Luckily, Harry was quick to leave after Niall had mumbled his question and Liam was more than just grateful for his cousin being considerate enough to close the door this time. They really should have thought of that last night. 

“Just sleep, Ni, it’s okay, I… I’ll ask you later.” Or never actually, because that was Harry’s job, Liam was just kinda really hoping that he and Niall could stay like this for a little while longer, especially because he had no idea what the blonde would say once he was fully awake, whether he would get all distant and weird because… because Liam kinda had a feeling that he would.

“Hmmm… “ Was everything coming from Niall and the brunette was internally praying for him to fall back asleep, holding him tighter again, just to fully use the time he was allowed to do that, pressing a small kiss onto the top of Niall’s head, letting his own eyes fall closed for a few more minutes as well.

This was so nice, it was still raining outside but it was very warm in bed and everything smelled like Niall and his hair was tickling Liam’s cheek, his soft and even breath hotly brushing the older’s skin. They had woken up like this together so many times, so many Liam couldn’t have counted them even if he had been trying. He would have never thought that something he had once gotten so used to would make him feel this incredibly lucky one morning. 

“Liam… “ About 15 minutes had passed before Niall started moving again, probably because Harry and Louis were talking somewhere in the flat and though their voices were too quiet to understand through the wall, Liam could still hear them.

“I’m here, Niall… you okay?” Rubbing the boy’s arm that was still wrapped around his stomach, Liam caught himself biting his bottom lip out of nervousness, his heart speeding up a little bit as he tried to prepare himself for Niall pulling away any second and being all blushed and awkward about last night, regretting it. But somehow, he never did. 

“Yeah…. “ Was all the boy mumbled, and he did sound kinda awake by now, awake enough to realize the fact that they were still cuddling, awake enough to remember last night. Somehow though, it didn’t seem to bother him. “Li… I know that… I know maybe this is weird but I really don’t want to move.”

“Me neither… and it’s not weird, I mean… it would be weird if one of us wasn’t enjoying it, but… but not like this, I mean… we’re adults, we… we can do whatever the hell we want, even if… even if it’s… weird.” Oh, thank fucking god. Maybe Liam was rambling on about stupid shit, but what did it matter, Niall wanted to stay here in bed with him, cuddling, what more could he have asked for?! 

“Yeah… did Harry… see us?” Somehow, Liam would have expected for Niall to be freaking out about that as well, but the question sounded very calm, almost as if he was about fall asleep again.

“He did, but… I don’t think he really cared… he’s calling the landlord.” It was kinda bad that the power was still out, but… well, Niall would obviously have Harry and Louis tonight in case the lights still weren’t working until then, but Liam was allowed to have hopes, right? 

“Right… doesn’t matter what he’s thinking anyways, I mean… he’s screwing Louis since months and… they played scrabble with his family, so… “ It sounded like Niall was trying to justify this right here, but honestly, Liam didn’t mind with whatever the blonde came up with for as long as he stayed in his arms, stayed cuddled up to him. Liam would have probably killed to have all of this back, wake up like this every morning and going back to sleep again at night. He would have done everything really to make that happen, except for saying it out loud to anyone, especially Niall. 

“Sometimes… sometimes we used to play board games, remember?” Maybe this was not the time to bring this up, but Liam just kinda blurted out with it because he was kinda feeling blissful and very comfortable and… so he was just saying things without thinking, hoping that Niall was going to take them well. 

“Yeah… only because you wanted to, I never really… enjoyed it that much. But I guess ‘s like… like you watching sports with me.” There was a bit of a chuckle and Liam could feel it on his skin, felt the tingles all down his skin and it made him smile as he held the blonde tighter. “Did you ever… enjoy it just one single time? I never asked because… because I would have felt forced to stop asking for you to watch with me if you would have told me you hated it.”

“No… I didn’t hate it, I… I mean, I wasn’t watching the screen very often and I never really liked watching golf or any of that, but… I’ve… I’ve had you to watch and… it was nice.” Right, maybe a bit of an understatement, because Liam had enjoyed pretty much every single second he had spent with Niall, no matter what it was that they had been doing and… didn’t seem like much of that had changed. 

“Okay… I… I absolutely hate board games, but… I liked the look on your face when… when you were thinking really hard about what to do next and even though I didn’t see a point in it, I… I liked watching you and… how excited you were when you won even though I barely ever really tried.” Somehow, this caused Liam’s heart to get warmer, even though he had heard the trouble in Niall’s voice, hesitating before actually saying it but it still made the older boy very, very happy. Incredibly happy to be exact, even if he had of course known back then that Niall’s feelings for him were mutual, that he had been in love with Liam, but… it was nice that the blonde was still talking about it as if he meant it, as if it hadn’t been too long ago. 

“Wait… so you let me win all the time? You… you didn’t try?” Of course Liam was only pretending to be pouting, just so he’d get that laugh out of Niall that he had wanted to hear so badly, and he did, right into Liam’s neck, moving just a little bit and then suddenly, the blonde lifted his head up to look at him. 

“Not all the time, but… most of the time.” The crooked smile on his face was Liam’s favorite thing ever, the way Niall’s eyes were still very small and tired looking and his hair was all messy and he looked younger than he actually was but also… very bloody attractive and gorgeous. “You’re not mad, are you? You’ve been so excited each time you won and you never even tried to rub it in my face either.”

“I’m…. maybe I’m a little bit mad.” While saying it though, Liam could feel a smile forming on his face, mirroring Niall’s and before he even knew it, his hand had moved all by itself and was brushing some strand of hair out of Niall’s face, and then down the younger’s cheek, barely even touching it because he didn’t know whether it was alright. Apparently it was.

“Okay, well… maybe I could… make it up to you, somehow.” At first, Liam had no idea what Niall was talking about, what was going on in his head once again, why his smile was faltering just a little bit, but then, it suddenly made click.

Liam had no idea what he had been trying to say, all he knew was that he couldn’t anymore when his throat went kind of dry as Niall suddenly leaned in, his eyes flickering down to Liam’s lips and it almost seemed as if he was hesitating for a moment before deciding to just go with it and god was Liam thankful for that. He had no bloody idea what they were doing here, cuddling in bed in the morning and being about to kiss each other, but…. he wasn’t gonna complain about it. 

Though he wanted to, Liam didn’t move an inch, didn’t try to make it happen any faster or intervene, he just let Niall decide on the pace, let him do it as slowly as he wanted to, which was very slowly, but Liam decided he really liked it that way. At least it didn’t feel rushed, as if they were just doing this for the sake of it, no… Niall actually and really seemed to want to. And he wasn’t the only one. 

When Niall’s lips were barely brushing Liam’s, the older boy let his eyes fall closed, his hand still touching Niall’s cheek, ever so gently rubbing his thumb over the blonde’s cheek bone just as he closed the tiny gap left between the two of them. It was just like last night, only, this time it was a lot better because it was actually Niall who had started it and Liam hadn’t been the one asking for it.

They took it slow at first, not deepening the kiss just yet and maybe they should have brushed their teeth before this but Liam didn’t even care right now, all that mattered was Niall’s lips against his and the younger’s body all up in his space and pressing up against him and his tongue softly trying to pry open Liam’s mouth.

Somehow maybe it was kinda stupid, to be snogging here in Niall’s bed like this, holding onto each other, while the other two were right outside, but the thing was, Liam didn’t care and he never would for as long as Niall wanted to carry on. Like, maybe it didn’t matter anymore, maybe they were on the same page after all even if they hadn’t talked about it and probably wouldn’t anytime soon, but… they were here kissing and cuddling and if there was just the tiniest chance that Niall still felt the same way about him that he had back then, then Liam wasn’t gonna waste it.

 

\------------

 

“Wait, wait, go back to the beginning… you want us to do _what_?!” Honestly, Niall couldn’t even pretend anymore that he wasn’t sitting in the middle of the cafeteria at uni, that maybe he should have kept it down just a little bit, but what Louis had just said was really overstepping the line. 

“I want you and Liam to go out on a double date tonight with me and Harry. Simple as that, that was the beginning and also actually everything I said, but-“

“No, wait, I… what? Why… why would you… why would you call it a double date, I… Liam and I are not… we are not a couple.” Well, it had felt pretty couple like to call Liam up and then kiss him and cuddle him and wake up and do the exact same thing over again, but… that had been yesterday and YES, they had spent maybe two hours in bed and then Liam had spent the whole rest of the day at the flat and Niall had kissed him goodbye when Harry and Louis had been busy but… fact of the matter was, they were NOT a couple. 

“So? You don’t need to be a couple to go on a date, do you? That’s actually the point of going on a date, I mean, you two know each other just fine of course, but I thought since you were in bed together yesterday, for hours, actually, and then he stayed the whole day and… you aren’t still trying to make us believe that you feel nothing for him, right? Because you very obviously do and so does he, so… where’s the problem?” Right, where WAS the problem? Except for the fact that Niall knew that all of this was wrong as hell and that he shouldn’t even still be head over heels for the brunette but he totally was and… he absolutely hated it but at the same time he couldn’t fucking stop. 

“We were in bed, because… because we were tired and we just happened to fall asleep the night before and-“

“Fallen asleep while spooning? That seems kinda odd.” It was so annoying, how Louis didn’t even care, he just kept on eating after shrugging and Niall of course knew that none of this was a secret, that he was very openly in love with Liam but… hell, he knew that Liam was kissing him back and all that, just… they hadn’t talked and they really had to, but… somehow they weren’t.

“Well, it’s none of your business, is it? I mean… just because we… just because we’re talking again and getting along doesn’t mean anything at all. We never even… we never even talked about… any of this and… I wouldn’t know what to say anyways, but… the point is that… we can’t call it a date because… because I… I have no idea if that’s what Liam would want.” So there was it, Niall still hadn’t admitted to his feelings, but he probably would have had to admit them to himself first of all before telling anybody else. 

“So what do _you_ want then?” Of course Louis had to ask that, Niall could feel the older’s eyes on him but he kept staring at the table in front of him, not knowing what to say and the cafeteria was way too loud for him anyways and… this sucked. “Look, me and Harry had this thing where… where we couldn’t talk about it because we both didn’t really know what we were even doing and how any of this would work out, but… you _know_ Liam, you two know each other, you’ve been together for six bloody years, Niall, if you’re still in love with him you gotta tell him. Trust me, it’ll make you feel better.”

“Yeah, but… “ Right, now that they had gotten talking about it, Niall kinda wanted to continue, he had never really considered asking his friends for advice, but… but maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea? He didn’t even have to… tell Louis everything, just enough. “If I did tell him and I’m not saying I’m still in love with him, but if I WAS, then… maybe it’s not what he wants, maybe he doesn’t wanna… be with me again, maybe he… maybe he’s unsure and I’d just be going too quickly and maybe it would end with us not talking again and maybe-“

“And maybe you two would finally get back together and could stop throwing those really uncomfortable and longing stares at each other like beaten up puppies, it’s… distracting.” At this point, Niall didn’t even care if Louis was making fun of him or not because there was something else that kept him from talking to Liam, something that was probably the biggest reason as to why he couldn’t decide what he wanted. And seemed like he was just going to blurt out with it now, in front of Louis, in the middle of a cafeteria filled with students. 

“I… I can’t. I can’t tell him because I don’t know even know what I want myself, because… he… he left me once, Lou, and I know I told him to go, I know I… but he… he listened to me and he left and he didn’t come back, he… he stayed, after I broke up with him, he stayed there and he decided for himself that this scholarship was more important than trying to save our relationship, that his career was more important than… than me. And I know _I_ was the one who ended it, I told him to go, no, I urged him to go, I almost forced him, but… he was the one who decided to stay. And yeah, I get it, I get that education is important and that we were young and we still are, but the truth is that… that back then, if I had had to choose, between Liam and the best paying job in the entire world, I… I would have still picked him. And I know that’s easy to say now, but… I know I would have and I’m not saying he’s the bad guy for not coming back, not at all, it was his good right not to, but… I wanted him to come back, and not because I begged him to, but because I wanted him to WANT to. So I don’t know what to tell him because I don’t know if I really do want to get back together, if I wanna trust him enough to turn down that job offer this time when some other company calls from the other end of the world.” There, Niall had said it.

“Niall… maybe… maybe that’s what you should tell him.” Clearly, Louis was feeling uncomfortable now, which made sense, Niall had just kinda blurted out with all of this, he was actually kinda surprised by himself. It’s just… these things were keeping him up at night, even more so now that… now that he and Liam were so close again. 

“I can’t. What would I say? It’s not his fault, you know, I told him to go, we were fighting over it and I… I thought that… I don’t know what I thought. I’ve got no right to be pissed off, or to be disappointed, because he did exactly what I wanted, but still… “ Still, Niall didn’t know what to do because of it.

“You don’t trust him anymore, that’s fine, I understand, I mean… you’re hurt. He hurt you.” The blonde almost flinched a little bit when Louis randomly put a hand on his arm, he had just been looking around the cafeteria, not really seeing anything at all because of how deep in thoughts he was. “I’m sorry, you know… if me and Harry have said some things in the beginning… it really is none of our business, but you’re our friend and… we’re kinda worried. Liam’s great and he’s Harry’s cousin and all but… if this turns out… bad or anything then… we’d choose your side, just so you know.”

“Thank you, Tommo… I hope it won’t come to choosing sides though. Liam doesn’t seem to know what to say either so I guess we’ll just… avoid ever talking about it until one of us combusts or something, I don’t know.” It felt good, to hear Louis saying these things, but actually, Niall would have rather found a solution, would have rather his friend would have told him what to do. But how could he, if Niall didn’t even know it himself. “I do trust Liam, but… I don’t know if I trust him enough to… be in a relationship again. Potentially, I mean, if I… if I still had feelings for him, which I don’t b-“

“Ni, it’s okay. Actually, I’d find it very weird if you didn’t have any feelings for him anymore and just got over him like that and slept in a bed with him just because you felt like it.” That was true, but somehow Niall was still not able to admit it without getting red cheeks and ears and it was stupid but he couldn’t help it. “You have to talk to him at some point and we both know it. And I think you should tell him everything you just told me and be completely honest, I’m sure he can take it and at least then you’ll know where you guys are at. Also if it helps, you were treating Liam like trash the first few weeks and he still kept on trying and he’s still here, so.”

“Yeah… I guess you’re right…” As much as Niall hated admitting that, rolling his eyes a bit with a smirk when he saw Louis’ very proud and arrogant grin and of course he was just doing it for amusement, but Niall still made sure to bump his elbow into the older’s ribs. “We still can’t go on a double date, that would be very wrong and awkward.”

“Okay, we’ll just call it a… a friendly meet up.” God, this boy could never be serious. “A bro date, just dudes hanging out and… not being on a date.”

“I’m not gonna ask Liam to go on a _bro date_ , he’s my ex-boyfriend. If we’re gonna do this then… then we just won’t call it anything at all, we’ll just pretend it’s the same as hanging out in our living room and… being normal friends. Where… where did you wanna go?” Niall hadn’t asked before because he had already been busy getting upset and when he saw the sparkle in Louis’ eyes, he already regretted it again.

“Well, we can change plans but I thought we could go for dinner. And don’t worry, I won’t make you wear a suit, but… even if we’re not calling it a double date, you should probably still dress like it because I made reservations at this place and… it’s not too fancy but it’d be kinda embarrassing if you wore what you’re wearing right now. “ One second…

“You already made reservations before I even agreed? And what’s wrong with my shirt?” A lot was wrong with Niall’s shirt and he knew it, but he was trying to be slightly upset with Louis, even if inside, he had already given in. Whatever. 

“I could have cancelled them. And your shirt has like… 10 holes.” Louis actually took the time to look Niall up and down before his smile came back and the blonde knew that that could mean nothing good. “Alright, I’m gonna tell Harry you agreed when I see him, okay? And you’ll call Liam as soon as possible because I don’t know his schedule.”

“I don’t know it either?” Well, that was a little bit of a lie actually, but just because Niall had basically poured his heart out to Louis, he didn’t have to tell him everything. 

“But you always drive home with him, I thought you knew. Well anyways, just let him know, okay? Is 8 alright?” Did Niall have a choice?

“I… I guess it is. Are you gonna make Liam drive there?” Was it weird that Niall was slightly embarrassed just thinking about it? Then again, he didn’t even know yet what Liam would say, but seeing as the brunette was the nicest person to ever walk this planet, Niall would probably never find out what Liam really thought about any of this. 

“He’s the only one with a car, so… yeah. He’s gonna offer it anyways, he always does.” Louis shrugged before suddenly starting to pack his stuff up, causing Niall to panic just slightly. 

“Hey, listen, um… you won’t bring any of this up in front of Liam, right? And you won’t like… drop any hints at dinner or try to… make sure me and Liam are alone so we can talk? Because I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk just yet and… I haven’t thought about what to say either.” Not that Louis was such an asshole that Niall had worries his friend would try to expose him, but you never knew what kinda plans Louis and Harry would come up with because they genuinely believed they were helping.

“I promise I won’t say anything, okay? And Harry won’t say anything either, don’t worry, I’m not trying to ruin your life, Nialler.” And then he laughed and ruffled the blonde’s hair as if he was a child, throwing his backpack over one shoulder while getting up with a ‘See you at home’ and it took Niall another ten seconds to realize that Louis hadn’t promise that he wouldn’t try and force Niall and Liam to be alone so they could talk. Great.

Though Niall’s lecture was about to start, the blonde took his time packing up his stuff and taking away the rest of his lunch before very slowly making his way to the right room, barely paying any attention to his surroundings. He couldn’t believe that he had told Louis, just randomly over lunch after he had been trying so damn hard to push all of that into the back of his head.

Maybe it was because him and Liam had definitely been kissing way too often the last few days, and they had been touching way too long and also, the blonde had enjoyed it WAY too much as well. He knew that the possibility of Liam wanting to get back together was pretty high, but he didn’t have any confirmation and maybe he didn’t even wanna know.

There were only two options, one, Liam DID want to get back together or two, he didn’t, and Niall had no idea right now what would be worse. To know that Liam was just… enjoying kissing Niall and cuddling him without any further intentions, that he had just gotten over him like that, OR that he was trying so damn hard because he actually wanted Niall back and the blonde didn’t know whether he was ready for that.

The chances of Liam getting another offer anywhere else in the world probably weren’t very high and Niall hated himself for having such trust issues, for considering these possibilities, but… fact was that Liam hadn’t come back, and who knew, maybe one day they’d have a fight and part ways and… maybe Liam would just never call again? He had tried contacting Niall back then, sure, but… he had still stayed, thousands of kilometers away and though the blonde knew that Liam had been hurting too, that he had been in love with Niall, he couldn’t help thinking about what he would have done differently the other way around.

Maybe this was stupid, right? Maybe Niall was overreacting, he knew that he had been way too clingy back then and too jealous, but… he had never quite gotten over the fact that Liam had chosen him out of all people, first to be his best friend and then his boyfriend and finally the person who he had planned out his whole future with. So why would the brunette still want him anyways? Now that he had been with other people? Why wouldn’t he have chosen his career over Niall, that only made sense, right?

Still, even though Niall absolutely hated himself for these thoughts he was now having because of Louis, he stopped before walking into the lecture hall, not caring right now that it had already started because he was always late anyways. Instead, the boy took out his phone, for a while just staring at the dark screen before finally unlocking it and scrolling through his contacts with a kind of shaky thumb, not at all having planned on what to say once he had found Liam’s name.

Internally, Niall was cursing Louis for this, he was also cursing Harry and Liam and most of all, himself for once again giving in, not only to Louis but also to Liam and honestly, the boy was about to just hang up again right at the second when Liam picked up the phone. Was that a sign? 

“Hi, Ni, I-“

“Louis is making us go eat dinner with him and Harry tonight at eight. It’s not a double date.” Great, now Liam not only knew that Niall was a fucking idiot who couldn’t even let him finish his damn sentence because he was too nervous, but he also knew that the blonde had been thinking about calling this a date and that it had been bothering him. If any possible, Niall was even more scared about tonight than he had already been before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again for such lovely feedback, hope you all enjoyed this chapter as well <3
> 
> i really am worried cos i have no idea how much longer this story will be, but im guess around... 5 more chapters? maybe 4? i really wanna be done before i start with uni again in october, but well see :)


	8. Chapter 8

“Okay, it’s not… a double date, I… I didn’t think it was one.” Liam was just slightly confused, but to be honest, somehow he always was whenever Niall called him because the brunette still couldn’t get over the fact that actually, this was a normal thing for them now. 

“Good, I… I mean… anyways, is 8 okay?” Niall was being really weird about this, he hadn’t even allowed Liam to finish his sentence before and also, Liam was pretty sure the younger boy should have been in a lecture right now and actually Liam should have been working but he had a whole room to himself so five minutes talking to Niall seemed to be definitely worth getting caught. 

“Yeah, of course, uh… where are we going?” Just to be prepared and also because… it did sound an awful lot like a date, but if Niall didn’t want to call it one then that was fine, all Liam really cared about was the fact that the blonde had agreed to it, and that he had called Liam himself to ask him. 

“I don’t know, Louis chose the place, he just only… told me before. If you… if you don’t want to then just tell me, it’s fine, I mean, it’s pretty spontaneous and-“

“No, it’s fine, really. Unless you don’t want me to come or-“

“NO! I-I mean… no, I want you to come. Okay.” Alright, now this was clearly getting awkward, Niall was actually pretending to be clearing his throat now and Liam couldn’t help but grin as he leaned back in his chair. Hell, this was definitely a double date and everyone involved knew it and even though they had kissed twice and slept in a bed together and had still been acting completely normal around each other, maybe this right here was an even bigger success. “Alright, so… 8? Louis said he’s gonna make you drive, just… forewarning you.”

“That’s fine, I’ll be there.” Liam promised, biting the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t laugh at Niall for being so nervous and for stumbling on his words, it was so damn cute, honestly. They really should have talked about all of this, but now that suddenly Niall was alright with kissing Liam and going on double dates with him, the brunette was kinda hoping that… it’d all just go the way he wanted it to go without having to actually have a conversation. Which was kinda wrong because at some point they HAD to talk, but… he was just really happy lately, and hopeful and… he didn’t wanna ruin this by having a talk that could potentially end badly. Niall needed time, at least that’s what Liam told himself as an excuse.

“Okay… also, um… Louis told me I can’t dress like I normally dress and I don’t know what that means, but… just wanted to let you know, in case you know what to do with that.” He kept talking as if he didn’t want to hang up just yet and Liam decided that even though he kinda felt an urge to ask Niall if he was skipping class for this that he probably wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about the younger boy for the rest of the day if he ended this conversation now. To be perfectly honest, he would have rather gotten yelled at by his boss than hung up the phone.

“Well… maybe if… I mean if you still have it… you know that one button up you used to always wear? The bluish one? He probably means something like that.” Was Liam weird for still knowing Niall’s closet inside out? Or the way it had been when they had still been together even though the blonde was still wearing mostly the same things now and Liam would be lying if he said he didn’t like it.

“Oh… yeah, I still got it, um… I hope that’s what Louis meant, maybe he was just messing with me, what if it’s like… really fancy or some shit? I don’t trust him.” That got Liam laughing a bit, he turned around in his spinning chair, looking out of the window for a moment, trying to make sure to pay close attention to any movement outside his office though, just in case someone would come bursting in. Well, he could have still pretended it had been a business call. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to dress kinda the same, okay? And then if it turns out Louis was just messing with you we leave and go to McDonald’s or something.” Liam could say this, right? Even though he would have never said it just like that, but this was alright in that kinda situation, wasn’t it? Not like he was asking Niall out or something, he was just… offering help. And he was allowed to wish for it to actually become reality too, wasn’t he?

“Is it weird that… that I kinda wish we’d be going there anyways? I don’t even know why I agreed, he just randomly asked me before and…. and then he said he already made reservations and that sounds kinda like it’s a fancy place, right? I mean… oh god, Liam, what if they’ll tell us they’re like… engaged or something?!” Alright, now Niall sounded like he was genuinely gonna freak out.

“Ni, I’m sure it’s not that, okay? Maybe they just… maybe the fact that they became a couple and played scrabble with Harry’s family made them think they’re really grown up or something. I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything, it’ll probably be like whenever we hang out at you guys’ place except that we’re in a restaurant, it’ll be fine.” Was Liam really calming Niall down about this? When they all secretly knew exactly just what was going on? That Harry and Louis seemed to be obsessed with Liam and Niall getting back together? And maybe Liam should have said something but he knew they just wanted to help and probably knew about their communication problems.

“Yeah… ‘s just a bit weird… do you think that, uh… that they wanna talk about… about how you slept over and… “ Right, this was definitely not something to talk about on the phone, or at all actually, because Liam didn’t know what to say about it without giving away the fact that he was in love with Niall and wanted to kiss him all day long. 

“I don’t know, I… do you… do _you_ wanna talk about?” Just checking, even if just the thought got Liam so nervous that his hands got sweaty and his brain was literally empty from one second to the other, but… 

“Um… I don’t think that…. that there’s too much to talk about, I mean… “ Except there was and they both knew it and for a second Liam wanted to just ask, wanted to just blurt out with it and tell Niall what it was that he wanted, that he spent all day trying to figure out if Niall still wanted him as well, but he was too late because the blonde had already decided that starting this had been a bad idea. “I… I have a lecture now, so… see you at 8?”

“Yeah… yeah, see you then, Ni… have fun at uni.” Liam hoped that this hadn’t come off as sarcastic or like a joke, because he truly was wishing Niall fun, he was just kinda busy thinking about other things now and then the boy had already hung up the phone, leaving Liam behind with a very strange feeling rising in his chest.

All of this was so messy and out of control and they could have easily fixed that if they had just sat down and talked. They had been so good at this once, had talked about anything and everything, even their feelings, whatever it was that they wanted and Liam had told Niall things he would have never in a billion years told anybody else and now they couldn’t even be straight with each other and just say what it was that they wanted, they couldn’t even tell each other that they were unsure about this.

If it had gone after Liam, he would have taken Niall back in a heartbeat, would have let the boy move in with him tonight and gone back to exactly how it had been. Well, except for the fact that he would have tried to make up for his mistakes for the rest of their lives, he would have given Niall the world and more if only he knew that that was what the boy wanted. But somehow Liam had a feeling that it was slightly more complicated than that and Niall’s behavior for the first few weeks was proof enough of that. 

They were slowly getting closer, sure, but that didn’t mean that they could just erase everything that had been done and said in the past. Especially not by blatantly ignoring the fact that any of it had ever happened in the first place.

 

\-----------

 

Liam told himself that he wasn’t nervous, because this was no big deal at all, it’s just, he was curious whether Niall had taken his clothing advice, and if he had then the brunette was even more curious to see the boy wearing the shirt he had worn so often when they had gone on dates as a couple. Not that Liam had suggested it for that reason, it had just randomly popped into his head, maybe because the blonde looked so stunningly good in that shirt or something.

Walking down the stairs, Liam was actually a few minutes early, but he could already hear the others argue in the staircase so he decided that maybe being early had been a good decision. It’s just, he had been so excited for this for some reason that he had barely been able to concentrate at work all day today and then he had gotten home and still had had an hour to kill, so… maybe it was appropriate that he was a bit early. 

“Oh my god, Nialler, if you go and fix your hair one more time I’m going to strangle you. Liam’s not going to care either ways, I’m pretty sure he’s seen your hair in terrible state more than just one time and anyways, I thought you didn’t wanna call it a d- oh. Hi, Li.” Right, this was awkward.

Actually, Liam had almost stopped on the spot when he had heard his name, not wanting Niall to get embarrassed even though it kinda made him feel a lot calmer and happier to have his suspicion confirmed, he really didn’t want the blonde to feel uncomfortable. Turned out though that Harry had already seen him anyways. Well, now all Liam could really do was pretend he hadn’t heard a thing. “Hey, guys.”

His cousin was leaning in the doorframe and Louis was tying up his shoe and well, Niall was just walking out of the flat, his face bright red and yet he somehow managed to throw a very quick smile at Liam that the brunette made sure to immediately return. Maybe a bit too over eager, but… he was trying really hard here to pretend like he hadn’t just heard what his cousin had said about… about Niall saying he didn’t wanna call it a date which maybe wasn’t a good sign, but then again, Liam also didn’t really know how exactly they had brought this whole idea up to Niall in the first place. Matter of the fact was that the blonde had agreed and that he was wearing that blue button up Liam had suggested and was looking even more incredible than the brunette would have thought was possible.

“You look nice.” Liam blurted out without thinking and though it had very clearly been directed at Niall, Louis was the one who thanked him with a smirk, giving him a pet on the shoulder that was maybe a bit too hard. Alright, now Niall wasn’t the only one with a red face anymore. “Um… should we go?”

“Sure.” Louis winked at Liam before walking past him and the brunette quickly looked away, not wanting to ruin tonight when it hadn’t even really started yet. 

Harry locked the door and Niall just stood there before they all walked downstairs, Harry and Louis first while holding hands and maybe that shouldn’t have made Liam stare but somehow it did. He wasn’t jealous or anything, but it did make him kinda sad that all he and Niall could do was simply walk next to each other and if Liam felt courageous then he could let his hand hover over the small of the blonde’s back. Which he wasn’t doing right now because… well, the obvious.

“How was work?” Niall was trying to do small talk now, which was fine really, it just reminded Liam once more that there were so many things they couldn’t talk about, things that would always be standing in their way if they didn’t get rid of them. 

“Good, um… long. How was uni?” As far as Liam knew, Niall hadn’t had work today, because otherwise he would have probably still been there and the older boy would have found some very dumb excuse to pick the blonde up and drive him home. Was it weird that he was kinda sad that they wouldn’t get their 10 minutes alone today?

“Fine, I mean… I’m gonna fail that one class because I failed the exam, but… I’m already so far behind anyways.” He shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal but it felt like a punch to the stomach for Liam to hear that. Not like he didn’t know just exactly why Niall was behind with everything, because he had dropped out of their old uni to move here, because of him, and now…

“I… I could help you, study, I mean, like… like we used to do. I could… quiz you or something, if you want, you know.” Liam’s cheeks were still somehow hot and now even more because this was definitely not the topic he had hoped they’d talk about and also, why would Niall want his help, right? When it was Liam’s fault to begin with anyways? “Or not, I mean, I’d understand if you didn’t want to and-“

“No, I… if you got time then… I was always better when… when we studied together.” That was definitely a smile forming on Niall’s face and Liam felt relief spreading through his body, so much that he kinda got a little bit too confident and honestly held the door open for Niall as they walked out of the building behind Harry and Louis, who were luckily busy talking to each other.

“Okay, great, I… just tell me when, okay? I can… I can get a day off work or something.” Alright, maybe Liam shouldn’t have been offering that, but he totally would have done it, if that was the only chance for them to hang out, alone, and even if it was just studying.

“Thank you, but I’m sure we can figure out another d-“

“Hey, Liam, where’s your car?” Louis interrupted them, not on purpose probably, but Liam still had to suppress a sigh, throwing another smile at Niall before turning to the other boy, actually having to think about it for a second because he was so caught up in the conversation he had had with Niall. And the shirt he had on and his cologne that had been very hard to ignore and how perfectly styled his hair was, almost as if this really was a date. 

Somehow Liam had known that this would happen, but maybe Harry and Louis were being just slightly obvious when they suggested Niall should sit in the passenger seat, which he probably would have done anyways because the other two went straight for the back. Somehow Liam had a really bad feeling about this all of a sudden, what if Harry and Louis had some kinda weird plan to… force them to talk or something? Because why else would they have suggested a double date that actually wasn’t a double date? Fact was that this was strange as hell and Liam wasn’t sure if he wanted to figure out why.

The drive wasn’t as uncomfortable as Liam had feared even though Niall barely said anything at all, the other two had a lot to say and of course Louis had to give Liam directions and luckily, it didn’t take too long until they got to the restaurant. One that Liam had never been to before obviously because he had been pretty much nowhere ever since he had moved here and throwing a look over to Niall, the blonde seemed to be pretty clueless as well.

“That looks… expensive.” Was all Niall mumbled before moving to get out of the car and Liam made sure to make a mental note of offering to pay, not because he wanted to brag or something, just because he knew he made more money than the others. 

“It’s not, don’t worry, me and Harry have been here a few times.” On dates, Liam assumed but of course he didn’t ask because he didn’t even wanna know what kinda conversation that would have led to. “If it were expensive I would have made you wear a suit.”

“I wouldn’t have come if you had made me wear a suit. I don’t even have a suit.” Niall glared a bit at the older boy and Liam had to bite back a chuckle, being reminded of how he had promised Niall they’d go to McDonald’s if this turned out too expensive. Sadly, it didn’t look like that would be the case.

The restaurant looked pretty normal when they entered, Liam was only slightly worried to hear the waiter greeting Louis by his first name, but he decided that it could have been a lot worse than that. Of course the others somehow managed to make Niall and Liam sit opposite of each other and because Liam was such an idiot, he accidentally bumped Niall’s legs three fucking times within the first 5 minutes. 

“Do you guys wanna like, get some wine or-“

“No, I… I’m drinking coke. Thanks.” Niall’s cheeks had gotten so red but he had been so quick to answer that Liam couldn’t help but immediately look away from the blonde once more. Right, drinking alcohol wouldn’t be getting them any further, they had already seen that often enough.

“Yeah, me too.” Who knows, if they both drank tonight they might have ended up in the bathroom having sex in public or something, Liam didn’t trust himself anymore around Niall when he was drunk, even though it had kinda gotten them closer, but… at one point they had to say these things while being sober. Not tonight, but… at some point.

Harry made sure to start a really unnecessary discussion about the menu after this, for which Liam was pretty glad, even though he didn’t have much trouble deciding and knowing Niall’s eating habits inside out, he was pretty sure the blonde didn’t have any either. Maybe it was really stupid, but Liam made sure to order a side of fries as well when he noticed that Niall didn’t, he always used to do that and to be quite honest, it was a habit for the brunette and he barely even spent a thought on it either.

“So… are you guys free at some day because my mum really wants us all to come over. I already told Liam but I know I didn’t ask you yet, Ni, but you wouldn’t mind, right? It’s just because me and Louis stayed overnight the other day and she kept asking about you guys, so… “ Liam only slowly dared to look up at Niall, hoping that the blonde wouldn’t start a discussion like he had weeks ago for the family gathering, but luckily, it didn’t look like it, he simply seemed surprised, and a bit blushed.

“Oh, um… sure.” Was all Niall said, for just a second meeting Liam’s eyes before making sure to take a sip from his coke. They were still waiting for their food and Liam had hopes that the situation would get a little bit more relaxed as time passed by. Somehow it was weird because he was pretty sure that had it just been himself and Niall, they would have surely been more comfortable, simply because they didn’t have to fear that anybody would bring up the things they would have rather forgotten about. “I… I’ve got time, I just have to study and… yeah. Just tell me when.”

“Yeah, me too… and do me a favor and make sure she doesn’t invite my parents as well, please.” Not that Liam wanted to talk about that right now, he was just trying to protect Niall, and maybe also a little bit himself. 

“Don’t worry, ‘m pretty sure that wasn’t the plan. Do you guys like scrabble?” Oh god.

Upon hearing this, Liam couldn’t help but immediately looked at Niall across the table, seeing the corner of the boy’s mouth twitch much like his own and he actually had to hide his laughter with a quick cough. “Um, not really. Is that we’re gonna do?”

“I-“

“Harry and his mum are obsessed with it, so probably, yeah.” Louis interrupted his boyfriend with a smirk, getting a glare from Harry that caused Liam to relax because at least Louis was on their side. Honestly, Liam didn’t know if there was anything more awkward than playing scrabble with his aunt, cousin and his ex-boyfriend. “What? It’s true, babe, not saying it’s a bad thing. I had fun.”

Before they could start arguing about this, the waiter came with their food, for which Liam was pretty grateful, also for the fact that he put the fries in between his and Niall’s plates, almost as if he knew. So trying to be casual, Liam lightly bumped Niall’s foot underneath the table, on purpose this time, waiting for the blonde to look at him in confusion before pointing at the fries with his fork, hoping the others weren’t really paying attention. “We can share.”

“Oh… thanks.” Again, Niall’s face turned pink but he smiled at Liam and suddenly the whole night had gotten a little bit better.

Everything went a lot more smoothly than Liam had thought, after a while it really was as if they were just hanging out at home. No one really said anything that could have led to embarrassment and it was only when they were already finished with their food that Harry suddenly announced he had to go use the toilet and a minute after he had left, Louis had to go outside because he had to take a phone call, leaving Liam and Niall to themselves for the first time today.

“Do you think that Harry called him and they’re gonna… do it on the toilet or something?” Niall laughed, he had clearly relaxed as the evening had progressed and he hadn’t even been shy to take Liam’s offer of sharing his fries just like they always had.

“I hope not, if they do then we’ll just pay for our food and pretend we don’t even know them.” Liam hadn’t paid enough attention to have seen where any of them had gone, plus the toilet was on the way outside anyways, so there was a possibility that they had had this planned, it was just unclear to the brunette as to why. Maybe to force him and Niall to be on their own? Or maybe they really were gonna… do it on the toilet. 

“Yeah… god, I’d never talk to them again.” The blonde pretended to shiver and Liam grinned, all of a sudden having a really unexpected memory crossing his mind though, of how when they had gone on their first few dates as a couple that they had been so fucking in love that they hadn’t been able to stop touching each other for just a minute, how they had had a really heated make out session in a public toilet once and it caused goosebumps to rise on his arms. Right, that was not the best thing to think about right now. “Hey, Li… “

“Yeah?” Liam had to clear his throat, blink a few times before looking at Niall once more, feeling embarrassed for his thoughts even though the blonde couldn’t have guessed them anyways, actually, he was staring at the table and biting his bottom lip, seemingly nervous all of a sudden.

“You know… when Louis told me about… about his plans for tonight, he… he actually, well… you know what I said on the phone, that… that it wasn’t a double date, but actually, um… actually that’s what Louis called it and I… I guess that… that even though I told him I didn’t wanna call it that, I… I wouldn’t mind it anymore…” Though this was exactly what Liam had already come up with himself, he felt the corners of his mouth twitching, trying not to smile though as he emptied his glass, not wanting to allow himself to be too happy about this or say something wrong and ruin it.

“I wouldn’t mind it either, I… I also wouldn’t have when you called me before. And also… if, in case, you know, if you wanna, like… maybe go on another date sometime, then I’d be happy to. With the other two, or… or just us two, I wouldn’t mind.” Was that too much? But at some point Liam had to drop a few more hints if he wanted this to progress, right?

For a moment, Niall didn’t say anything at all before suddenly looking up, their eyes immediately locking and Liam could feel blood streaming into his face, wanting to look away but resisting the urge. He had said it and he had meant it, now he couldn’t take it back anymore anyways, no matter how Niall reacted. “I… I wouldn’t mind either, I just… I just didn’t know if… if that’s what you wanted or if… if you just… want us to hang out like… like friends.”

Okay, they were really having this conversation right now and here and Liam couldn’t have been less prepared and it was kinda a little bit ironic because he was very certain that Harry and Louis had left them alone exactly for that reason, but… Niall had started it so there was no way for Liam to back out. He just needed to say it, the blonde had legit told him that he wanted to call this a date, so what was Liam still so damn afraid of?! “Niall… I never, um… I never wanted to… just be friends with you, I mean, I did, when we were kids, but… I wanna be your friend, of course I do, you’re my best friend and you’re always gonna be, but… you’re also always gonna be more to me than that and… and yeah, I wanna be more like friends. If that’s what you want as well, I mean, I know that… that we haven’t really talked about anything at all, but… if there’s a chance that… that it could be like it was then… I wouldn’t hesitate. Maybe I should have told you sooner, I… I miss you. I miss being your… boyfriend.”

So there it was, out in the world and Niall had heard it, his eyes having grown wider before he had made sure to turn his head, taking a breath and Liam didn’t know how to feel after having admitted all of that and even though he had held back and hadn’t told Niall that he loved him all the same as back then, it felt like he kinda had. Somehow though, Liam wasn’t even that nervous about it, only when Niall let out something that sounded like a very choked laughter, the brunette got kinda worried. For nothing, as it turned out. “I miss you being my boyfriend too… “

They didn’t say anything after that, Liam just stared at Niall while the blonde was staring at his hands on the table, biting his lip bleeding and the older’s heart was beating so fast that he thought it might jump out of his chest or something. This meant they were on the same page here, right? They wanted the same thing, they both wanted each other back and even though there were a thousand things unsaid between them and even though Niall had never explicitly said that he wanted Liam back, the brunette was kinda assuming that that’s what he meant. 

Maybe that’s what drove him to reach out across the table and cover Niall’s hand with his own, not even really thinking about it, but it got the blonde to look up immediately, a small smile playing around his lips even though his eyes were kinda sad. Before Liam could think of something smart to say though, or ask Niall what was wrong, the younger boy had already turned his hand around, fingers sliding into the spaces between Liam’s, fitting perfectly just like they always had.

The other two could have come back at any moment, but they were actually the last people Liam had on his mind right now, he was just busy staring at his and Niall’s intertwined fingers, trying not to smile or say something dumb, but he seemed to be incapable of keeping his mouth shut anyways. “Um… you know, it’s not actually that late and I was wondering, if… you know, when we get home, if… if maybe you wanna come upstairs for a bit and… watch a movie or so?”

Before Niall could do more than open his mouth, he was already interrupted by Harry coming back, alone, and Liam felt his own hand twitching in Niall’s along with the younger boy’s, but they didn’t let go of each other because… because why would it matter anyways? “Is Louis not back yet?”

“Um, no.” Liam answered, clearing his throat as carefully as possible, he knew Harry’s eyes flickered to their intertwined hands for at least a second before the boy sat back down, with a very mysterious smirk on his face.

“Well, then at least I can pay him back for all the time he’s paid for our dates. Don’t worry, you’re both invited as well, it was mine and Lou’s idea after all.” Harry was already giving the waiter a sign before pulling out his wallet and maybe had Liam not just had a very emotional talk with Niall that had both made him incredibly happy but also kinda scared, he would have kept his mouth shut.

“No, it’s fine, uh… I’ll pay for me and Niall.” There was a set of raised eyebrows before Harry just shrugged and Liam half expected Niall to protest, but instead, he closed his already open mouth again as their eyes met, half a smile forming on his lips. 

Louis came back a few minutes later when they had already paid and Liam and Niall had stopped holding hands because Liam had needed to get his wallet of course. He didn’t really get an answer to his question before, but Niall thanked him for paying, very sincerely, and when they were walking outside and back to the car with Harry and Louis once again in the front and Niall and Liam a few steps behind, the blonde suddenly curled his hand around the inside of Liam’s elbow while they were walking and the brunette was pretty sure he couldn’t have been happier.

 

\----------

 

“Thanks for driving, Li. See you tomorrow or so?” They had reached their front door way too quickly and Niall found himself panicking just slightly as Harry was already fumbling the key into the lock and saying goodbye to Liam and the brunette was about to go upstairs. He had never gotten to answer Liam before, about coming up to his place and now Niall was so nervous about saying something that he could have choked.

He kinda hated the fact that they had done exactly what Louis had had planned, but… Niall had just somehow been overwhelmed by how badly he had wanted this to be an actual date, how badly he wanted to go on couple dates with Liam and then the brunette had said all that and… the blonde had no fucking clue why, but somehow Liam wanted him back, somehow Liam wanted things to go back to how they had been and Niall didn’t know what to do. He had already indirectly told Liam that that was what he wanted as well, which was true, but… just because he wanted it didn’t mean that it was right. Maybe he should have told Liam about his worries first, about his stupid fucking trust issues, but… that would have surely not turned out well.

“No problem. And yeah, I… “ Liam hesitated, very obviously, throwing a look at Niall, who was just standing there as the other two were already walking inside, not knowing whether it was still appropriate to accept Liam’s offer. He knew he really shouldn’t have but god damn it, the blonde knew he wouldn’t just get one second of sleep tonight anyways and he had already messed up by telling Liam he missed having him as a boyfriend and not that he really wasn’t sure if he was ready to go back to being a couple so why not just… do whatever he wanted and regret it all later.

“Bye, Li!” Louis half yelled from inside the flat already and Liam still had not left and Niall still had not moved and just because the more times passed by the more awkward it would get, Niall decided to give himself a push. He was an adult, and they were friends, he could hang out at Liam’s flat if he wanted to. Besides, Liam was clearly waiting for him to make a decision, so…

“Hey, guys, I, um… me and Liam, uh… we’re watching a movie at his place, so… “ God this was so embarrassing, it was almost as if Niall was asking for permission and he actually half expected one of the other two to make a stupid comment or ask him what kinda movie or if they could join, but they never did. Actually, Harry was the only one who even answered, winking at Niall and telling them to have fun before closing the door, leaving them all alone in the staircase. Well, that had been easy. 

“I already thought you’d… leave me hanging.” Liam let out a chuckle but it sounded kinda nervous, he was playing with his keys and as their eyes met, Niall couldn’t help wishing he could have just taken a few steps forward, cupped Liam’s face in his hands and pressed their lips together. This was why this was so hard, because Niall knew what he wanted but he didn’t know whether it was a good idea. 

“Sorry, I… I always expect the other two to make some stupid comment or… anyways, um… what movie are we watching?” Just to lighten the mood a little bit, Niall felt his heart speeding up as he walked up the stairs next to Liam, registering somewhere in the back of his head that he hadn’t even brought a house key with him and that Harry and Louis would possibly go to bed early, but somehow, Niall didn’t even think about going back. He wanted this so badly it was pathetic. 

“Whatever you want. I… I got a lot of our DVDs, so… “ Right, Liam had taken most of them, but Niall really didn’t want to think about that right now because it would have only made things awkward. They could have watched a movie he knew they both liked, one they had watched together a thousand times, but somehow Niall wanted to watch something new, things had happened after all and… no matter what happened between them in the future, this was a new chapter. Plus, he would have probably gotten way too sentimental otherwise.

“Maybe… maybe we could just see what’s on?” The blonde suggested, trying to come off as casual which he probably failed at terribly. Not that it mattered, this whole situation right here was very new for the both of them, now that they both knew that they both wanted the same thing. Each other.

“Sure, yeah. We can also do something else, y’know, I was just… “ Liam had just wanted an excuse to ask Niall to come upstairs, they both knew it but the blonde didn’t say anything of course because god knows he had been dreading saying goodbye to Liam as well. Again, this was wrong and it also wasn’t quite fair to the brunette, to not tell him the whole truth, but somehow Niall was hoping his bad feelings would go away without having to share his worries with the older boy.

Liam’s place was as clean as always, it also smelled just like their old flat together had and whenever Niall entered he felt like he was being hit by ten million feelings and memories at once. Which wasn’t really a bad feeling though, it made him kinda relaxed and more comfortable, almost as if he was back at home, back in their own flat, as if they would just snuggle a bit on the couch before going to bed together and talk or make out and possibly go further if they weren’t too tired already. 

“You can make yourself comfortable, I’ll get you something to drink. Do you want… water or… or a beer or… hot chocolate, or… something else?” He had clearly been hesitating offering the alcohol and Niall knew why, apparently they couldn’t be drunk around each other without falling into the same bed together and waking up naked and with a billion embarrassing things having been said, which probably were all true anyways, but… they didn’t really count when they were drunk, did they?

“Um… hot chocolate would be good.” Niall decided after sitting down, trying to throw a smile at Liam, taking the remote when the older boy handed it to him before disappearing, giving the blonde a few minutes to calm down about all of this.

While mindlessly zapping through the channels, Niall tried to desperately come up with a solution for this, tried to weigh the pros and cons of not telling Liam what he had told Louis so easily at lunch. But it had been Louis, he wasn’t directly involved, Niall couldn’t just go and tell Liam that he wasn’t sure if he trusted him enough to be in a relationship again, how the hell would that sound? And besides, he already knew what Liam would tell him anyways, that he would probably try even harder than he already was to make it all up to the blonde, make sure he knew that he could trust him again. Question was, Niall had trusted the boy before all of this had happened, blindly, and he had ended up hurt and alone and… it had happened once, it could happen again.

Of course Niall didn’t figure out what to do before Liam already came back with two cups and half a smile on his face. He seemed happy that Niall was here, on his couch, that they were spending time together and alone, that they had talked about it, but he couldn’t know of course that there was so much more to say that the younger boy couldn’t bear to say out loud. He didn’t wanna hurt Liam, in any way, didn’t wanna… cause a fight or a discussion, he just wanted to be here with him and talk and… momentarily forget about what had happened, even though that was childish and stupid and simply putting the problem off. 

“Have you found anything to watch yet?” The older boy’s good mood was kinda infecting Niall, he quietly thanked Liam for the hot chocolate as he put it on the coffee table, feeling a little bit hotter as Liam let himself drop onto the couch as well, of course so close that their thighs were almost brushing. 

“Not really, um…. there’s a few things on, but… I’m not sure if you wanna watch them.” Every movie Niall had found had already started seeing as it was like 10 pm or something, but then again, the purpose of this hadn’t really been to watch a movie together anyways, actually… Niall didn’t even know what this was, whether it was a date or whether Liam just wanted to spend time with him doing whatever, but he certainly wouldn’t complain.

“I’m fine with everything.” Of course that’s what Liam said, still smiling as Niall turned his head to look at him, being forced to move his eyes back to the screen though because otherwise he might have been staring at the older’s lips. Seeing how close they were and the fact that the blonde now knew that Liam wanted him back for whatever twisted reason, that he… that he still loved Niall, he wasn’t trusting himself to look anywhere besides the TV because otherwise, he might have just thrown himself at Liam and snogged the hell out of him. And Liam would have probably welcomed it, that was the very worst part.

Not knowing what to say or do, Niall decided to just leave a random movie on he thought he already knew, putting the remote on the table and instead taking his cup of hot chocolate, leaning back into the couch. There was a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach and something told him that no matter what he did, there was only one way this night would end and whether it was sooner or later didn’t really matter. 

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, they just watched the movie together, occasionally having their arms or thighs bump, on accident or not, and Niall couldn’t have gotten into whatever was on on the TV even if he had tried. He was sitting next to the love of his life, the boy he had dated for six years, and just half an hour ago Liam had indirectly told Niall he was still in love with him, that he wanted to go back to how it had been and… god damn it, how long had the blonde dreamed about this? About Liam coming back and everything going back to normal? And now he was having doubts and hesitating and-

“Ni, you, uh… you got something there.” The older boy interrupted Niall’s very wild trail of thoughts by suddenly lifting his arm and reaching out for the blonde while Niall’s eyes just went wide as he stared into Liam’s chocolate brown ones, his ears suddenly feeling as if they had been stuffed with cotton and for the split of a second, he thought that the brunette was about to grab his face and kiss him.

But no, all Liam did was reach out for Niall, very slowly and gently, wiping his thumb over the corner of his mouth, probably to remove whatever the hot chocolate had left there and the blonde thought he had to actually die right then and there. His breath was increasing terribly and he couldn’t stop staring at Liam, breathe him in, his brain somehow turning itself off as Liam kept brushing his thumb over Niall’s bottom lip, softly and very unnecessarily long, and when he finally stopped and looked back up to meet Niall’s eyes once more, the younger boy simply couldn’t hold back anymore.

Within a second, Niall had screwed up his own plan of talking to Liam first, of telling him his worries before doing anything else, before doing something stupid as cupping the older’s face in his hands and kissing him like a horny fucking teenager. But that’s exactly what Niall did, his skin feeling as if it was on fire as he pressed their lips together, wanting to feel Liam everywhere at once, feeling the brunette’s mouth on his for the third time while they were both sober and it was so fucking good and overwhelming that Niall could have cried.

Only for the split of a moment did Liam hesitate, probably out of surprise before his hands immediately settled on Niall’s hips, softly pulling the boy over to straddle his lap while kissing him back just as desperately as Niall felt. They still worked so smoothly together, like a well-oiled machine, their hands knowing exactly where to touch and how, their hips how to move and their lips the right angle. This was crazy but it was everything Niall wanted, everything he wanted to feel for the rest of his life.

He couldn’t help deepening the kiss immediately, licking into Liam’s mouth as the brunette had willingly opened it immediately, his hands already underneath Niall’s shirt, squeezing his hips so firmly that it almost hurt but in such a good way that the blonde couldn’t help but let out a groan in the back of his throat while grinding into the older’s lap, tongue almost fucking into Liam’s mouth. Tomorrow, Niall knew his skin would be all pink and sore from Liam’s bear scratching over it and just the memory of how it had felt on other parts of his body, his neck and the inside of his thighs and his arse cheeks caused the boy to want it even more than he already had to begin with. 

They were both breathing heavily already, Niall could feel Liam growing hard underneath him, making sure to rub his own bulge into the older boy’s though they were both trapped in their jeans and busy snogging the life out of each other. Somehow they were doing this the wrong way, they hadn’t even been on one real date ever since Liam had moved here, they hadn’t had more than just one talk about what they wanted and yet they were here, making out and grinding and grabbing onto each other as if this was their last day on earth or something.

“Liam… “ Niall managed to pant out between kisses, his lips feeling swollen and wet, a string of spit connecting them to Liam’s for only a second before the older boy was already kissing him again, shoving his tongue back into Niall’s mouth as he hugged him tightly around the waist, pulling him impossibly closer, not leaving him a chance to carry on immediately. Shit. “Li… bed.”

In the end, only one word remained from what Niall had been meaning to ask and in the heat of the moment he didn’t feel embarrassed or anything, for the moment Liam was his boyfriend who he wanted really fucking badly, right at this second, and doing it again and half arsed on the couch like they had when they had been drunk wasn’t cutting it anymore. Niall wanted Liam, wanted him as close as humanly possible and it didn’t matter right now that he hadn’t told him what was bothering him because Liam still loved him and he wanted Niall back and that was enough for now.

The older boy didn’t even bother answering, he did allow Niall to get up though, going right with him though and they were maybe not kissing for 0.1 seconds before their lips were back on top of each other. Before Niall even knew it, Liam had grabbed the back of his thighs and his body was kinda reacting automatically because they had done this so many times before, arms wrapping more tightly around the brunette’s neck before jumping just slightly, allowing Liam to haul him up, with Niall’s legs going around his waist, but really, the brunette was doing most of the work holding him up.

It was a miracle actually, that they even reached the bedroom without bumping into anything and while kissing frantically the whole entire time, but Liam was so strong that Niall barely took any notice of the boy carrying him, actually slightly surprised when his back hit the mattress and Liam was climbing on top of him, allowing him to breathe for like a second before licking back into his mouth. 

Though Niall was sure his legs would get weak fairly quickly, he still wrapped them around the back of Liam’s thighs as they kept snogging, arms wrapped tightly around the older’s neck to keep him as close as somehow possible, a shudder going through his body as Liam shoved his hand back underneath his shirt, pushing the piece of clothing up in between them.

“Liam… L-Liam, please… “ They both knew what the blonde was asking for without having to actually say it oud loud, Niall was just half moaning it into Liam’s mouth, not wanting to stop kissing him even though his lunges were already burning, the whole room filled with just their pants and heavy breathing and clothes rubbing together. 

As the older boy’s lips slipped down to Niall’s neck, the blonde could feel his back arching a bit, body pressing more into Liam’s as the brunette was sucking bruises onto the sensitive skin, which would probably be visible tomorrow but even though Niall was completely sober tonight, he didn’t care one single bit. He wanted Liam to mark him up, everywhere, wanted to have the older’s hands all over his body and remind him of what this felt like while being sober, while being sure that they both wanted this 100%.

Niall’s eyes were pressed closed as he felt Liam working his neck, almost ripping the older’s hair out as he held onto him, harshly breathing in through his mouth while feeling Liam’s hot breath against his skin, whining a bit embarrassingly loud when the older boy suddenly leaned back a bit, panting. “Ni… “

“Why’d you stop?” Blinking his eyes open, Niall could see Liam’s face right above his, he was all flushed and sweaty and his lips were so plush and red and they were curled into half a smile and Niall’s heart almost stopped right then and there. 

“Sorry… I just… do you really want to? I just… I wanna make sure… “ Of course, this was so Liam-like to ask, and then the way he brushed Niall’s fringe out of his face, both of them still breathing rather hard as they stared into each other’s eyes and honestly, it almost felt impossible for Niall to not just pull Liam back down to kiss him again. 

“I want to… do you?” This was so wrong, they really should have talked before all of that, but Niall was a coward and also, he couldn’t think of anything else besides Liam’s body against his, impatiently waiting for the brunette to kiss him again, fingers clenched into his hair.

“Yeah… I’ve been… wanting to do this ever since… ever since I left.” It was unexpected that Liam was starting with this now, but before Niall could even really let it sink in, the older’s lips were pressed back against his and his tongue was joining Niall’s in the blonde’s mouth, causing him to immediately forget about their short conversation again. The fact that Liam had stopped just to check if Niall was alright, just to make sure this was what he wanted as well made Niall even more desperate to get those stupid clothes off of each other, finally be close to each other again like they hadn’t been in so damn long.

Though they were both noticeably desperate, they still made out for a while before Liam made sure to push Niall’s shirt up even higher, leaning back just for a second so Niall could pull it off, keeping the brunette from going back to immediately kissing him again, instead shoving his hands underneath Liam’s shirt as well, feeling his smooth skin, the hair covering his chest and Niall almost felt as if he was in trance as Liam leaned back, reaching behind himself to take off his shirt, carelessly letting it drop somewhere on the bed. Liam was so bloody attractive, Niall could barely even take looking at him and not touching him everywhere he could possibly reach, not even being able to believe that somebody like Liam would ever want him. And yet somehow, he did.

When they kissed again it felt a lot more intense like this, both of them without a shirt on, their bare skin on top of each other as they kept snogging and Niall wrapped his legs back around Liam’s thighs to keep him close, trying to thrust his hips up against the older boy’s because he was so desperate for friction, jeans feeling unbearably tight and judging by the sounds leaving Liam’s mouth between kisses, he had the same problem.

It seemed to take ages, until Liam finally started fumbling with Niall’s belt and the younger boy immediately replaced the older’s fingers with his own, relieved to notice Liam instead opening his own jeans because god damn, Niall hadn’t seen Liam naked while being sober in way over a year and that surely was way too long. 

Lifting his hips a bit, Niall helped Liam pulling his own jeans off, along with his boxer shorts, causing him to hiss as his erection bumped against his stomach, the cool hair causing goosebumps to rise all over his body as he was just lying there, underneath Liam, completely naked while the older boy still hadn’t removed his own clothes but before Niall could complain, Liam was kissing him firmly on the lips, as if he just couldn’t wait any longer.

Wanting to deepen the kiss immediately, Niall was only disappointed for just a second as Liam’s mouth left his, instead moving down over his jaw and then his neck, placing a kiss right where he had left a bruise before going even deeper and instead of wishing the brunette would kiss him again, now all Niall wanted was for Liam to just keep going. 

It felt so damn good, to have his lips on his body, his beard scratching against Niall’s skin, mouth closing around his nipples before moving down even further after the blonde had let out a moan, fingers curled so tightly into Liam’s hair that it was probably hurting him even though he never said a word about it.

After taking ages to kiss along Niall’s stomach and hipbones, Liam _finally_ got to where Niall had desperately wanted him, only letting his breath ghost over the boy’s length though, not doing anything even as Niall tried to buck his hips up, whining as he moved an arm over his closed eyes, seeing nothing but stars. “L-Liam… don’t t-tease… “

“’m not.” Liam honestly dared to chuckle, placing a kiss on Niall’s erection before immediately moving away again, causing the blonde to groan. Some things really hadn’t changed. “Turn over, babe… “

Honestly, Niall didn’t need to be told twice, he would have let Liam do absolutely anything to him, especially now that the older boy had called him ‘babe’ and even though his dick was aching because of how hard he was, the blonde turned onto his stomach, hissing as he felt the bed sheets rubbing against him, face smushed in the crook of his arm as he felt Liam’s hands on the back of his thighs, moving upwards, and just the thought of what was about to come almost pushed Niall over the edge.

He couldn’t actually believe that this was happening, after he hadn’t really thought anything exciting would happen tonight, after he had almost told Louis he didn’t wanna go on a double date. And now he was naked in Liam’s bed and the older boy’s hands were on his arse cheeks, still teasing, leaving Niall hanging just so he could cause him to gasp when he suddenly buried his face in between the younger’s thighs without a warning, spreading him open with his thumbs.

If there had been one thing that had caused Niall to beg and sob in bed it had definitely always been Liam eating him out, and maybe that was why the brunette had randomly decided to do this, Niall didn’t really care about the _why_ anymore when he felt the older boy purposely making his sensitive skin pink by rubbing his jaw over Niall’s arse cheek and as if that wasn’t enough, he had his tongue on the boy’s hole just a second later, almost instantly causing him to half moan and scream his name.

Thank god Harry and Louis were two staircases away.

It felt so bloody amazing Niall couldn’t help humping the bed for like, two seconds before Liam made him stop by pressing him more into the mattress, fingers prying the boy open and exposing his most intimate body part, over and over again licking over Niall’s hole, his breathing going heavy after a while and Niall’s moans were getting even louder.

Had Niall not desperately wanted to go all the way with Liam, he would have come after just one minute of this, especially when Liam made sure to try and push his tongue inside after getting the younger boy all wet, using his fingers to spread his own spit before pushing just the tip of his index finger in and Niall had to honestly bite his own arm in order to shut himself up. And not even that fully worked. “ _Liam_ …. aaah… _fuck_ … Li… please… d-don’t stop… _please_...”

There was no real answer, Liam just continued trying to work his finger into Niall, making sure to lick around his own digit to make the glide a bit easier even though in all honesty, Niall didn’t even feel close to being in pain, not with Liam’s hot and wet tongue all over him and his finger suddenly fully pushing inside, scratching along Niall’s sensitive inner walls.

Once a while, Liam would let out these sounds, as if he was really enjoying himself down there and Niall would have checked, if he had had enough energy to actually lift his head once Liam started moving his finger in a steady rhythm, still licking at the boy at the same time, his free arm was wrapped around the small of the blonde’s back, having Niall trapped underneath him. 

Though Niall had slept with other people that hadn’t been Liam in the past year, no one had ever made him feel this way, had ever paid this much attention to him, made it all about him and for a moment there Niall felt like a fucking idiot, to think that Liam would ever hurt him on purpose, that he hadn’t come back because he had given up on them, that he would honestly do it again. This was Liam after all, who still asked if Niall really did wanna have sex with him when the blonde had been the one to start all of this, who was still so busy making sure the younger boy was enjoying himself that he completely put away his own needs.

Maybe that was why Niall had to force himself to tell Liam to stop when the brunette already had three fingers in, brushing Niall’s prostate on every second thrust, knowing the exact right angle to make the blonde scream his name and actually _cry_ from pleasure every time Liam’s finger would massage the bundle of nerves inside of him or when he scissored his fingers apart to make space for his tongue. “L-Li… Liam, s-stop, I… I want… please… please f-fuck me…”

Alright now, this was not how Niall had wanted to say it, but he was full on crying now and his voice was breaking on every word and he just wanted Liam inside of him and not come like this even though it felt like heaven on earth, there was something that felt even better, something they hadn’t done in ages and if Niall had to wait just another minute he would go fucking insane.

Almost immediately, Liam had retracted his fingers and his tongue, not answering for a second though and the delay where the brunette was only touching the back of his thighs almost killed Niall right then and there. He still couldn’t look at Liam, couldn’t lift his head or do anything at all besides breathing heavily, keeping his face buried in his arms. “I… I don’t have a condom or… or lube.”

“I’m… I’m clean.” Was all Niall choked out, they had always had sex without a condom and it did kinda hurt to hear Liam saying that, as if he didn’t trust Niall or as if he himself wasn’t sure anymore whether he had used protecting whenever he had been with somebody else during the past year. Apparently though, Niall’s word was enough.

“Okay… turn around, babe, I… I wanna see you.” His voice had gotten more quiet, probably also because his tongue felt weak, and he sat back a bit so Niall could roll over once more, a lot more slowly though, feeling as if though all energy had been drained from his body, his erection red and angry against his stomach. “Are you… are you sure?”

“Yes… “ Niall had never been more sure than in this second, but he couldn’t even manage a smile to reassure Liam right now because looking up at him, at his exposed chest and his obscenely red and swollen mouth, his beautiful eyes and messy hair, the blonde was glad if he brought out just one single word. 

He watched as Liam nodded once before getting up to get rid of his jeans and boxer shorts, throwing a small smile at the blonde as he crawled back over him, Niall’s arms automatically coming to wrap around Liam’s neck once more, spreading his legs further so the brunette would fit in between, their erections bumping against one another before Liam brought a hand down to grab a hold of himself, never once looking away from Niall’s eyes though. 

“Tell me if it hurts, okay? Tell me if… if you need me to stop.” For a second, it looked like he was about to say something else, but instead, he just kissed Niall’s forehead and then his nose and as if Niall hadn’t already been blushed enough, Liam suddenly caught a few of his tears with his lips before very firmly kissing Niall on the mouth. His tongue immediately slipped past Niall’s lips before he lined himself up, pushing inside just a moment later while they were still snogging and the blonde felt nothing more but a tiny pinch of pain. Honestly, it felt like a fucking relief, as crazy as that sounded, to have Liam inside of him like he had been so many times, it was so familiar and so calming in a way that Niall had no choice but to start crying yet again.

They didn’t last very long, Liam wasn’t holding back in any way, he did go slowly at first, giving Niall a chance to get used to it, probably not wanting to hurt him, but as soon as Niall choked out a “Harder” between their kisses, the brunette just went for it. Actually, they had to stop kissing altogether, just pressing their foreheads together, panting into each other’s open mouths as Liam was fucking into the younger boy, hitting his prostate with every thrust.

Niall’s legs and arms were burning and he was all sweaty and gross and crying but he still wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, everything just smelled like Liam and he could taste the boy in his mouth, could feel his hot erection inside of him, hitting him in all the right ways, and as the brunette suddenly pushed a hand in between them to wrap around Niall’s ignored length, jerking him off sloppily with his thrusts, it was way too much for the blonde to take.

The thing was, Niall knew Liam was close as well, he knew because he could tell the older’s thrusts getting uneven and more desperate, because he knew what it meant when Liam was panting and grunting like this and somehow, that seemed to work the other way around as well. Honestly the second when Niall couldn’t hold back anymore, when he felt like he had to explode or would accidentally rip Liam’s hair out for real, the older boy suddenly mumbled against his mouth, while still thrusting inside of him and jerking him off, but by some miracle, Niall remembered every single word, even though he reached his high just a moment afterwards.

“ _Fuck_ … Niall, I-I… I, aaah… I love y-you… so f-fucking much a-and… _shit_ … I n-never stopped a-and… I-I never will, I… I’m so s-sorry… _oh god_ … f-for e-everything, I… I l-love y-you… m-more than a-anything in t-this world…“ Oh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you everyone for reading and for all the lovely comments, hope youve all enjoyed this chapter and are as excited as me about niall and liam finally getting together haha <33


	9. Chapter 9

Niall didn’t know what to say or do once they were both coming down from their highs, just lying there, Liam still on top of him, his body hot and heavy, their breaths going hard and the blonde didn’t dare to open his eyes, didn’t dare to move just an inch. He couldn’t believe that Liam had actually said all of that, that he had… just blurted out with it, while being completely sober and yeah, maybe he hadn’t been thinking clearly because they had been in the middle of having sex, but… he could have taken it back now, could have… done god knows what to talk himself out of it, but he didn’t.

Instead, Liam was surprising Niall even more by lifting his head and scattering the younger boy’s face with kisses and Niall could feel his throat getting tight, could feel guilt bubbling up inside of him for not having said it back, for not stopping Liam. Truth was, he was so damn happy, happier than maybe the day he and Liam had shared their first kiss, because back then, he had kinda suspected it, had kinda had a feeling Liam returned his feelings, but now… 

“You’re so fucking beautiful…” Liam mumbled against Niall’s cheek after a while, after having literally kissed every inch of his face and the blonde still hadn’t opened his eyes, hadn’t done more than curling his fingers back into Liam’s hair, enjoying the moment as much as possible, heart hammering in his chest. Because reality was that Liam had just fucking told him that he still loved him, they had just had sex and a few hours ago they had confessed to each other that they wanted the other back and now Niall couldn’t even say a single damn word. “…you okay, babe?”

“Yeah, I… more than that.” Which was true, but it didn’t change the fact that Niall felt guilty and Liam probably wasn’t thinking anything of it because it had all happened in the heat of the moment, but… it’s not that Niall didn’t love him just as much, because he fucking did, but if he told Liam that then he would have felt even guiltier, for telling him _that_ before telling him about his worries. Truth was though, the more time passed by, the more Niall just wanted to forget, just wanted to start all over again, pretend none of it had ever happened. Could he do that though? “You?”

“Me too…” The older boy let out a quiet laugh and before Niall even knew it, Liam’s warm and soft lips were covering his once more, tongue immediately slipping into his mouth and nudging against Niall’s and who was the blonde to reject him? He felt like he was in heaven honestly, having Liam’s body pressed on top of his, both of them all exhausted and sweaty and snogging and there was only one single thing that could have made this situation even better. If Niall had had the balls to open his fucking mouth and told Liam that he loved him as well.

They kissed for quite a while, a lot more slowly now, more gentle and soft, the kinda kissing that caused goosebumps to rise all over Niall’s body, feeling Liam’s hands rubbing up and down his side and over his cheek, caressing his skin like he had done so often. And yet it felt like the very first time all over again and Niall made sure to cling even more tightly to the other boy, so he wouldn’t have to think, wouldn’t ever have to burst that bubble of happiness.

Sadly though, they were forced to pull apart due to lack of air and though Niall whined, Liam just chuckled into his face before kissing the younger’s nose and promptly shutting him up before suddenly starting to pull out of the blonde. It was slightly uncomfortable even though Liam tried his best, but at least it gave Niall the courage to open his eyes again, blink a few times as he was hit by the light, trying to focus on Liam’s face above his instead.

If any possible, the older boy looked even more gorgeous now, so bloody gorgeous in fact that Niall’s heart was beating pretty unsteadily in his chest and he had to swallow a few times as Liam smiled at him, fingers brushing over Niall’s cheek once more as he leaned down to kiss the younger’s forehead before moving to get up and out of bed. Had it gone after Niall, they would have stayed like this the whole entire night, but of course Liam had to make sure Niall was comfortable and had something to clean himself up with because that’s just who he was. 

“Here. Do you wanna go shower?” It was a mystery to Niall really, how someone so sweet and perfect could love him, he could barely even answer as Liam came back with some tissues and sat on the edge of the mattress next to Niall, still bloody naked of course. It’d be a lie to say that Niall hadn’t been staring at him the whole entire time while the brunette had been looking for the tissues, it’s just… it felt like a crime NOT to look at him.

“No… I don’t wanna move…” Niall’s limbs felt like jelly, he barely had any energy left to try and clean himself up a bit because in all honesty… he kinda liked the feeling, like having Liam’s jizz inside of him, which was maybe a little bit weird but they hadn’t had sex in so long that Niall didn’t even care. Had he not felt the need to close his eyes and just sleep, he would have gladly suggested a second round. “Li… “

“Yeah?” Liam’s voice had changed to a little bit worried as he leaned over Niall, looking down at him while almost causing the blonde to forget what he had wanted to say by evenly stroking his hair. God damn it, how was Niall ever supposed to talk to Liam about all of this? When he was so close to just giving in and burying that stupid feeling of doubt?

“Can I sleep over?” Of course it was more of a joke, not a very funny one but Niall couldn’t help laughing at himself when he saw Liam rolling his eyes, the worried facial expression immediately disappearing and being replaced by a very soft and sweet smile.

“You’re such a dork, Nialler… you think I’d let you go back downstairs now, huh? C’mon, let’s lie down properly, you look like you’re gonna pass out any second.” He was in such a good mood now and everything felt just like it was supposed to be, Niall couldn’t have started that conversation now, could he? He couldn’t ruin this moment, not now that they were both so happy, that his heart felt like it could jump out of his chest any second because of how in love he was with Liam. 

Of course Liam did most of the work, Niall allowed him to jostle him around like he pleased, feeling very content and comfortable once they were both lying underneath the blanket, facing each other and the brunette’s arms wrapped around Niall, feeling each other’s breaths because of how close they were. This was perfect, this was everything Niall had wanted for the past year and he couldn’t even really believe that it was happening. Liam _loved_ him.

“You know I kinda hate saying this, but… I’m really glad Louis’ plan worked.” Liam started after a second and Niall did his best to open his eyes back up, his hand rest against Liam’s chest, feeling his steady heartbeat.

“Me too… “ The blonde mumbled before being forced to let out a yawn that he had been trying to hold back for at least 10 minutes now, hearing a soft chuckle coming from Liam before he felt warm lips pressed against his forehead. 

“You’re so cute.” Right, Niall wasn’t strong enough for this, he wasn’t capable of possibly hurting Liam with his words, he couldn’t do this, not now and maybe not ever, not while knowing that the older boy was still into him, that he still loved him and wanted him back, was making Niall compliments and cuddling him and doing anything for him, like… there was no way he’d ever hurt him this much again, was there? And anyways, it had been Niall’s fault, he had broken up with Liam, he hadn’t returned the boy’s calls afterwards and yeah, Liam hadn’t come back, but Niall couldn’t exactly blame him, could he? Especially not now, not now that they had had sex and were finally on the same page again. “Wanna go to sleep? I’ve got an alarm on my phone, okay? When do you have to get up?”

“Um… at nine, I’ve got a class at ten. You?” Niall still felt hot because of their activities but also because of Liam calling him cute, which was a little bit embarrassing but chances were the older boy couldn’t tell anyways, he seemed way too busy stroking Niall’s back and his arm and his face and… the blonde couldn’t have asked for more.

“Nine is fine for me too. I’ll drive you, okay?” Okay, now Niall felt even guiltier, if that was any possible, because Liam probably had a day off tomorrow or something, and yet he would get up and drive Niall just like he always did and fuck… the blonde couldn’t even say no because he wanted to be alone with Liam so badly as well that it couldn’t be considered healthy. 

“Thank you… “ Trying to press himself even closer into Liam’s warm body, Niall got what he had wanted as the brunette tightened his arms, pulling him against him until Niall’s face was pushed into the older’s neck and he could feel Liam’s hot breath warming up his scalp. And apparently also turning his brain to mush. “You smell so good…”

“You too… “ This time, Liam’s voice had gotten more quiet, he had hesitated for only a second, kissing the top of Niall’s head, still stroking over his back softly and maybe the blonde would have fallen asleep like this had Liam not suddenly continued, carefully and more slowly, as if he didn’t wanna scare Niall away. “Listen, Ni, I… I know we haven’t really… I mean, we… we talked about it, I know, and… I can’t even tell you how happy I am that you’re here right now and that we… I just… I wanna make sure this is what you want, because god knows it’s what I want, but… god, I don’t even know how to ask this or how to say this without sounding like an idiot, but… I wanna be with you, Nialler, more than anything in the world and… I know I made mistakes and I can’t make them undone, but that doesn’t mean I’m ever gonna stop trying and… I love you, more than I’ll ever love anybody else, you’re always gonna be the one for me, you’re… hell, you’re the love of my life and I can’t imagine life without you, I… I don’t know how I even survived last year, I… what I wanted to ask, actually since bloody weeks now… can I… can I have a second chance? Can… can _we_ have a second chance?”

Shit, shit, _shit_.

There was a second where Niall literally had no fucking idea what to say, he even considered fake sleeping for a moment because he hadn’t expected this to go so deep, hadn’t expected Liam to ask him this, right here and now. It would be a lie to say that for just a single second, Niall didn’t wanna say it, almost asked Liam why he hadn’t come back, if he hadn’t known how he had survived last year, when he could have simply gotten into a plane and come back home, if he couldn’t imagine life without Niall, why had he literally chosen it?

But then as quickly as Niall’s anger had come, it went away again, because everything Liam had said made his heart all mushy and soft and lying here with the boy, hearing these things, hearing the honesty in Liam’s voice, how he was _asking_ Niall to take him back, the blonde decided that he had never really had a choice. Even if he had had doubts about this, about whether it was right, he knew that he would always give in to Liam, and it’s not like the older boy had committed a crime, it’s not like he had mistreated Niall, quite the opposite actually, he was the sweetest and most caring guy alive and just because he had chosen differently than the blonde would have liked, it didn’t change the fact that he was the love of Niall’s life as well. And that no matter what had happened, he HAD been fighting for Niall after all, he had wanted to turn the scholar ship down at first, had only accepted it after Niall had urged him to for days straight and even after they had broken up he had tried calling and texting Niall for weeks and… Niall was probably just being dramatic about all of this, Liam would have never ever left him, he would have never broken up with Niall and the blonde knew that. 

So before he could really think about it, before he could let himself be consumed by worries, Niall simply pressed his lips right on top of Liam’s, feeling immediate relief spreading through him and his doubts already vanishing as he mumbled against the older’s mouth, feeling him smile into the kiss. “You can have a million chances, bean… I love you too, so fucking much.”

 

\----------------

 

Liam’s heart was beating fast for no reason at all really, he was just standing and waiting for Niall to open up the door so they could go grocery shopping and really, there was nothing exciting about that, except… _everything_ he did with the blonde was exciting. Especially since they had had their talk a week ago and though things had been a bit different the first two or so days, they were slowly falling back into this routine they had had established when they had still been dating and Liam couldn’t actually believe his luck.

He couldn’t believe that Niall still loved him as well, that he had told Liam he would have given him a million chances, that he had taken him back, held his hand in public, kissed and cuddled him in front of Harry and Louis. They had spent every night together ever since they had talked about all of this, not always at Liam’s place but sometimes also in Niall’s room, even though Harry and Louis never seemed to get tired of taking full credit for all of this.

Of course Liam was aware that it would take time before things would be back to how they had been, but somehow he had a really good feeling about all of this, that maybe it was going to get even better than it had been before. He’d never stop trying to make it all up to the blonde, make sure Niall knew that he could trust him, that Liam loved him with all his heart and would never again leave him, that he’d be there for as long as the blonde wanted him. Which, hopefully, was forever. 

There were still these moments when they’d both blush over something, or when Niall would drift off into thoughts and then pretended it had been nothing whenever Liam asked, but the brunette knew that this was probably normal. They had been apart for a very long time and it had only been a week and he didn’t wanna push Niall or anything, even though he himself would have been more than ready to let Niall move in with him, but… that could wait, everything could wait for as long as he had Niall, be sure that the boy loved him, just as much as the other way around. He had his baby back, that was all that mattered.

Liam could hear some voices through the door before it opened, revealing his boyfriend with a little bit of a red face but otherwise looking rather happy to see Liam, barely even giving him a chance to say hello before he had already wrapped his arms around the brunette’s neck and was kissing him rather impatiently. This right here was what Liam had been missing and there was no one else who could have filled this hole in his heart that Niall had left and god knows Liam was going to make sure he wouldn’t ever mess this up and have to feel this way ever again.

“Guys, I’m eating right here, can you maybe move outside if you wanna eat each other’s faces?” It was Louis, Liam hadn’t even seen him because Niall had been so quick to be all over him, not that the older boy complained, he didn’t care about anybody seeing them together, in fact, Liam kinda enjoyed it. Enjoyed people seeing that Niall was all his, that they were a way cuter couple than Harry and Louis, even though the other two of course disagreed. 

“Shut up, Tommo, or I’ll make sure to cross everything out you put on the shopping list.” Niall grumbled after pulling away from Liam, still hugging him tightly though and Liam could see Louis rolling his eyes at them with a smirk over the younger’s shoulder. He was happy for them, Liam could tell, so he let Harry and Louis have their fun, let them think it was solely thanks to them that him and Niall were back together. 

“I was just asking nicely, Nialler. Besides, me and Harry also hold back when you guys are around and especially when you sleep in your room, we could be a lot louder if we wanted to, about as loud as you have been last night when Liam-“

“Okay, okay, I got it.” Right, last night had been so bloody amazing that Liam still felt shivery just thinking about it and he knew that Louis probably wasn’t making this up, that he had probably really heard Niall because of how loud the blonde had been, but… it had been so worth it. “C’mon, let’s go.”

Liam made sure to peck Niall’s lips once more before letting his hands slip off of the younger’s waist, offering a smile that Niall returned though his cheeks were clearly blushed now, almost making Liam laugh. Honestly, Liam could have probably laughed all day long, he was so damn happy since last week, he couldn’t remember ever feeling this way, maybe not even when he and Niall had first gotten together or when they had moved in together, because… it was as if all of this was new again and exciting and Liam had never thought that Niall would be giving him a second chance, that fate would put them back together in the same place to start all over again. But somehow they were both here and still in love and Liam was the luckiest guy alive for sure.

When Niall had slipped his shoes on, he had another quick argument with Louis about the grocery shopping list and Liam had to bite the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t laugh, waiting patiently until they were done and he could get Niall all to himself again. Sure, they had had spent the night together and had seen each other this morning, but Niall had gotten home from uni way earlier than Liam had gotten off work so they hadn’t seen each other anymore ever since Liam had dropped the blonde off. And had kissed him for so long in the car that Niall had almost missed his first class.

“Louis wants me to buy so many things, we’re basically going to the store just for him.” The blonde was pouting a little bit, seemingly automatically slipping his hand into Liam’s and the older boy had to actually force himself to calm down about it, feeling sparks all up his arm as he made sure to intertwine his fingers with Niall’s. God, he never ever wanted to stop holding Niall’s hand again, kinda felt like he needed to make up for all the days they had missed out on doing it.

“I need a few things as well, and you can help me make some food choices.” Mostly because they had been eating together every day since a week as well, also without Harry and Louis and each time felt like a small date even though Liam planned on taking Niall on a real date soon, but… this was really good as well for now. More than that actually. 

“I’m still always picking all the unhealthy stuff though, just to warn you.” Niall was grinning when Liam looked over, squeezing his hand a bit and his face was still a little bit pink which was the cutest thing ever. 

“Thanks, babe, I think I can deal with that.” Honestly, Liam didn’t care whatever it was that Niall wanted because he would buy it anyways, if that meant that Niall wanted to be at his place more often, then Liam would gladly eat as unhealthy as humanly possible. “How was your day?”

“Hmmm, it was alright, I guess. Uni was boring as usual, but at least I didn’t get back a failed test for once.” Though it sounded kinda like a joke, Liam immediately started to feel bad, automatically holding Niall’s hand tighter as they left the building. He had tried helping the younger boy to study during the last few days, but they had always kinda… gotten distracted by each other a bit too easily and then Niall had made up this rule where Liam had had to kiss him every time he had gotten something right, so… it had definitely not stayed at a few innocent kisses. 

“Hey, don’t talk yourself down, Nialler. I promise you’re gonna rock the next exam, okay? I’m gonna help you and you’ll do amazing, you’ll see.” Hopefully because there was nothing worse than seeing Niall sad. 

“’s fine, I was just kidding anyways. But thanks, bean.” Though Niall had picked that nickname back up like he had never stopped saying it, Liam couldn’t help his stomach doing gymnastics every time he heard it, even more now as the blonde turned his head and pressed a kiss against Liam’s shoulder while they were walking down the street, his free hand coming to wrap around the older’s wrist. “How was work?”

“Also pretty boring actually… there wasn’t much to do and… I kinda missed you.” The last part somehow slipped out, but Liam quickly calmed down about it again, because… Niall was his boyfriend after all and he had never been shy to admit things like that before, had never been shy to compliment Niall in any way or situation or randomly tell him how much he loved him during the day and… Liam would have done anything to go back to that, but he was also aware that he needed to be patient. 

“Only kinda, huh?” Was all Niall said, chuckling when Liam pouted at him, feeling relief spreading through him at the blonde’s reaction. Not that Niall ever reacted badly to Liam saying stuff like that, just… it was still new and the brunette didn’t wanna… go overboard or something. 

“Kinda a lot.” Liam tried, feeling happy as he just watched Niall’s facial expressions and even happier when the boy suddenly looked at him with half a smile one his lips.

“I kinda missed you a lot too.” He confessed and Liam couldn’t help but immediately feel a tuck at his heart, not resisting the urge this time but rather leaning over to kiss the blonde’s temple without even thinking about it, barely able to believe his luck when Niall momentarily leaned his head against the older’s shoulder, slowing them down a tiny bit but that was alright. That was why they were walking instead of taking the car after all, so they could touch even more than they would have normally done anyways. 

It wasn’t a very long walk, but they weren’t in a hurry after all and Liam could never get enough of staring at Niall anyways, listen to him complaining about how Louis and Harry had decided that it was the blonde’s turn to do the vacuum cleaning even though Niall claimed he had done it last time and about how his coworker had asked him to switch shifts and really, it was just everyday things but Liam felt so intrigued by all of it that he could barely tear his eyes away from Niall. This was just like it had been for years, them walking together, holding hands, swinging their arms a bit between them, just talking and being together, the sun lightening up Niall’s face and Liam not being able to believe his luck.

When they got to the store, Niall insisted he needed to push the shopping cart so Liam just let him, finding it a little bit too cute but trying not to smile too fondly at the boy and once again get the urge to just pull him into his arms and hold him and cover his face in kisses. He could do that when they were alone, but maybe not here, in public, in the middle of the store when they would have blocked everyone’s way off.

“Okay… what do we need?” Niall had somehow fumbled out a very scrunched up piece of paper from the back of his jeans, trying to read it while at the same time navigating the shopping cart and Liam made sure to leave his hand on it, just in case, so the boy wouldn’t bump into too many shelves and people. “I swear to god, ever since Harry and Louis started dating suddenly all Louis eats is fruits and vegetables just because it makes Harry happy, that’s so gross. You’d never make me eat healthy, right?”

“No, never, babe, I love you way too much for that.” Though it was a joke and Niall chuckled, Liam felt his cheeks getting a bit hotter, making sure to study his own shopping list so they wouldn’t just wander around here without a goal. “Do you want… ice cream? For later, I mean, when-“

“Yes!” Okay, that question had been way too easy, Niall wasn’t even trying to hide his excitement and Liam would be lying if he said that he wasn’t falling more in love with this boy with every second passing. Which wasn’t anything new of course, he had always felt this way about Niall, but now that he was finally allowed to again, it felt even better. 

As they went through the store, Niall made sure to complain extra much whenever they got something that Louis had put on the list and Liam had to bite back a smile each time as well, knowing that the blonde was probably just exaggerating this whole thing for the fun of it. Or maybe it was also because he was still embarrassed about what Louis had said earlier and Liam made a mental note to make sure they slept over at his place instead of Niall’s for a while. 

Niall’s skills at pushing the shopping cart weren’t getting any better as they carried on and he bumped into Liam like ten times before the brunette innocently suggested that they could switch, but Niall just laughed at him before shrugging and saying that if Liam was so eager to push the cart, they could just do it together. God knows this was some really cheesy coupley stuff, but god damn it, Liam just couldn’t resist when Niall had that smirk on his face.

“See? This is so much better… besides, I’m really good at pushing a shopping cart, you know that, you can just admit you wanted an excuse to touch me.” Almost as soon as Liam had decided that there was no reason not to do this and had stepped behind Niall to help him push the shopping cart, the blonde had let his head fall back against the older’s shoulder, slowing them down so incredibly much that they might have as well stopped. At least Niall was small enough so Liam could still see where they were going, but he felt pretty distracted by his warmth and his scent and the way his hair was tickling Liam’s face and throat. 

“You caught me.” Liam simply gave in, stopping them momentarily as he studied the pasta shelf for a bit, kinda lost in thoughts for a moment. Though Niall was still all the same and settled for getting whatever he was used to without really hesitating for long, Liam was kinda trying to plan ahead for the both of them really, just like he had when they had shared a flat and a fridge. 

“Is pasta really that much more interesting than me?” It kinda sounded like Niall was pouting a little bit and Liam didn’t even have any time to make sure he hadn’t just missed a question the boy had asked him because all of a sudden, Niall had already turned around and wrapped his arms around Liam’s waist, head resting in the crook of his neck. 

“Sorry, I was just… “ Actually, Liam simply forgot what he had been wanting to say, kinda automatically hugging the boy back, his heartbeat immediately getting a bit unsteady, making the decision of what to get even harder. “Do you… what do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t know, hmmm… I can make something, if you want, you’ve been making me dinner at least four times this week.” Well, that was because Liam kinda knew that Niall not only didn’t enjoy cooking that much but also, he wasn’t… THAT good at it and Liam hadn’t minded doing it at all because the younger boy was so cute whenever he offered his help even though he was barely doing anything at all other than tasting everything and burning his tongue. “Or… or we could order something, now that I think about it.”

“It’s fine, Ni, I’ll make something, okay? I don’t mind.” Not at all actually, so Liam just gave himself a push and took whatever box was closest to him before throwing it into the shopping cart, still keeping one arm wrapped around Niall, kinda not wanting the boy to pull away even though maybe this wasn’t really the best place to cuddle in. “Do you still have something else on the list?”

“I don’t know… wait, lemme check.” To Liam’s relief, Niall didn’t let go of him fully, just with one arm, barely lifting his head as he took a look at his shopping list, right before sighing and dropping his head back against Liam. “Harry wants organic juice.” 

“Well, we can get that. Who usually goes grocery shopping out of you guys?” Liam couldn’t help but ask, because to be quite honest, he couldn’t imagine either of them going and actually getting everything that the other two wanted, especially not Niall.

“Umm… none of us, really. Actually… I probably haven’t been to the store in a month, that’s why we always get take out and order in.” Right, Liam had kinda already figured, but now having confirmation, he kinda felt really bad and also an urge to cook even more often for the blonde, preferably every single day. Like, maybe he should have invited Harry and Louis as well, but… they seemed like they could take care of themselves, not that Niall couldn’t, but… it wasn’t a crime, that Liam wanted to be alone with his boyfriend, right? “So thanks for asking me to go… would have probably been another month and then we would have all starved to death.”

“I’d never let you starve to death, Ni, don’t worry. We can… go together more often, you know, I mean, if you want to, or… or just tell me and I’ll get you stuff and-“

“No, that’s fine, I… I like going grocery shopping with you… always did.” The last part came out more quiet and Liam felt a little bit hotter but also really happy, only slightly disappointed for a moment when Niall pulled back until he realized that the blonde had just wanted to peck his lips, one arm still tightly wrapped around Liam’s waist. “C’mon, let’s get that organic juice. “

Unwillingly allowing the boy to let go of him, Liam sill couldn’t resist kissing him one more time, lingering a little bit longer than planned and maybe appropriate, but he could feel Niall smiling against his lips and that was definitely way worth getting a few stares from people because Liam barely noticed anyways, all he could focus on was having Niall so close and the way his mouth felt on top of his, the way his whole body was pressing into Liam’s. God, Liam couldn’t wait to get home and get into bed with this body.

They ended their shopping trip with Liam pushing the cart this time, but Niall made sure to stay extremely close, his hands constantly touching Liam’s arm and waist without a real reason, making the brunette even happier than he had already been to begin with. The more time they spent together, the more normal everyday things they did while finally being a couple again, really had Liam questioning what had gotten into him back them, how he had ever given up on this, for a fucking scholarship.

And yeah, maybe it was easy to say that, now that he had that job he had always wanted and had been to that uni, but still, how in god’s name had Liam allowed Niall to convince him to leave? How had he even survived any of this? He was so in love with Niall, he would have done anything for him, he wanted to marry this boy and spend the rest of his life with him, always had, and yet… and yet he had almost messed it up and maybe it was stupid to think that, but Liam still believed that it was fate that had put them back together in the same place. 

Even though to be honest, the brunette had never needed any proof to know that he and Niall belonged together, despite everything that had happened, and his very first thought when he had gotten back had been about the younger boy, had been spent trying to figure out how to get back in touch with him, try and fix whatever he had destroyed. There had never been a moment where Liam had truly given up on them, not once, and he never would either, he’d never ever make such a huge mistake again and he really hoped that Niall knew that.

 

\-----------------

 

“So, wait… you never actually… you never talked to him about what you told me back then in the cafeteria? Before we went on that double date I mean?” Louis seemed to be kinda shocked and Niall felt his stomach dropping just slightly, already regretting having agreed to have this conversation in the first place, only a little over a week after he and Liam had gotten back together.

There was no fucking way that Niall could have brought this up to Liam, now that he had held back for so many days, now that they were acting exactly like they always used to, now that they were both so damn happy and in love and… the blonde told himself that it didn’t matter, he had Liam back, which was everything he had wanted and… surely, those moments of doubts would pass, surely, he’d stop getting sweaty hands whenever Liam’s phone was going off because his boss was calling him and he would eventually not lie awake once a while anymore just staring at the brunette sleeping, somehow scared that he would wake up to find that he was gone. 

This was literally crazy, Liam loved him, things had happened but now they were alright again, there was no need to dig it back up and potentially mess it up again, Niall was fine, it was natural that he was a bit scared, right? It was still new and… he was allowed to feel slightly nervous and be worried once a while, surely, Liam felt the same way sometimes… right?

“Niall, I… I mean, I don’t wanna, like… get involved or anything, just… you sounded really… upset and worried and… I thought you guys talked it out, I thought… since you’re back together and everything? And you both always look so damn happy and in love, but… you didn’t tell him?” Well, when exactly should Niall have done that? And what would he have even said? He would have probably stuttered and then risked hurting the older boy and… no thank you. 

“We _are_ happy and in love, I didn’t… I didn’t wanna bring it up because… I was just over-reacting back then, when I told you and… and I didn’t know what I wanted but now I do and I don’t wanna ruin it or hurt Liam by bringing it back up. He’s doing everything he can to make it up to me, he… it was a misunderstanding back then, we were both hurt and angry and… we were both at fault and… I told him to go after all, I… and he had no reason to come back, because… because I was the one who broke up with him and… we’re good now, everything’s fine, we’re past this.” At least on the outside, because Niall still spent an embarrassingly large amount of time thinking about it, over playing these moments in his head over and over again even if it was killing him.

“Okay, I mean… I mean if you’re over it and… “ Louis seemed unsure of what to say, which was kinda untypical for him and Niall only now realized that just for once they were actually having an adult conversation about this. “I know it’s none of my business and trust me, I really am happy for both of you, I just think that… that if you do still have even a tiny bit of doubt, if you’re not sure if… if you can fully trust him just yet, if you feel like… like the past could repeat itself, then… I think you should tell Liam and… I’m sure he wouldn’t be angry, he’d do anything to calm you down and make sure you won’t need to have these worries anymore.”

“I know… but I don’t want to make him feel guilty again, I… I can’t forever not trust him just because of what happened. I love him, I really, really do and… I’ll be fine, it’s just still new and… Liam’s trying to be secretive about it, but I know he’s trying so damn hard to make it up to me and… I do trust him, I do.” Niall was saying it as if he was trying to convince himself and he noticed it as soon as his and Louis’ eyes met across the kitchen table, so the blonde quickly cleared his throat, not really wanting to get even deeper into this and make a foul out of himself. “So… when did Harry want us to go hang out with his parents again?”

“I don’t know, I forgot. I don’t think he’s made any real plans with them yet, because… well, he wasn’t sure if you and Liam still wanted to come now that you’re back together. You didn’t… tell your parents yet, did you?” Great, so much about not wanting to talk about himself and Liam anymore, there seemed to be no way for Niall to escape that topic.

“No… well, my parents probably couldn’t give two shits anyways, and Liam’s… Liam’s parents would… probably wanna know when the wedding is, so… “ Shrugging, Niall hoped it was obvious why they hadn’t really told anyone except for Harry and Louis, they just needed to first of all figure it out themselves and even though things were going great, brilliant even, there was no need to push it. Even if the blonde was pretty sure that Liam would have agreed to tell his parents within the second of Niall asking, but… it was the younger boy who wanted to take it slow, he was aware of that but Liam respected it without ever saying a word about it. 

“Right, well… I mean, if you don’t wanna play pretend in front of Harry’s parents then I’m sure he’ll understand. Just take your time, okay? I mean, you guys went through a lot of things and… no need to go too fast, right?” It was kinda ironic to hear Louis saying that, after he had tried getting them to admit their feelings for each other ever since they had met again, but Niall decided that maybe the older boy hadn’t really thought that is plans would actually work. That maybe he felt kinda guilty now, after what Niall had told him back in the cafeteria. 

“Yeah… I still gotta study a bit, I got an exam coming up, so… “ Niall was aware that he was very obviously looking for an excuse but Louis just nodded with a kind of thoughtful look on his face, allowing the blonde to leave without any further questions, letting him take the whole bottle of coke with him that they had at home thanks to Liam having asked Niall to go grocery shopping with him yesterday. 

As soon as Niall was back in his room behind his closed door, he started feeling guilty again, for telling Louis these things while his own boyfriend had no idea. But it was too late now, Niall should have told Liam before he had given their relationship another chance, and anyways, nothing would change if he did tell Liam, the brunette couldn’t make the past undone after all, no one could. And he was happy after all, they both were, what more could he have wanted?

Just to distract himself a bit, Niall did actually try to study for a while, which was harder than expected without having Liam there and Niall found himself keeping the older’s shirt in his lap while reading through the book. They hadn’t spent a night without each other in over a week now and honestly, Niall had already gotten so used to it again that he wasn’t even sure if he would have managed to fall asleep on his own anymore.

After about an hour or so of pointless staring at the pages, Niall’s heart almost skipped a beat as he saw his phone lightening up, almost dropping it to the floor because he was so damn eager to reach it, already about to halfway get up because he was expecting it to be Liam finally telling him that he was on his way home. Usually Niall was the one who came home later, but Liam was at a meeting and he hadn’t had an idea when it would end and even though he had fucking taken a break before just to pick Niall up from work and drive him home, that had been two hours ago already.

Maybe it was because Niall had been expecting Liam to already sit in the car or something, but when he actually opened his boyfriend’s text message, he could feel his disappointment kicking him a little harder in the butt than expected. 

 

_Liam♥ 9:47 pm  
heyyy baby, I don’t think ill be home before 11, im sorry :( I love you xxxx_

 

Well, for a moment, the fact that Liam had called him baby made Niall feel slightly better, but that quickly passed when he realized that he would have to wait for over an hour still and that he would have to get up at 6 am tomorrow because his class had been rescheduled and that Liam maybe wouldn’t even be home by 11. Still, Niall tried his hardest to type back something really nice, because the older boy was surely tired and wanted to get home as well, it wasn’t his fault after all. 

Now that Niall was so beaten down, he simply decided to close his book and go lie on the bed for a bit, even if he wasn’t allowed to go to sleep now because Liam didn’t have a key and Harry and Louis would probably go to bed before 11 pm as well. Not that this was so terrible, but Niall just missed Liam and he really wanted to just cuddle up with the boy and talk and… it wasn’t a big deal and there was no need to be a baby about it, but Niall couldn’t help it.

When his phone vibrated again a few minutes later, Niall half expected Liam to just send him a whole bunch of heart emojis like he sometimes did, or apologize again even though it wasn’t his fault in any way, but to the blonde’s surprise, it was something completely different.

 

_Liam♥ 9:55 pm  
harry has a spare key to my flat, you can have a nap in my bed until I come back if you want :)_

 

Oh. Well, this had been more than just unexpected, for a second Niall only really wondered why HARRY would have a spare key to Liam’s flat, but he was his cousin after all and… and it was more than just beneficial for Niall right now. He did hesitate, mostly because he thought it’d be kinda weird to just ask Harry for that key and at the same time admit that he didn’t have one to Liam’s place, but… they were taking it slow, or otherwise they would have already moved back in together and that would have definitely been way too soon.

So hesitating a few minutes before texting Liam back and getting up out of bed, Niall tried not to be too excited as he made sure to get his bag for uni and another shirt and some jeans to change into tomorrow before leaving his room, internally praying that Harry and Louis weren’t already in one of their rooms doing… whatever. This wasn’t exciting in any way to be honest, Niall was kinda certain that he would either be asleep when Liam finally came home or on the edge of falling asleep, if he tried really hard. Of course he’d try to stay awake, but he had already almost fallen asleep before at work, so Niall wasn’t quite sure how that would work.

Luckily, the TV was still on in the living room and though Harry and Louis were sitting very awfully close and were cuddling, Niall tried not to pull a face or act nervous about this. “Hey, Haz, umm… can I have Liam’s spare key?”

“Sure, it’s by the door, the one that’s just lying there on its own. Wait… you’re not gonna… you didn’t have a fight or anything? And you wanna trash his entire place now?” Somehow, Harry sounded kinda worried, as if he was being serious about this and Niall almost had to choke because he tried to answer so fast.

“No, no, I… he’s just gonna be back home later than he thought and… he said I could use the spare key and… wait at his place.“ Making a movement with his hand that hopefully explained the rest, Niall felt his cheeks getting a bit hotter as he saw the grins forming on the other two’s faces, making sure to quickly walk over to the front door and put his shoes on. Which was stupid, Liam was his fucking boyfriend, why would Niall have any reason to be embarrassed about sleeping in his bed? 

“Right, good. Have fun then.” Not knowing what to answer to that other than a simply “Bye”, Niall made sure slip Liam’s spare key into his pockets and taking his own before leaving the flat, his face without a doubt covered in red spots. Not that it really mattered, there probably wasn’t anybody in the staircase and Liam would only come home in over an hour, so… whatever. 

It was just slightly creepy as Niall hurried upstairs, feeling a little bit paranoid as he tried to fumble the keys into the lock, but also kinda happy in a really strange way. Sure, Liam hadn’t exactly given him the key to keep, but he was still letting Niall be at his place without him being there, let him sleep in his bed and even though they were a couple and had once lived together, the blonde still appreciated the trust being put in him, the fact that it was so normal to Liam that they’d spend the night together anyways that Niall might have as well waited in the older’s bed.

Then again, Niall also knew he needed to be careful, because… what if Liam suddenly asked him to move in one day? When he wasn’t ready yet? He couldn’t deny the boy, he just couldn’t do or say anything that could potentially hurt Liam and… deep down it was what Niall wanted after all, for everything to go back to how it had been and they were on a really good way to get back there, but… but before any moving in would take place, Niall really had to open his damn mouth.

Since Niall had already showered hours ago when he had gotten home, he simply went straight to Liam’s bedroom, feeling really relaxed and calmed down as he was hit by the older’s scent being stuck everywhere in the flat, but especially in his bedroom. Everything was really clean so Niall tried not to make a mess by dropping his bag somewhere and pulling off his shirt and jeans, being slightly too excited about climbing into Liam’s bed, on the older boy’s side though, because… well, it smelled a lot more like him and also, Niall could just move over once the brunette got here.

Once Niall was fully settled down, he hesitated for a moment before turning off the lights, plunging himself into darkness, the only light source coming from his phone as he sent Liam another text message, telling him that he was in his bed, not expecting an answer since the older boy was gone for a reason after all. Right, and then came the part where Niall was cuddled into Liam’s blanket, face pushed into the older’s pillow and tiredness washing over him more quickly than expected.

For a few minutes, Niall actually tried to keep his eyes open, tried to think about things that would keep him awake, but the more time passed by, the sleepier he got, remembering how Liam had told him he could take a nap if he wanted to and… damn, that really sounded like an awesome idea. The thing was, Niall was pretty sure he wouldn’t have been able to sleep in if he had had to spend the whole night alone, however, he knew that Liam would come home and lie down with him, and also, he was in the older boy’s bed after all and everything smelled like him and knowing all that made it even harder to stay awake.

So at one point, Niall simply gave him.

Honestly, he had no idea how long he had been asleep for, whether Liam actually came home at 11 pm, all he knew was that he felt himself come awake again what felt like hours later, to a warm hand stroking his hair and cheek, undoubtedly belonging to his boyfriend. Even though Niall was pretty sure that he sounded as if he was about to die and even though he couldn’t even bring himself to blink his eyes open, he felt a smile forming on his lips, forcing himself to speak even though his voice was all raspy and quiet. “You’re back… hi.”

“Hi, baby… sorry for waking you, just go back to sleep, yeah?” Liam was whispering, but his voice was still really soft and his touches gentle, fingers brushing through Niall’s hair and over his ear before he suddenly moved a bit until his warm lips were touching the younger’s temple, giving him goosebumps even though he was on the edge of passing out once more. 

“How… how was it?” Ignoring Liam’s request, Niall suddenly felt a bit guilty for having fallen asleep, his body way too tired though as to do anything at all besides half mumbling hopefully understandable words, hearing Liam sigh a bit as he kept up the stroking.

“Long and boring… sorry it got so late, I know you have to get up early tomorrow…” His warm breath brushed Niall’s skin whenever he talked, only now leaning back once more, after pressing another kiss onto Niall’s cheek this time. “Sleep, Nialler. I’ll just go shower and then I’ll lie down with you.”

“Okay… but I… I need a real kiss first.” Having Liam leaving again was actually the last thing Niall wanted, but there was nothing really he could have done, everything he really felt capable of was somehow managing to turn onto his back, suppressing a yawn as he searched for Liam once more with closed eyes. “Li… where are you?”

“’m right here, baby… “ He was sitting on the edge of the mattress, at least that’s what it felt like, but Niall still almost panicked for a second until Liam finally leaned over him, thumb rubbing over the younger’s cheek before he brushed his lips over Niall’s, causing him to whine a bit impatiently when he didn’t immediately apply any pressure.

It was a very soft kiss, not deep or anything, but Niall still felt himself relax, his tired arms kinda automatically wrapping around Liam’s neck to keep him closer, keep him from leaving. “Hmm… don’t shower… stay.”

“It’ll only take me a few minutes, I promise, love.” Their lips were still brushing and Niall could feel Liam smiling into the kiss, he was happy that Niall didn’t want to let him go and knowing that Liam felt this way made the younger boy wanna whine even more. “I’ll be right back… “

“No…” Though his grip around Liam was pretty weak, the older boy didn’t really try to pull out of Niall’s arms, he just stayed exactly like this, not moving an inch and instead making sure to peck Niall’s lips a few more times, fingers finding their way back into the blonde’s hair, half his weight pressing against Niall over the blanket. “You can… shower in the morning… “

“But we have to get up really early though… if I do it now I promise I’ll make you the best breakfast ever tomorrow morning.” Actually, Niall should have felt bad, for not allowing Liam to go showering after a long ass meeting, but… it didn’t really seem as if Liam minded after all. 

“Breakfast in bed?” Niall asked, smiling as he felt Liam chuckling against his lips, pressing another firm kiss onto the younger’s mouth before very slowly reaching around to try and loosen Niall’s arms from around him, kissing his wrists too as if he somehow still needed to proof that he was the cutest guy in the whole entire universe.

“Anything you want, baby boy.” Alright, now Niall really couldn’t hold him back anymore, he tried to resist for a little while longer, even though he felt really weak now, and all mushy and stupid because of what Liam had called him and once the older boy moved to get up and placed a kiss right on Niall’s nose, the blonde really had to give in. “Take a nap while I’m gone.”

“I’ll stay awake.” At least that’s what Niall was planning on doing, he heard Liam laugh softly, fingers brushing through his hair once more before the older boy undoubtedly got up and went through his closet for a second and Niall already felt close to sleep before Liam even seemed to leave the room.

In the end, the older boy was back a lot more quickly than Niall would have thought, maybe because he had fallen in and out of sleep the whole time, still hadn’t managed to open his eyes and done nothing more except for turning back onto his side. The fact that Niall would have to get up in just a few hours almost made him wanna stop fighting the sleep, but when he felt Liam getting underneath the blanket on the other side of the bed, the blonde was pretty damn glad he was awake for that.

“Took you long enough… “ He made sure to tell Liam, of course joking though and immediately adjusting as he felt an arm wrapping around his waist underneath the blanket, softly pulling him back against the older’s chest until he could feel Liam’s bare skin against his equally as naked back.

“Sorry… I was only gone for five minutes though.” Right, Niall would never know whether that was true or not, Liam’s hand was suddenly grabbing a hold of his and then the older boy seemed to prop himself up a bit because his lips were pressed up against Niall’s bare shoulder before the blonde even knew it. “Sleep now… I already feel really bad for waking you up, I don’t wanna keep you awake for any longer.”

“You’re not… I was gonna wait up for you anyways, but… your bed is just too comfortable.” Besides, Niall didn’t even wanna know how late it was anyways, he just wanted to lie here and be held by Liam in their cocoon of warmth, even if that meant he would die tomorrow morning. “Li… why does Harry have a key to your place?”

“I don’t know… I had a spare one and I thought it’d be wise to give it someone after I locked myself out that one time… I mean, after _we_ locked ourselves out.” Right, not that great of a memory but Niall still found himself smiling as he felt Liam laughing against his skin, still busy placing kisses though, as if he just couldn’t stop. “You know… I… I mean, I think that… if you want to, I mean, then… I think you should keep the spare key from now on. Since you’re my boyfriend and everything and… I’d rather you have it than anybody else, especially for things like tonight and… only if you want to, of course.”

Something inside Niall told him that that was an awfully big step even though it didn’t sound like it, but he was tired and exhausted and Liam was warm and he smelled like heaven and besides, Niall somehow really wanted to keep that stupid key for some reason. “I want to… thank you, bean. I… I’d give you a spare one as well, but… we don’t have any left.”

“That’s fine, don’t worry, baby… c’mon, let’s go to sleep now.” He sounded a lot happier than before, even though he was still whispering, but Niall barely had any time to think about it anyways because all of a sudden Liam was leaning over him just to reach his cheek and even though his sleepiness was about to kill him, the blonde forced himself to turn his head, catching Liam’s lips in a real goodnight kiss.

“I love you… “ Niall mumbled against Liam’s mouth, feeling the arm around him tighten, the older’s hand squeezing him as they lingered in the kiss for a while longer.

“I love you too, Nialler… more than you can imagine.” Though that was debatable, Niall decided to stay quiet, just kissing Liam back for a while, allowing himself to feel happy and safe without any worries for a bit because there was still enough time for that tomorrow anyways. For now, it was just him and Liam and nothing in the world was out of place and everything was fine and they had never even broken up and they were back in their old flat, being able to talk about absolutely anything in the world, not keeping any secrets from each other or holding back. At least for the few more minutes Niall managed to stay awake. “Sweet dreams, baby…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone, thanks for all the lovely comments :) hope you all liked the chapter and the fact that niam are finally a couple again :D i know they hardly ever get together before the end of my fics so i hope youre all excited because i am haha!
> 
> regarding the length of this fic, i think there will be 3 more chapters left! but dont worry, ive got a new fic planned and this one was actually just some sort of filler sooo, im really excited about the new one and i hope you guys will like it once i finished this one and get to writing the other :)


	10. Chapter 10

One month passed by a lot more quickly than Liam would have thought was possible.

Things between himself and Niall hadn’t really changed all that much, which wasn’t a bad thing at all though, it just meant that they were finding back to how it had used to be. They stopped having to blush every time they said I love you or complemented or touched each other, they also had their first fight as a couple, even though it only lasted for 30 minutes and turned out to be such a big misunderstanding that it had ended with them falling on top of each other in Liam’s bed.

So really, if anything, things had just gotten a whole ton better, they had their routine back and though Liam still hadn’t asked Niall to move back in with him, he knew that the time would be right soon, seeing as the blonde was at his place so often anyways that he already had his toothbrush there and a few of his clothes, so actually, Liam was just waiting for the younger boy to bring it up instead. 

They had gone on a few dates by now, which had all been absolutely wonderful and exciting, as if they had never done it before and each time Liam couldn’t believe his luck, to look around at all the other people and know that Niall had chosen him out of everyone, not once but twice, that it was Liam who he wanted, still, and hopefully forever. Of course sometimes Liam still thought back, he still hadn’t stopped trying to do absolutely everything in his power to make sure that Niall had no reason at all to doubt his loyalty and his love, but honestly, it seemed as if they had moved on from this, as if… as if they were still just themselves and there was nothing at all that could have made Liam happier. Life was good.

On the first day of uni summer break, Harry had made sure to have both Niall and Liam clear their schedule so they could all go visit his parents, finally, after he had asked them so many times. Before though, Liam hadn’t wanted to pressure Niall, since of course telling Harry’s parents automatically meant that Liam’s family would be in the loop too, but when Harry had asked a week ago while they had all been watching a movie, Niall had simply shrugged and agreed before putting his head onto Liam’s shoulder. 

“Don’t be nervous, mum will probably be really excited and ask a thousand questions at once, but that’ll pass, I promise, just compliment her cake or something.” Harry suggested while they were all walking up to the front door and Liam would have been just a bit nervous, had he not thrown a look at Niall to see the blonde smiling up at him, squeezing his hand as if they were just having a walk in the park or something. God, Liam was so in love. 

“Or ask something about Harry, she loves talking about him.” At that, Louis got a soft push from his boyfriend but he just laughed it off anyways and Liam kept his mouth shut, deciding that there was no real need to tell them that they both knew Harry’s mother very well and actually didn’t even need any tips.

Once Harry had rang the doorbell, they were all just standing there waiting and Liam thought for a second that maybe he and Niall shouldn’t have been holding hands, as to not shove it into everybody’s faces, but then again… the blonde was his boyfriend and Liam was very much set on marrying him one day, so he should be allowed to walk into his aunt’s and uncle’s house holding his hand. 

When Harry’s mum opened the door, she first of all didn’t notice anything at all of course, she just seemed overly excited to see them all, pulling first Harry into a hug and then Louis and Liam wasn’t 100% positive if she even caught the fact that he and Niall had been holding hands because he was forced to stop when his aunt went to hug him as well. “Oh, Liam, I haven’t seen you in so long. How are you doing, love?”

“I’m fine, Anne, really. Sorry I didn’t come by sooner, I was really busy with work and stuff. How are you?” Liam smiled at her as she pulled away, letting her reassure him that she was doing great before grinning as she went over to hug Niall too, who seemed just a little bit surprised. Well, maybe he didn’t know Harry’s parents THAT well after all.

“Niall, you really need to stop finding excuses to come over for dinner, love, we’ve missed you.” Right, Niall hadn’t been visiting ever since Liam had moved here, which already seemed like a lifetime ago and now the brunette’s guilt slowly came creeping back but he suppressed it successfully as he heard Niall laughing a bit.

“’m sorry, I was trying really hard not to fail any classes. And Liam helped me out with cooking dinner so I think I’ve been doing rather okay.” He winked at the older boy and Liam almost thought that Niall was reaching out to take his hand again, but then he didn’t and the moment passed and Anne was laughing before waving them all inside, the whole house smelling like cake. 

After that, Liam managed to erase even the tiniest bit of worry from his mind, making sure to keep his hand on the small of Niall’s back once they had all taken their shoes off and went into the living room to greet Harry’s dad, having the same conversation from before all over again. Which was fine though, for a moment Liam even thought that maybe no one would ever ask about him and Niall, that no one would even notice or care. 

But that was only until the doorbell rang about five minutes later, before any of them had even sat down and while they were still making small talk and even though a great fear suddenly crept up inside of Liam, he tried to keep calm as Harry’s mother immediately left to get the door, way too happy as to get unexpected visitors. Shit, if this was who Liam thought it was he was going to fucking strangle Harry right here and now.

There was a really awkward moment or two, where they were all just looking at each other while Harry’s dad was the only one talking, apparently not noticing the tension spreading through the room and Liam only felt himself come back from his trance as Niall’s fingers suddenly slid back between his. And then he heard it, his _mother’s_ voice.

“Um, dad… did mum invite… aunt Karen?” To be fair, Harry looked as pale as Liam felt, so maybe the older boy would have to reconsider killing him, first of all he should have probably thought about the fact that his mother was around the corner and that he and Niall were in here holding hands and… god damn it, why did this have to happen like this?!

“Yeah, didn’t she tell you? I think Ruth came as well.” Harry’s dad seemed a bit confused before he petted Harry’s shoulder and left to probably greet the new guests while the other four just remained in the living room, not knowing what to do. As if Liam’s mother alone wouldn’t have been enough, now one of his sisters, who had always loved Niall abnormally, was also here?! 

“Shit… “ Liam mumbled under his breath, automatically pulling Niall closer into him, trying to be calm, which wasn’t working so well anymore after throwing a look at his boyfriend’s face and seeing how all color had drained from it, almost as if they were about to encounter something dangerous or scary. Well, that was actually a really good way to describe it.

“Li, I-“

Before Harry could even fully start to apologize, he was immediately cut off by another voice, Liam’s mother’s unmistakably, coming around the corner with her arms already spread and her eyes already watery like they always seemed to be whenever she hadn’t seen Liam in more than three days. This time though, her tears didn’t seem to be directed at him. “Oh, Niall, honey, I had no idea you were here, I haven’t seen you in over a year!”

Honestly, Liam had no choice but to let Niall’s hand go and just watch as his mother enveloped his boyfriend into what looked like the tightest hug ever, clearly taking the boy off guard because his eyes went kinda wide before he hugged back, throwing a slightly nervous glance at Liam that the older boy could only return with an equally as nervous look. Oh, god this whole afternoon was going to be a bloody disaster filled with tears and ‘what have you been up to’ that would potentially end in a lot of embarrassment. Even more than they all already were in.

“Yeah, I… it’s good to see you.” Clearly that was the biggest lie Niall had ever told, but who could have blamed him? Liam felt really guilty now, only half-heartedly hugging his sister back, really wishing that all eyes hadn’t been on his mother hugging his boyfriend. He couldn’t bloody believe that they had driven all the way here, and that Harry hadn’t even known, or maybe he had and was just playing dumb now, Liam didn’t even wanna know anymore to be honest. 

“It’s so good to see you too, love. What have you been up to? When have you moved here? You live with Harry now, right?” There were the questions already, Niall was trying so hard to put up a smile once Liam’s mother had finally let him go, only to be pulled into yet another hug by Liam’s sister Ruth, who of course was equally as teary as his mother. 

“Um, I… a while ago already, uh… yeah, I live with Harry and Louis. What about you? How… how’s Geoff?” For Niall to be asking about Liam’s dad’s wellbeing clearly showed that he had no bloody idea how to talk himself out of this or how to have this conversation and Liam’s head was already hurting from wanting to help him so badly but simply not being able to think of something. He was still so shocked that today had turned out exactly how he had JOKINGLY told Harry would be his only reason not to come. 

“He’s great, thank you for asking, I’m sure he would love to see you as well. So, have you and Liam talked, did you-“

“Mum, I… I think that’s… that can wait.” Liam just had had to step in, he didn’t wanna have this conversation now and in front of everybody else, even though they were pretending to be talking about something else, it was obvious that everyone was listening. Awesome, here Liam had been hoping he wouldn’t have to tell his mother himself, that Harry’s mum would do that for him, but he didn’t really have a choice anymore now, did he? “We… we’re good. Okay?”

Before his mum could ask what that meant, because she had clearly been about to, Anne luckily stepped in, telling them all to have a seat and offering them tea and Liam used the chance to wrap his arm back around Niall’s waist where it belonged, pulling him back against his body, ignoring the fact that both his mother and sister were watching them. Of course he couldn’t tell Niall that he was sorry now, but he was hoping the blonde knew it by the way Liam squeezed him softly before leading him over to the couch, making sure that Niall could sit on the end and that he himself was next to Louis. Who, by the way, threw the most pitiful look ever at Liam, only making him feel that tiny bit worse. 

Of course it was kinda awkward now, because everyone must have caught on that this had been a surprise for everyone, that no one really knew what Niall and Liam were except for Harry and Louis and… needless to say, the conversation seemed pretty forced for the next few minutes, even though Anne did her best filling every second with words and offering everyone three different cakes. Not that Liam minded much, he couldn’t really concentrate on anything besides his mother’s eyes on him and the guilt he felt for having brought Niall into this situation, even if it wasn’t his fault, but… they had been taking everything very slowly, and this had just come out of nowhere, clearly throwing him off track. Both of them, actually.

Since there was obviously nothing for Liam to say or do to try and make Niall feel better, he just made sure to press his knee into the younger boy’s, every few seconds throwing a glance at him, just in case even though none of these things were probably helping much with the fact that his mother was staring at them in the most obvious way. She did engage in the conversation, but… it was clear that what she really wanted was for Liam to tell her, tell her they were back together and he couldn’t do that before consulting with his boyfriend. 

So about 45 minutes of this going on and everyone hopefully having gotten over that very embarrassing moment from before, Niall seemed to sense his chance as he suddenly got up, only briefly announcing that he would go to the bathroom because everyone was having individual conversations by now anyways and Liam didn’t even spend a second thought before putting his tea down and following the younger boy into the hall. 

They didn’t talk immediately, Liam just made sure to once again keep his hand on the younger’s back, leading him into the bathroom before locking the door behind them, almost at an instant realizing that this wasn’t gonna be an easy conversation. “Nialler… “

“It’s fine, I just… I just needed to… I just needed a break from… from her staring at us and… “ He was walking up and down and Liam wanted nothing more than to reach out for him but he didn’t because his boyfriend clearly needed to calm down first. “I’m going to kill Harry for this.”

“He didn’t know, babe, he would have told us otherwise. I’m sorry...” There was nothing more for Liam to say though he did feel guilty because it was _his_ mother and sister after all. “Look, we don’t have to tell her, we can just ignore it and… “

“We’ll have to tell your parents at one point though, I just… I don’t even know why I’m freaking out this much, it’s just… it’s just that… I wasn’t expecting it at all and… and we’ve been taking it slow and… I don’t wanna… I don’t want her to ask about… about what happened or… just, seeing your mum, it… it just reminds me of… “ Right, of course it did, because of her here and Liam’s sister as well, it was like years ago, when they had hung out with Liam’s family and of course it was just reminding Niall of what had happened, of why it wasn’t how it had been before. At least not yet. “I’m sorry… “

“Hey, don’t apologize, Ni, I’m… I’m kinda freaked out too. But we don’t have to answer any questions, okay? It’s no one’s business, not even my mother’s, this is between you and me and no one else, we’ll just tell her whatever you want and not a word more. Okay? It’s going to be fine, Nialler, we’re still taking it slow.” They really were, and not because Liam wanted them to but because Niall seemed to want to and yeah, it had gotten Liam worried a few times, but… he had brushed it off because _he_ was the reason this relationship had ended, he couldn’t complain now about it going too slowly. “Niall, hey, look at me.”

The boy had still been pacing, but he stopped in the middle of the room now to turn his head and look at Liam, nervously biting his fingernails like he always did and the brunette couldn’t help but take a step forward, slowly grabbing a hold of Niall’s wrist. Liam actually had a pretty good idea why Niall was freaking out this much and even though the boy claimed he didn’t, he probably knew it just as well and simply didn’t wanna say it out loud to Liam. 

“You know… no matter what my mum says or asks, it’s not changing anything between us. And even if she thinks that we’re back to exactly how we have been, we both know that we’re not, which isn’t a bad thing at all, because we’re older now and things have happened, our lives have changed. And I promise I won’t make you move in with me or ask you to discuss our future now after this, nothing is going to change. If you want to then we’ll tell her, we’ll tell her we’re back together and that’s it and if she keeps pushing then I’ll handle it, okay? I know this is weird and uncomfortable, but… we can do this, it’s going to be okay, I promise.” At least Liam hoped that Niall would agree to tell his mother because in all honesty… the brunette had no clue how he would have talked himself out of this.

Niall actually didn’t say anything at all for a moment, he was just staring, eyes having gotten a bit wider, and then before the older boy even knew it, the blonde had suddenly wrapped his arms around his neck, as tightly as somehow possible, burying his face in Liam’s neck as the brunette hugged him back automatically, feeling a bit of a tuck to his heart. “I love you, Liam… I’m just… I don’t… I don’t want us to mess it up, by… by going too fast or… I don’t even know, I… I don’t want us to… to ruin it by wanting it so badly.”

“We won’t, baby, we’re not going to ruin anything, okay? I love you too, so much, and I know I messed up and… I’m never gonna stop trying to make it up to you. But I also believe that, you know, even if this sounds really stupid… I still think that it wasn’t coincidence, that we both moved here and that you’re living with Harry and… I wanna be with you, more than anything else in the world and the last year has been absolute hell and… just tell me what you wanna do, Nialler, I promise we’re not gonna go too quickly and ruin it or… I mean, if… if you’re having doubts then… “ This was clearly not about Liam’s mother anymore and in all honesty… maybe Liam wasn’t surprised about Niall’s small breakdown, maybe he had been thinking for a while that there was something the boy had been wanting to talk about but simply never did.

“No, I don’t have doubts, I… I wanna be with you, always, I just… sometimes I’m… sometimes I’m scared.” He admitted, rather quietly before holding on even tighter onto Liam and before the brunette could even react to that, Niall was already carrying on, as if he needed to clarify what he had just said. “Not because I don’t think we will work, because I know we do and I love you so much, I just-“

“Liam? Niall? Are you both in there? I’m really sorry if I have taken you two off guard, I’d really just like to talk to you boys.” It was Liam’s mother knocking on the door, she sounded guilty and Liam closed his eyes, trying not to get mad at her now for having cut Niall off, for keeping him from saying what he had apparently been wanting to say for a while now.

“We… we’ll be right out.” Liam answered her before lowering his voice again, holding his boyfriend tightly in his arms, pressing a kiss to the side of his head as he half whispered, just to make sure only he could hear it. “What did you wanna say, baby? Why are you scared?”

“I’m not, I… just forget it, I… we should… we should tell your mum. That we’re back together I mean…” Shit, of course now Niall didn’t wanna continue anymore, he almost sounded a bit relieved if Liam was being honest, as if he regretted even having started. 

“Okay… but, babe, you can always tell me anything, you know that, right? I won’t get mad or anything, no matter what it is, if there’s something bothering you then… then you should tell me so I can help.” Just so he knew, Liam was always trying to make sure to let Niall know, but… that apparently hadn’t been helping so far.

“I know, bean… thank you.” There was a small smile on Niall’s lips as he pulled back, almost is if things were suddenly alright again and before Liam could express his worries, the blonde was already kissing him, his fingers pulling a bit at the hair in the back of Liam’s neck. “C’mon… let’s… get it over with.”

“Yeah… “ Liam mumbled against the younger’s lips, almost being tempted to keep pushing, make sure Niall told him what it was that was bothering him, but then the moment passed and Niall had pulled away, his arms slipping from around Liam, instead finding the older’s hand still on his hip and intertwining their fingers. Whatever it was that was giving him worries, Liam would have done absolutely anything to make it disappear. 

When they got out of the bathroom, it was luckily only Liam’s mum, without his sister, and though she did look terribly close to tears, eyes immediately going to their hands of course, that was still a bit of a relief. “So… you weren’t expecting me to be here, were you?”

“Um… no.” Liam admitted, standing there a bit awkwardly in the hall, the only thing giving him a bit of stability being Niall’s hand in his, even if it seemed a bit sweaty and shaky. “I… we were going to tell you, we just… we’re taking our time to… you know. I’m sorry.”

“How long have you been back together?” She didn’t seem mad, only disappointed, which was maybe even worse though to be honest, but then again, Liam was a grown up, he wasn’t obliged to tell her the second he and Niall had decided to give their relationship another shot.

“About a month. Mum, honestly, I really am sorry, just… we’re taking it slowly, okay? We… we just take it as it comes, we haven’t seen each other in… in a while before I moved here, so.” Okay, that had been a bad move, Liam already felt a few very uncomfortable memories arise and Niall’s hand gripping his a little bit too tightly.

“Oh. So you really are living with Harry and Louis?” Liam’s mother was now directly speaking to Niall, she seemed surprised, as if… as if she would have thought they’d just pick up right where they had left off. To be fair, Liam had never really… told his mum about just how badly their break up had been, but she had known that they had planned their whole future together, Niall had basically already been a part of the family after all. 

“Um… yeah. I mean… Liam’s in the same building… “ Niall had had to clear his throat before talking, he was clearly so nervous, Liam just wanted to pull him back into his arms and hold him, get him back home and ask him what it was that he had been wanting to say before because that was troubling Liam a lot more than his mother right now. 

“Of course, I was just wondering. So… you two, hm?” And then, of course, she broke out into tears, Liam had been waiting for it and now the moment was here and he had no idea what to do, not wanting to let go of Niall either to be able to hug his mother, because… they seemed to be tears of joy anyways. “Oh, I always knew you two would find your way back together, you just belong to each other, I’ve always known it from the moment you brought him home the first time, Li. My boys. Your dad is going to be so happy, Liam, and Ruth and Nic-“

“Mum, it’s… it’s alright, okay? I know you’re happy and I’m happy you’re happy for us too, we just… we didn’t wanna… make a big deal out of it. It’s just been a month and… we’re taking it slow.” Liam made sure to remind her one more time, of course noticing that his mother was barely even listening to him anyways because she was busy wiping her tears and before he even knew it, she was hugging him out of nowhere.

Liam made sure to pet her back with one hand while still holding onto Niall with the other, squeezing his fingers, not really knowing what else to do. Especially afterwards, when his mum pulled away just to hug Niall as well, still crying of course and though the blonde threw a small smile at Liam, the older boy couldn’t stop thinking about before, about what Niall had been wanting to say and then never had, about how his mother would now constantly be calling him to ask how they were doing and whether they had moved back in together, and then in a few months she’d probably be asking when they’d be getting married. And Liam could deal with that, he didn’t mind all that much, he suddenly just wasn’t sure anymore if Niall could handle it as well.

 

\------------------

 

“Baby… you should… we should talk and-“

Not letting Liam finish just one single sentence, Niall had already shoved him backwards to sit on the bed, kissing him desperately and maybe also a little bit because the last thing he wanted right now was to have a damn conversation about any of this, about Liam’s mother or about what the blonde had almost accidentally blurted out with hours ago. They were back home now and it had been very awkward and now all Niall wanted was his boyfriend. Without any conversation in between, preferably.

Straddling the older’s lap with closed eyes and while licking into Liam’s mouth, Niall was very pleased to feel the brunette’s hands already moving up his hips, slipping underneath his shirt, Liam’s tongue immediately meeting Niall’s as they kissed deeply, sending sparks down Niall’s spine even though they had been doing this almost every single day for a month now.

Which was exactly why Niall had no reason to still be so stupidly worried sometimes, he had gotten so much better, had been so excited about his summer break because he and Liam would get to spend so much more time together, especially when they both had a week or two off work, and now Liam’s mother had almost managed to ruined that. Honestly, when Niall had seen her he had thought he would have to die right then and there, he knew her, way too well, he knew that in her mind, they were back to exactly how they had been, she’d make them come visit for their birthdays, for Christmas, for Easter and god knows what, she’d tell everyone they were going to get married and have kids and… it had slightly thrown Niall off track. Or a lot.

He knew he should have talked to Liam, even though the more time passed by, the more did he regain trust in his boyfriend, like, Niall literally went days without thinking about it, and then suddenly Liam would maybe stay 30 minutes longer at work and Niall would find himself lying awake at night in his boyfriend’s arms, debating whether he should or shouldn’t have ‘accidentally’ gone through Liam’s stuff to find out whether he had somehow magically gotten a new job offer on the other end of the world.

Not that Niall had ever gone through Liam’s stuff, or even just asked him about any of it, he knew he was just being paranoid, but he also couldn’t fucking stop. And though he had almost told Liam about his fear today, he had been stopped by Liam’s mother, luckily, because god knows they would have definitely not been here snogging had Niall brought it up. 

“Niall… “ Liam tried again, his voice quickly going over to a sigh though when Niall was kissing down his jaw and neck, making sure to push his groin right into Liam’s, telling himself that he wasn’t even trying to distract him, he simply wanted to be close to him. This was his boyfriend after all, right? They hadn’t been able to touch in ages, had had to sit on that couch and have mindless small talk while Liam’s mother had been watching them with teary eyes and then they had had to walk home with Harry talking their ears off trying to somehow apologize even though it hadn’t even been his fault. No, Niall just wanted to forget about today, wanted to finally celebrate his first day of summer break the way he had planned it. 

The brunette gave in rather quickly, helping the blonde to remove his shirt and then his own, both of them breathing rather heavily, only being able to stop kissing for as long as absolutely necessary to get half naked before being back at it, this time even more desperate if any possible, only their stupid jeans in between them now. 

Liam’s hands on Niall’s bare skin was something the younger boy would never get tired of, his body was arching in into his boyfriend’s, feeling their chest pressing together, the way Liam would sigh into his mouth every time Niall would lightly pull on his hair, trying to be gentle though, even if he really didn’t wanna be. All he wanted was for them to get naked and for Liam to fuck him so hard that he couldn’t even waste a single second anymore on anything he might have had a reason to worry about. 

To be quite honest, Niall was pretty sure he could have also come just like this, feeling Liam getting hard against himself as their kisses were getting deeper and their breathing heavier, Liam’s hands squeezing Niall’s hips so tightly that it almost hurt, but in a really good way though. Not that Liam was usually rough in bed, he could be, a little bit, but only after Niall begged him to do it. 

When the older boy let himself fall back against the bed, Niall almost got scared for just a second, but his boyfriend was holding onto him, making sure the blonde landed right on top of him and turned out they barely even had to stop kissing for this, that’s how good they already were at this. Or actually, that’s how well they had fallen back into routine, how easily, and even though Niall would have never actually said this out loud, he did feel like the sex was even better now, because suddenly he had experiences to compare it with and… none of them had even just scratched the surface of _this_.

Liam made sure to roll them around very carefully so that he could be on top, Niall’s leg’s automatically wrapping around the back of the brunette’s thighs, arms around his neck as he didn’t try to hold in his moans when Liam started sucking on his neck, on an older and already fading love bite, before going even lower, his hands rubbing over the younger’s skin as he kept up the open mouthed kisses. 

“Fuck, Li… “ Niall couldn’t keep his mouth shut, he had tried for a while actually, especially because they had spent a few nights in his room and because Harry and Louis had practically been next door, but now they were usually at Liam’s and, god… there was no reason to not let the older boy know just how good he made Niall feel.

His mouth felt so hot and wet and perfect on Niall’s skin, sucking on his nipples because he knew how much it got the blonde squirming underneath him, not giving him enough though, always enjoying to tease the hell out of him. Not that Niall was any better, a few days ago he had visited Liam at work, with the excuse that he would bring him lunch, and also because he had wanted to see his boyfriend’s office and well… the blonde had ended up sucking Liam off with the door unlocked and he almost hadn’t gotten to finish because of how slowly he had done it. 

When Liam finally reached Niall’s jeans, he luckily made quick process with those and Niall tried his best to help, lifting his hips a bit as the brunette took his pants off, without a warning putting his mouth right on Niall’s erection still trapped in his boxer shorts, mouthing over the already damp material while the blonde had his eyes pressed closed, fingers curled into Liam’s hair. 

“Oh god, Li… “ Niall breathed out between quiet moans when Liam licked a stripe over his hard on and the blonde couldn’t help thinking that the tables had turned quite a bit, because actually HE had been the one who had started attacking Liam with kisses the moment they had walked through the door, and actually, the blonde kinda wanted their places to be switched right now. Mostly because he suddenly really wanted to suck Liam off and have him moan his name, but also a tiny little bit because that would have surely been more effective in having him forget about wanting to talk to Niall. “Liam… I w-wanna… blow you... now.”

He didn’t stop the teasing immediately, only very slowly and Niall blinked his eyes open, hands already cramping because of how tightly he had had them clenched in Liam’s hair. “I was gonna-“

“I know, but I… I really want your cock now. Please.” Okay, maybe that’s not how Niall should have said it because it did make Liam’s cheeks a bit pinker, but the blonde was kinda desperate and the more he thought about it the more he wanted it, so with further ado, Niall half sat up, glad to see Liam doing the same, more slowly, and though Niall’s erection was aching in his boxer shorts, he was only focused on getting his mouth back onto his boyfriend’s again and trying to open his belt blindly. 

It didn’t work as smoothly as Niall would have liked, but that was probably because he was kinda desperate for it and though Liam tried to help getting his own jeans off, his hands kinda only collided with Niall’s and the blonde couldn’t help the whine he let out when they were taking too long. Liam always took such good care of him, always made sure Niall was alright and the blonde had surely given him a slight scare before with what he had said and he wanted the brunette to know just how much he loved him, that he wasn’t having any doubts, that this was everything he wanted. And yeah, maybe he should have said these words instead of sucking Liam off, but… he could still do that afterwards, right?

“Ni, you-“ Liam had undoubtedly been about to tell the blonde to slow down, but once he was on his back and naked and Niall could see his toned body and his tanned skin and dark chest hair and just how hard he was against his hip, the younger boy couldn’t wait any longer. 

“You’re so fuckin’ gorgeous.” Was all Niall managed to blurt out, barely even checking Liam’s face before he already had his mouth on his cock, curling a fist around the base and feeling happiness pooling in his stomach as he heard the older boy let out a moan, hips bucking automatically. 

It felt so good, to feel Liam coming apart underneath him with just a few kitten licks and measured jerks, not really putting him into his mouth just yet but rather licking over the head and tracing the thick veins, tasting his precum as he suckled on the head. “Fuck… Nialler… “

Though Niall would have usually wrapped and arm Liam’s stomach to keep him from accidentally choking him, he didn’t this time, barely taking the older boy’s length in his mouth though, jerking him off as slowly as possible just to hear him whine with impatience and buck his hips even more, moan the younger’s name in between harsh breaths. 

He was so hot like this, lying on his back, eyes pressed closed, sweat building on his forehead, one hand fisting the sheets underneath him and the other in the blonde’s hair, not really pulling though or trying to push him down, he just let it rest there for now, clearly trying his very hardest to hold back but the younger didn’t even want him to. Every sound coming from Liam went straight to his crotch, but it wasn’t unbearable just yet, the slight friction from the mattress giving Niall at least a little bit of relief while he was sucking his boyfriend off.

Spitting on the head and watching it drop down Liam’s shaft, Niall couldn’t hold back a smirk as he heard the older boy groan in frustration, even more so when the blonde started spreading the wetness, thumbnail catching in the slit before he pulled back the older’s foreskin, licking and sucking at the exposed red, inner flesh while Liam’s fingers tightened in his hair. 

He tasted salty and sweaty but it was so hot that it turned Niall on even more, smelling Liam like this and putting him into his mouth, bringing a hand up to fondle his balls because he knew that that would get the brunette going absolutely crazy. Not that he already wasn’t, Niall could tell by how desperate his pants were getting, how hard he was trying to hold back, his voice nothing more than a broken whisper. “Ni… p-please… “

That’s when the blonde decided he had been teasing enough, allowing Liam to push a little further up into his mouth than he usually would have taken him, securely keeping his fist around him though because if he had indeed choked on Liam’s cock, the older boy would have immediately insisted they stopped. Instead, Niall tried to breathe through his nose, tongue swirling around Liam’s hot erection in his mouth, bobbing his head slowly while his free hand was still busy rolling the older’s balls in his palm, tucking just a little bit until he could hear Liam hiss in what had to be pleasure.

“F-Fuck, baby… d-don’t… don’t stop… “ He was begging now and it sent chills down Niall’s spine, motivating him to go a bit slower for a moment just to speed up again and hear Liam cursing underneath his breath, accidentally pushing a bit too far into Niall’s throat but the blonde could take it this time, mostly because he was so focused on making this good for Liam. “Ni… ‘m gonna… “

Mouth popping off of Liam’s dick with an almost obscene sound, Niall ignored whatever the older boy had said, he just started moving his hand faster, the wet sound of Liam’s foreskin revealing and covering the thick head filling the room and right when Niall had his tongue out to lick at him once more, Liam came with a curse consisting of the blonde’s name, jizz landing all in Niall’s face and halfway in his mouth. Shit, why was this so bloody hot?

He worked the older boy through it, swallowing whatever had landed on his tongue and in his mouth as he felt Liam’s cock going softer and the older’s breath going a bit easier even though he was still panting, now trying to fill his lunges with air probably. “Shit, babe, that was-…. Oh.”

Feeling a bit of a tuck at his hair, Niall lifted his head, stopped trying to lick Liam clean and instead looking him in the eyes, not being able to help that probably really cocky grin on his face, even if Liam had kinda sounded a little bit guilty. “So it was good, yeah?”

“Yeah, of course, Nialler, I… I didn’t mean to, um… “ Though Liam’s chest was still heaving, he was leaning himself on one elbow, eyes clearly inspecting Niall’s face full of his cum. It’d be really gross when it dried, Niall knew he’d have to wipe it off in a second, but… fuck, the thought of Liam marking him up this way, getting his jizz all over him, was anything but a turn off. “I’m gonna… gonna get you a tissue, or-“

“Nah, just stay, I can do it myself.” Smirking up at the older boy, Niall couldn’t help but crawl up and on top of Liam, not getting any sound or sign of disagreement so he simply put his mouth right on top of Liam’s, letting him taste himself, his lips feeling really tingly and swollen in the best way.

They snogged for a while, both breathing rather heavily but it was still so good, have Liam’s naked and sweaty body underneath him, his arms wrapped so heavily around Niall’s neck, keeping him close, their kiss getting rather messy but neither of them seemed to really mind because Niall’s face was still kinda really gross as well, so whatever.

When they finally managed to part from each other, Niall was rock hard in his boxer shorts, but he tried to ignore it for now as he climbed off of Liam, making sure to smirk at Liam one more time though before he went onto a search for some tissues because as hot as it was to have Liam coming onto his face, it wouldn’t be hot anymore when it was dried up.

“Is it finally your turn now?” Liam asked from behind while the blonde was cleaning his skin, flinching only a tiny bit when he suddenly felt the older’s arms wrapping around his stomach, chin coming to a rest on his shoulder after placing a kiss there. 

“I just wanted to make you feel good, is all.” Niall didn’t need an excuse for that, did he? Even though he felt himself getting even hotter while having Liam so close, pressed up against his back, palm rubbing over his stomach, dangerously close to the waistband of his boxer shorts that he still hadn’t taken off for some reason.

“And you did… thank you, baby.” Of course Liam was thanking Niall for a blowjob, that was so him, but it still caused a rush of fondness in Niall’s body, causing him to lean back a bit more into the older boy, letting him hold him up straight as he threw the dirty tissue into the dustbin. “So… can I repay you now?”

“If you want… “ Niall half whispered before turning his head, still smiling when their lips met in a softer and slower kiss than before and the older’s arms loosened for a moment, allowing Niall to turn around so they would have it easier, arms locking around Liam’s neck without breaking the kiss.

Though Niall’s goal had been to make Liam forget about before, make sure they wouldn’t have any time anymore to talk about it, a few minutes later, he himself couldn’t even think of anything anymore besides Liam’s hand wrapped around his aching erection and two of fingers inside of him, stretching his walls and making him scream probably twice as much as the brunette had before. 

They never came back to that conversation, they basically just somehow tangled each other up in bed half an hour later, only somewhat covered with the blanket, both of them sweaty and out of breath, but Niall was pretty sure he was smiling when they kept kissing each other softly, whispering I love you’s against each other’s mouths before passing out sometime in between.

 

\----------

 

“You sure you’re gonna be okay when we’re gone, Nialler? You know if-“

“Lou, I’m an adult too, you know, I’ll be fine.” Niall couldn’t actually believe how many times Harry and Louis had asked him this already, and how serious they always sounded, like… they’d only be gone for a few days and in all honesty, the blonde was actually more excited about them leaving than he would have liked to admit.

Sure, he was mostly sleeping at Liam’s place anyways, but during the day they hung out with the other two a lot as well because… well, they were all friends, but that didn’t mean Niall couldn’t be excited about getting his boyfriend all to himself for a few days, right? And get to snog him at his own place, whenever he wanted, not having to restrain himself because Harry and Louis were there as well.

“Yeah, I know, I was just checking. I mean… not that I think you will, but… if you and Liam, like… get in a fight or something or… or something else happens then you can call us, okay? We’re not far away anyways.” Only, they were going to Spain and that was actually pretty far away but Louis was probably just trying to be nice anyways, he was folding his clothes at the same time and sorting them into his suitcase while Niall was just lying on the older’s bed playing with his phone. “I mean, you two have only gotten back together like a month ago and Liam’s great and we’re really happy for you guys, I just wanna make sure you know that you can call us, okay?”

“Okay… thanks, Tommo.” Not that Niall would have actually called them, he was pretty sure he and Liam wouldn’t have even had any time to fight because they’d be very busy doing other things, but… there was no need to say that. “Greet your mum from me, yeah?”

“I will. She actually asked twice why you aren’t coming, you know.” They’d be going on holiday with Louis’ family and Niall would have maybe thought about coming, had Liam not moved back here and had Louis and Harry not been a couple, but… he wouldn’t have had enough money anyways.

“Because I wanna be alone with my insanely hot boyfriend, that’s why.” Niall smirked when Louis pulled a face at him before stuffing even more clothes into his suitcase, clearing stopping to care about whether it looked nice. 

“He could have come too, it could have been like… a big family holiday or something.” Sounded really awful actually, but Niall just laughed it off because that’d never happen anyways. If he ever agreed to go on holiday with other people, then it’d be Harry and Louis at most, but not in the near future, couple holidays were for people who… who hadn’t broken up and only gotten back together a bit over a month ago. 

“I’m not really the family kinda guy.” It was a joke, of course, even though there was bit of truth behind that and Louis sadly caught on immediately, his face suddenly getting a whole lot more serious as he stopped stuffing things into his suitcase for a moment. 

“Is she still calling every day?” Ever since they had been at Harry’s parents’ house and the whole thing with Liam’s mum had happened, 10 days or so had passed by and they were all really loving their summer holidays, so the only thing that had gotten Niall off track ever since then had been those constant calls from Liam’s mother that he had feared so much.

Not that she called Niall, but the blonde of course heard Liam talking to hear and… in all honesty, the younger boy didn’t even wanna know what these conversations were about. He was just glad that they had never actually talked about what Niall had started back then in the bathroom, because… by now it seemed pretty ridiculous to him to have worried so much. It really was getting better, with each day passing, even with Liam’s mother constantly asking how they were doing. 

“Well… not every day, but… a lot.” The blonde shrugged before sitting up, trying to pretend it wasn’t a big deal as he forced himself to let out a short laugh. “You really think you can squish all of that into your suitcase?” 

“If I try hard enough… and if you sit on top in a bit when I’m closing it.” Luckily Louis had simply let the topic drop as well, again focused on packing his things and the younger boy was more than happy to just watch, kinda relieved that he himself didn’t have to go through that trouble. Well, going on holiday with Liam would have been nice, but… they’d have two flats all to themselves for the next few days, so what more could Niall have wanted?

Harry popped in after a while, he had been going through the place packing the essentials, apparently not having trusted Louis to do that, and his facial expression clearly showed that he didn’t really approve of Niall sitting on top of Louis’ suitcase because it was so full, but he didn’t say a word either ways. “You know that… that there’s a weight limit, right, Lou?”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just… it’s not that heavy.” It probably was, Niall bit back a smile as he watched the other boy almost ripping off the zipper. What would he even need so many clothes for anyways? They wouldn’t be gone for THAT long. 

“Alright, if you say so… “ Didn’t sound like he was trusting his boyfriend at all, but Harry just sighed in the end while leaning in the doorframe. “Niall, are you staying at Liam’s tonight? ‘cos we’re leaving really early in the morning, we might make a bit of noise.”

“Yeah, no, I’m staying at Liam’s. At least I think I am, he didn’t ask me, but… “ But they were gonna go on a date once Liam got off work and Niall never really bothered asking if he could sleep at Liam’s because… in all honesty, it kinda was like they were living together, even though they were switching between each other’s places and mostly had their things in their own flats, but… they were together and they were in love and why wouldn’t they have spent every night together? And every living moment whenever they had time, pretty much. 

“Okay, good. Don’t forget to throw away the things from the fridge that go bad, okay? And… maybe open the windows once a while.” It was kinda funny actually, they had been living here for so long now and none of them had ever spent more than one night away before Liam had moved back here, Niall didn’t even know what he would have done had he been left here all alone with his two best friends being all loved up somewhere in Spain. “Oh, and you gotta empty the mail box too. And water that one plant in the bathroom and-“

“I know, Haz, I live here too, you know.” And in the beginning it had actually mostly been Niall who had been cleaning up and stuff, so he couldn’t help but roll his eyes a bit at his friend, never getting an answer though because just in time, Louis finally managed to close the suitcase.

“HA! See, I told you I could do it, Nialler!” His smile was really proud, as if that was a big accomplishment or something and Niall shared a look with Harry, biting back a grin. 

“Good job, babe, let me just get the scale then we’ll see how much of a great job you’ve really done.” Harry laughed as Louis threw him a glare and Niall joined while getting back up onto his feet, not really intending to be staying any longer. It was already 6 or something and he’d have to take the bus to get to where Liam worked and before that, he really had to change his clothes. 

Saying goodbye to Harry and Louis wasn’t really that emotional, they did all hug and the other two promised to write Niall a card, and also that they would text him once they had landed, once again making sure to tell him that he could just call if anything was up. The younger boy brushed it off, already halfway out of the door, but it did make him feel good, to know that he had those two, even if he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t have to actually call them.

It was really hot outside, but Niall didn’t mind walking a bit and sitting in the bus. He had tried wearing something nice but he had still ended up wearing shorts and a simple tee, not actually having to impress his boyfriend anymore and besides, that was better than sweating like a pig because of the heat. 

The thing was, Liam actually didn’t know that Niall was coming directly to his office, and the boy wouldn’t mind if Liam wanted to go home and change before they went on their date, he just wanted to see him, and surprise him. So that’s why Niall was actually pretty excited when he got off the bus, feeling maybe slightly dumb for it but then again… he could be happy about seeing his boyfriend, couldn’t he? Even though they had seen each other quite a bit already today because it had been Niall’s day off and Liam had only started work at like 12 pm. 

The office Liam worked at was really massive, but the blonde didn’t have too much trouble finding Liam’s car, not actually wanting to go inside because he was pretty sure he wasn’t dressed very appropriately. Not that Liam usually wore a suit to work, but he did always wear proper clothes and a button up and stuff, so Niall was good waiting out here, leaning against the older boy’s car and enjoying the sun for a bit. 

While texting Harry, and trying to reassure him that he would be just fine when the younger yet again started to list things Niall had to do while the others were gone, the blonde wasn’t really looking out for any people coming or paying much attention, not expecting Liam to be on time anyways, but somehow he was.

“Nialler?” His voice almost caused Niall to drop his phone as he looked up, surprised before immediately feeling a smile stretching across his face when he saw Liam walking across the parking lot, next to some older looking man that Niall blatantly ignored. He couldn’t help his heart doing a massive jump as he pushed away from the car, suddenly even more excited than before, if that was any possible. “I didn’t know you were coming, did you take the bus?”

“Yep. And I wanted to come, don’t worry.” Liam was smiling as well, really big, and Niall barely registered that other man watching them with an undefinable expression, again deciding to ignore him though as he met Liam halfway, wrapping his arms around the older’s neck, not being able to help that stupid giggle that escaped him when the brunette hugged him back so tightly for a moment, Niall lost ground under his feet. “I take it as it was a good surprise then?”

“Best surprise ever.” Liam laughed, kissing the side of Niall’s head, gently putting him back down but not letting go immediately.

Before Niall could reply, feeling all happy and giddy now because of how happy Liam was that he had come, because of the older’s strong arms around him and his scent filling the blonde’s nose, there was another voice, clearly coming from the older man. “Have a nice evening Mr. Payne.”

“You too, sir.” Hearing Liam’s voice getting all serious almost caused Niall to laugh again but he held back, only slowly pulling back to see that Liam’s face had gotten a bit blushed, probably because he had only now realized that they had been getting watched. 

“Mr. Payne, huh?” Niall had lowered his voice of course, having waited until the man had gotten into his own car, slowly letting his arms slip from around Liam’s neck, instead reaching for the brunette’s hand on his hip to intertwine their fingers.

“Yeah, uh… that was my boss.” Letting out a bit of a nervous laugh, Liam’s lips were suddenly covering Niall’s and the blonde surely didn’t complain, actually wanting to deepen the kiss but the brunette pulled back sooner than he would have liked, only chuckling when the younger boy was pouting a bit, going with him as Liam pulled away. “C’mon, we’ve got the whole night. And tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that day and-“

“But I still want you _now_ , I haven’t seen you in… 7 hours. That’s terrible.” Truly, Niall had already forgotten about Liam’s boss again, now all he could think of were Liam’s lips against his and the older’s hand squeezing his, fingers brushing over his cheek. 

“Really terrible.” Liam confirmed before giving in and kissing Niall again, cupping his face with both hands this time, deepening the kiss a little bit more than probably appropriate for a parking lot but the younger boy didn’t mind at all of course, smiling against the older’s mouth. “I missed you… “

“I missed you too, bean…” Niall mumbled, goosebumps rising all over his body from feeling Liam’s breath against his skin, tasting him in his mouth. “I love you.”

“I love you more, baby.” Okay, he was definitely looking for a fight now, actually, Niall had already half pulled away to complain when Liam let out a chuckle, of course having expected it, pecking the blonde’s lips one more time. “C’mon, I’ll take you on the date I have planned and then you can decide if you still wanna complain. Deal?”

“I guess. Even though you’ve got no chance, but… I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, because I love you so much. More than-“

“Thanks, baby.” Liam cut him off with a laugh before wrapping his arm tightly around Niall’s shoulders even though the car was only a few steps behind them. His face was so happy and smiley and beautiful and Niall couldn’t help but just stare at him, trying to hold back and not attack him with kisses yet again. 

“We can go home in between, you know, if you wanna change or anything.” Of course Niall wouldn’t have minded, he put his hand on the car door when Liam pressed a kiss to his temple before walking around the car, unlocking it while shaking his head with a smile.

“No, I don’t mind, I’m glad if we can go earlier.” Okay, that sounded pretty mysterious.

Liam refused to tell Niall where they were going, simply because he always did, just keeping up a mysterious grin while driving the car out of the parking lot, his arm across the seats, hand resting on Niall’s knee like it usually did and the blonde took it in both of his. Maybe that wasn’t as safe as if Liam had had both hands on the wheel, but… Niall just couldn’t resist.

“Are we getting food?” The blonde couldn’t help but keep pushing, only making Liam laugh, occasionally pulling his hand out of Niall’s before putting it right back where it belonged. Honestly, Niall couldn’t even remember if they had ever driven anywhere while they had been together without doing it like this. 

“I wouldn’t let you starve, babe, don’t worry. We’ll be there in like 10 minutes, think you can take it?” He leaned over while stopping at a red light, giving Niall a really unexpected kiss on the cheek and the blonde almost flinched because he had been busy staring out of the window and trying to figure out where they were going, immediately turning his head though at this, just so he could get a peck on the mouth as well. “Have I told you before how lucky I am that I got you and that I get you all to myself for the next few days?”

“Hmm, yeah, but you can tell me a few more times if you like.” Niall momentarily forgot worrying about where they were going, only feeling really happy and excited for now, returning the older boy’s smile, keeping his eyes on him even as he had to turn his head and drive on when the light turned green. God, how could Liam think he was lucky when Niall was so much luckier to have him?

Like promised, they only took a few minutes to get to where Liam had planned their date and also like promised, Niall didn’t wanna argue anymore about who loved who more when he realized what they were going to do. The restaurant Liam had stopped at wasn’t really that special, but that was because it was right next to the fun fair that was only in town for the summer and even though Niall had always gotten sick as a child riding the Ferris wheel, he almost threw himself at the older boy when they had gotten out of the car, kissing him about a billion times while Liam was just laughing and holding him.

That surely was going to be the best summer break of Niall’s life, what could have possibly gone wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys :D
> 
> thank you for all the lovely feedback on the last chapter, i hope you all enjoyed this one just as much, let me know if you want :)
> 
> also, im pretty sure therell be 2 more chapters left after this one, just so you know!


	11. Chapter 11

Honestly, the first 4 days of Harry and Louis being gone were absolute heaven to Niall. Not in a way like he never wanted them to come back, but he was really enjoying all the time he got to spend with Liam, could just snog him whenever he wanted to and sit on his lap and they even slept in Niall’s bed a few times, simply because they were too tired to go upstairs. Also, they probably went on a date every second day and when they didn’t, then Liam made them dinner and Niall pretended to help, just like old times. The only downside was that Niall was mostly alone whenever Liam was at work and he wasn’t, but that was never for longer than 2 or 3 hours so the blonde somehow kept himself busy.

On the fifth day, when Niall woke up in Liam’s bed wrapped in the older’s warm arms, he didn’t feel quite as energized as he would have hoped after sleeping for good 10 hours. Actually, his head was hurting pretty badly and his throat felt kinda sore, symptoms that he didn’t usually have during the summer. 

“…baby?” Liam’s voice was still tired and quiet, he let out a sigh against the back of Niall’s head, giving him goosebumps and pulling him even closer against his chest, probably not liking the fact that the younger boy had moved. “You awake?”

“Kinda… “ Niall half whispered back, keeping his eyes closed in hopes he would fall back asleep even though he probably had to get up in a few minutes anyways. The thought of having to go to work feeling like this was actually unbearable. 

They both stayed quiet for a few more minutes and Niall was pretty sure Liam had fallen back asleep, his breath having gone even again and the blonde really tried to enjoy those few moments lying in Liam’s arms, feeling the older’s chest pressing into his back, his hand lightly holding onto Niall’s wrist. Due to the fact though that Niall’s head was hammering like crazy and he also suddenly felt like he would have to puke with any wrong movement, he couldn’t quite be as happy about it as he normally would have.

Last night they had been out for dinner, again, and they had been on a walk too where it had started drizzling and it had actually gotten quite cold even though it was summer and even though Liam had given Niall his jacket that he had brought just to be safe, the younger boy had still been freezing. Which he of course hadn’t told Liam, so now he felt pretty dumb for having suggested to make their walk even longer.

When the alarm on Niall’s phone went off, Liam held him even tighter, groaning against the younger’s skin and Niall made sure to force his eyes to open as he searched for his phone on the bedside table to turn it off, for Liam’s sake, but also because his head was close to exploding already. That was going to be one damn long day.

“How late’s it?” Liam half yawned, kissing the back of Niall’s head and then propping himself up to reach his cheek as well. “You feel warm… “

“It’s like… 10.” Niall purposely ignored Liam’s comment, actually wanting to die at the thought of getting out of their cocoon of warmth because in all honesty, he actually felt kinda cold even now with Liam cuddling him from behind. 

“Hmmm… give me a kiss.” Okay, this was cute, sure, but actually, Niall suddenly became aware that he really shouldn’t have been kissing Liam while being sick, but he also didn’t really wanna tell the older boy about how poorly he was feeling because he knew it’d just get him worried.

So instead of giving him a real kiss, Niall slowly turned around in the older boy’s arms, trying not to upset his stomach, finding himself pressed up against the brunette as he lifted his chin just enough to reach his chin with his lips. “We should probably, um… get up.”

“We still got an hour though before you gotta be at work, and actually, I meant a _real_ kiss.” Though Niall couldn’t see Liam’s face, he heard the smile in his voice anyways and usually he would have gotten really excited about some morning snogging and almost running late for work, but today he really wasn’t. So even though he knew that it would get Liam suspicious, he lightly turned his head when the older boy was about to kiss him, already regretting it a second later. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, uh… haven’t brushed my teeth.” Okay, that was probably the dumbest excuse EVER because they always kissed in the mornings, but it was all Niall could think of right now, wanting to turn around and sit up, but the older boy was keeping him close, voice already filled with worry. Great. 

Liam didn’t respond immediately, he just kissed Niall’s forehead and the blonde started to feel kinda guilty, pressing his face into his bofriend’s warm neck because it was helping just a little bit to make him feel better. God, Niall would have given anything to just be able to stay in bed with Liam and nap all day. “Babe… are you sure you’re okay? You sound a bit… and you’re really warm.”

“’m fine, just… tired…” Of course Liam would eventually notice just how poorly Niall felt, he wasn’t even quite sure why he was trying to keep it from his boyfriend, it’s just… Niall would be alright, he’d probably be on the verge of dying once work was over, but… 

Like expected, Liam somehow managed to bring a hand in between his throat and Niall’s forehead, palm pressing against the younger’s skin and the blonde was already closing his eyes in defeat. “You’re literally burning up, Nialler. Do you feel sick? Headache?”

“A bit, but… I’m fine, I-“

“No, you’re not, babe. Shit, we really shouldn’t have been out that long last night… you can’t go to work when you’re sick, no way.” Shit, this was exactly what Niall had feared. To be fair, he felt his stomach growing warmer hearing just how much Liam cared, feeling the older’s fingers carding through his hair, but that didn’t mean he could just stay home.

“But I have to, my boss is gonna kill me and probably fire me. And I don’t even feel _that_ bad, I-“ And just in time, Niall was interrupted by a coughing fit, a small one, but it was still enough to cause Liam to hold him even tighter, as if he was planning on never letting him go again. 

“He can’t fire you for being sick, Nialler, I’m not going to let you go like that. Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling so bad, baby?” Well, exactly because of that, even if it had been pointless trying to keep it from Liam because he literally noticed everything anyways. “Okay, you stay right here, yeah? I’m gonna get you something so you’ll feel better, okay? Do you want something to eat as well?”

“No, thank you… but I can get up myself, I-“

“No way, baby, just stay in bed, yeah? If you want me to, I can call your boss for you.” Oh god, Liam was so sweet, he was still busy kissing Niall’s face and stroking his hair and in all honesty, Niall almost gave in, almost let his eyes fall closed again and just agree to Liam calling into work for him even if that would have just gotten him into even more trouble with his boss. 

Having Liam out of bed was the very worst part because he lifted the blanket and let cold air in and even though he apologized like one billion times and made sure to tuck Niall in extra firmly while he was sitting on the edge of the mattress wasn’t really making this situation any better, his facial expression so worried that Niall was pretty sure he wouldn’t be allowed to leave this bed anytime soon. Niall usually wasn’t sick very often, but whenever he had been, Liam had freaked the hell out, had made sure to coddle him and do absolutely anything to make the blonde feel better. And it had worked, every time, so even though Niall was trying to play it cool, deep down he just wanted to give in and let Liam take care of him, just like he always had. 

“You don’t look good at all, Nialler… “ Liam had only turned on the bedside table lamp, there was some light coming in through the blinds as well but Niall was glad that it was still half dark because just keeping his eyes open like that hurt enough already. 

“I’ll be fine… “ Eventually, and if Liam kept on stroking his face like that, fingers caressing Niall’s cheek and the blonde would have rather the brunette could have just stayed here with him instead of going to get him some medicine. “Thank you for… for taking care of me.”

“Don’t be silly, love, I’ll always take care of you.” There was a soft smile that Niall could only return for a second before having yet another coughing fit that brought tears to his eyes this time. Well, at least maybe his boss would believe him when he called him sounding like this. “I’ll be right back, okay? You can just go back to sleep, Ni.”

“I’ll try…” Niall half sniffed, too late this time as Liam leaned down to kiss his lips, very gently, and the blonde thought about protesting but it was already too late anyways. Besides, he wasn’t quite sure if he would have even managed to go without kissing the older boy for a whole day.

It was luck really, that it was Liam’s day off, because Niall had a really strong feeling that the older boy would have called in sick too just so he could stay with him and it’d be a lie to say that the blonde would have tried to talk him out of it. He did get quite clingy and needy whenever he was sick though he was trying kinda hard right now to be tough, Niall was pretty sure that would change in a few hours.

The blonde did feel kinda bad watching Liam leave, also guilty because they had literally just woken up and instead of morning cuddles Liam had to go and get Niall stuff. This really sucked, Niall would have to get those hours at work back in too, provided his boss wouldn’t fire him on the spot because he had a tendency to do these things. 

Without Liam, the bed felt terribly empty and cold, but Niall tried not to be a baby as he reached for his phone again, tried to move as little as possible in the process. Liam was right, Niall couldn’t have possibly gone to work like that, but he still felt really nervous calling into work because usually it never ended well. Not that he really had a choice, but… 

Biting his fingernails kinda nervously while holding the phone to his ear, Niall was internally praying that Liam wouldn’t come back just yet, he could hear him somewhere moving around the flat, but Niall really did not want him to have to listen in case there would be yelling. “Niall? Where the hell are you?”

“I, um… I only start in an hour?” His boss had picked up a little bit unexpectedly, causing Niall’s heart to do a jump and almost forgetting what he had even called for in the first place.

“Right. So why are you calling then?” He didn’t care, Niall could have literally said anything and it would have probably ended badly. 

“I, um… I just called because, uh… I… I’m sick and I… I can’t come in today, I-“

“ _Sick_?! It’s in the middle of summer. Listen, if you don’t wanna come then don’t bother coming ever again, I can replace you just like that.” Amazing.

“No, I… I really am sick, I’m sorry, I’m gonna get the hours back in, I’ll work extra next week.” Honestly, Niall was pretty sure it wasn’t actually legal to work as many extra hours as he already had, but… what should he have done?

There was some grumbling in the background, some cursing and Niall almost didn’t even notice Liam coming back into the room with a smile on his face, carrying a glass of water and so many pills and medicine bottles that Niall almost got scared. “You better bring a doctor’s note with you or you can pack your things.”

“I will, I promise, I’ll email it to you when-“ And then Niall was simply cut off, without even getting to finish the sentence. Amazing, now he had to go the doctor’s as well and Liam didn’t even want to let him leave the bed long enough to walk to the bathroom.

“How’d it go?” The older boy sounded kinda worried as he placed everything onto the bedside table, again sitting on the edge of the mattress and Niall slipped down a bit further from the half sitting position he had been in. 

“Um… fine. He was just a bit… upset. And he wants me to bring him a doctor’s note.” Telling Liam now was better than later, Niall quietly thanked the boy as he handed him the glass of water, popping a pill into his hand that the blonde took without thinking about what it was. He literally did anything Liam told him to do when he was sick. 

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll go and get one for you, okay? You shouldn’t have to go outside like that. And don’t worry about your boss either, I’m sure he’s already forgotten about it again.” Probably not, but Liam was just trying to make Niall feel better, pressing a kiss onto his forehead and the younger boy couldn’t help but smile, indeed feeling his spirit lifting a little bit. “Here, you should take some of that as well, it doesn’t really taste too good, but I promise it’ll make you feel better.”

“Oh god… is that the weird pink stuff?” Niall hadn’t taken that in forever but he couldn’t help immediately pulling a face and making the older boy laugh a bit. “I’m not sure if I’ll survive that, Li.”

“It’s not that bad, Nialler, I promise. Here, open up.” He had poured it onto a spoon and in all honesty had this been anybody else telling him to drink this gooey stuff, he would have flipped them right off, but it was Liam and his eyes were still full of worry and Niall allowed the older boy to put the spoon into his mouth without really thinking about. “See, not that bad, right?”

Not being able to answer, Niall actually almost choked, emptying half the glass of water down his throat, but not even that could fully wash away the bitter aftertaste. God, being sick did have some advantages but that surely wasn’t one. “If I didn’t love you so much I would’ve thought you’d wanna poison me, it’s disgusting, bean.”

Liam just chuckled again, putting away the spoon before all of a sudden starting to walk around the bed and before Niall could ask what he was doing or could even just open his mouth to protest, the brunette had already gotten back into bed with him, trying to lift the blanket as little as possible as he slipped underneath as well. “C’mere, baby, you look like you could need some cuddles.”

“I don’t want to get you sick though.” While talking, Niall was already allowing Liam to pull him into his side with an arm around the blonde’s shoulders, almost instantly warming him up just like that. God, and he smelled so good as well. 

“Don’t worry about it, love, I’m sure I won’t get sick, and if I do then it’s already too late anyways.” That was kinda true, Niall felt himself smiling a bit, eyes dropping closed after he had rested his head in the crook of Liam’s shoulder, feeling goosebumps on his scalp as the older boy placed a kiss onto the top of his head. “You should try and go back to sleep, Ni, it’s still kinda early. I’ll wake you when it gets too late, okay? So you can still sleep tonight, I mean.”

“Okay… ‘m not sure if I can go back to sleep though, I’m not really that tired anymore… “ That was actually a really big lie, Niall felt on the verge of dying or passing out but he didn’t really wanna tell Liam, so he just cuddled deeper into the older’s side, breathing him in, trying to pull the blanket up a little bit higher as he forced himself to stay awake. “This really sucks, for once Harry and Louis are gone and I have to be sick.”

“I’m sure you’ll feel better tomorrow, babe, we still got enough time before they get back, yeah? And anyways, it’s not like we always hang out with them anyways, we’ve been going on dates before as well, haven’t we? Besides… we get to cuddle all day long only because you’re sick, so.” The fact that Liam seemed to excited about that made Niall feel slightly better though he was still upset of course, also because his head was still hurting and he overall felt as if he had fallen from the roof, but… having Liam right here with him made the whole situation 100 times better for sure.

They talked for a while until Niall felt his words coming out a bit heavier and his eyes harder to blink open once a while, Liam was just so warm and soft and comfortable and the even strokes through Niall’s hair and down his cheek were kinda making him even sleepier than he had already been to begin with. So after trying to fight it for quite a bit, Niall gave in at some point, not being able to hold on any longer, feeling Liam’s lips against his forehead one more time before he passed out, and a whispered “I love you” that made him fall asleep smiling.

 

\----------------

 

Liam basically didn’t move for about two hours straight. He kinda had to use the bathroom and his stomach was growling a bit, but he decided that all of that could wait if only that meant his poor baby could sleep a little bit longer and hopefully feel better when he woke up. Of course Liam absolutely hated having to see Niall liked this, all poorly and pale and coughing, but he somehow also really liked being allowed to take care of him like that, just like he had always done back then and hopefully would be allowed to for the rest of their lives.

Having Niall sleeping on him like that felt really good, being able to touch and kiss him wherever Liam could reach, knowing that his presence and his body heat was helping the boy at least a little tiny bit to stay warm and asleep. They really shouldn’t have stayed out so long last night, Liam took the whole blame of course, he had known that it’d get colder, hence why he had brought a jacket for the blonde, but he really had had no idea just how cold Niall had really been.

He was still all the same, trying to deny that he was cold, that he was sick even, just so Liam wouldn’t worry about him, which, of course, led to the older boy worrying even more because he didn’t know what was up. At first he had thought Niall just simply didn’t want to kiss him, but then again… when had he ever rejected Liam? Right, never.

The days without having Louis and Harry there were really wonderful, because it was exactly as if they would have shared a flat, or two actually, and Liam would have loved to suggest that Niall could just stay with him, forever, because then it’d always be just the two of them whenever they wanted, but… they had time. First, Liam had a surprise for the blonde that he had kept a really good secret until now and probably would for a little while longer. The brunette had been kinda hesitant at first, but things at work had come up and things had happened and… he had decided that they could really need this, both of them, and Liam was dying to tell Niall, but… he didn’t wanna ruin the surprise for himself just yet. 

When the blonde started stirring and mumbling in his sleep, Liam held him a bit tighter, hoping that the boy wasn’t waking up just yet because he could really need the rest. “Hmm… Liam… “

“I’m right here, baby boy, just sleep, it’s all good.” He was mumbling Liam’s name in his sleep and it gave the older boy a few too many goosebumps and the stupidest grin ever as he kept scattering kisses onto every centimeter of Niall he could somehow reach. God, he was so fucking cute whenever he was sick, all cuddly and needy and Liam absolutely loved it, even if of course he wanted the boy to get better as soon as possible, he also kinda enjoyed this right here.

After a few minutes of Niall having been still and silent, Liam was almost taken off guard when he heard the boy’s voice again, more quietly this time, but also a little bit more desperate, his face pressing deeper into Liam’s skin. “Li… “

“Ni, it’s okay, shhh.” Whispering into the blonde hair, the brunette suddenly had a bad feeling that Niall wasn’t having a nice dream right now but rather a bad one, something he hadn’t really experienced ever since they had gotten back together. Sure, Niall sometimes said his name in his sleep, but… never like that.

“Li… don’t… “ Okay, this was weird, Niall was clearly asleep, Liam even made sure to check, feeling his stomach twisting into knots, the tone of the blonde’s voice having gotten kinda heart wrecking. What was he dreaming about?

“Nialler… shsh, it’s all good, I’m here and I got you, baby.” Liam just kept on rambling, not really knowing what to do right now because of course he had calmed Niall down from nightmares before, but… not ones where he could take a pretty good guess on what they had been about. And he had also never gotten such a clear confirmation. 

“Liam… stay… don’t leave me… “ There it was, the moment that had Liam’s hair stand on end and his hand freezing in Niall’s hair, stomach literally making a backflip. Niall was dreaming about Liam leaving him, was maybe even… somehow reliving what had happened all that time ago and the older boy suddenly felt kinda sick. “Li… come back… please come back… I love you… “

“Niall… “ Now Liam really didn’t know what to say anymore, his heart was literally breaking into a million pieces even if he knew that it was a dream, the fact that Niall was having it clearly meant that it still bothered him, that he was still thinking about it, maybe on a daily basis and though Liam kinda had already kinda suspected that Niall was still having doubts once a while and was really struggling to talk to him about it, getting this kinda confirmation was really hard. 

The blonde kept on stirring, all the while snuggling even closer into Liam, still mumbling and the older boy simply went over to holding him close, his throat feeling kinda tight and his eyes kinda burning. They really should have talked about it, back then when Niall had almost broken in Harry’s parents’ bathroom and Liam being a stupid idiot had decided he needed the blonde to come to him in his own time. So now he had apparently really fucked it up.

Still, Liam didn’t want to bring it up to Niall because he had no idea what to say, he knew the boy was probably still scared, that he thought that there might be a possibility that Liam would potentially leave him again and… what could the brunette have done to help Niall stop feeling this way? Exactly, nothing, except for trying his very hardest to make sure the blonde knew how much he loved him, how there was nothing in the world that was more important to Liam than Niall. 

Then again, Liam had been trying to make sure Niall knew all of that ever since they had gotten back together and yet it seemed like the younger boy still wasn’t trusting him and though Liam of course knew that it was his own fault, that he had brought this upon himself, he couldn’t help the really awful feeling settling in his stomach.

And after all, Niall’s worries probably weren’t even that far off.

 

\-----------------

 

Waking up, Niall actually felt worse than he had before, he tried to snuggle closer into his boyfriend, seeking his warmth, burying his face against the older’s neck as he felt Liam’s arms around him tightening. His sleep hadn’t been relaxing at all, due to some very weird dreams Niall couldn’t even remember and it felt like bloody hours had passed by and also as if Niall was even closer on the verge of death than before. “Li… how late… is it?”

“Are you awake, baby?” He sounded unsure but Niall had no time to worry about that, he was still half asleep actually, his throat hurting so badly now though that it was actually overshadowing the hammering in his head.

“No… “ Niall croaked out, keeping his eyes pressed closed and trying not to move too much except for closer into Liam. Alright, he was definitely not going anywhere tomorrow either, unless a fucking miracle happened. 

“It’s like 1 pm…. are you feeling better, love?” Liam must have heard Niall’s voice sounding all raspy and weird because he seemed really worried, his hand was stroking evenly over the blonde’s hair, briefly pressing against his forehead as well, pulling the blanket up even higher even though it was already up to Niall’s chin.

“Not… really… “ Deciding that there was no use in lying, Niall just felt a tiny bit guilty, he couldn’t hide this from Liam obviously, so why even try, right? Niall was far away from the stage of denial and trying to play it cool, he just wanted the older boy to make him feel better and cuddle him. “I feel like… like a truck fell on top of me… “

“I know you feel awful, babe, I’m so sorry, I wish I could make it better… do you maybe want something to eat, huh? Or some water? Or more blankets?” Actually, Niall did feel kinda hungry, but he really didn’t want Liam to leave him or let go of him for just a second. 

“I don’t want you to get out of bed though… “ So instead of staying quiet or turning down the offers, Niall just simply decided that he needed to continue being a fucking baby and not give Liam a real answer, just make him feel worse because he was sick and actually didn’t even wanna speak at all because his throat felt as if he had swallowed a knife. 

“What if… what if I carry you to the living room? And you can lie on the couch? And then I’ll be right there while I make you something to eat?” Okay, that sounded kinda better, Liam’s voice had gotten even more gentle if that was any possible, he was still busy stroking Niall’s hair as well and the blonde was sure that if he had stopped doing so then he would have felt 10 times worse.

“I… I’m scared I gotta puke if… if I move too much… “ His stomach felt kinda upset and Niall remembered the morning he had puked into Liam’s dustbin very well, he felt no need to repeat that and this time throwing up over the older boy himself. 

“We’ll just take it slowly, yeah? And if you feel like it’s getting worse you just let me know, okay? I think you really need to get some food in you, baby.” Probably, if Liam said so then it was probably true, so Niall just quietly agreed, already regretting it though when his boyfriend started to move.

It turned out to have been a really, really terrible idea in the end. Though Liam did somehow manage to get out of bed without juggling Niall around too much and the younger boy even managed to force his eyes to open and actually stay that way, the part where Liam picked him up like a baby didn’t go quite as smoothly. Mostly because the blanket dropped in the process and Niall thought he had to die, his only distraction being that he was really impressed by how strong Liam was, being able to pick him up like that and holding him in his arms. Then again, he had always been this strong, he just hadn’t carried Niall around in what felt like ages.

“I’m sorry, Nialler… are you okay?” Liam had already apologized multiple times, his lips placing countless kisses on the blonde’s face and Niall simply had his arms wrapped around the older’s neck, trying to breathe through his nose that he had buried against the older’s skin. 

“Hmm… ‘m fine… “ He somehow choked out while Liam carried him to the living room, away from the warmth that they had built up underneath the blanket. 

“I’ll make you some tea in a bit, okay? And some soup if you want, it’ll warm you up. I’ve also got some crackers so we don’t upset your stomach too much, yeah? It’s gonna be fine, NI, I promise, you’ll feel so much better tomorrow.” Only, tomorrow was so damn far away.

In the end, Niall’s eyes were hurting from being in the very lit living room and though Liam rushed to get him two blankets and a pillow after putting the boy down on the couch, as softly as humanly possible, Niall was still freezing and wishing he could have just gone back to bed and back into Liam’s warm embrace. 

“Okay, I’ll just be in the kitchen, yeah? Here’s your water, I’ll be right back, I promise.” Somehow, Niall had thought it’d be a good idea to sit up on the couch, having one blanket around his shoulders and just nodding to whatever his boyfriend said. “If you start to feel dizzy or… or just in general really, really bad then call me immediately.”

“Li… I’m not gonna die, it’s just a cold.” Niall tried to calm the brunette down, who was sitting on the coffee table in front of him, fixing the blankets and brushing hair out of Niall’s face since about ten minutes now. The look on his face was as worried as it had been years ago when Niall had had food poisoning and had been to hospital for a night and Liam had refused to leave him alone, so he had slept in a really uncomfortable chair right next to Niall’s bed and had missed all of his classes.

“I know, I’m just… I’m just making sure.” He was clearly forcing himself to a smile before suddenly leaning forward and kissing Niall right on the mouth, taking him a little bit off guard. “I love you. So, so much, I just want you to be okay, Nialler.”

“I know, bean… thank you. I love you too. I’m gonna be just fine, ‘m just a little sick.” Or a lot, but Liam was worried enough already and though Niall probably looked like a corpse, he tried to return Liam’s smile from before, pecking the older’s lips again because he was still pretty close to him. It didn’t really seem to help but at least Liam finally managed to tear himself away and go into the kitchen like he had announced for the past few minutes now.

Niall tried to watch some TV while Liam was gone, even if he nodded off every two seconds and couldn’t really keep track of any program he put on. He also texted Harry for a bit, not mentioning that he was sick though, just commenting the pictures the other boy sent him from the beach and stuff and maybe Niall was a little bit jealous, but whenever it got kinda bad, Liam would suddenly pop in from the kitchen just to kiss Niall and cuddle him for a little bit before going back to check on the food.

When Liam came back with a full plate of soup, Niall had somewhat managed to wake up a little bit, gratefully making some space for his boyfriend on the couch, immediately melting back against him. “Do you wanna hold it or do you want me to feed you?”

“I can do it… thank you so much, bean.” Though Niall didn’t really want to pull his arms out of from under the blanket and actually really wanted Liam to feed him instead, he still tried his best to do so without shivering too much. 

“Don’t burn yourself, babe… I hope it doesn’t taste too bad, I tried to make it quick.” As if anything Liam could have made could have possibly been bad, Niall waited for the older man to place the plate in his lap before he leaned over to kiss his cheek once, and then a second time, just because he was so glad that he had him. 

“Anything you’ve ever cooked me was amazing, Li. I mean… except for that carrot cake you once tried years ago, but… I can excuse that because we were really young.” Maybe only 15 or something, Niall had to laugh a little bit thinking about it, relieved when Liam joined just for a second. 

When Niall ate the first spoonful, he almost burned himself really badly but tried to cover it up, so the older boy wouldn’t think he hated it, feeling Liam’s hand resting on his thigh underneath the blanket, his thumb rubbing comfortable circles over the younger’s sweatpants. “How is it? Too hot?”

“Nah, it’s fine, it’s really good.” At least it was warming Niall up really well, actually making his throat burn a little bit but that was still better than freezing, right? Maybe Liam had been right, maybe Niall really only needed to eat something in order to feel better, and some more cuddling on the couch and a cup of tea that kinda was a little bit gross because it was supposed to help with his throat aches, but Niall still managed to somehow get it down, just for Liam though.

They tried watching a little bit of TV, but mostly they were talking and Niall finished his soup before putting his head onto Liam’s shoulder, trying not to sleep in yet again because he would have probably been lying awake all night if he did and then he’d start his late night worries again and… no one needed that, especially not while being sick.

“Hey, Nialler…” Liam started while they were watching the news and actually not paying that much attention, the older’s cheek resting against the side of Niall’s head and their fingers intertwined in Niall’s lap underneath the blanket.

“Yeah?” The blonde had no idea what to expect, actually, he wasn’t thinking anything bad about it at all, wasn’t worried in any way and just trying to stay awake.

“You know… I just… I’ve just been thinking lately and… you know how happy I am, right? That we’re together, I mean, and that it’s going so great and I just… you feel the same, right? I don’t want you to have any worries or… or any doubts at all, I want you to be happy, always. “ Liam’s voice sounded kinda weird, his words were coming out slowly and with each second passing, Niall started to feel more uncomfortable. Where was this coming from all of a sudden?

“Of course I’m happy, Li, I… why are you asking?” Oh god, he wasn’t gonna start talking about that conversation from a while ago, was he, where his mother had interrupted them? Niall couldn’t have taken it right now, he was sick and feeling like absolute shit and… and besides that, he hadn’t even really been thinking about any of this today, much more consumed by pity for himself and by wanting nothing more than to cuddle with his boyfriend.

“I don’t know, I was just… I just wanted to make sure, I… you do trust me, right?” Okay, this was getting slightly weird.

“Yeah, I… of course I do, bean, you know that.” There was only the slightest bit of hesitation and Niall really prayed that the older boy hadn’t taken any notice of it. He did trust him, he just… sometimes Niall wasn’t really sure to what degree, but only whenever really stupid things happened like Liam staying at work longer or talking to his boss on the phone without telling Niall afterwards what the conversation had been about. Which was really stupid and Niall did feel ashamed of himself for doubting his boyfriend, but he just couldn’t help it. “What’s going on, Li?”

“Nothing, I… “ The blonde would have lifted his head to force Liam to look at him had he not felt so damn exhausted. Was Liam somehow sensing that Niall wasn’t telling the whole truth? That he was… keeping this thing from him? But why say something now? “It’s nothing. I just… I don’t know, got a bit emotional while you were asleep before, is all. Sorry, I just… I wish I could do something to make you feel better.”

“You are making me feel better, Li… “ Clearly, the older boy had tried switching the topic as quickly as possible and though Niall kinda felt an urge to, he decided not to ask anymore. After all, he wasn’t so keen on continuing this conversation either.

“Okay, I’m glad… I love you.” The last part came out very quiet, somewhere whispered into Niall’s hair and the blonde curled deeper into the older’s side, squeezing his hand a bit and trying not to overthink what had just happened.

“I love you too, Li.” So much more than Niall would have ever thought was possible, but he did and because of that, he would have to try his very hardest to not cause the older boy to worry about his feelings for him anymore.

They didn’t have any more serious talks the whole day long, they just stayed on the couch and Liam insisted on switching the bed covers, making Niall take the gross medicine two more times and also have some cereal at least. So by the end of the day, they were in bed, both in different clothes though and Liam had showered and had made Niall sit on the closet toilet lid while he had been rubbing the younger’s face with a wet washing cloth and it had honestly felt a lot nicer than Niall would have thought.

Niall was on Liam’s lap, they had watched a movie on the older’s laptop and the blonde had nodded off sometime in between, feeling kinda alright for now and all warm and snuggly wrapped up in Liam’s arms and wearing his clothes. He was pretty sure that his boyfriend was certain that he was fast asleep because he had stopped rocking Niall a bit and hadn’t said a word for a few minutes, still stroking his hair though, the younger’s face pressed into the crook of his neck.

The younger boy was pretty sure he would have fallen asleep for real in just a few minutes, if it hadn’t been for Liam’s phone suddenly vibrating, really quietly and only for a second because the brunette made sure to pick up immediately, his hand covering Niall’s ear that wasn’t pressed against his shoulder even if it wasn’t helping very much at all.

“Hello?” Liam was talking really quietly, probably hoping that Niall wouldn’t wake up and the blonde did him the favor and pretended to be asleep. It was probably just Liam’s mum or something, she had a tendency to call at unholy hours. “No, it’s alright, I-… yeah… yeah, of course, I… no… I’ve been thinking about it, I just-… no… “

Then Liam was quiet for a few seconds and Niall felt his heart beat speeding up for no reason really, maybe a little bit because he could faintly hear the voice on the other end of the phone and it clearly wasn’t Liam’s mother but rather a man. So what did that mean? Maybe Harry or Louis? But it didn’t sound like any of them at all.

“I don’t think that… that I can come in tomorrow, actually, I-… yeah, I know the meeting is important, but I haven’t been feeling that well and-… no, I’m not trying to get out of it, I know that-… yeah… “ And then it went on like that and Liam was clearly arguing now and Niall almost wanted to ‘wake up’ and tell the older boy that it was fine, that he didn’t need to stay home with him because he would probably feel a whole ton better by then, but then suddenly, the conversation seemed to take a turn. “I can’t, I-… yeah, I know that… I know that we’d have more customers if we expanded, but New York is-… no… no, I’m not quitting, I-… I can’t go.”

Right, and this was the second where Niall pretty much was forced to stop listening because his ears were ringing and he suddenly felt very, very sick to his stomach and he had no idea how he even managed to fake sleep through all of this but he somehow he did, even after Liam had hung the phone up with a sigh and was hugging him even tighter, lips pressed against Niall’s forehead.

To be fair, Niall had no idea what the conversation had REALLY been about, but he had heard enough to know that Liam’s boss wanted him to go _somewhere_ and Niall had no idea where or for how long and Liam hadn’t sounded like he wanted to, but… it was like the blonde’s nightmares coming true. What if Liam was gonna leave him now? Again?! What if he chose his career over Niall _again_?! Oh god… was that why he had said these things before?!

It was so hard, to try and keep quiet, try not to move or to cry or just ask Liam about it and admit that he had been listening to this whole phone call, but somehow Niall did it. Somehow he managed to stay still on Liam’s lap until the older boy gently moved him off of him and rearranged the blanket so they could both fit underneath, his arm snaking around the younger’s waist as he was spooning him from behind. And that was when the tears came.

Niall was pretty certain he knew the moment when the older boy had slept in and though it felt like it was hours later, Niall didn’t even feel the tiniest bit tired anymore, just trying to be as quiet as possible, to not suddenly sob or shake, but he also couldn’t stop these stupid tears from falling. Deep down, Niall thought that maybe it was nothing, he was probably just overreacting, right? He had probably heard what his paranoia had been telling him for the past few weeks, only now… now it seemed damn fucking real.

Liam had been telling his boss no, to whatever they had been talking about, but… he had also said no to that scholarship at first and… and what if he changed his mind? And Niall had clearly heard something about expending and… he wouldn’t survive it, if Liam left again, he had just only gotten him back and things had been going so well and… but he also couldn’t say anything, could he? If this is what Liam wanted, if he wanted to choose his career over their relationship AGAIN then… what was there for Niall left to try and save?

 

\----------------

 

The next morning, Niall felt like trash. He had probably slept for like 2 hours at most and right now it was kinda convenient that he was still sick because Liam just interpreted it as the boy just having gotten more poorly, not even questioning how red and swollen his eyes were, all he told Niall was that he had already called into work telling them he wouldn’t be able to come just so he could stay with the blonde and Niall had just smiled at him and thanked him, choking back his tears yet again. He couldn’t do this, not say a word, not at least ask Liam, but what if he turned out to be wrong? What if he had misunderstood everything and Liam would be really sad that the blonde had ever been doubting him? Oh god, what was Niall gonna do?!

“Do you want some soup? There’s a lot left over from yesterday. Or I can make you something else, whatever you want, baby.” Liam’s mood was strangely good, maybe he was just trying to cheer Niall up or something, the blonde didn’t know, he was just busy trying to act appropriately, wanting to blurt out with it and ask pretty much every time he opened his mouth.

“I… I don’t know if… if I can keep it down.” His stomach was really upset, not because he was sick but because of other things but Liam didn’t know that of course, his face just fell a little bit as he kept stroking hair out of Niall’s forehead, propped up on one elbow in bed next to the blonde. They had only just woken up and it wasn’t even that late for once, meaning Niall had gotten even less sleep.

“It’s just soup, ‘m sure it’ll be fine, love. Let’s just try, alright? I’ll get you something to drink as well. Want some tea?” He sounded hopeful, chuckling a bit when Niall immediately pulled a face thinking back at yesterday’s tea. “Alright, I’ll take that as a no then. I’ll get you some juice, okay? And a piece of toast along with the soup, yeah?”

“Okay… “ They kissed briefly and Niall found himself wishing it could have lasted longer, almost holding onto his boyfriend to keep him from leaving, wanting nothing more than for them to just be able to lie here and make out the whole day long, forget about whatever else was going on. But they couldn’t because Niall was sick and also, he was a bloody liar.

When Liam had left for the kitchen, having tucked Niall in proper tightly, the first thing the blonde did was reach for his phone, reading through the messages Harry and Louis had sent him, feeling an incredible urge to just tell them, ask them for advice. He hated the fact that they had offered him so many times that he could call if anything was up, and Niall had just brushed it off and now… now he really wanted to call them but he couldn’t.

Not only because Liam would have of course heard him, but also because it’d feel like betrayal, to go behind his boyfriend’s back, first telling him he trusted him and then talking about him with his friends, Niall couldn’t do that. He already felt guilt for doubting Liam, felt absolutely terrible for even getting into a situation like that, but if it didn’t leave his mind then Niall could still pretend it wasn’t happening, if he never actually said it out loud, then… maybe it really was just in his head?

In the end, Niall just normally texted his two friends back of course, without ever saying a word about what was bothering him, he just tried to calm himself down, tried not to think about it anymore because there was no use anyways, there was nothing he could have done, was there? It was just killing him not to know, not to know if he could trust Liam enough and he hated that he had to doubt his own boyfriend like this because of what had happened, because before, he wouldn’t have even wasted just one second worrying about it. 

Since the brunette didn’t come back immediately, Niall decided that if he really wanted to just forget about last night, he couldn’t just sit around here and wait, so instead he got up, putting on the first sweater that he found in Liam’s closet before going over to the kitchen. Looking at Liam kinda made it worse, kinda made Niall wanna ask even more, but he pushed it into the back of his head as he saw his boyfriend standing there shirtless, heating up the leftover soup, apparently not noticing the blonde entering the room. 

“Wh- Oh… you scared me, Ni. Are you okay? Why are you out of bed? Aren’t you cold?” Niall had simply walked up to the other boy and put his arms around his stomach from behind, cheek resting in between his shoulder blades on Liam’s bare skin, letting his eyes fall closed for a moment. Okay, maybe walking hadn’t been that great of an idea, but… it was still better than going the fuck insane or giving in and text Harry and Louis about his stupid problem.

“’m fine… I just missed you.” Which was true after all, Niall was still sick and he still felt in need of cuddles and kisses and maybe if he let Liam know just how much he needed him, how much he loved him, then… then maybe it’d influence his choice if what Niall had heard really was what he thought. Which, of course, was pretty darn stupid because if Liam really did leave again then he obviously didn’t love Niall enough and he was a liar and that thought was pretty scary. 

“You’re so cute. Did you at least put on socks?” Liam chuckled a bit, stirring the soup with a spoon while his other hand had come up to wrap around Niall’s wrist, thumb slowly moving across the skin.

“No… but I borrowed your sweater, if that’s okay.” He loved seeing Niall in his clothes, or at least he said he did, suddenly the blonde wasn’t that sure anymore about anything at all.

“Of course it is, baby, you know that, you can borrow whatever you want, yeah?” The older boy gave Niall’s wrist a squeeze before letting go momentarily to do whatever and Niall automatically tightened his arms around Liam, breathing him in with still closed eyes, trying not to think about anything at all besides how much he loved him. “Hey… would it be okay if I left for like… half an hour later? I’m gonna get you your doctor’s note and something from the store and maybe some more medicine.”

“Yeah, um… that’s fine, sure.” Something inside of Niall tried to tell him once more that Liam would leave to go to that meeting and tell his boss he would move really far away because he didn’t care about Niall, but… he wouldn’t do that, if he was only gone for half an hour, that wasn’t even possible, right? “But only if you really hurry up.”

“I will, Ni, I promise. I can also go tomorrow if you feel really bad, you know.” See? He wouldn’t offer that if he was planning on going to his office, right?

“No… it’s fine, don’t worry, I’ll be okay. I’ll probably be asleep anyways… “ Though Niall did feel kinda tired, he was 100% sure that he wasn’t going to sleep before Liam left and also not while he was gone. To be honest, he was pretty damn sure he wouldn’t be able to properly sleep for a while now unless this whole situation magically resolved itself. “Do you think they’ll give you the note without me actually being there?”

“I’ll try and talk to them, if they don’t then… I mean, you’re pretty sick, you really shouldn’t be going running around outside, but I’ll just call someone to come then, don’t worry about it, okay? I’ll make sure you get that note somehow, you just focus on getting better.” Gosh, he was so sweet, Niall actually felt his stomach twisting and growing warmer, not wanting to let the older boy go as he moved but kinda being forced to. “Sorry, I’ll just get a plate, okay?”

Liam kissed Niall’s forehead before he stepped away, a soft smile on his face that Niall couldn’t return fast enough. His cheek felt all warm now after he had had it pressed against Liam’s skin, already missing the older’s body heat and his scent stuck up his nose. Maybe if he could have just kept on clinging to Liam like this all day and never ever let him go again, he could have convinced himself that he literally had nothing at all to worry about. 

They went back to the bedroom after Liam had poured some soup for Niall onto the plate and the blonde was actually pretty damn glad about that because even though he really wouldn’t have wanted to admit it, he was actually freezing, despite the sweater and shirt he had on and the fact that it was in the middle of the summer.

“Okay, c’mere, I’ll feed you.” There was a smirk on Liam’s face and Niall kinda wanted to protest for like 2 seconds before he settled into the older’s side underneath the blanket, deciding that being fed was way better than having to sit up properly and move his arm in the cold air.

It was really nice actually, letting Liam spoon feed him, even though Niall once almost spit hot soup all over himself as the older boy tried to joke around and pretend the spoon was an airplane, as if Niall was a toddler or something, and they both had to laugh a bit more than maybe appropriate. There was no way he would be doing all of this, if he planned on leaving, right? Like… what would have been the point, if he didn’t love Niall as much as he said? Why would he even bother to pretend?

Then again, he had once claimed he wanted to marry the blonde, had told him what names he thought they should give their children and then he had still left and hadn’t come back to try and fix their relationship and Niall still didn’t actually know why and he probably never would because he was too damn scared to open his mouth.

When Liam was done feeding Niall, he left again to get them both some toast and juice, this time being much quicker though so the younger boy decided to stay behind, instead looking for a movie on Liam’s laptop and trying his very hardest not to accidentally click on the older’s emails. This would have really gone way too far, he couldn’t accuse Liam of not being honest with him while he himself was going behind his back, could he?

“Alright, there you go. You look a little bit better, how do you feel?” Liam once again sounded like a concerned mother as he placed a plate in Niall’s lap and moved his hand across his forehead and down his cheek, scanning his face very closely at the same time. 

“A bit better, I guess… “ Well, at least Niall’s headache had somewhat gotten better and his eyes had stopped burning, if only the constant nagging feeling in his chest and stomach area would have gone away, he would have probably even been able to enjoy the fact that he got Liam all to himself for the day. Well, not ALL day long, because the blonde was sure he’d internally freak out while his boyfriend would be gone later. “I… I found a few movies, you can choose which one.”

“But you’re the one who’s sick, you should choose.” Great, Liam continued to be his charming self, continued with these gorgeous smiles and with the soft stroking and the random kisses in Niall’s face and the blonde felt like an idiot.

“Okay, um, then I… let’s watch that one.” He just clicked on a random one in the end, the feeling of Liam’s hand rubbing up and down his back and the kiss on his temple being too distracting as to really allow him consider his choices. Whatever, Niall wouldn’t be watching anyways, would he?

It turned out to be a really, really boring movie but neither of them said a word, they just ate toast and Niall was happy he could keep it down, cuddling as close into Liam as humanly possible and forcing himself to stay awake. If he slept in and the older boy left then Niall would never know for how long he had really been gone. 

Once the credits were finally rolling, Niall was actually having the hardest time ever to keep his eyes open, they were just half lying there for a second and the blonde listened to his boyfriend’s steady heartbeats, enjoyed the even brushes of his fingers through his hair, almost starting to whine when Liam suddenly moved, his voice nothing more than a whisper. “Hey… I’m gonna quickly leave, okay? I promise I’ll be right back, love, just go to sleep, yeah? I love you so much.”

“Okay… I love you too, bean… “ Maybe Niall was pretending to be sleepier than he actually was, unwillingly moving off of Liam but allowing the older boy to tuck him in as soon as his head hit the pillow, already missing his warmth though. 

Niall forced his eyes to stay open so he could watch Liam getting dressed before coming back to the bed and leaning over the younger boy, softly kissing his lips and again promising him he’d be super quick, even asking if he wanted anything from the store and making him promise that he’d call immediately if anything was up or if he started to feel bad. To be fair, his face looked terribly worried right before he left, not before kissing the blonde one more time, making sure the blanket was covering him sufficiently yet again. 

Honestly, Niall should have felt really guilty for sitting up all awake in bed the second he had heard the front door falling closed.

As expected, his tiredness that had grown while he had been lying on top of Liam had quickly vanished when he had suddenly realized that he was all alone at Liam’s place now, that he could have literally… looked at anything he wanted. That he could have even called Harry and Louis if he had wanted to, for the next 30 minutes, Niall’s self-control could have broken at any moment.

He tried to take his mind of, tried to go back to sleep even, watched some videos on Liam’s laptop and whenever he was about to text Harry, he quickly threw his phone across the bed and tried to think about something else. Niall was trying so damn hard to trust Liam fully, was trying so hard not to doubt him and he was honestly doing so good that after like 20 minutes of the older boy being gone, Niall had almost convinced himself that he was just being paranoid, that there was literally nothing to worry about, that he had maybe even dreamed last night or something.

It was a coincidence, a real one this time, not the ones Niall had planned in his mind, not where he had planned on purposely knocking over Liam’s bag for work and making it look like and accident, no, the boy was honestly only searching for socks in the older’s closet because his feet had gotten kinda cold and Liam had even suggested it before. Just when Niall got to the bottom of the closet, trying to find thicker socks, his fingers suddenly touched something else, something that almost felt like paper.

Moving away that one sock lying in the way, Niall’s eyes first of all had to get used to the darkness, he blinked a few times, not really knowing what to think or what he was even looking at, but when he opened the closet a bit more, let more light in, he suddenly realized what this thing was and almost immediately, Niall could feel everything he had eaten today making its way back up, his blood literally freezing, unable to move.

A plane ticket to New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only one chapter left!!! (so you all know what this means for the ending of this chapter ha)
> 
> hope you all liked the chapter, let me know if you want :D


	12. Chapter 12

Niall had no idea how long he was just sitting on the bed, staring at the wall, not even being able to bring himself to cry. He had so many emotions hitting him all at once that instead of giving in to any of them, the boy just didn’t do anything at all, didn’t even aggressively start to gather his things and leave and go into his own flat, lock himself in, delete Liam’s number and never talk to him again. What would have been the point to do that, when he would soon be gone anyways? When it would be as if he had never even come back, as if none of this had ever happened.

Liam was such a fucking asshole, Niall couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe that he was in love with someone like him. How could he have promised all these things if he had never intended on keeping them? He wasn’t in love with Niall, probably never had been, and the blonde had no bloody idea what he was to Liam, but he surely wasn’t the love of his life like the older boy always seemed to claim.

It hurt so bad to have confirmation for his worries, so fucking bad that Niall almost felt like he couldn’t breathe after a while. He literally had no idea what to do, or what to think, he couldn’t even care anymore that he was feeling like shit, not only mentally but also physically because he was sick, all he knew was that when he heard the keys in the door lock, he still hadn’t moved an inch, still hadn’t even cried.

Niall was so done.

Of course Liam didn’t come inside yelling he was home like he did whenever he came home usually, no, he tried to be extra quiet, probably thinking Niall was asleep and honestly, the blonde felt kinda disgusted. How could somebody pretend to care this much? Especially since Liam knew that he was Niall’s whole entire world? That he was everything he wanted? The younger boy wasn’t sure if he even wanted to know.

Not like expected, Niall didn’t feel anything when he saw Liam appearing in the doorframe, his eyes going wide for a second, clearly surprised to see the boy, and then he suddenly started to smile, really sweetly, the kinda smile that used to always make Niall’s knees weak. Not this time. “Hey, baby, why aren’t you asleep? Are you okay? Feeling any worse?” 

“No.” Niall simply answered because he didn’t know what else to say, he was on the verge of blurting out with it now and Liam didn’t even know, he just came closer, fishing something out of his pocket with a triumphant smile.

“Look, I got your doctor’s note. I didn’t even really have to convince them, they barely even asked any questions. Oh, and I also got you some fruit from the store, I mean, vitamins are good for you, and some more juice, but I left it all by the door. Were you awake the whole time?” His voice had changed to worried now and really, Niall was kinda impressed by those acting skills. Honestly, he didn’t even know how long Liam had been gone, if he had possibly been at his office, but then again, what’d it matter, he had already bought the damn plane tickets and him and his boss had probably been arguing about something completely different. Maybe about his payment once he left the country or some crap.

When Liam sat on the edge of the bed, Niall felt himself flinch a little bit, he could see the older’s facial expression changing, clearly noticing now that something was up, his smile slowly disappearing. But it was only when he reached out for the blonde’s face that Niall couldn’t hold back anymore, almost snapping as he moved away. “Don’t touch me.”

“I… what? Babe, are you… are you okay? What’s going on?” Though Liam let his hand drop at this, he clearly seemed very shocked at getting that reaction and Niall could have of course just started yelling at him and stuff, but… what was the point? Liam probably wouldn’t even care, seeing as he didn’t even love Niall anyways. “Niall? Did anything… happen? Did I… did I do anything? I promise I tried to hurry, there was some traffic and-“

“Well, what does it matter how long you took? You’ll soon be gone anyways.” Niall shrugged, looking away from Liam now and finally feeling those tears burning in his eyes. He knew that he’d regret holding back now because all those emotions would very, very soon hit him at once.

“What? Why would I be gone? What are you talking about, Nialler?” Liam was moving closer now and Niall made sure to move even further away until his back hit the headboard, wrapping his arms around his knees and simply looking at them even though he could almost feel the brunette’s stare burning holes into his skin. “Baby?”

“I’m not your baby, Liam, you can… stop pretending now, I already know. Just say it and then I can get out of here and we can finally stop lying to each other.” That was the mature thing to do, wasn’t it? Just get it over with? Niall could deal with his emotions once he was alone, no need to break down in front of Liam now, someone who didn’t even care about him anyways. 

“What the hell are you talking about? I’m not lying to you and also, you’re not going anywhere because you’re sick and you should probably go back to sleep because you’re talking really weird stuff and you’re scaring me. What is going on?” He was not only sounding desperate as hell but also as if he was genuinely afraid or something, but Niall honestly couldn’t bring himself to care. Like, what even was this?!

“You know what’s going on. I was awake last night, when you were on the phone with your boss, I know he’s expanding and… I know what that means.” And then, just because sitting here was getting ridiculous, Niall slipped out of bed, even if his whole body was literally aching, he tried his very hardest to not let it show in his face. 

“Niall, I… what? Okay, you were awake, and yeah, they are talking about expanding but what does that have to do with-“

“I’m just gonna go, I mean, if you wanna deny the fact that I know then go ahead, I don’t even care. I just hope you know that I fucking trusted you even after everything that has happened and you just go ahead and do it all over again, you’re a fucking arsehole, Liam, and I _hate_ that I’m in love with you.” Maybe it was because Niall wasn’t even screaming, wasn’t even looking at Liam because he was busy changing into one of his own shirts and sweatpants that, Liam didn’t answer immediately. Sadly, it wasn’t because he had finally realized that he could stop the lies.

“You think that… you think I’m leaving you? That I’m gonna go to-… Niall, I… I have no intention of going anywhere at all, _especially_ not to another continent. Why didn’t you… Babe, what are you doing?! Stop changing your clothes, alright, you’re not going anywhere at all and I’m not going either.” God, why couldn’t he just let it be?!

“I can do whatever the hell I want and I wanna go. You can pretend all you want, I know the truth anyways, I knew it all along, that something like this would happen again, I have no idea why I ever thought trusting you again would be a good idea.” At this point, Niall had finally changed his clothes and Liam had gotten out of bed as well, slowly moving to block the doorframe, his facial expression completely unreadable. Not that Niall cared, he knew he was only seconds from completely losing it, could feel even more tears building up and anger boiling in his stomach.

“Is that what you were thinking about the whole time? That I would leave you again? Is that what you wanted to tell me, back at Harry’s parents’ house? I heard you talking in your sleep, but I thought I should wait until you come talk to me. Look, baby, I know you’re scared, I know what I did is unforgiveable, but I-“

“I don’t care! Yes, I was scared shitless the whole entire time, okay?! Sometimes I’d lie awake while you were asleep debating whether I should go through your things or not, whether I should just… I don’t even know. But I was starting to trust you again, I told myself I was just being paranoid and overreacting, but… it turns out I was completely right the whole entire time!” Honestly, how could Liam still pretend nothing was going on?!

“You weren’t. You weren’t right, Niall, I… oh my god… I can’t believe this, you… why didn’t you… why didn’t you come talk to me? If it was bothering you this much? I could have… _we_ could have figured something out to make it better. I know you weren’t fully trusting me, but I was really trying so damn hard to make it up to you and I still am, Niall. I love you so much, I am not going anywhere, I can put you on the phone with my boss right now and let him confirm it, I… Ni, this is crazy, I know I’ve made mistakes, big ones, I know I can’t make them undone, but I would _never_ leave you, not again, I’d rather quit my job altogether.” Actually, Liam almost looked as if he was close to crying now, and completely off track, but Niall barely even noticed, he was busy wiping his own tears that had started dropping down his cheeks. He wanted to believe Liam, so fucking badly, but he had seen the plane ticket, it was time to stop being played as the naïve one.

“No, you wouldn’t, stop lying! You chose your career over me once and you did it again and I… I know I told you to go back then, and I know I was the one who broke up with you, but I… you just stopped trying! You left and then… you didn’t come back even after I broke up with you because your career was more important to you and it still is and we both know it and it’s fine, I just wish that you would have left me alone like I told you and instead you tried to win me back and-“

“Wait, wait. You didn’t _want_ me to come back after you broke up with me, Niall, I tried for _months_ to call you and text you and write you emails and even letters, and if you didn’t ignore them you just told me to leave you the fuck alone and never ever come back. What was I supposed to do?! Quit uni and come back even though you made it clear you were done? Keep you from moving on when I knew that’s what you wanted?!” What the fuck, was he blaming it on Niall now?!

“I never _wanted_ to move on?! I was forced to because you simply left and then you started drinking out of stress or whatever and you couldn’t even be arsed to come back when I ended it and-“

“So you ended it because you wanted to force me to come back?! How the hell was I supposed to know those short messages telling me to go to hell were love confessions?! Why did you even tell me to go in the first place then?!” This was unbelievable, they were both crying now, and yelling as well, but Niall had long forgotten about not wanting to break down or get emotional in front of Liam.

“Because it’s what you wanted! I didn’t wanna be the one holding you back and ruining your dream and I don’t wanna be the one now! But if it had been me, I wouldn’t have left you, for nothing in the whole entire world, but as we can clearly see, that’s probably because I love you and you… hell, you probably don’t feel anything at all for me or you wouldn’t be treating me like shit.” Some things Liam had said were true, like Niall telling him to go to hell, telling him to never come back again, but… he had been hurt and… he hadn’t really meant it.

“I fucking love you, Niall, I cannot believe we are fighting now simply because you believe that I’m gonna move to another continent, this is absolutely insane! I never wanted to leave you, okay?! I even thought about never telling you about the stupid scholarship but I did in the end because we always talked about everything and you were so… you were so happy for me, and then when I said I didn’t wanna go, you started a bloody fight, how I had to go, how I had to because… because it’s what I always wanted and hell… I didn’t even know if it’s what I always wanted, but in the end I… I thought, alright, maybe you do want me to go, maybe you… I don’t know, maybe you know me better than I know myself or maybe you wanna get rid of me and-“

“WHAT?! Get rid of you?! I didn’t force this stupid dream upon you, Liam, what the hell?! I told you to go because I didn’t want you to stay with me and then forever regret not going! I loved you so much and I still do that I just wanted what’s best for you even if it would hurt me, I just wanted you to be happy!” Liam was crazy, like what, suddenly he had never even wanted to leave?

“And I wanted you to be happy too, Nialler. I didn’t mean to blame you for anything, and I didn’t leave because I genuinely believed you wanted to get rid of me, I… look, I knew if I did this and then got a really good job, we’d have a much better life, we wouldn’t always have to save up and I could buy you things and… that’s why I left in the end, for _us_ and because I thought we’d be alright, because you told me to go after all. And yeah, it also was kinda my dream to work in this field, but I wouldn’t have left if you hadn’t told me to and I wouldn’t have regretted it because you were everything I ever wanted and I don’t need this stupid job if I can just have you. And when you broke up with me, I was completely broken for months, I wanted nothing more than to just get onto a plane and come home and make up, but you made it clear you didn’t want me to and I thought, well, alright, I can’t force you to take me back? I would never do anything you didn’t want me to do and you said you never wanted to see me again and… it sounded like you meant it. And I’m sorry, for all of it, I know it’s my fault, all of it.” Well, this… this had thrown Niall off track a little bit.

“Whatever. Doesn’t change the fact that you are doing it all over again now! Without even telling me, you’re just going behind my bloody back! And everything you just said sounds all sweet and cute but we both know it’s not the truth, if you really loved me you wouldn’t do this to me! If everything you said was true, then why can’t you just admit it?!” Niall was still crying, he mostly felt disappointed and hurt now instead of angry, it’s just… why the hell was Liam still crying too and making a face as if this was the worst day of his entire life?

“Niall… “ He was shaking his head slowly, apparently not knowing if he should come closer or not, but then after taking one step, he remained where he was. “I have no idea what makes you think I’m leaving, but I’ll tell you a hundred times more that I’m not if that makes you feel better. I love you and I’m not going anywhere, never again, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, a job is just a job, but you are everything to me and you’ll always be. Hell, if it’ll convince you I’ll marry you right here on the spot, let’s get in the car and do it, I don’t care, I know what I want. You.”

“I… I don’t wanna fucking marry you right now.” Was he going crazy?! Niall couldn’t deny the jump his heart made at that, or how sweaty his hands were getting and how his hopes were growing, but… he had to fight it, this wasn’t real.

“What even changed since this morning that you suddenly decided to say something?! That phone call was from last night and up until now you didn’t say anything at all?” The knowledge about the tickets were Niall’s last argument, he just felt crushed and he wanted to believe Liam, wanted to run into his arms and apologize, but… how could he have done that? When he knew he was still being held a bloody fool?!

So he lowered his eyes, wiped across his cheeks once more, not even yelling this time. “I found your plane ticket to New York, when you were gone just now. I was gonna look for some socks, but I-“

“Niall, stop, I… “ Honestly, Niall had half expected Liam to finally admit it, crush his hopes, fully rip his heart out of his chest and stomp on it, but instead he… he laughed? “Oh my god… I can’t believe this.”

“Don’t laugh at me! What’s wrong with you?!” Now Niall felt humiliated as well as absolutely heart broken, this was the boy he loved with all his heart and he was just… laughing?! Because he was hurting Niall?!

Instead of answering, Liam just kept on laughing before suddenly going to his closet, carelessly throwing his clothes on the floor before suddenly turning back around, with the plane ticket in his hand and then suddenly, he moved it and… there was a second one that had been lying underneath. “Yes, Niall, I’m guilty, I wanna go to New York, this summer actually, but not because my boss threatened to have me fired if I don’t transfer after he expands, which will only be in a year or two by the way, but because I wanted to go with you. I know you were sad Harry and Louis got to go on holiday and we didn’t, so I thought I’d show you where I’ve been while I was gone. Show you the city and stuff, I thought it’d be good for us, to go there together and… get it behind us, y’know? And in case you don’t believe me, the ticket actually has your name on it, babe. Also, about the phone call last night, yes, my boss wanted me to go but the first time he brought it up I immediately said no, and on the phone last night, I told him I was thinking about something, but that was actually completely unrelated to the topic. You ever wondered why he even called me this late? Surely not to try and convince me, he’s already tried that countless times, he called because he’s freaking out since a few weeks because he wants to make this deal, so we can expand, and he needs me for that, which was why he wanted me to come to the meeting and shit, and prepare stuff and I told him I was thinking about what to do for the presentation, but honestly… I’ll probably not do it, I know he wants to fire me if I don’t go or mess it up, he’s just scared right now and still needs me for now. Anyways, I’ll probably get a new job somewhere around here or wherever you want us to move to and we’re going to New York in a few weeks, so what do you say?”

“Oh my god… “ That was all Niall was able to say.

Liam was smiling again, actually, he almost seemed euphoric and Niall was still crying like a baby, he was so fucking relieved he wanted to laugh as well and never stop, and god… he felt so fucking guilty, he had been so nasty and… how could he ever doubted Liam?! His boyfriend?! The sweetest person on the entire planet who had left him just so he could build a better life for them, hadn’t come back for Niall because he had been trying to respect his wishes and was now quitting his job for him just so they could be together and… there was no way the blonde could ever make this up to Liam or apologize enough.

So instead, he half ran across the room, throwing his arms around the older’s neck while half sobbing into his shoulder, clinging so tightly to him that they would have fallen over had Liam not immediately hugged Niall back, placing kisses onto the side of his head and his ear, anywhere he could reach. “I’m s-sorry… I l-love you s-so much… I w-was… I-I w-was s-scared a-and… “

“I know, baby, it’s alright, please don’t cry… everything’s okay. I promised you I would never leave you again and I intend on keeping that promise. I know things have happened and the last year was absolute shit and… I made a wrong decision, maybe for what I thought were the right reasons, but… I’ll make it up to you, one day, somehow, I’ll never stop trying. And it’s okay if you’re having doubts, love, it’s normal, and you don’t have to apologize, I shouldn’t have kept this from you and I probably should have asked first if you even wanted to go to New York in the first place, I was just… I wanted to surprise you, that’s why I was hiding the tickets.” Liam was rocking them slightly and Niall pressed his eyes closed, breathing the older boy in, almost melting against his body, just trying to savor the moment. He couldn’t believe he had been so damn stupid and rude, like… who did that?! Liam had just been trying to protect him, had just wanted to surprise him and Niall had acted like a straight up douche. He would never deserve this boy.

“I d-do w-wanna a-apologize though… I’m s-sorry I d-doubted you, I-I… it w-wasn’t y-your f-fault… I t-told you t-to g-go a-and… I b-broke u-up with y-you and… I t-told y-you n-not to c-come b-back ever a-again a-and I d-don’t e-even d-deserve you a-and-“

“Baby, shhh, it’s alright… everything is just fine, okay? I’m here and I’m always gonna be here and whenever you’re having doubts you come and tell me so I can make sure you know you don’t have to worry, yeah? We’re gonna be just fine, babe, and you deserve the whole entire world, never forget that, okay? I love you so much.” Okay, now Niall deserved him even less, if that was even possible.

“I l-love you t-too…a-and… I r-really w-wanna g-go to N-New York w-with you…” Just to make sure he knew that, even though every word coming out of Niall’s mouth felt forced because of how tight his throat was, but he half choked everything out anyways, feeling so happy and relieved and yet he couldn’t stop crying for some reason. 

“I’m glad you do, Nialler, sorry the surprise was kinda ruined.” Liam’s chuckle was quiet and soft, he kept on holding the younger boy tightly, still rocking them, his hand rubbing up and down the blonde’s back. 

“It w-was m-my fault a-anyways… “ Everything was Niall’s fault, he was the one having those doubts after all, he was the one acting like a baby and getting himself worked up over imaginary things and… but now that everything was out, now that he finally knew that Liam really did love with him, that he wasn’t going to ever leave him, Niall felt himself being consumed by a happiness he had never felt before. Maybe that’s why he was getting reckless, even while he was still bawling his eyes out. “So… w-would y-you still m-marry me t-today?”

“Oh, Niall.” Liam just started laughing and the blonde felt himself grinning into the older’s shoulder. “I would, you know, but it wouldn’t be very special and I think you should first of all get healthy again before we get married, huh? Unless you insist of course, but I promise we can do it any time you want, I’m ready.”

“M-Maybe… maybe w-we should w-wait…a b-bit… “ Not that Niall didn’t want to get married to Liam, but he had just been joking of course and anyways… he really was sick and now that he had calmed down completely and wasn’t angry as hell anymore, he was kinda starting to feel a bit dizzy again and the pain in his throat was coming back and also… he was kinda really tired and wanted nothing more than to cuddle with his boyfriend. His boyfriend that clearly loved him more than anything and would never, ever leave him.

“Yeah, we should… and you should definitely get back into bed now, okay? And get some more sleep so you’ll feel better soon, c’mon.” He softly pulled away, waiting until Niall was ready to, and then he cupped the younger’s face as soon as they were able to, still holding the tickets between two fingers. “You’re alright, yeah? I mean, besides the fact that you’re sick and probably feeling awful as hell, but… we… we’re good?”

“Y-Yeah… we a-are… I w-was f-freaking out o-over nothing a-and… ‘m s-sorry… I should h-have… t-talked to y-you way s-sooner… b-but… I know y-you w-wouldn’t l-leave me a-and… that y-you l-love me a-and… I’m s-sorry I c-called you… a-an asshole… “ Niall was sorry for the whole entire thing of course, but he had been apologizing for minutes now and he knew Liam wasn’t mad at him and he wouldn’t ever even mention him because he was sweetest person alive, but… that didn’t change the fact that Niall was sorry. 

“It’s okay… I kinda was an ass, for not telling you about this work thing and… I knew something was up, and I had my guesses and I still didn’t say anything because I thought you would come to me and… I mean, you did now and I hope you know that you can always come talk to me, about anything, and especially about this, you don’t have to like… be afraid how I’ll react because I always wanna know if anything is bothering you, no matter what it is, even if it’s about me. I want you to be happy and to not have to worry and I’m gonna try my very hardest to make sure that you never have to.” He pressed a kiss onto Niall’s forehead, then his nose, making the blonde giggle without even planning to, and then finally, Liam kissed his mouth. “C’mon, let’s get you into bed, baby.”

Though the blonde still had tear tracks on his face and allowed the brunette to wipe them away, he couldn’t help the massive smile on his face, not even answering but instead pressing his lips against Liam’s once again, just wanting to be close to him and nothing else in the world. When he curled up with Liam underneath the blanket a little bit later, the brunette’s arms wrapped tightly around him as Niall rested his head on the older’s chest, they just talked, about anything at all really, and they kissed, and eventually Niall fell asleep just like that, happy and content and with everything just feeling exactly the way it should have been.

 

\---------------

 

Liam was only a little bit nervous as he waiting in the car in front of Niall’s university, playing with his phone a bit because he knew the younger boy would only get out in a few minutes. It’s just, Liam was kinda early for a really special reason and he was very excited to tell Niall, but maybe even more excited to do what they were about to and god… it felt like so many things were changing for good and to think that just a few months ago Liam would have never even expected them to ever talk again was crazy.

It was so much better than it had been before they had broken up and Liam had no idea how that was even possible, but somehow they were even more in love with each other than they had ever been before and… the last few months, actually, the half last year since they had gotten back together, had been like a dream. A really, really wonderful dream.

Ever since they had had their… little or kinda big but short fight, Liam could tell that Niall was trusting him a lot more, but of course the brunette was never stopping to try and repay him, even if their relationship had really been moving along pretty damn well. They had been taking it slowly, but they had also been to New York together and Liam had gotten to show Niall all the places he had always been to and even his university and he had kinda feared a little bit that maybe it’d get them into a weird mood, but mostly, they had just enjoyed the time they had gotten together, all for themselves.

And hell, they were getting a ton of time together lately because Niall had moved in with Liam a few months ago and… they were actually in the middle of looking for their very own place. That suggestion hadn’t actually come from Liam but from the blonde instead and Liam had been absolutely thrilled, had probably kissed the boy a hundred times and Niall had just been giggling and… he had sounded so happy about Liam’s reaction and Liam had been so happy too because Niall wanted to get their very own place.

Of course they had Liam’s place and Niall had immediately agreed after the brunette had finally grown the balls to ask him and had basically gotten his things on the same day, but… just getting their own place, deciding on everything together, it’d be so much better and more exciting. They had never had this, not even before and Liam was absolutely dying to do this. But he really had had something else to do first and he was just about to tell Niall as soon as he got here.

Actually, Liam had just been listening to the radio, not really looking for the blonde right now or waiting for him to come, so he almost flinched a little bit when he suddenly heard the passenger side of the car opening, turning his head just to see a very smiley and overly excited Niall dropping into the seat, throwing his backpack in the back before his arms were already around Liam’s neck, kissing him. “How’d it go? Did you get the job?!”

Okay, Liam had been trying not to be too happy, so he could first pretend he hadn’t gotten the job and tease the blonde a bit, but now he was grinning and Niall was grinning too and Liam just couldn’t wait any second longer. “I did. He was really impressed and he wants me to start right away.”

“Well, of course he was impressed, Li, you’re absolutely amazing _and_ charming and the very best at what you do. I’m so, so proud of you, bean, I mean, you got a fucking job literally two days after you ended your last one. You’re the best.” Niall seemed so happy for Liam that the brunette felt his stomach growing warm and then the younger boy was already kissing him again between the car seats, fingers curled into the hair in the back of his neck.

Liam’s boss hadn’t fired him after all, but he also hadn’t been very happy with the brunette and Liam had decided to just leave and get a new job. It wasn’t as well paying as his other one had been, but he would have still been able to keep his place and stuff, which didn’t really matter anymore now since they were moving anyways and they had both been saving up. Well, for that and for other almost equally as important things. 

“Thank you, babe… I was a bit nervous but it went really smoothly and… I was really excited about telling you.” Actually, Liam had come right from his new office, even if he had been pretty early, but… it didn’t really matter because he gladly waited for his wonderful, gorgeous boyfriend any day. “How was uni?”

“Boring as hell, of course, but who cares, you got a new job and you’re going to be super amazing at it and… we’re gonna be parents today.” The last thing got Niall smiling even wider if that was any possible and Liam couldn’t help but grin, pecking the boy’s lips yet again, rubbing his thumb across his cheek.

“Well, not _real_ parents just yet, but-“

“As close as it gets. C’mon let’s go, I can’t wait anymore, and today is the best day to do it because you got your new job and… right, I was gonna tell you, oh my god, the woman called me back while I was in a lecture, you know, from the place we were looking at a week ago and she said that maybe she could go down with the price, if we’re still interested.” Wow, this was just getting better.

“That’s great, I… you liked it, right? And it’s not too far away from Harry and Louis and… maybe we can look at it again and then decide?” They had actually been looking at at least 12 different places, so they had really been taking their time, but if this worked out, then… Liam would be more than just happy.

“Yeah, I told her I’d call her back after I talked to you, I really liked the place though. But hey, we gotta do something else first, someone’s waiting for us.” Right, there was, but Liam still kissed Niall again, one last time before he pulled away, rubbing his hand down the younger’s back before letting his hand slip into Niall’s just like he always did.

The drive wasn’t too long at all, they just talked about the place they would possibly move to and what they were about to do and how excited they were and whenever Liam looked over and saw Niall’s smile and the way his face was being lit up by the sun shining through the window, he felt like the luckiest guy alive. And maybe he was.

They hadn’t decided what they were about to do from one day to the other, they had talked about it all, about their future, how many kids they wanted, just like they had used to, and somehow this had come up and… hell, they were both excited about it and they had it all planned out but they had still waited and now… now was the right time.

When Liam pulled into the parking lot of the animal shelter, he threw a look over just to see his boyfriend’s smile almost tearing his face apart, his hand holding so tightly onto Liam’s as if he was planning on squishing it. God, he was so cute. “You excited, love?”

“Excited doesn’t even cut it, Li. I’ve always wanted a dog and now I’m gonna get one with you and… promise me though, that he can sleep in our bed if he whines a lot, I couldn’t stand to see him sad and the dog’s gonna be like… our kid, right?” He sounded so serious about this and worried that Liam almost felt bad for laughing a bit, leaning over for second after turning the car off to kiss Niall’s temple.

“You’re adorable, Nialler, have I ever told you that?” Actually, Liam told Niall that probably every single day, but he would never get tired of it, also not the smile he would always get afterwards, and the very light shade of pink covering his cheeks even though the blonde made sure to always tell Liam that he was definitely not blushing. “C’mon, let’s go in, I can’t wait any longer.”

Today probably maybe really was the best day ever, even more so because Liam had something planned for later as well but right now all he could think about was going in there and getting their puppy and being a little bit closer to the life that they had had planned for so long. Of course Liam didn’t only want to cross off points from some kinda list, he really, really wanted this, and Niall did too and… it just seemed like the perfect time and they had it all planned and it would be perfect, Liam just knew it.

They had called before, not for a specific puppy, just to have a bit of a chat and stuff, but it was still overwhelming to walk into the animal shelter, Niall’s hand clasped tightly around Liam’s. He was biting his bottom lip the whole entire time, as if he was trying not to grin too wide, all giddy and excited and Liam felt just the same, only he was the one talking to the woman at the counter, so he kinda had to hold back just a little bit.

“Of course, you can just go inside, just let me know if you need any help, alright? And don’t be afraid to ask if you want a closer look or have any questions.” She just waved them over and Liam almost thought that Niall would rip his arm off as they walked through a door and could hear some barking and other sounds and honestly, this _was_ the best day ever.

“Oh my god… Li, how are we only gonna pick one?!” Niall seemed slightly distressed once they were standing there, not moving for a moment and Liam made sure to squeeze the younger’s hand, kinda sharing his worries though. He had known it would become maybe a bit of a problem to make a decision, but they were gonna do this, even if they wanted to take home 50 puppies at once.

“Let’s just take a look, okay? I mean, we can kinda… we know what we want, right? Not too big and-“

“Look at that one!” The younger boy seemed to have only been listening with one ear before suddenly pulling Liam over to a cage, his eyes all sparkly and big as he looked at the husky lying inside, his ears turning a little bit though, probably because of how strangely high Niall’s voice had gotten. “He’s so fucking cute, Liam, I can’t do this.”

“He is really cute… maybe a bit big. And a bit old… look, babe, how about we just… try and look at all of the dogs, okay? And then we decide, yeah? We’ve got enough time, nothing to do for the rest of the day.” Well, Liam did have something to do but that wouldn’t take a long time anyways. 

“Alright… I already feel kinda bad though.” Niall sighed, but he smiled at Liam, squeezing his fingers again as he gently pulled him along, still making kinda sad eyes though and the brunette honestly really got it. 

There were a lot of dogs at the shelter, also other animals of course, but they knew what they wanted and they probably spent a whole hour just looking around, letting some of the dogs lick their fingers through the cage and making sure to read the charts attached so they kinda knew how old the dogs were and how they had gotten here and about their personality and stuff. Of course though, that didn’t make things any easier.

When they were at a point where they were stuck between like 3 or 4 dogs and were about to ask whether they could like, play with them for a bit, Liam suddenly realized that they had missed a few cages and while Niall was busy looking at another dog, he quickly walked past the animals inside, somehow getting stuck on a cage that seemed to be empty. Only, it wasn’t once he crouched down a bit in front of it, immediately seeing a tiny, yelping dog coming out of his little bed to come lick at the cage and pawing at it, almost melting Liam’s heart. 

The boy had no idea what kinda dog race the puppy was, he was brown and fluffy and Liam only briefly read the chart to see that the puppy was a boy and that he had only come in a few days ago, from the streets, not that it mattered really because the brunette was already in love anyways, almost forgetting to call Niall over. 

“Oh my god, how did we miss that one?!” The blonde sounded as excited as Liam felt when he came over to just sit on the floor right next to the brunette, also sticking his fingers into the cage so the puppy could lick him too. “Li, I think we should get that one, I… I really can’t decide and… they are all so bloody adorable and I wish we had ten houses so we could take them all home and…”

“I know… and look, they got him only a few days ago and he’s really young, so… he can probably adapt easier than an older dog, right? And I mean, we don’t know how big he’s gonna get, but… shit, he’s so cute and so eager and… let’s take him.” Liam had been trying to be realistic and find good arguments before realizing that he didn’t need any because when he looked over to see Niall’s happy smile mirroring his own, he knew they were making the right decision. 

They were gonna get a puppy, _this_ puppy.

 

\----------

 

“Oh my god, Liam, I can’t believe we literally decided on a name within like fifty seconds, I… I really didn’t think she was gonna need one, I mean-… oh hey, who’s a good boy?! Who’s a good? Yes, it’s you!” Niall was literally having the time of his life here, he was so happy and excited about having this little bundle of joy in his lap wagging his tail and licking every part of Niall’s skin he could possibly reach. And even better, this was his and _Liam’s_ dog and Liam had gotten a new job today as well and they might soon be moving to their very own place and… life was just really, really good, they were happier than ever before and the last time Niall had had worries about their relationship had probably been that day over half a year ago when he had found the plane tickets.

“But Finn is a good name though, right? I mean… I already had it in mind, it doesn’t bother you, does it? We can still change it, just because it says that name on the paper doesn’t mean we can’t train him to listen to something else, right?” Liam was reaching over every few seconds to stroke the puppy or to caress Niall’s knee. He was so happy today and Niall felt all the same, he was absolutely stoked about them getting a puppy of course, hadn’t even been able to concentrate just one second in classes today, but he also was so crazy proud of Liam for getting that job so soon after ending his last one and maybe he hadn’t had the chance really to express that, but he definitely would tonight. 

“No, I love the name, I really do, it’s short and it’s cute and it really suits him… yeah, it does fit you, doesn’t it?” The puppy was trying to lick Niall’s face again and the blonde couldn’t help but giggle like an idiot, maybe he even felt kinda high because he was so happy and excited. He had always wanted a dog, and now he had one, together with the love of his life. 

“You’re so cute with him, Nialler.” Liam chuckled and Niall couldn’t help the flattering he felt in his stomach, feeling his cheeks getting a bit warmer while he still let Finn lick his face, combing his fingers through the soft fur. “What do you think Harry and Louis are gonna say?”

“To becoming dog godparents? I don’t know, I almost forgot we didn’t even tell them yet. Remember when Harry fell over the dog bed we bought last week and he didn’t even question it? Maybe they think that we have some really weird kinks going on or something.” They had bought all the stuff they’d need for a dog already, partly because they had been so excited and partly also because they had wanted to be super prepared, as if they really were becoming parents or something and somehow they were, right? A dog was a really big responsibility after all.

“I’m pretty sure they already think that anyways, like that one time Louis asked me why we need so much whipped cream and strawberries in the fridge and I was about to tell him we really like whipped cream and strawberries but he suddenly got a really weird look on his face and just walked away, that was funny.” True, Niall remembered that, and he had actually once put whipped cream on Liam’s chest and licked it off, but that had mostly been just for fun anyways. “Do we need anything else for Finn? We do have dog food for puppies at home, right?”

“Umm… yeah, we do, we bought both packages last week, just in case, remember? I hope he’s gonna like it… are you gonna like it, baby boy? If you don’t you can have something from our food, okay? Or maybe not because it will probably make you sick and then you’ll feel really bad.” Niall had never known he even had that kinda voice, but somehow it came natural whenever he talked to the very happy puppy in his lap and Liam just kept on laughing next to them. “You think he’s happy that we got him out of there? Or is he just happy because he’s a puppy and I’m giving him attention?”

“Well… I’m pretty sure that it’s both but I’m also sure he’s extra happy because it’s us.” That was made up but Niall didn’t really care at all when he felt Liam’s hand brushing some hair out of his forehead as he stopped at a right light, causing the blonde’s stomach to erupt in butterflies as he continued to have his face licked by their new puppy. 

When they got home, Niall allowed Liam to carry Finn up the stairs because he had been cuddling him the whole way home anyways and they didn’t have a collar and leash for him yet because they had wanted to wait and see what size dog they were getting so the brunette was carrying him, even if he was having quite some trouble and Niall had to hold back his laugh the whole time. 

“Okay, Finn, that’s your new home! Okay… actually, only for a little bit and then we’ll move somewhere else, but… you’re gonna love it and we bought you so many toys and a bed too and some food.” Okay, maybe Niall was taking it slightly too far with the baby talk, but he just couldn’t help it because every time he looked at that puppy he felt like his heart could have exploded. 

Liam almost dropped Finn once they entered the flat because the little dog was so excited about taking a look around, yelping happily and immediately starting to sniff the floor and the carpet and Niall was almost a little bit scared about losing him somewhere between the furniture because he was so small and tiny, but Liam’s arms wrapping around him immediately after the door was closed helped him to relax a little bit. “Hey… are you happy?”

“What kinda question is that, Li? I’m more than just happy. You?” Just to make sure, since he had asked. Niall had his arms wrapped around Liam’s middle, head in the crook of his neck, watching their dog still sniffing around the whole place, now having found one of the toys that they had bought for him and immediately starting to chew it up.

“Me too… he’s so cute. And you are too…. I love you, Nialler, so much.” He was kissing the top of Niall’s head, warming his scalp as he breathed out, holding the blonde a little bit tighter and Niall felt his lips curling into a smile.

“I love you too, bean… and our little Niall-Liam Junior who is now chewing up the pillows and will probably pee all over the carpet in a second.” And the thing was, Niall wouldn’t even care. 

“Ah, just let him… it’s his first day here, he’s gonna be just fine, we’ll teach him how to not pee all over our things, we got time.” All the time in the world and that was the very best part about all of this, they were both happy and everything would be just fine. 

They didn’t have much time though to stay there and cuddle because soon Finn was starting to get more adventurous and tried to jump on Liam’s couch and then almost took off into the kitchen while half knocking over a pot of plants. So they made sure to get him something to eat and drink and put out the pee pad so the puppy could start and learn to use it. Obviously, he did pee into the flat more than once while they were playing with him, but it was fine because he was the cutest puppy in the whole entire world.

About two hours after they had gotten home, the puppy had tired itself out, so Niall had used the chance to lift him into his lap as he sat on the couch, scratching between Finn’s ears with the dumbest smile on his face. God, he was so bloody cute and adorable and surely if Liam wasn’t here than this little guy would be Niall’s very first choice to cuddle all day long. 

“I love him so much already, Li… look at him… he’s chewing on my finger while he’s sleeping. Do you think he think I’m his mommy?” Niall was just talking really without thinking, completely enamored by the dog sleeping on his lap, hearing a chuckle coming from his left as Liam scooted closer, arm coming to wrap around Niall’s shoulders. 

“Maybe he does… but whoever he thinks you are, I’m sure he already loves you as well. I mean, we got him out of there, right? And we’re always gonna take care of him and probably treat him as if he was our child, so… “ That was true, they already kinda were doing it and Niall’s stomach got warmer hearing those words, Liam’s fingers colliding with his own as the older boy also reached over to stroke Finn slowly, so he wouldn’t wake up. “Hey, should we maybe-“

And then Liam was interrupted by the doorbell ringing, which probably were Harry and Louis but neither of them hadn’t really expected them since they hadn’t really told them about the puppy yet and… well, they were going to find out now. 

“I’ll go and get it… I’ll make sure they aren’t too loud so they don’t wake up our little baby.” He leaned down to kiss Finn’s head and then, as if this hadn’t already gotten Niall to fall even more in love with his boyfriend, he also kissed the blonde on the lips, briefly smiling at him before getting up off the couch. 

Honestly, Niall didn’t even know whether that really were Harry and Louis by the door, they hadn’t really planned on meeting up but they also really hadn’t spoken since yesterday so the blonde wasn’t at all surprised to immediately hear their voices once Liam had opened the door, making sure to shush them right away though and it caused Niall to smile once more. Seeing Liam playing with the puppy and cuddling it and being concerned about its well being was probably the most precious thing in the whole entire world.

“… decided to do something for a while now and we kinda… didn’t tell you guys yet, but we did it today and anyways… look what we got.” His voice was only a half whisper as he came into the living room, followed by the other two, and since the couch wasn’t facing them, they didn’t immediately see what was on Niall’s lap.

“Did you guys like… adopt a baby or something? ‘cos if you did then I’m pretty impressed, you aren’t even married and-“

“It’s not a baby, but it’s pretty close.” Liam sounded so proud, almost as if they had really adopted a child instead of a puppy, but if Niall was being honest, that kinda was pretty close, right?

“Pretty close? Is it- oh my god!” As soon as Harry had walked around the couch to take a look, his whole face had lightened up immediately, and then Louis did as well once he had seen Finn sleeping on Niall’s lap, of course immediately having forgotten about how they had been supposed to be quiet. “You guys got a puppy?! And you didn’t even ask us to come get him?! Did you go to the animal shelter?”

“Yeah, he’s only been here for about two hours or something, sorry we didn’t ask you to come, just… we had a pretty hard time deciding just between the two of us and… we almost didn’t even see him, can you believe it? Look how cute he is, the cutest dog in the whole universe.” Yeah, maybe Niall was bragging a bit, but… he just couldn’t help it.

“Well, maybe he isn’t the _cutest_ , but-“

“No, he totally is, Lou, shut up.” Liam jumped in, now sitting on Niall’s other side because Louis and Harry were using up the rest of the couch, both trying to stroke the sleeping puppy but of course, he kinda wasn’t big enough for that and he was also moving now in his sleep, whining a little bit so Niall made sure to cuddle him closer, kissing the top of his head. “You’re waking him up, maybe you shouldn’t sit so close.”

“My god, Liam, we aren’t squishing him or anything, you’re acting like a protective parent.” He totally was and for some reason, it got Niall really excited as he leaned back a little bit into his boyfriend, feeling his arm coming to wrap back around his shoulder’s.

“So, do we get to dog sit if you two are ever gone or need a minute alone? We’d be like… the god parents, right? And then later when you adopt real children we can be god parents too and vice versa, that’s kinda exciting, isn’t it?” Harry was slightly taking it too far now, but no one said a word because they were all just really in love with that puppy and Niall kinda liked hearing him talk about the future like that. “Wait… what’s his name anyways? And where was he found? Oh my god… he wasn’t like getting beaten or something, right?”

“His name is Finn, they don’t know how old he is exactly, and they found him on the streets, so… we don’t really know what happened, but he’s healthy and he’s all happy and… he’s perfect.” Liam concluded, his eyes stuck on the puppy the whole time and Niall let his head fall onto the brunette’s shoulder, never feeling happier than when he felt Finn crawling up his chest a little bit more in his sleep, letting out some tiny noise. “Also… we’re probably going to move out really soon, we found this place and-“

“You… what?!” Okay, right, had they really forgotten to mention this to Louis and Harry as well?

“Oh… did we not… did we not tell you?” The older boy sounded kinda guilty but Niall had to actually bite his bottom lip so he wouldn’t start laughing, he was just too happy for serious talk now, he had the most perfect boyfriend and a sweet, tiny little puppy and… what else could he have wanted?

So while Liam spent the next ten minutes trying to apologize to Louis and Harry and explain why they had decided to move out of the building and that it was a good thing because they were moving along in their relationship, all Niall could really think about was the soft fur he felt underneath his fingers an Liam’s hand moving up and down his shoulder, slowly, as if he had already forgotten about doing it because it felt so natural to him.

 

\--------------

 

“Do you think it’s bad if we let him sleep in our bed? I mean… it’s his first time here and… I’m sure he would be really scared all alone and… he looks so happy down there.” Finn was lying by their feet, playing with his own paws, and Niall was lying in Liam’s arms, head on his chest, drawing random patterns on the older’s bare skin.

“He’ll be fine, Nialler, it’s just for now, he did sleep in the puppy bed before, right? He’s gonna learn, don’t worry, he’s just little.” There was a kiss placed on the top of Niall’s head and the blonde relaxed immediately, smiling all to himself as he cuddled closer into Liam. What could have possibly made this day any better?! “Hey, baby, I… there’s something I wanted to… to ask you, or actually, something I wanted to give you and… I kinda… wanted it to be more romantic and stuff, but… Harry and Louis didn’t leave and… and I had it planned for so long, I just really wanna do it today because… I already planned what I would say and… “

“Li… what’s going on?” Honestly, Niall had no idea, he kinda had a feeling it was something good, but he had no idea what, all he knew was that he was kinda smiling and that Liam seemed nervous but excited and when he unexpectedly kissed the blonde after he had lifted his head, Niall was just getting more confused.

“Just… just close your eyes, okay? Just… for one second.” Liam pecked Niall’s lips once more and the younger boy had to blink a few times before he was ready to keep his eyes closed, not at all knowing what to expect. It probably wasn’t something sexual, right? They had their puppy sleeping by their feet so… it had to be something else.

So Niall waited, with his eyes closed, leaving his hand on Liam’s stomach because the other boy barely even moved, he simply opened his bedside table drawer before somewhat going back to their original position, but not before taking the blonde’s hand, actually, one of his fingers and then… and then he slid something on and Niall felt his breath stopping. He… he couldn’t have, could he?!

“Niall… I know we talked about it, actually... we do it all the time, but… I never really asked you like this and I never… I never gave you a ring either, but I wanted to change all of that now, because I love you more than anything in the world and hell, we got a puppy together and we’re gonna move to a new place and I just… I wanna be with you, forever, and do all those things we always said we would and I wanted to start off by… asking you to marry me.” Oh god.

“You… oh my god, Liam, I… that ring, you… “ Niall was literally speechless staring at the ring Liam had put on his finger, and then staring into the older’s face, feeling tears building up in his eyes because… they had planned to get married, but… somehow he had always kinda thought they’d just… do it? But now Liam had bought him the most beautiful ring ever and asked him to marry him and clearly being nervous about it and adding that up to how amazing this day had already been… it made sense that it was making Niall cry, right?! “Oh my god, I… of course I’ll marry you bean, I… I always said I would, but I… I never thought you’d … you’d ask me like this and I… I love the ring and… and I love _you_ , so, so fucking much and… I wanna spend the rest of my life with you and… you make me the happiest person on this whole planet, Liam.” 

The older boy was gently wiping the tears dropping down Niall’s cheeks and Niall had to sniff but he was also smiling really widely, he literally didn’t know how he deserved any of this, but it didn’t matter because this was happening, right here and now. “You make me the happiest person too, Nialler… oh god, I can’t wait to marry you and adopt lots of beautiful babies with you and grow old together and… you’re everything I’ve ever wanted and I can’t believe I got you, after everything that has happened, I… come here.”

And then he kissed Niall and the blonde was pretty sure Liam was now crying as well, but they still deepened the kiss anyways, grabbing onto each other in every way they possibly could and the younger boy couldn’t believe that rest of their lives was gonna go exactly like this. Maybe they had needed that break up, all these troubles and rocks and bumps in the way, because in the end, it had only made them stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its done! thank you all so much for reading and for all the lovely comments and all the kudos, i really hope you enjoyed the fic and i hope you'll stick around to check out my new one too once i start working on it <33
> 
> also, let me know if you liked the last chapter too, id really like to know :)


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